Phong's Head Cantina [TM] - Starfury Sector (A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy)

[General Woundwort]

Along a noisy street in a spaceport under construction, a bearded stocky fellow in a flight suit walks with a Peter Lorre-looking chap following behind. They pause in front of a three-story domed titanium building, which looks like a cross between the B5 Earthdome and the Sydney Opera House.

"Hmmm... how strong is the construction of this place, do you say?"

"Class-V reinforced titanium girders with cores of pure adamantium," the Lorre clone replies. "It was originally intended to house the local Rapid Response battalion, but they got transfered closer to the tarmacs."

"Good, good, it ought to hold up to the punishment then... the location is good."

"Excellent, sir! Right along the main strip from the tarmacs to the downtown sector."

"I've got eyes, you know. The asking price?"

Lorre hands him a UWW pad. Woundwort looks it over. He hands it back.

"85%, final."

"Sir, you cannot be serious. Such a sturdy building in a choice location, I cannot let go for anything less than 9.."

"85. That's firm. And you're not ultimately dealing with me. My Boss will have final say on the price. If you want to try your hand at bargaining with him, you're free to do so."

Lorre looks up at Woundwort, back to the building, and back to his UWW pad, which currently displays the portrait of a nasty-looking felinoid.

"85%."

"Good. A pleasure doing business with you."

Lorre walks off with a scowl as Woundwort looks the building over again.

"Well, it's no Bavarian brauhaus, but the location's good, and she's definitely tough enough. Hopefully the Boss will approve."

Woundwort turns and motions to several droids hovering at a respectful distance. They zip up to the building and begin attaching panels to the front, near the main entrance. Their work is soon completed, and the droids follow Woundwort off to the tarmacs.

The panels come to life (holographic poster Boards), displaying the following information...


COMING SOON TO THIS LOCATION

THE PHONG'S HEAD CANTINA[TM] - STARFURY SECTOR
A fully licensed and wholly owned subsidiary of
The Ye Olde Phong's Head Cantina and Bierkeller

Growltigger (Owner, CEO, HFIC)
Woundwort (Manager)

Secondary Construction and Interior Design by Efrafa Enterprises, Efrafa IV

HELP WANTED

- unidentifiable aliens of all kinds as background extras

- bartenders

- Emergency Medical Response personnel (at least 5 years combat experience required)

- Musicians and singers (proof of current life insurance required)

Enter application in the virtual keypad below; you will be contacted for an interview.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">

[ September 20, 2003, 11:34: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Growltigger]

Growltigga checks out the freehold title to the new cantina site, and quickly gets a legal mortgage executed and registered over it.

One does have to protect one's investment one knows http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[General Woundwort]

Originally posted by Growltigger:
Growltigga checks out the freehold title to the new cantina site, and quickly gets a legal mortgage executed and registered over it.

One does have to protect one's investment one knows http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">[whew. The Boss approves the new site. One big hurdle cleared. Now for the next step...]

From the direction of the main space terminal, the drumming sound of marching feet can begin to be heard over the background noise of the construction of Starfury. From the haze and smoke, the figure of Woundwort appears, walking toward the future home of the Phong's Head. Materializing behind him, a small army of construction droids, carrying tools, boxes, and all manner of technological odds and ends. As they march by, an electronic humming can be heard.

"Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh."

As they approach the entrance to the Phong's Head, Woundwort punches some buttons on a clunky-looking wrist computer. The doors to the Phong's Head slide open, and the columns of droids march into the building, continuing to hum their tune.

"Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh."

As the Last droids duck into the building, Woundwort follows them in. The doors slide shut.

From within the building, even over the background noise, a dull roar of construction sounds can be heard.

[ July 10, 2003, 13:25: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Raging Deadstar]

*Raging Deadstar slowly saunters down the highstreet hunching his trenchcoat firmly to himself before noticing the large building. he walks over to the virtual screen and types in his details.*

"Position Desired: Security

Qualifications: A variety of Weapons, A years expirience in the Cantina lifestyle, a host of genetically modified bouncers (lean, sleek, attractive female ones too ) and 1 genetically modified battlesquid (thanks to dogscoff) If things get too rowdy Barry the T-rex can be drafted in for bar control, fees to be paid occordingly!

Contact: The dark gloomy corner in the Ye Olde Phong's Head Cantina and Bierkeller"

*With that entered he walks away down the street into the night, hoping to add his piece to cantina history...*

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[ July 11, 2003, 22:28: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

[General Woundwort]

Late at night, a dark and drizzly night straight from Blade Runner, Woundwort and the foreman construction droid stand outside the Phong's Head. The dull roar of metal saws, las-torches, and other machinery can be heard from within the Cantina even at that late hour. But at this time our two heroes are intently focused on two hoverdroids who are maneuvering a huge sign over the main entrance. They lower it into place, slowly, and then it is magnetically locked-in. Several smaller droids quickly work behind it to connect it to the building's main power grid. One of these droids gives a thumbs-up. Woundwort nods, then speaks into his wrist computer.

"Switch it on."

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1057999921.bmp (http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1057999921.bmp)

The foreman droid looks up at the sign. "It looks interesting, but if I may ask, why isn't it a hologram? And what is that tubing in the 'Phong's Head' lettering?"

"It's neon light bulbs."

"Neon?!?"

Woundwort smiles. "It's a continuity thing. You wouldn't understand."

A smaller droid, who up till now had been doing a datadump of the holoposters, floats up to Woundwort and prints out a message from its "mouth". Woundwort looks it over, then turns to the foreman droid.

"You're back in charge here again. I need to go back over to the Home Cantina for some business."

[ July 14, 2003, 01:25: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort trudges back towards the Phong's Head, watching as a convoy of supply trucks rumbles towards the rear cargo entrance. He notices a Toydarian hovering near the front entrance. He motions him around to the side alley.

"Hey, Woundawort, I'va gotz the droiza you asked... hey, you no looka so good. Whazzap?"

[pause] "...have you ever seen a Class II felinoid in a toga?"

"No, thata I hava to say I haven't. Dohnna want to either."

"You got that right. Did you say you have the battledroids?"

The Toydarian shows a nasty grin. "Thatza right. Good ones, too. What with the Star Wars franchise agoing to the pits, you'va got quite a bargain. Lotza the pinwheel combat droids, a-tweaked to youra specifications. We stilla gotta deal?"

Woundwort pauses, thinking of the implications of Deadstar's comments to the Boss...

Also i would hire my own staff (fully combat trained female bodyguards and bouncers) <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">"You're darn right we have a deal."

Woundwort reaches into one of his pockets, pulls out a checkbook, and draws up a check from the Traveller's Aid Society... from his own personal account...

[ July 14, 2003, 18:45: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Raging Deadstar]

Hey boss, are these for protecting the office? If it's for the front door i was thinking more on the line of some Celebrity clones fully trained in Jujitsu, bar control, karate, judo, a couple other martial arts and trained by Deadstar monks!

Reason: Droideka don't look as good in a skimpy dress! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif You got to keep the customers happy and unless we get erax the handyman in they arn't going to be interested in Battle droids!

Don't worry Boss this is coming out my pocket btw! I just expect a discount on any non alchoholic drinks we stock http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Sound fair?

And since security is paramount how about some tachyon projection cannons, gravitational hellbores and EM Passive sensors at the door, should take care of any intruders and their weapons. We don't want any of my combat femes getting hurt (they can handle themselves btw) or the maitenance going up on your battle droids!

[General Woundwort]

Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
Hey boss, are these for protecting the office? If it's for the front door i was thinking more on the line of some Celebrity clones fully trained in Jujitsu, bar control, karate, judo, a couple other martial arts and trained by Deadstar monks!<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">These... are for back-up. You've been around the Cantina awhile, right? You should know that things, well, have a tendency to get out of hand. The more firepower you have at your disposal, the better.

Reason: Droideka don't look as good in a skimpy dress! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif You got to keep the customers happy and unless we get erax the handyman in they arn't going to be interested in Battle droids!<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">These won't be posted at the front door, of course! They'll be kept out of sight, until their presence is... required.

And since security is paramount how about some tachyon projection cannons, gravitational hellbores and EM Passive sensors at the door, should take care of any intruders and their weapons. We don't want any of my combat femes getting hurt (they can handle themselves btw) or the maitenance going up on your battle droids!<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Well, this place used to be a Space Marine barracks, after all. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif I won't advertise the full panoply of defenses, not with any number of itchy ears listening in. But as long as you're here, come on inside and I'll give you the cook's tour...

[RD - check your private Messages.]

[General Woundwort]

Several droids have finished setting up a large circular metal projector in the sidewalk outside the Phong's Head. Soon afterward, a shimmering statue appears in the middle of the circle - a larger-than-life size hologram of a snazzily dressed, ferocious looking felinoid.

"That's that. Any word from Deadstar?"

"No sir. We know the courier bot got there and delivered the message, but we lost its transponder signal soon afterward."

Woundwort smiles. "I thought that might happen. I'm actually amazed it Lasted as long as it did. Well, I've done my bit."

The foreman droid looks up at Woundwort in confusion. "Normally you go on errands like that yourself... why waste a bot (even a cheap one like that) on such a triviality?"

[pause] "...because I hate the smell of fried calamari."

"Sir...?"

Another wry smile. "Forget about it."

[ July 15, 2003, 18:54: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

Outside the front facade of the Phong's Head (currently being polished and burnished by a swarm of droids resembling mechanical Dow Scrubbing Bubbles), Woundwort is having a discussion with the Peter Lorre clone again. The discussion is rather spirited.

"What do you mean, Starfury won't be open for business for another eight to ten weeks!?!?!?"

"I'm most sorry, sir, but the operating authorities on Malfador III have decided to rework their economic and ship construction models. They assure me that this delay will drastically improve..."

"Oh, I'm sure it will. Meanwhile we'll be sitting here on our duffs with an empty Cantina. Bloody administrators!"

"Your patience is greatly appreciated, sir."

"It's not my patience you need to procure at this moment. My Boss is most displeased with this apparent blow to our profits. If... when he demands an accounting for this, I assure you it won't come out of my hide!"

Woundwort turns and stomps into the Phong's Head. The doors slide shut behind him.

The Lorre clone is left on a windblown empty street, looking with fearful apprehension at his UWW pad, currently featuring the fearsome portrait of Growltigger in its display.

[Growltigger]

Given the driving rain and generally gloomy and morbid decor, no one notices a large Class II feline (ooh, someone is really going to suffer for that remark) placing stacks of C4 against the holographic sign outside the Starfury cantina entrance.....

now, what does this red button do on the detonator?

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort reclines in the leather chair in his office, smoking a Padron 3000, still fuming over the set-back in Starfury's open. On top of all this, the installation of his in-office stereo system had been the object of a practical joke by one of the worker bots. The Bose Wave system had been installed perfectly, and a brand-new CD of Rush: Perspectives II was inserted, but one of the bots had set it to endlessly loop through "The Body Electric". That had taken the better part of an hour to undo.

Tapping at a UWW pad and wondering how many Starfury merc runs would be necessary to recoup the back payments on the Cantina, Woundwort (along with the rest of the worker crew) are startled to hear an explosion outside.

Rising from his chair and punching a few buttons on his wrist computer, the wall behind him shimmers and turns transparent. Outside, standing beside the smoking ruins of the holostatue, is the Boss.

"Great. Just great. I should've known that idea of Deadstar's would be a washout..." Woundwort mutters as the foreman droid rushes into his office.

"Sir, sir! Someone's blown up the statue of the Boss! And it looks like the Boss himself!"

"I know. Just get your bots out of the way and back to their assigned duties."

Woundwort takes the turbolift down to the ground level, walks out, and surveys the smoking crater that was once the holostatue projector.

"You know, Boss, if you didn't like it, all you had to do was say so..."

[ August 09, 2003, 14:23: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

The foreman droid enters Woundwort's office. Woundwort is going over the accounting spreadsheet on a pop-up computer screen on his desk.

"What happened to the message bot?"

"We transported it back as ordered."

"And...?"

"Well... we had to destroy it upon arrival?"

"What is this, 20 Questions? What on earth happened?"

The foreman droid walks over to Woundwort and starts buzzing in his ear. Variously, looks of shock, horror, and disgust march over his face.

"Uh... right. Carry on."

"Yes, sir. What about the holostatue?"

"Don't bother replacing it. Just call the Starfury construction board and have them fill in the crater in the sidewalk. As long as the opening is delayed, they can put the time to good use."

"Yes, sir."

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort reclines in the chair of his office, watching the construction work on the interior of the Phong's Head on a bank of videoscreens lining the right-hand wall. The finishing touches are being put on. The work is almost done.

"And pretty much on time," he muses aloud between puffs of a cigar. "On our part. If only those guys on Malfador III were more prompt..." A sigh, followed by a long draw, and a puff of smoke. "Well, nothing to do now but wait..."

A sharp chime announces the arrival of the foreman droid. It walks into the office and clicks its heels.

"The Last design changes have been filed. One more shipment of decor and we're all set. Give it another 48 hours and she'll be ready to go."

"Excellent. Good work, lad. Good work."

"Oh, by the way... since things were winding down here, one of the Boss's other employees asked for a loan of some worker droids for a project back at the home cantina."

"Sure, why not? We've no further need for them here. Just out of curiosity, what project?"

"Well..."

Woundwort drops the cigar onto a large marble ashtray. "Okay, NOW what?"

The droid hesitates, then walks up to Woundwort and buzzes into his ear.

"Oh... my.... g..." Woundwort drops his head into his hands and sits motionless for a long time.

"Okay. When... IF... those droids get back, make sure they are thoroughly disinfected. GOT IT?"

"Yessir."

The foreman droid snaps to attention, and departs the office. Woundwort stares at the smouldering stub of his cigar.

"What in the world have I gotten myself into here...?"

[Raging Deadstar]

Woundwort, i'd be decidedly worried if GT makes the orgasmatron compulsory in all cantinas!

Also i'd be worried if Ragnarok visits in his current state, we may have to order a lot more food and widen the doors. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[General Woundwort]

Tell me about it. I think these guys have been at their computer terminals too long...

(opens up a polished-walnut chest and holds it in Deadstar's direction)

Cigar? Somebody's gotta celebrate the end of construction...

[ August 09, 2003, 14:19: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Raging Deadstar]

No thanks Woundwort, don't dare touch those deathsticks!

I'll advertise in the original cantina and see if we can get some new blood here. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[General Woundwort]

I'll have you know [lights a match and takes a few initial puffs] that lung cancer was an absolute rarity before cigarettes. Cigars are different. You don't inhale (unless you're nuts).

Alright then, let's get this thing going!

[Woundwort punches a few buttons on his wrist-computer. The lights blaze on outside, and a holographic marquis scrolls across the building above the main entrance.]

THE PHONG'S HEAD CANTINA - STARFURY SECTOR IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE ITS GALA PREVIEW PRE-STARFURY-RELEASE OPENING PARTY. IN KEEPING WITH A LONG-STANDING PHONG'S HEAD FRANCHISE TRADITION, THE FIRST TEN (10) CUSTOMERS GET A FREE ROUND ON THE HOUSE.

[ August 17, 2003, 11:57: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Erax]

Woundwort has said the five magic words...

Erax, who was getting some much-needed sleep on his day off after installing all the stuff the Boss asked for in the old cantina, is picked up by the magical force of those words and barely has time to get dressed before they zoom him across time and space at ludicrous speed...

...to arrive before General Woundwort.

"Did anyone say, 'free round on the house ?' Gimme a Rodian beer. Green mind you, not pink."

"By the way, thanks for the droids, GW. I owe you a favor."

[ August 19, 2003, 22:01: Message edited by: Erax ]

[General Woundwort]

Well, step right up, the bar is that way...

[The PHC:SFS is a large, elliptical room, two circular decks surrounding a three-story atrium. Across the central axis on the ground floor, left to right, is a stage, an open area, a large bar/grille island, another open area, and a second stage. Four turbolift shafts extend up from the ground floor to the two upper tiers, at 2, 5, 7, and 10 o'clock. At the far back of the ground floor are dark, shadowy booths, set up between two enclosed meeting rooms. Holographic game tables and booths line the second tier, more dining and meeting booths on the third level.

Also notable is a large, rectangular shaped object floating level with the third tier, directly above the bar/grille island. 5 meters high, 10 wide, and 15 long, it is covered completely with smooth chrome, engraved with bas relief motifs of pouncing tigers, with tiger-head gargoyles on each corner.]

BTW, be sure to check any weapons at the weapon/coat check - on the right, as you entered.

[Erax]

I am without weapons of any kind.

[Raging Deadstar]

Thats good erax, now please accompany me to the scanner *I'm security, makes you feel secure, don't it http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif *

*Erax is taken to a sideroom where he is promptly scanned and the security girls take his coat*

Now i seemed to have access to Ragnaroks tab, and since no-one else has turned up, the first rounds on me http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

Care to join us boss?

[Suicide Junkie]

A faint trail of fire appears in the sky, pointed in the general direction of the Cantina, and grows visibly larger as the seconds pass.
Scanners quickly identify it as a Terran MK III Destroyer dropping through the atmosphere with a decent profile that would give most pilots nightmares.

The ship glances off the heavy ventral shields of the Phong's Head, and remains aloft for a few extra seconds. With a final burst of power from its starboard engine, it cancels its spin and enough of its velocity to be caught by the nearby Spaceport's tractor beams and lowered gently into a docking bay.

With the ship finally motionless, it is clear that the hull is in very bad shape. All but a fraction of the port-side armor has been burnt beyond recognition, and an incredible number of rounded holes can be seen in the few plates still attached to the hull. The two other engines are melted down to nubs, the shield generators look like scrap, and miscellaneous equipment can be seen littering the corridors of the ship through tears in the hull.

As the maint bots from the spaceport struggle to hook up power and lifesupport feeds through the mess, a lone figure exits the spaceport and saunters over to the Cantina.

"What's this I hear about free drinks? I overheard something about a good bar in Pirate's Cove, but I never expected this!"

"Oh, and by the way, does this place have a pawn shop, or do I need to go down the street? I've got a 'salvaged' point defense laser I'd like to get rid of. Sure it may be a bit run down, but I'm sure someone around here could fix it up and use it to, say, vaporize spills before they hit the floor, light cigars and that sort of thing."

[Atrocities]

I just crashed my destroyer on the surface of some remote moon while trying to avoid a Terran Battleship hell bent on capturing me with illegal cargo. So, does any one here have a spare ship I can have? Cheep?

[ September 06, 2003, 04:46: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Suicide Junkie]

Ah, thank you.

As for the PDL, I was thinking more of a customer service thing... With the rapid tracking and response times designed into the thing, it could easily handle quite a few lightings and spill preventions in short succession if it were mounted high on the ceiling.

[General Woundwort]

SJ, you'll find a Toydarian in one of the corner booths on the first floor that specializes in equipment pawning. I already have a very nice butane torch lighter for my cigars, thank you. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

AT, the first real customers are starting to trickle in. Just sit back, have a dose of your prefered adult beverage (sorry, no American mass-produced beers - Boss's orders), and relax. I'm sure an opportunity for a new ship will come along shortly.

Ah... things are starting to look up. Maybe this will turn into a real cantina after all. Sancho!

[the ex-foreman droid zips up, in a metallic tux]

See that these gentlemen get whatever it is they require. Chop chop!

[General Woundwort]

I am honored by your generosity, but I assure you that we have that angle covered. I personally supervised the construction of this establishment, and in the words of another great space merc, "I made a lot of special modifications myself." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif You might check with Deadstar, however - he might have a use for it...

[Atrocities]

Then Bar Keep I will have a warp core breach followed up by a shot of your best canadian whisky.

Oh ya, if Babba the But comes looking for me, I am not here and you haven't seen me in light years! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ September 07, 2003, 00:55: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Rollo]

A scruffy Viking with many battle scars and a silly crown enters the cantina.
"Hey, I have been summoned by the magic words: Free drinks." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[General Woundwort]

Sancho, get AT a Warp Core Breach (what is that anyways? Is is related to the Pan-Galactic GarglebLaster?)...

Rollo, go ahead and tell the bartender what you'd like. There are holo-duel games up on the second floor, if you're interested...

[beams a smile http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif and puffs on the cigar] Nothing like a little good news on the upcoming release to boost business...

[Atrocities]

I would also like a Galaxy Gasser Burrito and a bull of your best Feel The Force Chilli.

[General Woundwort]

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Uhm... right. Just be sure to eat your meal in that booth over there... the one with the atmospheric/environmental recycling shields.

(Aside to maitre-d'roid) Oh, by the way, Sancho... if a large manatee named Hugh ever shows up, he has a two-drink limit - and that is non-negotiable.

[ September 08, 2003, 13:16: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Atrocities]

What? That both is awful close to it isn't it? I mean I have no problems with it, except that it is it and it don't like me. What is it any ways? It should have a name, but it does not. I think we should call it, the It, or Sir It. Whatever you do just don't ask It for a light. Bad bad bad news if you do that. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

[General Woundwort]

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

If you're so nervous, get Deadstar to loan you one of his security specialists to be your bodyguard-slash-date - provided she can stand the results of your dinner. But I'll have you know that It is one of my best customers, and It's never given me trouble yet.

[ September 08, 2003, 13:15: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Atrocities]

I will have you know that I have the digestive ability of a termite! Nothing bothers me. Well except that one time, but that is neither here nor there. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

I need no body gaurd, unless she is very attractive. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort looks around in satisfaction as the Cantina begins to fill up with customers. Sensing the need to add a little more atmosphere, he punches a few buttons on his wrist-computer. A few minutes later, a band of familiar-looking aliens takes to one of the side stages. They warm up their instruments and strike up a tune...

MIDI (zipped) (http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1063223433.zip)

[OOC - Sorry it's MIDI, but I couldn't find one in a better format...]

[General Woundwort]

As the customers in the Cantina kick back with their favorite beverages (nnd barbequed Tribble wings - a perenneal Phong's Head offering), the noise of a massive crowd outside begins to be heard over the din of the music and bar background noise.

Woundwort taps a few buttons on his wrist computer. Hidden cameras on the outside of the Cantina track the mob and broadcast to a screen on his computer.

Looking at the crowd, he smiles, and punches a few more buttons. A holographic fog screen appears near the front of the Cantina, showing the entire room the goings-on outside.

A huge mass of sentientity - humans mixed in with almost every conveivable alien race, are marching down the main drag where the Cantina is located. They are all carrying placards, and chanting a protest.

"demo,
demo,
Demo,
DEMO!,
DEMO!"

[Atrocities]

Atrocities starts a nice little card game with a few of the other in the bar.

An evil smile briefly appears upon his face as he sits and begin dealing the cards.

[General Woundwort]

Just remember, AT, the management assumes NO responsibility for the safety of any gamblers in this establishment... especially if they're playing against Wookies. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ September 18, 2003, 17:22: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Atrocities]

Oh the Wookie, don't worry about him, that is just Gizzmo. And he is with me. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Its the EEE you have to worry about. Those things are poor loosers. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ September 19, 2003, 12:07: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Suicide Junkie]

The government and media are playing it down, but there is only one small colony of EEE in this area of the galaxy, and its population is composed of the survivors of the Space Monster infestation in their home territory. The warppoints to EEE space were closed off some time ago, and at great cost, but lately there have been some missing ships and an occasional sighting of baby spacemonsters in a nebulae near neutral space.

(Dun dun dunnn)

[Raging Deadstar]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
I will have you know that I have the digestive ability of a termite! Nothing bothers me. Well except that one time, but that is neither here nor there. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

I need no body gaurd, unless she is very attractive. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Sorry i been away, good to see everyones behaving themselves *swings his trusty electro batton and modified red hot poker cannon he stole from rags*

Ummm Boss, you're kind of making it sound like i'm not doing my job here *points at thread name* Oh wait, i havn't http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Also be warned i reserve the right to have all of you (except you boss!) stripsearched by my lovely assistants *scene cuts to the uniformed lovelies in the corner all with wicked smiles on their faces, and all looking like attractive celebrities!* Of course if you happen to get on my bad side then i have another selection of "lovelies" to do that job *scene cuts to show vanessa feltz clones straining at their chains*

*Everyone Gulps, including RD*

Now Atrocities i've been experimenting and you want attractive bodyguards. Heres my offer.

"Pick any celebrity, person or creature and i can have them cloned, combat trained and ready within a day! Added features like plasmatic fire breath or increased stamina will cost extra

I have a feeling we may have a deal

*Oh god, how corrupt do i sound having a little side business, but this is A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy*

"Oh and Boss, please may i have permission to get my revenge and continue my war with ragnarok if he arrives, we never got round to finishing it off in the old cantina! Don't worry, i'm sure he'll pay for the damage http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif "

[General Woundwort]

[stares at RD though a haze of cigar smoke]

What have you been doing down there in sublevel 9, anyways? If Starfury Authority decides to crack down on cloning violations, you're on your own.

I haven't seen Rags around, but if you two want to "have fun", you go right ahead. But you've seen what I have waiting "in reserve" in case things get too out of hand... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by Suicide Junkie:
The government and media are playing it down, but there is only one small colony of EEE in this area of the galaxy, and its population is composed of the survivors of the Space Monster infestation in their home territory. The warppoints to EEE space were closed off some time ago, and at great cost, but lately there have been some missing ships and an occasional sighting of baby spacemonsters in a nebulae near neutral space.

(Dun dun dunnn)<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Ladies and Gentalmen, Suicide Junkie, the head of the Governmental Propaganda machine has entered the Bar. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

The "offical" government position on the EEE is that there are no EEE. However, the "REAL" position is they do not want to start a panic as the EEE are coming in force. A huge armada of a billion ships and over a trillion shock troops - blob like things.

Nothing to see here folks, move along. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Atrocities]

"Pick any celebrity, person or creature and i can have them cloned, combat trained and ready within a day! Added features like plasmatic fire breath or increased stamina will cost extra

I have a feeling we may have a deal"

That we do! One name - T'Pal. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

When I get enough $$ to buy a new ship, and pay back Pax and all the others, I will order four more. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort's wrist computer suddenly starts beeping wildly. He punches a few buttons on it and stares at a small screen on its top. He whistles, punches a few more buttons, and holds the computer near his mouth.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and assorted other beings. It appears sports night has started a little early today..."

He punches a few more buttons, and the fog screen that had been displaying the Angry Mob[tm] demanding the Starfury demo disappears. In its place, a live broadcast of a three-way fight between Rollo, Dogscoff, and Growltigger (http://www.shrapnelgames.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=23;t=009458).

The patrons of the Cantina immediately begin rooting for various parties in the fight, and placing side bets.

[Erax]

A large holoprojection takes shape high over the Bar/Grille area...

"Erax to Wounwort. Urgent news. The Starfury demo has been released. Repeat, the Starfury demo has been released. Over and ou---umphhhhh."

A large holo-projected cream pie hits Erax's holo-projected head as his image disappears...

[Suicide Junkie]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
Ladies and Gentalmen, Suicide Junkie, the head of the Governmental Propaganda machine has entered the Bar. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

The "offical" government position on the EEE is that there are no EEE. However, the "REAL" position is they do not want to start a panic as the EEE are coming in force. A huge armada of a billion ships and over a trillion shock troops - blob like things.

Nothing to see here folks, move along. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Actually, I've been here for quite some time. My ship is still under repair, and I can't take off until at least two engines are running.

The EEE are not the problem, its the Space Monsters that are chasing the EEE that you need to worry about.
See the claw marks on that battlecruiser in the spacedock?

Besides, are you really more worried about a couple of EEE troopers, or the insidious infectious scourge of spacemonsters?
Beware! A Demon Egg could be waiting aboard your ship, undetected and ready to hatch.

[ September 22, 2003, 18:06: Message edited by: Suicide Junkie ]

[General Woundwort]

The fight at the original Phong's Head winds down in an ankle-deep layer of merangue. The fog screen fades as the customers return to their original activities.

Woundwort smiles as he counts his winnings. As usual, Growltigger was declared the winner, and several side-bets on the Boss have paid off. He hands the pile of gold-pressed latinum to the maitre 'droid. "You know what to do with this."

"H. Uppmann double coronas?"

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif "Good lad."

[General Woundwort]

Hmmm... lots of traffic out there now that the demo's out, but it's gotten quiet in here... Hey RD, think we should extend the traditional "Free Drinks" Grand Opening Offer (we'd put it on Rag's tab, of course... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif )?

[Renegade 13]

Originally posted by General Woundwort:
Hmmm... lots of traffic out there now that the demo's out, but it's gotten quiet in here... Hey RD, think we should extend the traditional "Free Drinks" Grand Opening Offer (we'd put it on Rag's tab, of course... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif )?<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Renegade walks up to the entrance of the Cantina. Spotting the "Free Drinks" Grand Opening Offer billboard, he looks at the small print under the offer. "No responsiblity is assumed for any bodily or psychological damage to anyone, anytime, anywhere within these premisis".

Well, that's just fair.

He then spots the massive holographic projection showing this sign:

"PHONG'S HEAD CANTINA[TM] - STARFURY SECTOR (A WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY: EVERYONE WELCOME"

Assuming this to be true, he slowly enters the Cantina.

Poking his third eye in the door first, he spots a floor spotted with mounds of merangue and other assorted foods.

He then spots yet another sign saying,

"All weapons must be checked at the door."

This is gonna take a while.

After finishing with the weapons check, he walks slowly up to the bartender and shouts out,

"Hey barkeep, can I have a Strangulated Supernova on the rocks. Oh, and by on the rocks I mean with a crushed up pebble or two mixed in."

Eyeing the floor covered in all manner of food and condoments, he thinks to himself,

What have I gotten myself into?

[ October 04, 2003, 14:51: Message edited by: Renegade 13 ]

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort walks out of his office on the third floor and notices the junk on the floor in the main room.

"SANCHO!!!"

The maitre d'roid rushes up. "Yes, sir?"

"What is all that stuff doing on the floor?!?"

"Oh. Uh... Waitaminute, I think I know. Someone must have disengaged the safety protocols on the holoprojector when we were broadcasting the food fight in the Home Cantina."

"Hrmph. Makes sense. Well, get it cleaned up immediately. Oh, and since Deadstar is the only other person here who could have changed the safety protocols, tell him I want to see him... NOW."

"Yessir."

Woundwort, watching the batch of janitorbots cleaning up the merangue, notices the new customer. He quickly takes the turbolift down to the main floor and walks over.

"Welcome to the Phong's Head, Renegade!"

[ October 04, 2003, 16:43: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Raging Deadstar]

*Wanders in after a tough week of work, hoping for an easy shift. RD sits down in his office and knocks on the security system when suddenly a large message pops up on the screen*

"YOU ARE A WANTED MAN!!!!"

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

*Hearing the boss's footsteps coming closer he begins to devise a cunning plan... After all, RD didn't disable the security protocals!!*

"Hmm what to do http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif *looks around nervously, eyeing the red hot poker cannon and renegades little stash of weapons that were confiscated* No No no can't do that, he pays my wages!!! Ummm...." *The footsteps get nearer, RD falls in to a natural state, his instinct taking over and quickly sends a message to the teleporter!*

*The Boss walks into the office*

"DEADSTAR!!!!!"

*Gulp, hear it goes*

"Ahh yes the security protocals, i certainly didn't change them. I've had a tough week bargaining with a Toydarian over a falty Engine for my own personal ship!! Dammit i need to extend my contract to use Droideka for personal use! Anyway, i have only two suggestions. *Italian Mafia Music* It could have been the Godfather Growltigger, or as my instinct suggests. It could have been Ragnarok for using his tab for free drinks. I will set the security on high alert for him if he ever turns up, and his punishment is your wish *whispers* though i do suggest i have some "influence" in your decision *evil laugh*" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

*Suddenly the teleporter in the corner buzzes into life and Ragnarok is beamed in, complete with the bath tub he was using at them time, many of the regulars look away! Ragnarok doesn't notice he isn't in his bathroom and carries on singing something terrible by the beach boys or something!*

Shall we Interrorgate Boss? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[General Woundwort]

Nice try, RD. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif Just reset the protocols and make sure this never happens again.

And for Pete's sake - give Ragarok a bathrobe.

[Renegade 13]

Hearing a commotion up above him, Renegade looks up to see Deadstar backing slowly into a corner, with an angry looking Woundwort towering over him.

His drink having just arrived, Renegade looks into the fluorescent green and pink mixture.

"Ah, perfect."

[General Woundwort]

Be sure to thank Ragnarok for that drink, Renegade... he's paying for it, after all. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort reclines in his office chair, the telltale aroma of fine Cuban tobacco wafting through the air. Things have been pretty quiet in the Cantina lately, though a few regulars and background extras still mill about on the main lobby.

Still, the peace and quiet are welcome after the Last merc run. The good ship Red Barchetta is now in the shop, getting an upgrade to Level 16 Tachyon Cannons. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

"...and I think I've stockpiled enough to pay off the Boss, too. All in all, the Xiati Empire has been good to me. I must send them a note thanking them for making their ships such easy prey."

"Excuse me, sir, but you may not need to pay off that loan."

Woundwort starts from his reverie, and focuses on his droid flunkey.

"Sancho, have you been guzzling down that heavy-grade droid oil again? Not pay off Growltigger? Do I look suicidal to you?"

"Take a look at this, sir..."

Woundwort snatches the newspaper clipping from Sancho's mechanical hand. The headline grabs his attention like a magnetic clamp...

PHONG'S HEAD CANTINA IN CHAPTER 11
FAMOUS BEIRKELLER CLOSES DOWN
GROWLTIGGER DEPARTS FOR REGIONS UNKNOWN

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Woundwort sinks back into his chair, reading the clip in disbelief, the Cuban corona smouldering in the ashtray completely forgotten.

"Does this mean... that you're the Boss now?" Sancho asks.

Woundwort thinks on that question, long and hard. Legend has it that disputes over the ownership of Phong's Head cantinas in the past led to the destruction of entire solar systems. All the legends agree that Growltigger is not a being to be crossed. But... closed down... Growltigger disappears...

"For the moment, Sancho, we act as if nothing has happened. Operations go on as normal. But put me in contact with a good lawyer, and get me all copies of the ownership and mortgage contracts for this place. Soon."

"Yes, sir!"

Sancho clicks his heels and departs. Woundwort restarts his cigar, renders the outer wall transparent, and stares off at the skyline of Starfury, meditating on possible futures, good and bad, over the scent of a good cigar.

[ October 21, 2003, 15:26: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Growltigger]

The door to the cantina opens for a second, the patrons all turn at the bLast of cold air that fills the room.. the door closes, and the patrons turn away at the tall black clad figure standing inside the hallway. Something intrinsic tells them that this is not someone to stare at, especially when they pull out a pump action handheld maser cannon, a large scimitar, and a large tartan sock with a half-brick in it being gently swung in ever decreasing circles...

A low growl sounds through the room and a quiet sibbilant feline voice asks "where is the proprietor of this establishment? tell him his nemesis awaits, tell him that hell hath no fury like a lawyer due his fee"

[General Woundwort]

From one of the side turbolifts, a large forklift droid emerges. The front of it is stacked with numerous crates which, upon examination, are filled with bars of certified gold-pressed latinum.

The unmistakable scent of a cigar wafts down from the third floor balcony, adding to the tense atmosphere. Woundwort is standing there, looking down on the Boss with a calm look on his face.

"The legends prove true - as I anticipated them to do so. The full amount is there, with interest. You may have no doubts on that score.

So, Boss, now that you're here, perhaps you'd care to have a drink?"

[ October 21, 2003, 19:26: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Taz-in-Space]

A rather large and hairy individual watches (and FILMS) this historic meeting discretely from a nearby shadowy corner. A grin splits the massive face, as he considers what the news services will pay for such a recording! (This grin allows his eight inch fangs to show briefly - which prompts several of nearby patrons to give him a
little extra room, just in case.)

Taz notices several glances from the other customers toward the newly-arrived 'payment'.

Perhaps there might be some action to record as well!
Taz waits...

[Growltigger]

Growltigga claps his hands, and a squad of rather attractive young ladies in miniskirted business suits run into the fake cantina, all clutching their calculators, slide rules and PricewaterhouseCoopers badges.

"Yes Woundwort, I will have a bottle of Sun and Planet whilst my accountants assay and verify the payment. If it is sufficient, then fine. If not, the red hot poker hand cannon has not been consigned to the fiery depths of the cantina, and as I recall, I dont believe your backside has ever had 9 inches of red hot titanium stuffed up it at speed!"

You have been warned

[General Woundwort]

Come come, Boss, do I look that foolish? I would have been a fool not to at least review our contracts when the news of the Home Cantina's closing reached me - and I would have been an even bigger fool to count on your totally disappearing! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif You would have done the same thing in my shoes, I have no doubt.

BTW, now that you're here, you can review and approve the loge we built for you (points towards the large titanium-plated object floating over the bar/grille island).