Re: Fantasy wargame suggestions
It does not really provide the sort of customisation that you are after, but the classical fantasy hex wargame Sword of Aragon from late 80's might be still worth taking a look at for inspiration.
While it has a limited scope (you are a ruler trying to re-unify an ancient fantasy realm), it gives quite some freedom in how to equip, train and organise your forces (humans only, though there are several non-human opponents coming up in the campaign) and the campaign itself sees units and commanders gain experience.
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