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  #1  
Old December 6th, 2006, 12:18 AM

Zogu Zogu is offline
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Default Sector Prime Classifieds

SECTOR PRIME CLASSIFIEDS
Brought to you by SpaceMart.
Whatever you need, we have a light-year-long alley full of it, at the best discount prices. Free plastic time capsule filled with worthless stuff with every purchase worth 3 coins or more.

Vehicle for sale. Garthan fighter ship, in general good shape. A few dents on the aft side. A stuffed Human head adorns the master's bedroom wall. Reason for sale: joined a zen buddhist temple on Zorg homeworld.

Freebooter for hire! Was part of human fleet, until said fleet ran out of towels while returning to a weird world, in so-called "infinite space".

Used items for sale. 567 clean towels, 2 crates full of soap bars, dozens of shower hats, and a few pine-flavored bathroom sprays of "Kuti's Choice" brand. Contact Esmeralda.

Lost pet. Cute, fat, clean, well-trained tentacular tiger. Answers to the name "Garfield". Eats only canned Lummox. Great reward if you return it to the Zwirble system.

For sale. Horloge of Primordius, in excellent condition. Stopped ticking for no specific reason. Ideal for the enthusiastic hobbyist.

Personnal message. Sotapanna, you forgot to take out the trash again. And next time you "borrow" your sister's saucer, please inform her. She lost her galactic summer job at Space Mart because of you. Signed: your mom.

Interstellar Thrifty Travel Agency. We organize trips to the famous Quicksilver sea. Six days, travel and general accommodation included. Bring your own radiation suit. Not responsible for lost sanity.

ACME Repairs Shop. The expert in thrint whistle fixing; never again will you call long-extinct galaxy-dominating races in vain! We also tune your conographs' cones, and adjust your hyperdrive's sparkle colors. You know what they say... show me your hyperdrive's sparkles, and I will tell you if you're a hot space hunk.

Are you suicidal? Psychotherapist offers consultations, free first session. We specialize in Garthan pilots. Contact Grrr'akh.

Found item. To whoever left a ticking Limited Vaccuum Collapser at the corner of Main Street and Church lane, on planet Zantar. You are lucky we found your device early on: you had forgotten to turn the ticker off. Please come back to the City Hall to reclaim your lost property.

Lost item. Brand new Nebula Extent Calculator. Lost it in a nebula while I was retrofitting a Nebular Hydrogen Drive on my ship. This item bears a sentimental value.

Found item. Slightly worn-out Nebula Extent Calculator. Sorry to the owner, we bumped into it while navigating through a nebula. Please contact the Ravenous Insectoids Transport Corporation inc., to reclaim your lost property. If it is not reclaimed within a year, it will be eaten by a syndicate of frenetic giant maggots.

For sale. Used Nebula Extent Calculator. Was floating in space near a huge green ship wreck. Covered with green slime and severed scarab legs. Some parts burnt down. A great romantic gift to that special lady of yours!

Surprising? Shocking? Impossible? "What if slugs could fly". Acclaimed new book by planet-famous writer Robert Sluglum suggests that Muktians will pilot spaceships someday. Meet him at the subterranean book fair (third tunnel to the right) and get your copy of the book, autographed by the author himself!

Lost Giant space hulk. Last seen drifting near Kumar system, with its lights turned off and a slightly menacing glow in its weapon slots. Bears a sentimental value.

For sale. Giant 20 feet-tall green triangle. Ideal for installing ship's weapons. Call: 1-800-WE-MOD2 on your subspace transmitter during normal work hours, and ask for Dot Ini.

For sale. A stasis-cone full of designer freebooter boots, slowly drifting in space. Reason: freebooter ship's console computer won't boot, gave the boot to said cone instead. Also for sale: console computer, MS Stasis Cone 3.11 software package (with activation key printed on the back of the manual).

For sale. Sardion Optimizer. Reason: thought it was written "sardine optimizer" on the tin box. Contact: F. Gump, giant shrimp fisherman.

For sale. Particle Vortex Cannon, brand new. Reason: pink is out of fashion. Contact freebooter Samantha.

Book for sale. "Tan-Ru Programming for Dummies". Build and program your own Tan-ru prototype, using simple electronic parts! Then watch him destroy all biological life, multiply, and take over the galaxy. First 10 customers get a discount on the galactic bestseller, "How to Train your Lava Pod". Build a cool Tan-Ru... and then, make your Lava Pod wiggle with satisfaction! Contact Ye Olde Primordius Parchment Shoppe for details.

Gay Kawangi have rights too. Do you feel different from other Kawangi? Are you denied the very right of existing without having to blow up whole galaxies? Have you destroyed star systems because you feel you have to prove your "kawangihood" to your friends? Don't wait any longer in desperation. We want to hear from you. Contact the Rainbow Kawangi Association. Free projection of the movie "Brokeback Nebula" each friday at 8pm.
  #2  
Old December 7th, 2006, 04:08 AM

Jamiri Jamiri is offline
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Default Re: Sector Prime Classifieds


That is really funny to read! Had a good laugh!
  #3  
Old December 12th, 2006, 04:29 PM

Zogu Zogu is offline
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Default Re: Sector Prime Classifieds

How do you call a bun that lasts forever?

A stasis scone.
 

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