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Old June 20th, 2006, 05:04 AM

TaoLibra TaoLibra is offline
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Default Experimental Anti-Kawangi Tactics

I'm fresh out of the Glory system and poking around the nearer stars, when suddenly -- BOOM! A star at the top of the map is gone.

"Oh great," I think. "That slimy yellow phlegm-wad is coming." In fact, I've already found the Klakar and traded for the Continuum Renderer Array from him, so I can see right where he is.

Happily though, the next star I reach has the Mirror -- so I begin swapping places with everybody on the map, trying to find anything useful to stop Mr. Phlegm. Eventually I find the big LVC bomb, but I'm hesitant to use it because there's nowhere good to set it off that won't wipe out other stuff I'd rather not wipe out.

But then I find the Anti-Graviton Shunt.

"Ah HA!" I think. "I've got a surprise for you, phlegm-ball," and off I go to the nearest black hole. I reach it, then fast-forward the time a bit to let him reach the star he's heading toward; then, "HA! Eat THIS, sucker!" And I use the mirror to swap places with him, expecting to flush him down the black hole.

Turns out, Mr. Phlegm had a surprise for me: HE DOESN'T FLUSH.

Make that two surprises -- because when I shake the disappointment off and start moving toward an unexplored star to look for some allies, HE BLOWS THE BLACK HOLE UP.

No kidding. He blew it up, turned it into a Neutron Star.

I believe my exact response was, "Oh crap." (And I thought I'd already seen everything in this game.)

So then I'm racing around trying to find anything that might let me beat the phlegm-ball in a fight -- fat chance, and meanwhile, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! he takes out three more systems -- and then I get the general distress call because he actually reaches Glory.

"Oh, no you don't, scumbag." The Zorg Helmsman I've found folds me over to the nearest black hole, and then I Mirror Mr. Phlegm up to it -- yeah, now I know that won't stop him, but it's either that or watch him destroy Glory.

Fold from Glory to a nearby star, then another, then a few more, up to another black hole. I pop into it, and suddenly find myself on the far side of the sector -- very close to the Tan Ru homeworld, which I'd previously looted with the Mirror (and I'd even put the Tan Ru back when I was done) and which happens to be in the upper right corner of the map.

"Hmmm…"

The nearest star (between me and the Tan Ru homeworld) is just a bit too far to fold -- so the plan comes together in my head, and I engage.

While en route, BOOM! There goes that black hole, and Mr. Phlegm is moving again. He appears to be heading toward an unoccupied star. "Good. So much the better." I reach the unoccupied star beside the Tan Ru homeworld's system.

Then I Mirror the Tan Ru, so I'm sitting on their homeworld (and they're sitting about 4 light-years away, scratching their shiny little heads). I pull the map over to watch Mr. Phlegm, and briefly fast-forward to let him reach his destination; then I set the big LVC bomb on that Tan Ru-infested hell-hole… with how much time on the clock? HA! 3 days. Then I Mirror the phlegm-ball.

Pull the map up to the top right corner for a good view. Click the fast-forward, and instantly -- BOOM! One phlegm-ball, one Tan Ru homeworld, and a whole bunch of bewildered Tan Ru, GONE.

Of course, so are three unoccupied systems that I'd already looted, and a big swath of nebula… but hey, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette.

And I think I ought to have gotten extra points for spitefully wiping out the Tan Ru homeworld in the process of saving the galaxy from Mr. Phlegm.
 

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