[Argh]

After absently following Ilfred's conversation with VampiricDread, which was an unusually nice conversation. . . the elven lord slowly started to tell his tale, while swishing a small pint of bitters in between sips of wine.

"Well, I suppose I should start at the beginnning, right? Well, 3000 thousad years ago, my ancient ancestors were in the middle of a war with this dreadful horde of demons called the T'hula, who'd emerged from a trapdoor in time that an angry Eternal opened. After the war had continued for almost 50 years, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather turned towards his wife, who was busy talking about shrubberies or some such nonsense-"

"Do get on with the important parts!" Bargehead snapped.

"Oh. . . er, very well, my stout companion!" Said the elven lord lightly, and Bargehead snorted loudly and patted his barrel chest, which was hardly fat, and then waved his hand to encourage the Elf to get on with the story.

"At any rate, and to make a long long long story very short, the T'hula invented this special thingy called the Gem of EverLasting Darkess to aid their warriors. Basically, this Gem was said to 'blacken the face of the Earth', and it was also said to 'blot the Sun from the sky'. We Elves have the ability to see in the dark somewhat, but our enemies were cold-blooded creatures. . . and things started going very badly. . ."

Bargehead laughed. "Ha! I'll bet that was a sight to see! You skinnies- er elves, m'lord- must've been in deep trouble! 'Course, back then we were still mainly living in the far northern keeps, below the icepack of the Great Freeze,we were. . ." Bargehead ground to a halt, noticing that Monty and Drago were both starting to yawn. . .

"Well, it was a very bad scene, to be sure," the elven lord responded, "but we Elves are not to be equalled in magical feats, when put to the test. . . and we came up with a solution. After several decades of warfare, one of our mages created the Gem of EverLasting Sunshine, a device of truly Elven beauty. . . which 'shone across the sky like a hundred dawns breaking' and gave the Elves enough light to kill by."

Bargehead stirred from his seat, and exclaimed, "So your people were the ones who ended the Great Freeze! We still tell stories of the caverns that were awash in melted glacier ice, and the tales of woe and misery. . ." Bargehead began to rummage around his bag of Useful Stuff, and eventually pulled out a worn but serviceable Book of Woe, in which he entered new writings for the Neverending Saga sung in the lowest deeps.

"Er. . . yes, well. . . we eventually had some problems with it too- namely, some nasty sun rashes and a few too many parched throats- it was horrible!" Bargehead just grunted and continued to scribble furiously, no doubt planning a massive war of revenge a few centuries from now, when the Elves had forgotten all about this little slip.

"Well. . . ah. . . anyway. . . we eventually hid it away, along with the Gem of EverLasting Darkness, in great magically-trapped tombs at the poles- until recently, when somebody, er, lost the password that opened the gates to the place. . ." He blushed and said, "It was, unfortunately, one of my cousins. . . so I am honor-bound to retrieve the device, so that it may be re-buried in a newer, nicer tomb, and, uh. . . using a shorter password."

"Figures! You Elves would lose yer arses, if they weren't firmly glued in place! Why, my mother once told me of an elven maiden who lost her eyeballs once, while applying makeup! And then there was the time that an Elven lover lost his-"

The elven lord was swift to interrupt with, "Well, that may be so, but the plot is thicker than that. . . the Gem of EverLasting Darkness is missing from its tomb, and my cousin's memory loss is rather total. A shame, really, he was very good at Trivial Pursuits and such, even if he was a bit of a drip."

"So someone may. . . possess that horrible Gem?" Drago interjected, looking worried. Meanwhile Monty was heard muttering, "Always the same, these darned Quests. . . gotta save the world again. . ."

The elven lord beamed, and said, "Right in one! Now all we have to do is. . ."

[This message has been edited by Argh (edited 29 May 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Argh (edited 29 May 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Argh (edited 29 May 2001).]