A few favourites of mine:
"There is no innocence in my court. A plea of innocent is guilty of wasting my time!"
"Light travels faster than sound, which is why most people look bright until they open their mouth."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
"It's not that I hate you, it's just you have delicious cranial fluids."
And of course: "Burn, heretic."
And I wouldn't be Irish if I didn't mention that walking quote-factory of ours, Oscar Wilde.
"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." (
zing!)
"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing."
"Biography lends to death a new terror."
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
"I am not young enough to know everything."
"I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability."
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."
"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace."
"Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event."
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." (
oh snap!
"Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays."
"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards."
"Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious."
"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow."
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."
"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."
"To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity."
"We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities."
"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."
"When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers."
Yes, that's a copy pasta from AZ's Big List of Oscar Wilde Quotes. Yes, it is alphabetized. I'll let someone else get a post in edgewise before I go so far as to post the Big List of Oscar Wilde Quotes From His Books.
