Tophats: Squirreloid wins!

[Trumanator]

The rare and excellent gentlemen of Brettonia and the Ogre Kingdoms have signed a NAP-3

[cleveland]

Friends! Tophats! Gentlemen! Lend me your monocles!

I come to prevail upon you fine chaps the rather dire straits the Oceanians face, if you'll forgive the paltry pun.

Following the defeat of our most esteemed leader, Monsieur le Marquis de Sous-Marine, and his Prophet Monsieur le Comte de Maquerau, the Atlantian-Oceanian boarder has remained quite devoid of excitement.

But I daresay a bit of a foul tide has drifted our ways of late, and it is with trepidation I report that Glug, the Slayer of Starspawns, the Omnipotent Octopod, et cetera now sits upon our boarder like a Baby Ruth bar at the bottom of the country club pool.

Learned gentlemen, I surely do not need remind you that per Divine Law and Union Rules the next True Pantokrator shall be crowned after conquering only 4 Capitals. Nor do I need to point out that when Oceania falls, Glug shall have his 3rd, and need only to strike whomever he deems the weakest of you terrestrial chaps to claim victory.

The Oceanian peoples therefore issue a Call to Arms: to all gentlemen who find Tartarus to be a proletariat final destination, join us in our resistance against the eight-armed menace that now washes toward our walls.

Glug the Ancinet Kraken is the centerpiece of the Atlantan offense, and he swims now toward the Sea of the Mermaids in the North. His beak faces us, strike his soft and vulnerable underbelly!

To assist any nations that never earned their Water Wings, Oceania will provide - at cost (!) - underwater breathing items to those who will answer our Call. Should you find this proposal agreeable, have your servant PM my servant.

While he has surely proven to be a worthy adversary, I come to bury Glug, not to praise him.

Most sincerely and respectfully,
Field Marshal Finklestein
Chief of Staff, Oceania

The Benevolent Glug scoffs at such shameless propaganda.

This "call to arms" is nothing more than a "call to conquest," a measure intending no doubt to enslave the long-suffering people of Atlantis and our allies the Amber Clan

Land dwellers! Make no mistake! Whatever effort you put into helping Oceania will be a waste because the result will be the same: there can be only one ruler of the seas.

The bureaucrats of Oceania are only concerned about their own survival, their warning of doom is without merit; the power they claim to fear is the power that they SEEK.

So Glug, The Invincible God will sends forth this proclamation:

Those who side with Oceania now will find themselves relentlessly raided by Atlantians and our allied peoples.

However, those who ignore the pitiful pleas of Oceania and render them no aid will be receive an NAP10 from Atlantis and perhaps the friendship of the Seas in any future wars.

- Faella, Prophet of Glug, the Big, Squishy and yet somehow Invincible Power

[cleveland]

The humble nation of Oceania announces they have signed a NAP-3 now with the powerful nation of Arcoscephale.

Oh, and Oceania must announce that our forges have reached capacity for the next 2 turns; kindly forgive any delays, we shall fulfill all orders as soon as possible.

[Burnsaber]

The noble Shinuyama have found the valiant Vanheim defense to be most honourable and fitting for a gentleman, therefore an agreement has been reached between these people. No more bloodshed shall happen before these people and a NAP 5 agreement will set this fact in stone.

[Squirrelloid]

Nekeharan scouts surveyed the battlefield as the Agarthan army buried its dead. Many massive corpses of the bloated one-eyed things littered the field still, the mages and their cursed living statues simply too overwhelmed to bury the fallen quickly. The shattered bones of nekeharan soldiers protruded from once-proud suits of armor about them, along with the occasional crumbled stone remains of a once animated statue.

The mage-priests conferred. The loss of the soldiers was inconsequential - already more issued forth from the tombs in a never-ending stream of servants for the tomb kings and their will. But something had to be done about the living statues upon which blow after blow was rained with no effect. A priest was chosen to carry the report to the Tomb Kings and apologize for their failures and ask for help. The Tomb Kings would know a way to destroy the animated statues of their foes.

[cleveland]

Oh terrible day!

The Oceanian capital vanguard has been defeated by the vile Glug and his entourage!

But our mighty fortress is unscathed by the assembled invaders. We have provisions to last a lifetime, and more defenders than there are sands on a seabed. You shall never breach our walls! You don't frighten us, Atlantian sea-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called "Glug King!" You, and all your silly Atlantain lob-ssssstairs!

Perhaps some of your NAP-10 allies can send some assistance! Ho ho ho!

With profound and palpable disdain,
Field Marshal Finkelstein
Organizer, Oceanian Capital Defense

[GameExtremist]

"Sire, some news of the diplomatic kind has just arrived"

"hmm, yes pass it here my good man"

*reads proclomation*

Originally Posted by Burnsaber

The noble Shinuyama have found the valiant Vanheim defense to be most honourable and fitting for a gentleman, therefore an agreement has been reached between these people. No more bloodshed shall happen before these people and a NAP 5 agreement will set this fact in stone.

*Immaculately trimmed mustache quivers in what could be well-concealed rage*

"Didn't we sign some sort of alliance with those little Shinuyama chaps? Of the Victory or death, to the winner goes the spoils, Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact type of thing....though without the secrecy and all that?"

"Ahh yes sire I believe we did as laid out in this article signed by the Lord of Shinuyama himself dated the 13/2 m'lord"

Originally Posted by Burnsaber

We accept your proposal.

"Oh bother seems he lacks a backbone of sorts, a pair of crown jewels, some lead in his pencil oh my...well I suppose in hindsight it was rather perposterous of me to have placed any sort of trust in a nation of goblins".

"Sound the trumpets, we march on Vanheim then, who dares wins!"

[Burnsaber]

Well, my dear sir, that agreement was never made public and thus was not under protection of clause in the first post.

Also, alliance also reguires for the parties involved to contribute to the war effort. My scouts saw hardly any considerable action in your front as our noble warriors perished under Vanheim sorcery. Ergo, I considered our alliance void of any true meaning and withdrew from the contract in favour of Vanheim, who we finally saw of being more worthy of our friendship.

Sakajoro,
Bakemono Diplomat and most pious worshipper of Akitoshi.

[cleveland]

Gentlemen,

I was quite perplexed by the announcement contained in the most recent turn file:


I would like to state unequivocally that I have never cheated in any way whatsoever, ever.

If there is any doubt to this fact, I will absolutely submit my turns to external audit upon request.

Further, I have been providing all turn files in my DAR thread, and I encourage all esteemed Tophats players to verify my honesty upon exiting the game.

Strangely, our income is rather minuscule thanks to Glug and company (perhaps it's one of his dirty tricks! ). Fortunately, I have all my turn files archived for the DAR, and will send them to Shrapnel for glitch hunting pre-3.24.