Twenty-Five Guaranteed Ways to Defeat Asmala in PBW [Archive]

tesco samoa

February 27th, 2004, 03:32 AM

# 25 Order a keg of beer. Get Asmala to drink half of it. Then set his empire up. Drink the rest and then play his first 50 turns. Let him sleep for an hour wake him up and them give him 2 shots of tequlia squeeze a lemon in his eye and get him to snort salt up his nose and play the next 50 turns... Wash Wipe Repeat

geoschmo

February 27th, 2004, 03:35 AM

Hmmm, seeing as how I am facing him in the KOTH match right now, I hope you finish this thread, http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Baron Grazic

February 27th, 2004, 03:54 AM

24. Convince the game host to manually place Asmala's starting Home Planet in an isolated, asteriod field with no warp points, connecting it to the rest of the universe.
Even then, you still only have a 99% chance of victory.

[ February 27, 2004, 01:55: Message edited by: Baron Grazic ]

Phoenix-D

February 27th, 2004, 03:59 AM

23. rig the game so he accidently plays your empire.

Cheeze

February 27th, 2004, 06:10 AM

22. Have him start with a Gas/None homeworld. Use setting "Players can only colonize homeworld type" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

narf poit chez BOOM

February 27th, 2004, 07:46 AM

21. Covertly sneak into his house and knock him out with a hammer.

not that >I< would ever do such a thing, of course.

primitive

February 27th, 2004, 09:56 AM

20. Make Rex play your turns http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

primitive

February 27th, 2004, 09:57 AM

19. Lure him into playing the Pairs game with Tesco as his partner http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Sorry Tesco, it had to be done http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Atrocities

February 27th, 2004, 05:14 PM

18 Let me set up the game. (For the right price I can garrentee he will start behind a grouping of super massive black holes with only one planet in his system and it will be a low value.

Slynky

February 27th, 2004, 05:24 PM

17. Bring 'nanner peels, donuts, and "Hound Dog" music to the game. Throughout the game, send communications as if it were Elvis talking. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

geoschmo

February 27th, 2004, 06:15 PM

16. Don't know how to defeat him. The only way I can think of to not lose to him is not play him. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Atrocities

February 27th, 2004, 06:17 PM

15. Maximize your points. Focus on resources and research. Attack early on and keep the fight in his space.

No Intel, 3k points, and max your points logically to defeat the master.

Alneyan

February 27th, 2004, 09:12 PM

14. Propose Asmala to play a P&N game (Pirates and Nomads by Suicide Junkie). Agree to play a Nomadic race with a one planet start. (Nomads and Pirates aren't able to colonize new planets, and so rely *heavily* on the other Empires.) And obviously, intel is allowed as the poor Nomad would be vulnerable to this. Lastly, do *not* use the latest patch, as a few abilities included in it would be too useful.

But as you are a bit silly, you took the regular trait besides the Nomadic one, and so you are able to play as usual, and you even get the 1% maintenance granted to Nomads. If you cannot beat Asmala when he is down to one planet while you do have the whole galaxy and almost no maintenance, and intelligence on top of everything, then it means Asmala is truly the worst fiend in the known universe. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

That is a very good idea Cheese, but you should play with both "Player can only colonize his homeworld type" and "Player cannot colonize non-breathable planets" or whatever this second item is called. Therefore, he will be obliged to colonize Gas planets with an atmosphere of None. Unfortunately, the game would crash when generating the map I guess, even if you are able to alter your atmosphere through an hexadecimal editor.

[ February 27, 2004, 19:17: Message edited by: Alneyan ]

Imperial

February 27th, 2004, 09:36 PM

LMAOROFL

Siegebreaker

February 27th, 2004, 09:38 PM

That PBW its turn based?

Ragnarok

February 27th, 2004, 09:54 PM

Originally posted by SB:
That PBW its turn based? Yes, it's just multiplayer SE basically. It stands for Play By Web. It's a whole lot more fun playing against humans then it is against the AI, and a whole lot more challenging.

As for beating Asmala on PBW I do not know. I haven't had a chance to play him yet so I can tell you all how I will do it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif At least I sound confident! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif I certainly hope that if I ever do meet him on PBW that he is either on my side or fighting 18 other empires at the same time. Even then he will probably beat us all! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Stone Mill

February 27th, 2004, 10:17 PM

Originally posted by Slynky:
17. Bring 'nanner peels, donuts, and "Hound Dog" music to the game. Throughout the game, send communications as if it were Elvis talking. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

(Note to self: check KOTH game notes vs Asmala)

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

clark

February 27th, 2004, 10:28 PM

I won't presume to take a number, but I must say, I do enjoy hearing about the escapades of KOTH.

Have any thought of devising a sensible handicapping system?

Say that players of a certain 'stature' when playing against the lesser beings, are required to use certain ministers to run their empire.

How about a handicap where you have to choose twelve technologies in advance, and you cannot change their order, or add new ones, until ALL of them have been researched.

How about creating a bunch of different Empires, then have the players pick at random from one of say... ten or twelve (the grab bag method).

How about no extra storage other than what you start with? (not sure if this is really an issue though since I've never played the KOTH game)

Just some ideas. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

primitive

February 27th, 2004, 10:33 PM

Originally posted by Stone Mill:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Slynky:
17. Bring 'nanner peels, donuts, and "Hound Dog" music to the game. Throughout the game, send communications as if it were Elvis talking. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

(Note to self: check KOTH game notes vs Asmala)

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif <hr /></blockquote>LOL.
Great catch Slynky. One bad Elvis clone lured out of lurkmode http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

BTW Stone, How's life in the Diaper brigade http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Slynky

February 27th, 2004, 10:37 PM

Not bad ideas, clark, but since Asmala is a rated player and competes in the KOTH league, though he is good, it wouldn't really be a matchup of skills or fairness. Bowlers have handicaps ('cept for scratch leagues) and there are defined handicaps in "Go" (measured by stones) but not in chess, for example.

Slynky

February 27th, 2004, 10:40 PM

Originally posted by primitive:
One bad Elvis clone lured out of lurkmode http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

BTW Stone, How's life in the Diaper brigade http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif LOL...there's such a thing as a good Elvis clone http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif ?

Diaper brigade... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif (good one!)

[ February 27, 2004, 20:40: Message edited by: Slynky ]

clark

February 27th, 2004, 10:44 PM

Thanks. Just some food for thought. Sometimes getting clobbered, or always clobbering can lead to boredom. One way to spice things up is to make things a bit tricker.

I'm certainly not intending to tell you guys what to do, as I would get a good 'just sod off you bloody wanker' or some derivation. And I would deserve it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

However, I remember seeing some comments about how Empire's are becoming more clone-like, so why not at least think about pre-defined Empires that are randomly picked. Afterall, you guys go through such pains to make the map balanced... why not balance it a bit with some luck of the draw around the Empires.

Skill is succeeding with the cards you are dealt, no matter the hand. Luck is just hope that you can play the cards you are dealt.

But by all means, keep posting game updates. I love those! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Stone Mill

February 27th, 2004, 10:45 PM

Originally posted by primitive:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Stone Mill:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Slynky:
17. Bring 'nanner peels, donuts, and "Hound Dog" music to the game. Throughout the game, send communications as if it were Elvis talking. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

(Note to self: check KOTH game notes vs Asmala)

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif <hr /></blockquote>LOL.
Great catch Slynky. One bad Elvis clone lured out of lurkmode http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

BTW Stone, How's life in the Diaper brigade http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif <hr /></blockquote>Hey my Cave-dwelling friend... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Excellent!!! My little girl has brought me so much happiness.

Time is still a crunch, but I'm staying SEIV savvy. Cheeze told me about the new patch, and it looks great.

SO beating Asmala looks like quite a task right now. He's sharp... way sharp...

narf poit chez BOOM

February 28th, 2004, 02:14 AM

I'm certainly not intending to tell you guys what to do, as I would get a good 'just sod off you bloody wanker' or some derivation. And I would deserve it.
i can't recall that ever happening.

Atrocities

February 28th, 2004, 02:45 AM

Wow, that sounds really painful. Is it true Fish and chips is a national dish in Enland?

DavidG

February 28th, 2004, 03:51 AM

13. Post a humorous list of 25 ways to defeat him. While he's all distracted reading all the accolades kicks his arse.

Slynky

February 28th, 2004, 03:56 AM

Originally posted by DavidG:
13. Post a humorous list of 25 ways to defeat him. While he's all distracted reading all the accolades kicks his arse. Good idea! (not sure he's reading it, though http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif )

Asmala

February 28th, 2004, 10:58 AM

Surely I'm reading this. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

narf poit chez BOOM

February 28th, 2004, 09:00 PM

Originally posted by DavidG:
13. Post a humorous list of 25 ways to defeat him. While he's all distracted reading all the accolades kicks his arse. *whaps Asmala with a hammer* http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ February 28, 2004, 19:00: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

Grandpa Kim

February 29th, 2004, 07:19 AM

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DavidG:
13. Post a humorous list of 25 ways to defeat him. While he's all distracted reading all the accolades kicks his arse. *whaps Asmala with a hammer* http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif <hr /></blockquote>Careful! Don't dent that crown! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

tesco samoa

February 29th, 2004, 03:36 PM

#12. Go buy a plane ticket. Travel to finland. Hire some hunters. Get them to capture a moose. ( If there are no moose in finland. Buy another plane ticket ( return ) and travel to canada and hire some hunters to caputure a moose and then get it back to Finland. I suggest business class for the trip back as the moose will need some leg room and I hear they like to drink alot) Take the moose to Asmala house. Have the moose bite him. Then make many Monty Python jokes about the holy grail. Asmala will go crazy from the jokes and fever from the bite. Get his password for the pbw and game. Launch SEIV on his computer and then play against your self. But remember to let yourself win. You will be tempted to beat your self soundly. Do not give into the temptation.

Slynky

February 29th, 2004, 03:50 PM

Nice one, Tesco! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Uh, why a moose, though http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif .

Karibu

February 29th, 2004, 06:49 PM

Originally posted by Slynky:
Nice one, Tesco! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Uh, why a moose, though http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif . Obviously a moose, because he doesn't dare to capture any caribou http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

spoon

February 29th, 2004, 06:58 PM

#11. Hire the Namovan Minister of Information. I have yet to see anyone lose a battle when the good Minister on his side.

Slynky

February 29th, 2004, 07:00 PM

Perhaps it works with caribou as well. And you can readily find them in Finland. But, perhaps, caribou are a bit more feisty and harder to capture. And, as far as I know, moose enjoy a price reduction on planes...not as feisty, I guess http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif .

narf poit chez BOOM

March 1st, 2004, 11:17 PM

Originally posted by Grandpa Kim:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DavidG:
13. Post a humorous list of 25 ways to defeat him. While he's all distracted reading all the accolades kicks his arse. *whaps Asmala with a hammer* http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif <hr /></blockquote>Careful! Don't dent that crown! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif <hr /></blockquote>*oops*

Asmala

March 7th, 2004, 11:13 AM

What, you didn't get 25 ways to beat me? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

David E. Gervais

March 7th, 2004, 11:47 AM

#10 Draw him a nice new avatar image with a golden crown on his head.

How can this help me beat him you ask?

Well,.. unbeknownst to him, I have placed 'Mind-Probe' pixels under the crown so that when ever I get to play against him, I'll be able to read his mind and counter any move before he makes it. (I would have placed 'Mind-Control' pixels under the crown, but I don't want the distractions that come with those nasty beasts. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif )

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ March 07, 2004, 09:52: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]

Escaflowne

March 7th, 2004, 05:40 PM

#9. Send him a signe blank check?

oogs

March 8th, 2004, 09:03 PM

#8 Tell him that Free Orion is out in the hope that he's a MOO junkie?

Wardad

March 8th, 2004, 11:29 PM

Hmmm....

I remember reading a story about a sickly bed ridden child. He was bored and stsrted playing an Online strategy game. His medical neuro-net recognized this as a therapuetic moral booster.
Until some challenger started taking apart the kids empire. At that point, the nuero-net started editing the kids orders, but it was not enough. Suddenly the challenger stumbled and lost all focus. The neural net looked into it deeper and found that all of the emperors had aliases and a hidden resource called money. It also found the challengers alias in a recent obituary listing. The neural net quickly formulated a new game plan...

---------
Some where in Analog Science Fiction / Science Fact short story collection.

Fyron

March 9th, 2004, 12:21 AM

Originally posted by Slynky:
Nice one, Tesco! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Uh, why a moose, though http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif . Because a moose goes very well with Monty Python. A caribou would make 0 sense. Ever watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail's opening credits? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif