Space Empires Evil Ruler Handbook.

[Atrocities]

In the spirate of the "If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord" lets develop our own Evil Ruler Hand book.

1. - If your most feared enemy comes alone to your home world and wants to fight you to the death, simply order your ships to destroy his.

2. - If your enemies leave you a huge horse as a war trophy after having appearant beaten them, destroy it where it stands. Do not take it back to your home world!

3. - Glassing a planet is the cheap alternative to landing troops.

4. - When they say they come in peace, don't believe them.

5. - If they run during combat, chase them down and destroy them.

6. - NEVER trust your ministers to rule your empire better than you.

7. - Mine fields are a great for protecting planets early in your empires history.

8. - When choosing racial traits for your empire, choose wisely.

9. - When your ally sends a bunch of lone ship into your Home system, and parks it near your sun, DESTROY IT IMMEDATELY!

10. - If your ally has what you want, declare war upon him and take it by force.

11. - When encountering a new race, first destroy his ship, then offer him a treaty. This is called Gun Boat diplomacy.

12. - Encourage your enemies to colonize within your space. Then land troops on thier planets and collect your new slaves.

[ May 24, 2004, 06:39: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Joachim]

13. - A partnership treaty gives you excellent intelligence with which to plan an attack - and you can even re-supply your fleet with their food and fuel first.

Edit: Overlords must have secretaries to check their spelling!

[ May 24, 2004, 09:01: Message edited by: Joachim ]

[Aiken]

14. Start your career from chosing name for yourself and your empire: Malevolent Tyrant of Hatred Stars is not the best name for treacherous villian like you. Philanthropic Patron of Enlightened Democracy is much better.

Edit: missed the baker's dozen http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[ May 24, 2004, 08:13: Message edited by: aiken ]

[Aiken]

15. Dark obscure nebulas are friends of Evil Ruler. Find those of them which lies near your rival's Homoworlds, and then send space yard ship there. When you'll be in the position to conquer the galaxy your ships won't need to bypass border defences and could tear up the heart of enemy empire quickly.

[ May 24, 2004, 08:22: Message edited by: aiken ]

[General Woundwort]

16. Never play in a PBW game with anyone else who Posts on this thead. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[Aiken]

17. If you and your long time ally are stand together against powerful enemy, make your friend a proposal to take over his fleets in order to use the combined forces against your common foe. As soon as you get all the ships - invade your ally's space with his own ships and capture his planets. Such a credulous ruler like him has no right to existence.

[minipol]

>>3. - Glassing a planet is the cheap alternative >>to landing troops.
Glass the planet with Napalm. Burning aliens make funny noises http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[kalthalior]

18. Never forget to extensively mine alien race's homeworlds and colonies (especially the ones with shipyards) while under treaty BEFORE you enslave them. It is only for your future slave's protection -- think of the children/nestlings/whatever!

[Arkcon]

19. Teach your people to be accustomed to getting by with less. Sauvvy politics is for losers. Likewise radioactives and organics.

[ May 24, 2004, 13:05: Message edited by: Arkcon ]

[Alneyan]

20: If I do need to ensure the safety of a given ship, I will make sure this give has several backups components. Therefore, a Star Destroyer will not have a single Self Destruct Device, but at least five of them to prevent the ship from falling in enemy hands.

21: Likewise, such a decision will to lessen the odds for the crew to disable the said devices, if they would rather surrender than die in the explosion resulting from the self-destruction.

22: If a trade partner has something of value for me, I will not declare war to get this thing. Instead, I will trade for it (by exchanging ships) and will afterwards destroy the ship I have just gifted to this partner. Therefore, I will get this technology to help my Empire in the war to come, without having to grant anything in exchange. (The meanest players may very well build a decoy ship instead, but I wouldn't advice doing so)

23: Contrary to the general belief among Evil Overlords, allies do have their use, as they will do the dirty work on my behalf. Building up distrust between my allies, or any other alliance, does work for the daring Overlord , as long as I make sure nobody fathoms my schemes.

24: Likewise, it is advised to make common cause with weaker Empires than my own, since stronger allies may very well have high demands and will do their best to keep my Empire in check. On the other hand, such an alliance would be a boon for a weak Empire, thus allowing me to exploit them in every possible way. I will remember to limit their own expansion however, as they might be too willing to turn their backs on me at the earliest opportunity.

25: As many of my colleagues have forgotten (even if only their graves are now a testimony of their mistake ; when a grave remains to tell about their rule), I will establish rules on the numbers of children a family is allowed to have on every single world. As soon as the population nears fifty million inhabitants, I will forbid all procreation, for otherwise I would not be able to evacuate this planet at once if an enemy was threatening it.

26: If I intend to capture an enemy world myself, I will make sure to glass a few other planets belonging to the same Empire. Indeed, my new thralls are eager to revolt, and so I need to convince them that their fate is much more enviable than the one of their brothers and sisters. Killing most of them would be the perfect remedy to put these thralls to good work, without having to fear riots or uprisings.

27: Nobility is not to be mixed with politics, and so I will not let emotion pervert wisdom. Therefore, if I have an asset at my disposal, I will use it even if it is said to be "unbalancing" and other such silliness. Moreover, I will not give my ships an inherent weakness to give my opponents the slightest chance of winning.

28: However, it doesn't excluse allowing the defeated Empires to live in peace once they have decided to surrender to my might. In fact, I must crush any leader daring to oppose my righteous rule, but I must also help him to get up once he has fallen to his kness. It will give me a better reputation, as my neighbours will realize I am to be trusted. At least, until I have the strength to destroy them all, and this time there will be no surrender, cease-fire or any kind of treaty. (It is to be noted that I will want to weaken an Empire willing to sue for peace before giving my assent to his request ; after all, he is likely to oppose me in the future, and I do not need to let him remain a threat)

[Aiken]

29. I would never send a message, like "My awesome armadas are moving to your system XXX to grind it into dust! You're doomed, muawahahaha!", to my enemy before general attack. Those good rulers are sometime sly enough to disturb the best evil plan, so I won't give them an additional chance.

[ May 24, 2004, 15:34: Message edited by: aiken ]

[Raging Deadstar]

Originally posted by aiken:
29. I would never send a message, like "My awesome armadas are moving to your system XXX to grind it into dust! You're doomed, muawahahaha!", to my enemy before general attack. Those good rulers are sometime sly enough to disturb the best evil plan, so I won't give them an additional chance. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">30. For the sneakiest Evil overlords amongst you i would build a fleet of cheap 1 turn battle cruiser and amass them near a warp point. I would the send a message saying "My forces are preparing to wipe you out in the "xxx" system. We merely Await your demise!" Then upon when they attack said fleet and discover they were decoys i would send in my real nasty fleet http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Roanon]

Originally posted by aiken:
29. I would never send a message, like "My awesome armadas are moving to your system XXX to grind it into dust! You're doomed, muawahahaha!", to my enemy before general attack. Those good rulers are sometime sly enough to disturb the best evil plan, so I won't give them an additional chance. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Corollary: IF you send such a message, make sure your armada of doom is heading to system YYY, while his fleets are massing to defend XXX, where a cloaked sun destroyer should be waiting for his day of glory.

[Renegade 13]

31. While allies can be useful at times, always remember: If they show the slightest sign of weakness, wipe their putrid stench from the galaxy. After all, they were just waiting for the opportunity to do the same to you.

[Ed Kolis]

32. To prevent your enemies from discovering the location of your homeworld, put an innocuous looking "This storm appears to be opaque to most scanners" storm over it http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Well it WOULD work, were scanners not so easy to research http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by minipol:
>>3. - Glassing a planet is the cheap alternative >>to landing troops.
Glass the planet with Napalm. Burning aliens make funny noises http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">LOL We have a 3 A http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Atrocities]

33. - Never underestimate the power of stellor manipulation. A good cloaked star killer parked in orbit around your enemies sun is worth a 100 ships on that systems Warp Point.

34. - A "explorer ship" is a prelued to an invasion fleet, destory any such ships that enter your space.

35. - Treaties are meant to be broken.

[Urendi Maleldil]

36. A cloaked star kiler parked in orbit of you ally's sun is worth more than one around your enemy's

37. Obscuring storms are good places to build star bases and fleets. Especially if that storm is in an enemy's system.

38. Capturing and analyzing an enemy colony ship is cheaper than researching a new colony technology.

39. Having an enemy race that breaths the same atmosphere as you is a good excuse for jettisoning captured population in to space.

40. When you laugh, use your diaphragm. MUHAWHAWHAWHAW!! (and always use at least two exclamation points)

41. Make a ship set that's entirely black. (That's so evil it's cheating)

[ May 24, 2004, 18:23: Message edited by: Urendi Maleldil ]

[Phoenix-D]

46. I will always remember that obsurcing storms are useless against scanner technology and not base my entire strategy on my Fleet of Doom lurking invisible in one.

[ May 24, 2004, 19:05: Message edited by: Phoenix-D ]

[Alneyan]

42: I will acknowledge that there are actual threats which may be lurking in the least welcoming corners of space, waiting to endanger my Empire (and above all, my life). Therefore, I will set up a very tight blockade around any red nebulae which happens to be too close to my worlds for my liking. Mines and spy ships are to be deployed in the wormholes leading to such nebulaes, for there is no way of detecting an enemy ship in the mist of the interfeces of such systems. As soon as the technology is available, I am to close the wormholes leading to these awful systems, while keeping a close eye on any wormhole being opened directly to this nebulae.

43: I will remember that having too big an Empire is ground for being declared "Mega Evil Empire", especially if I am regarded as being a successful Evil Overlord. Therefore, I will do my best to hide the true strength of my Empire, while maintaining the façade of a peaceful and enlightened leader. Obviously, I will not appear as a weakling either, since I would then be a likely target for another would-be Overlord. If my Empire seems to be the most powerful in the galaxy, paranoia is the wisest course of action to take, as your allies might be plotting to bring you down as you are reading these lines.

44: If I ever happen to have the slightest doubt about something, don't. Only a lunatic Overlord would take any chance when it can be avoided by careful planning, and so I will gather the best intelligence available fore making any move. Thus I will create the Space Patrol to act as cannon-fodder and suicidal reconnaissance, and these bold scouts going where angels fear to tread will mostly be my too intelligent advisors and other threats to national security (and to my own hide, obviously).

45: Research will be my sole priority, for even vast numbers of ships will avail little if they cannot hit the enemy or do any significant damage. I will not consider giving my technology away to petty allies and cunning foes either, but instead I will do my best to find a weakling ruler willing to enter an unilateral technological exchange with my Empire. In exchange for my protection, this Empire will focus on specific areas for my exclusive benefit, areas not critical if possible. (It would not do, for example, if my partner decided to give away on a whim the secrets of the fabled Stellar Destruction device to my arch-nemesis)

[ May 24, 2004, 19:05: Message edited by: Alneyan ]

[Raging Deadstar]

43. When my wonderful citizens are under attack on colony ships and transports I will overrule any sort of command/coup/uprising and order them to ram the enemy ships. A couple million Citizens is nothing compared to saving my illustrious reign (and hide)

[Urendi Maleldil]

47. Always trade ships with either no engines or no weapons

[Aiken]

48. I'll welcome rulers who are willing to trade with me. But I'll ascertain that hypnotic code, which forces my partner to accept trade without viewing for details, is included into trade message. After that I'll put all the partner's planets, ships and techs to my Want list. Square deals should be favorable for me, first of all.

[Gandalf Parker]

Originally posted by Urendi Maleldil:
47. Always trade ships with either no engines or no weapons <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Hmmm I didnt know you could do that. For me I always trade scout ships, maps, planets that are deep in another AIs claimed territory. Often just before its attacked. I love starting wars between AIs. "Here, I will trade this rich planet over here for that junky one you have near my border. Isnt that a deal too good to pass up?"

[Atrocities]

49. - Never over look diplomacy. It can be a useful tool for your empire in your quest to rule the universe.

50. - War is a game of chess that neither sides is trained to play well at the onset, but as time progresses, tactics and strategies are learned until finally one side will have the knowledge to win. And in the future, if they fail to employ the lessons they have learned in one war in the next, then they are doomed to serve in heaven while their dead enemies rule in hell.

[ May 25, 2004, 20:05: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Atrocities]

There must be more we can add to this. Come on now, think! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[narf poit chez BOOM]

51: I will never refer to myself in the third person. It is a sure sign of psychosis and if I do so I will immediatly seek professional help.

[dogscoff]

Narf, that should read:
His Supreme Eminence will never refer to himself in the third person. It is a sure sign of psycosis, but anyone who dares to make such accusations will be executed.

[Atrocities]

LOL Please keep them coming.

[Atrocities]

Space Empires Evil Ruler HAND BOOD (http://www.astmod.com/erase.htm) Link.

300 ways to tell (http://www.astmod.com/seiv300list.htm) Link

[Raging Deadstar]

59. Major Displays of your power can be achieved by constructing masses of only the BIGGEST Hulls available to you. Nothing says "Evil Overlord!" like 20 battlemoons hovering over an enemies planet (It also helps that these massive displays of power can fight back! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif )

60. In the Universe nothing is "Pro Bono" if Empire A sincerely wishes to help you with no strings attached/threats/requests or Star Destroyers hovering in your space then you must either...

a.) Go to bed, "One more turn Syndrome" is bad enough, sleep deprivation making you believe a decleration of war is such a request is entirely another.

b.) Thank them courteously, inform all the other empires that Empire A's enemies (Empire B) intend to betray them all. This will force a pre emptive strike on Empire B allowing you to take the Foolish Empire A intact for your own wicked purposes/desires/fetishes/do we need to say anymore Captain Kirk wannabe???! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif .

c.) If both of these make no sense you are obviously an ancient evil twisted emperor who rules with an iron fist....BUT builds ships with exposed exhaust ports and suspended walkways with no railings. You have become one with the force and George Luca's bad script writing *shudder*

[ May 26, 2004, 23:33: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

[minipol]

61. When first encountering a new alien race, kill first then ask questions later. They must know you mean business (and the whole universe is yours anyway)

[Alneyan]

52: While following a fixed schedule is very fine, I shall not strictly abide by it. Even the best of my plans can be countered, giving my crafty foes the window of opportunity they sought. Likewise, I will strive to remain unpredictable, as information is a powerful weapon to be used against my rule.

53: I will keep in mind not everybody is as perfect as myself. Therefore, I will handle everything happening in my Empire, leaving trifling matters such as the colour of my ships to the care of AIs. Besides, my Councillors will be entrusted with most of my knowledge, although their poor minds does not allow them to grasp all that they learnt. In other words, I will give them wrong information, in case they decided to turn traitor.

54: Likewise, I will not be too open about my secrets when I need to let my allies into my cunning schemes. Instead, I will feed them with partial truths and contradictory statements, allowing me to know if they compared their notes. If it is so, I will know they are too talkative, and will not put any trust in them.

55: I will apply the "Worst Case Scenario" approach to every problem. In the previous example, I would consider that the allies who did not openly react to my bogus information are not trustworthy. Indeed, they did not ask me to clarify my data, and so are not sincere enough and will not report to me anything out of the ordinary. (It could also mean these allies are too honest to share their knowledge with their other partners ; but I have no use for such allies)

56: Despite my obvious qualities, I will not forget I am still prone to having a few weaknesses. If my enemies send the most attractive creature (according to my fetishes/tastes) I have ever seen to act as an envoy, I will exerce caution and will only negociate with him/her/it through old-fashionned text-based communications.

57: I will remember that Murphy's Law applies everywhere in the galaxy, and so will take appropriate measures to lessen its impact. Therefore, I will not put a single Quantum Reactor in my war fleets, for the ship powered by this fabled device will be the first one to be destroyed in a battle. (Or even by a rogue asteroid, or other such hazards)

58: When dealing with my allies, I will remember to follow the basic rules of diplomacy. What I give to them will be as precise as possible, while my own demands should be as vague as you can get. Thus I will grant my partner the right to colonize Solaris III, the Gas Giant orbiting Solaris Major, whose characteristics are as follow:
- Diameter: 142,984 km
- Planetary Mass: 1.89x1027 kg
- Average Distance from the Sun: 5.203 AU
- Atmospheric Composition: Mostly Hydrogen and Helium.
(And so on) In exchange, I will ask to be allowed to colonize a few planets in their systems.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Originally posted by dogscoff:
Narf, that should read:
His Supreme Eminence will never refer to himself in the third person. It is a sure sign of psycosis, but anyone who dares to make such accusations will be executed. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Nonsense. They will be retired with a generous pay, due to the difficulty's involved in carrying out their office due to the stress of the job, after a private execution with a viewing audience of those spectater's who witnessed their folly.

[Paul1980au]

Turn off the mega evil empire lol and even when you are huge no one attacks you - its the easiest way to win a game lol

That and make all the advanced racial characterisitcs worth 10 points a piece lol - that way psychic, religious, cyrstaline, temporal and others are all youres at once.

Nothing like a ship armed with psychic crew conVersion, religious device that always htis its target, cyrstaline shields, organic armour, temporal shipyards and tech on ships.

[oleg]

Originally posted by Urendi Maleldil:
... 41. Make a ship set that's entirely black. (That's so evil it's cheating) <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">True Evil Overlord has a full and total control of the pictures/races directory on his computer and is completely immune to such puny attempts. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[oleg]

Originally posted by Paul1980au:
Turn off the mega evil empire lol and even when you are huge no one attacks you - its the easiest way to win a game lol

That and make all the advanced racial characterisitcs worth 10 points a piece lol - that way psychic, religious, cyrstaline, temporal and others are all youres at once.

Nothing like a ship armed with psychic crew conVersion, religious device that always htis its target, cyrstaline shields, organic armour, temporal shipyards and tech on ships. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">True Evil Overlord does not care to cheat AI - it is only a training ground for dominating people http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[Renegade 13]

62. If reasonably possible, force enemy populations to surrender. Then, when the inevitable rebellion occurs, you can wipe out a few billion of the aliens....both to crush the rebellion, and show your power to your people. This display will, of course, forestall any rebellion by your own population, with the added bonus of killing a few billion filthy aliens!

[Wardad]

63. Everyone who Posts on this thread is your sworn enemy.

[Alneyan]

64: I will put a strong emphasis on exploration and discovery of alien races, as all knowledge regarding my enemies has to be obtained as quickly as possible. As an added bonus, it will allow me to go to war with the said alien race all the sooner, without hopefully an ally around to help them. It is worth mentioning the aforementioned exploration will be carried over by my most intelligent councillors, as I do not want them to remain anywhere near the seat of power. They might have a few fancy notions about who should rule *my* Almighty Empire after all.

65: No matter how developed my ego is, I will focus on efficiency rather than on displaying my wealth/power/technological prowess. Therefore, I will not dabble in building a Sphereworld with no less than 240 Cultural Centers when an enemy fleet is bombarding my palace. In other circumstances, I will think twice before building Baseships with massive-mounted weaponry and no Quantum Reactor or additional supply storage, even if such ships would be quite a sight to behold.

66: Despite my undying love for ships able to dash damage, death, decay and destruction (and other nice words starting with D) on a grand scale, I will not overlook the need for Repair Bays and a space yard or two. My Invincible Armada is not that useful when all the ships have been disabled during a skirmish. Similarly, if I find that the cravens I am fighting have taken up the habit of boarding all my ships, a space yard would allow me to add a Security Station or two on every single ship of the fleet. Thus I will be spared the embarrassment of losing twelve Battlemoons (each requiring two whole *years* to be completed) to a force of twelve lowly Escorts equipped with two Boarding Parties V each.

67: My very first decision as an Evil Overlord will be to assert my claims on the whole galaxy through the Borders window. After all, my Empire does not have any border, for its boundary is the end of the universe itself. Thanks to my outstanding intellect, I will be able to claim ownership of systems I have yet to visit, even if such a move might slightly upset the bloodthirsty Talisman-wielders. (They were dwelling in their holy haven, which unfortunately happened to be seven sectors away from my palace. How annoying.)

68: I will take up learning the Drow tongue to name my ships (or any similar language that isn't widely known), so as to make my design names as hard to figure out as possible. I will be using a naming scheme based on various irrelevant data, such as the position of the four moons orbiting my homeworld at a given moment or my latest fancy. Due to this, I might send in the "Mrimmd'ssinss" Stellar Manipulation ship to make a recon in an enemy system rather than the "Mrannd'ssinss" Explorer ship, but I deem such a problem to be worth the headaches my design names will bring to my foes.

69: As my memory is not as good as it used to be, I will store all I need to remember in my fleets' name, as nobody can know what secrets lie there in the open. A typical fleet name will be: "Invading Fleet, composed of 77 warships and 14 support ships. Spouse's birthday on November 14th. These silly aliens cannot read what I am writing on them, even while the knowledge needed for them to save their hides is displayed here. Work meeting tomorrow at 9 am. A Stellar Destroyer is in the fleet to destroy the alien's homesystem. Buy something to eat when going back home tonight." As shown in the previous example, I may taunt my enemies to my leisure as well, although it does seem pointless since they will not know about it.

[dogscoff]

63. Everyone who Posts on this thread is your sworn enemy.
<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">70. As is everyone else...

[solops]

QUOTE: "57. Despite my obvious qualities, I will not forget I am still prone to having a few weaknesses. If my enemies send the most attractive creature (according to my fetishes/tastes) I have ever seen to act as an envoy, I will exercise caution and will only negotiate with him/her/it through old-fashioned text-based communications. "

Is that "text-based" or "touch-based"? Are they the same? (touch-typists, you know...)...

[Alneyan]

Hmm, any medium of communication where you cannot see/touch/smell/hear the envoy ought to work well enough.

However, I would like to make an addendum on this, as it should be more along these lines:
57': Besides, the said communications will be based on SEIV diplomatical system, where you can choose between various actions and select your tone. I will not give the envoy the leisure to write their own Messages however, lest they should manage to bewitch me through the clever use of words.

[Atrocities]

Space Empires, Evil Ruler Handbook (http://www.astmod.com/erase.htm) Updated.

Also please note that the next number is 71 http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Renegade 13]

71. If you ever capture the leader of an enemy empire, and they demand a fair trial, give it to him. That way, the populace is kept happy, because even to your most hated enemy you are fair and just, and if he's convicted and sentenced to death, well, all the better. However, if for some reason he is acquitted of his crimes, have a backup plan ready. As the enemy is going on his merry way from your supreme court, ensure that a suitable "accident" befalls him. For example, a meteor falling from the sky escapes your detection and crushes the car he's travelling in. Whatever you do, make sure he's dead, and can never oppose you again.

[ May 29, 2004, 03:08: Message edited by: Renegade 13 ]

[dogscoff]

As the enemy is going on his merry way from your supreme court, ensure that a suitable "accident" befalls him. For example, a meteor falling from the sky escapes your detection and crushes the car he's travelling in. Whatever you do, make sure he's dead, and can never oppose you again<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Hell no. Just have him killed and the cloned/ replicated/ impersonated by a shapeshifting alien loyal only to you/ replaced by a robotic double/ skinned and turned into a suit that you can wear to look just like him.

Then, with careful media management, you can convince his people that he is still alive and in charge, and, through some brilliant public negotiations (in which you control both sides of the debate) your two nations can come to some kind of 'peaceful co-existance' (ie, you absorb his empire completely.)

[Parasite]

72. I will give up only one secret to my success as an Evil Emperor. If anyone askes me what that secret is, I will point to Rule number 72. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ May 28, 2004, 19:16: Message edited by: Parasite ]

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
Space Empires, Evil Ruler Handbook (http://www.astmod.com/erase.htm) Updated.

Also please note that the next number is 71 http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Why do people not read what I post? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Renegade yours should have been 71 and not 70. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[Lord_Shleepy]

73. I will always be suspicious of a planet that bears the words "abundance of carnivorous flora" in it's description and yet, is reported to have "optimal" conditions.

74. I will note that the flavor of Phong is reminiscent of sharp cheddar.

[Renegade 13]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Originally posted by Atrocities:
Space Empires, Evil Ruler Handbook (http://www.astmod.com/erase.htm) Updated.

Also please note that the next number is 71 http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Why do people not read what I post? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Renegade yours should have been 71 and not 70. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Oops... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/blush.gif I even read that; just slipped my mind when I posted http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif . Sorry about that. I've edited and fixed it.

[Atrocities]

You da man. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Atrocities]

75. Trust No one
76. Always get your aggreements in writing
77. Cover thy own arse and keep a written record of all communications. You never know when they will come in handy.
78. Never pi** off the leader of an empire that is larger than yours. The out come of that could be bad.
79. Treaties with neutral allies are made to be broken.
80. If they resist, kill them. All of them.
81. Rioting populations are worthless. If they will not work, kill them.
82. A pound of prevention is worth a brick of gold. People are productive when they are happy so keep them happy.
83. Deploying mines in orbit around your worlds when your empire is young can offer a world of protection cheaply.
84. When allies open a warp point into the very heart of your empire, the time for peace has ended.
85. The golden rule is, "He with stellar manipulation makes the rules."
86. When faced with overwhelming odds, a well placed insult to your enemies can be a most rewarding experience.
"Your mate is so large we can target her from orbit!"
"Your diplomat was an excellent meal, please send more."
"Your ships are so poorly constructed that they are good for only one thing, target practice."
"I would rather kill my entire family then allow them to lay eyes upon your ugly alien face."
87. When all else fails, apologize and beg forgiveness. "We are sorry for insulting you oh great leader of X empire. Please spare us." Then commit suicide and turn your empire over to a real leader.
88. A single ship with an educated and trained crew are worth 10 ships without.
89. Phased Poloron Beams are heavily over rated!
90. Isolation and system gravitational generators are an insurance policy against invasion.

[ May 29, 2004, 23:44: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Atrocities]

91. When you have the initative, never relent.

[Atrocities]

92. Nice guys do finish Last.

[Atrocities]

93. If your enemies planets are undefended, well then attack and destroy them!

[ June 01, 2004, 08:36: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Intimidator]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
93. If your enemies planets are undefended, well then attack and destroy them! <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Did that yesterday, in an 1 to 1 game I was playing with somebody.........And it worked. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

See you tomorrow, Atrocities.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Inti,

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by Intimidator:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Originally posted by Atrocities:
93. If your enemies planets are undefended, well then attack and destroy them! <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Did that yesterday, in an 1 to 1 game I was playing with somebody.........And it worked. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

See you tomorrow, Atrocities.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Inti, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Yes, this rule will be named the Intimidator Rule. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Atrocities]

94. If you run around with cloaked mine layers laying mines in your emenies space resulting him him loosing ships while traveling through his inner most warp points.

[Intimidator]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
94. If you run around with cloaked mine layers laying mines in your emenies space resulting him him loosing ships while traveling through his inner most warp points. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Did that also 30 minutes ago, worked perfectly http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif . He was scared to travel in his own space http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Inti,

[Ed Kolis]

How would you know, did you...

95. If you do #94, remember to also place Cloaked Spy Satellites in all of your enemy's systems so you can gleefully watch as his ships skitter around innocuous warp points, fearing your deadly minefields http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Paul1980au]

With mines it becomes so easy - just keep laying them at key warppoints and they keep flying their ships into them. When they lose a large number at once its invasion time.

Cloaked minelayers are even better - with quatum generator (unlimited fuel) and a well hiden shipyard with cargo space ie genearate mines in nearby nebula then youre cloaked mine layers can restock there instead of traveling back to one of youre planets.

Same can be useful for generating invasion fleets - having said ship fall through a spatial anomoly is also fund - invade from other side of map.

another rule is to protect key systems with several layers of mines around warp points ie a grid of 3 by 3 incorparating said grid - the enemy gets really confused.

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by Paul1980au:
With mines it becomes so easy - just keep laying them at key warppoints and they keep flying their ships into them. When they lose a large number at once its invasion time.

Cloaked minelayers are even better - with quatum generator (unlimited fuel) and a well hiden shipyard with cargo space ie genearate mines in nearby nebula then youre cloaked mine layers can restock there instead of traveling back to one of youre planets.

Same can be useful for generating invasion fleets - having said ship fall through a spatial anomoly is also fund - invade from other side of map.

another rule is to protect key systems with several layers of mines around warp points ie a grid of 3 by 3 incorparating said grid - the enemy gets really confused. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">So what your saying is:

Your an Evil Ruler if:

97. You build a hidden base with cargo storage within an enemy controlled nebula for the sole purpose of restocking your cloaked fleet of mine layers which are laying mines deep within your enemies space.

[ June 03, 2004, 04:38: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Paul1980au]

Yes that is about it.

[Intimidator]

You even could build an cloaked Dreadnought with an shipyard and the capability to lay mines/sats and to launch fighters.

With such an ship you could wander across enemy space and laying sats and mines wherever you like or leave some fighters in some nebula.
What the hell, you even could build some small ship in a nebula with cargo/troops or space marines to play pirate deep in enemy space.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Atrocities when is our new game starts http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif (I won the Last one http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif )

[Atrocities]

98. Always considered unknown planets and systems to be your territory and upon colonizing these worlds enslave the population. After all, how dare they be on your worlds before you ever knew they exsisted!

99. Always assume that your password is known and change it regularly.

100. Kill any one who has read this list. No sense in allowing the competition to gain the upper hand.

[Atrocities]

This list is been updated. CURRENT LIST (http://www.astmod.com/seiv300list.htm) Enjoy.

[Paul1980au]

Good work folks.

[Renegade 13]

101. If the enemy fleet runs from combat with your ships, by all means follow and obliterate them. But at all times beware; watch for an ambush.

[Atrocities]

This should come out nicely.. 101 entries for the ERHB. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Intimidator]

But I guess you will need 666 rules for this Evil Ruler Handbook, so still 565 rules needed. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Atrocities]

It would be nice but I hold no hope for such a high number.

[Bill Door]

102. The ship names are a potentially valuble source of intelligance as to the size of your fleet. Change them!

102a. Besides, who wants to refer to their mighty ships as BLaster 00023 when you can give it such names as Minor Disagreement or Point of Contention. You're an Evil Ruler, you've got an image to maintain.


102b. Despite this do NOT name a ship Invincible. Its just asking for it to get blown up.

[ June 07, 2004, 20:11: Message edited by: Bill Door ]

[Ragnarok]

103. Never puch the big red button with text saying "do not push this button" unless you want really bad things to happen... Wait a minute, you are an evil ruler, bad things are great. Go ahead, press it!

[Intimidator]

But Bill Door, you can use that as an advantage or counter Intell.

104 Use ships names to deceive the enemy : Frigate 0039, while you actualy have only 10 frigates.

[ June 07, 2004, 20:41: Message edited by: Intimidator ]

[Atrocities]

105. Troops are a cheap expendable and renewable resource. Use and abuse them.

[ June 08, 2004, 06:31: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Atrocities]

106. Drones are useful weapons when deployed against a planet with no defenses.

[Paul1980au]

107. - when SE5 comes out we will have more reasons to add to the evil ruler handbook.

[Power Man]

108 Always maintain Peaceful Partnerships with your neighbors. (At least until your Attack Fleets Of DOOM are ready to go.)

[Bill Door]

(109)Read the Evil Emperor's handbook (http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html) or the Evil Empress Guide (http://nift.firedrake.org/EEmpress.htm).

(110)Re-read and apply the relavant points. Its no good just reading it.

[Alneyan]

*Bumps thread*

110. When considering joining a PBW game, I will strive to be among the first ones to enter the game. It will give me a low player number, making my Empire very visible in the Empire screen. If I happened to be the 20th player in a given game, I would be hidden at the end, and few would even acknowledge my presence there. When the other Empires have seen my portrait staring at them for several years, they will be more prone to accept my hegemony.

111. For the same reason, I will discover all other Empires as soon as possible, so that they will become acquaintances. It will make matters easier when it comes to taking over their worlds. As an added advantage, having a direct relationship with all Empires will allow me to make a general transmission to the whole galaxy. I will then not run the risk of having some Empires hear my speech only thanks to the cousin of the trade partner of their ally. Somehow, information happens to be distorted when it is relayed by several different Empires.

112. If a disaster happens to fall on my Empire, I will remember that bad news travels quicker than anything else discovered by science. Therefore, all parts of the known universe will hear of said disaster in 4.7 nanoseconds after it has occurred. To avoid this, I will censor all communications within my Empire that would possibly refer to a catastrophe, unless approved by myself.

113. Nonetheless, it is very likely my enemies will hear of the destruction of my whole armada, one way or another. That's why I will always have a backup plan ready if I do something more complicated than leaving my regal bed, and then another secret scheme in case the backup fails as well. No other emergency plan is needed; if three different schemes have failed, it means I cannot live up to the title of Evil Overlord.

114. Before sending a formal message to another Empire, I will double check (and triple check; you can never be too cautious) my spelling. It would not do to invent several grammar rules previously not in existence when I pose as an enlightened ruler. Likewise, I would be well advised to question the wisdom of sending a message such as this one: "HaHAha, U noob! U ain't gonna B a match 4 my l33t fLEet!!!" While it might be an exaggeration, the meaning is very clear: I will pay attention to the form of my Messages before sending them.

115. However, I may want to act as the village idiot (notwithstanding the fact that the village in question encompasses half the known universe, and has a population of fifty billion inhabitants) if it suits my purposes. I am to publicly state that Stellar Manipulation is worthless, order the decommission of my whole fleet and decide to live in peace with all other Empires. In short, I will give the impression I am a fool. Then, I will gloat when an enemy fleet enters the supposedly unprotected asteroid belt marking the border of my Empire. They will see the mistake of their ways as they notice that the star in this system is going nova, while at the same moment two hundred dreadnoughts enter their homesystem.


Incidentally, may I ask you to correct two or three typos in my contribution Atrocities? I realised I wrote things along the lines of "fore" as an abbreviation of before, or "such a decision will to lessen". As per rule 115, it is simply not acceptable. I will not nitpick about the differences between American and British spellings though. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[Atrocities]

Great additions. Will update soon.

[Ragnarok]

The numbers can be adjusted for proper placement in the handbook.

Guide to Becoming an Evil Overlord
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord


1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. 4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, ``Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?'' I'll say, ``No.'' and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say ``No.''

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled ``Danger: Do Not Push''. The big red button marked ``Do Not Push'' will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a Last kiss, a Last cigarette, or any other form of Last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence ``But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know.''

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special Cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line ``No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!'' (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have reduntant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say ``And here is the price for failure,'' then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me ``My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?'', I will reply ``This.'' and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says ``I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!'', I will say ``Oh well'' and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask ``Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?'', I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be Banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in Groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk ``Project Overlord'' and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror ``And he must be taken alive!'' The command will be ``And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical.''

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. ``Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse.'' Instead it will be more along the lines of ``Push the button.''

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that bLasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and bLasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

[Suicide Junkie]

116 My portrait will be on the screens of many powerful people. As such, it should have no less than 4 subliminal Messages embedded in it to ensure my dominance.

[Aiken]

117. One of my very first orders will prescribe all imperial fleets to assume formation in honour of my name. This will permanently reminds to my unreliable admirals about Overlord's omniscience and power.
{Kudos to Puke's parade of victory for inspiration}.

[Suicide Junkie]

118 Violence is the Last resort of the stupid. Use violence long before Last resorts are needed.

(courtesy of Ch'vorthq and Tagon (www.schlockmercenary.com))

[Atrocities]

This list has come up before. We wanted the list to be SEIV specific. I think we have links to this list somewhere in the thread.

[Atrocities]

Bump

[Timstone]

How about this one?

#107. Allies are very useful. Send in the fools first, there might be traps ahead.

I hope it makes it into The Handbook.

[Parasite]

119. When receiving a nonsense trade from weaker opponent, (For example a trade of one world for two full systems of your own.) do not refuse it with all your fury. Cut out the accept trade message and paste it into your answer, but click refuse trade. The lift of his moral when he reads the message will make the crash when he realizes he has been duped even more deadly and enjoyable.

[Atrocities]

Sound advise Parasite. And evil.