You Might Be A Red Neck Emperor If:

[Atrocities]

You might be a red neck emperor if:

1. You have 30 war ships and they are all on blocks orbiting your planet.
2. If you attend family reunions for the sole purpose of finding another wife.
3. If you closest ally is your cusins empire in the Ridge runner belt.
4. Your palace is nothing more than an old wrecked alluminum shed.
5. If all of your ships have dirt floors.

[ June 03, 2004, 05:00: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Instar]

ships on blocks? you mean mothballed... ;P
6. your palace has a porch. with old washing machines on it. and 15 cats

[EvilGenius4ABetterTomorro]

7. Your stellar navy uniforms are "Big Foot" space ship crusher wife beater t-shirts that were purchased Last SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! Stone washed blue jeans with Romuland Ale stains, and a Joe Krill cigarette hat.

[EvilGenius4ABetterTomorro]

8. And the codes of grooming allow MULLETTS!!

[primitive]

9: All your speeches start with Howdy y'all.

10: Your honor guards looks like Phongs, but they are your cousins.

11: Your coat of arms is the Confederate flag.

[ June 02, 2004, 23:12: Message edited by: primitive ]

[Atrocities]

12. Your weapons all have names like Spit Gun, Chew luggy, fart bLaster, and burp gun.
13. If you settle disputes over territory at a tractor pull.
14. If your favorate meal is found dead along side the space shipping lanes.
15. If you consider Duck Tape the ultimate repair tool.
16. If your palace has more stellar miles on it than your Flag ship.
17. If your ships hulls are comrised of duck tape and Bondo.
18. If you have 15 wives and they are all related to you by blood.
19. If your mother is also your sister.
20. If the Emperor that came before was killed while drinking a beer and telling fart jokes.

[ June 02, 2004, 23:31: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Arkcon]

21. Your current Galactic Interface System sits on top of your older, non-functioning T.V.


(OK, its not THAT funny, but we really did this when I was a kid... it just seemed logical)

[ June 03, 2004, 00:04: Message edited by: Arkcon ]

[Starhawk]

22: If your declaration of war starts with the lines "Why I odda" or "You dang dirty little".

23: If your Palace is located in the uppetiest (deliberately misspelled) development on the whole planet.

24: If your flagship has a hemy'

25: If your warships all have a "Ford Tough" bumper sticker...

26: IF your warships actually HAVER BUMPERS!

[Caduceus]

27. Atmosphere choices include - tobacco spit, white gravy and co-cola

[Starhawk]

Originally posted by Starhawk:
22: If your declaration of war starts with the lines "Why I odda" or "You dang dirty little".

23: If your Palace is located in the uppetiest (deliberately misspelled) development on the whole planet.

24: If your flagship has a hemy'

25: If your warships all have a "Ford Tough" bumper sticker...

26: IF your warships actually HAVER BUMPERS! <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">27: If your troops battlecry is a rebel yell.

28:If you invite another race's emperor to a cook out to talk about relations........likewise if those relations involve your sister/mother/cousin/aunt/neice.

(edit) 29: If your most powerful and industrious corporation is "The Wal'Mark".

(I sware I actually heard Walmart refered to as "Walmark" by a true hick)

[Atrocities]

24: If your flagship has a hemy'

25: If your warships all have a "Ford Tough" bumper sticker...

26: IF your warships actually HAVER BUMPERS! <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">ROFLMAO - Very funny.

And is it the Walmart or Walmark? (That too is very funny. In fact the list so far is histerical.)

[Atrocities]

30. If your idea of diplomacy involves the use of a shot gun.
31. If your best Suite looks like it was bought at the K-Mart.
32. If your idea of planetary defense is to dump all your garbage in orbit hoping the bad guys run into it.
33. If your Flag ship has an out house in tow.
34. If you refer to diplomatic gatherings as a "Shin'Dig."
35. If your love life involves animals.

[Atrocities]

36. If you ate the alien ambassador who was sent to your planet to make peace.
37. If you named your ship classes after hunting dogs.... Sketer, Rosko, Clyde, etc.

[ June 03, 2004, 05:01: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Paul1980au]

38. You invade all enemies with an immediate declaration of war upon meeting them. No negotitions etc.

(just added the number)

[ June 03, 2004, 20:50: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[General Woundwort]

41. Your resources minister is Jed Clampett.

42. Your diplomatic minister is Jethro Bodine.

43. Your armaments minister is Granny Clampett.

44. Your Confidential Secretary is Elly May.

[geoschmo]

45. By law all planets in your empire have two southern hemispheres.

[MythicalMino]

46. you are your own heir to the throne

47. Your princess is also your queen

48. You take a break from warmongering to watch Dukes of Hazard on Nick at Nite

49. Instead of refitting your troops with the latest Version of the death ray bLaster, you make them keep thier double barrelled shotguns and fillet knifes. Why? Because a Country Boy Can Survive

50. you take over entire worlds just for a good fishing hole

51. Your idea of an outpost is a deer stand

[ June 03, 2004, 21:14: Message edited by: cpbeller ]

[EvilGenius4ABetterTomorro]

52. Your top of the line battle station is a 32 foot Airstream Trailer with a Swamp Cooler on the roof and a bumper sticker that says " If this trailers a rock'n, don't come a knock'n"

(just adjusted the number)


_______________
Isn't it great that the Europeans know what Redneck culture is? And how good they are at identifying it?

[ June 03, 2004, 20:54: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Stone Mill]

53. Your tractor beam is powered by a labrador retreiver. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

54. Your farmer tan is enhanced by multiple stars in your system.

(just adjusted the number)

[ June 03, 2004, 20:54: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Atrocities]

55. You have 300 ships orbiting your planet and none of them work.

56. If an offical military action involves stopping by the local Wal-Mart Planet to pick up shot gun shells and a case of beer.

57. If you consider new Star Ships of the line to be inferior to your rust bucket garbage scow because they have seat bealts for the captains chair.

58. If you believe dental hygen is for the weak races.

59. Your planets number one trade comodity is bull sh**.

60. If you Still Believe the South won the civil war way back on Earth in the yur'in 1969. ( http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif )

[EvilGenius4ABetterTomorro]

61. If you actually call the Civil War "The War of Northern Aggression"

62. Your Queen/wife/sister yells from the balcony/porch/tailgate "DON'T YOU BUY NO UGLY FRIGATE NOW YUH HEAR!"

[Raging Deadstar]

39. When an Alien race steps foot in your borders you pull together your fleets and send a message simply stating "Get Offa Ma Property Ya Varmint!"

40. If you renamed the DU Cannon to the "Boom Stick " http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[Atrocities]

63. If in family marrage is a law in your empire.

64. If you or any member of your family has ever been on one of the following day time shows; Springer, Ohpra, Dr. Phil, etc

65. If you consider every defeat a victory so long as you got to shoot first.

66. If all the star charts in your space have bullet holes in them.

67. If all your planets still use dirt roads as major artierals.

68. If that shinny new Frigate you just bought is uglier than your wife/sister. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Loser]

69. General supplies make sense to you: crew runs on whiskey, engines run on whiskey, guns run on whiskey.

70. Resupply Depot has been renamed The Still.

[Starhawk]

71. You invade a nearbye star cluster because they called your sister/wife a "dirty ho".

72. Although a planet is 100% safe from enemy attack is located right in the heart of your empire they rebel because they "Dun run clean outta whisky".

73. If when said rebellion is crushed for generations to come your empire refers to this time as "Still Wars".

74. You marry the prettiest woman in the whole empire........and she's your sister.

75. If said wife/sister is the prettiest woman in the whole empire because she actually had two teef and no liver spots.

76. Your first contact with an alien race starts with the line "Well ain't you the dangded ugliest little bugger i've ever dun seen." followed by shotgun bLasts...

[EvilGenius4ABetterTomorro]

77. The destroyer U.S.S. Billy Jack can kick your Red Neck Dreadnoughts ***.

78. Your space suit helmets are pointy on the top and have eye holes cut out.

[Thermodyne]

Originally posted by EvilGenius4ABetterTomorro:
77. The destroyer U.S.S. Billy Jack can kick your Red Neck Dreadnoughts ***.
<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">I think that was about bikers not rednecks. Now if the starship was named Deliverance, then we'd be talken bout dem good ol boys http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[Stone Mill]

79.. Your Upgrade Facilities command has a "Double-Wide" option.

[Atrocities]

80. If you have had to put people in jail for breaking the law against having sex with animals.

81. If the suite your waring now is the same suite you were waring Last year and you it has never been washed.

82. If you are given a state of the art, 100% operational, billion dollar communication system and you sell it six weeks later at a planetary garage sale for $200.00 bucks and then use that money to buy an inferior model that is ten years old.

83. If you ripped out the back seat of your ground transport vehical so you can haul live stock.

84. If your palace is also your barn.

85. If you regularly buy and sell crap at the galatic flea market.

86. If you are given a brand new star ship and within six weeks have completely turned it into a POS garbage scow rust bucket. Complete with a foot deep layer of trash in all the corridors because your redneck crew refuse to put their trash in to the trash recepticals.

87. If you have statues of Gomer Pile in all your capitols.

88. If all your radio stations play country music and only country music.

89. If your mothers idea of fresh milk is you going out to the barn, the room next store, and milking the goat.

90. If your father is often seen headin into the Goat pin with a jar of vasoline and an ear to ear grin on his face. "I'm go'in ta gets me summm."

[ June 04, 2004, 20:25: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Cheeze]

91. Your repair ships use Bondo.....and lots of it!!

92. Every ship has a mascot. Nearly all are good huntin' dogs. Some however, are coons, gators, or a specially stupid Jraenar captured in the Last war.

93. All warships come designed with a gun rack.

94. First encounters: *BANG* "Halt or I'll shoot!!"

95. Ships go three speeds: Fast, Faster and YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by Cheeze:


95. Ships go three speeds: Fast, Faster and YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">R O F L M A O - Damn funny. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Stone Mill]

96. Your cabinet ministers are Larry, Darryl, and Darryl.

97. Your royal palace collapsed due to planetary bombing... and several dogs were crushed under the front porch.

98. All these years your crazy neighbors claimed to be abducted by aliens... and now you believe them when you are assigned to a work camp in Xiria IX. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[Starhawk]

99. Your biggest best warship is also your biggest best barn/brothel.

100. Your idea of interspecies relations is hitting on the phong patriarch's "cute" daughter.

100. Your the Emperor/Plummer/Sherrif/Handy Man and everyone just calls you Larry/Leon/Bubba/Roy.

101. You stop building your mighty starnavy when you reach 30 starships because you can't remember what comes after 30...

102. If you and everyone in your empire actually know who the Clampets are.

[ June 05, 2004, 00:59: Message edited by: Starhawk ]

[Atrocities]

103. If your planets Pacification Center is little more than a giant green bug zapper. (Think about it.)

104. If your Flag Ships name is General Lee.

105. If the first thing your explores do when they find and land on a new planet is to take a "pee."

106. If the USS in your ship names stands for United Sud Suckers.

107. If your race is also known as the Monobrows.

[ June 05, 2004, 06:40: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Atrocities]

I have to ask, do any of you find this list to be hilarious? I can't stop laughing at some of the entries.

[Randallw]

I wouldn't say hilarious. I have no knowledge of the subject. They seem entertaining enough.

[mottlee]

AT....you have WAY too much free time.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[Raging Deadstar]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
I have to ask, do any of you find this list to be hilarious? I can't stop laughing at some of the entries. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">I'm only laughing at a couple of these because i can see similarities where i live http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif It seems it's not just an American thing http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[sachmo]

104. You are from Texas. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif


http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by Randallw:
I wouldn't say hilarious. I have no knowledge of the subject. They seem entertaining enough. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">I have no time on my hands and if any says I do well they are just trying to frame me!

[minipol]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
I have to ask, do any of you find this list to be hilarious? I can't stop laughing at some of the entries. <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">yeah, to me them Messages is all funny. Y'all would be good if them's writin' some more of them.

[Lord_Shleepy]

108. You call Dial-A-Ride to transport your elite shock troops into battle.

109. You cause conditions on your enemies' planets to deteriorate by throwing beer cans on their front yards and denting their mail boxes as you speed by in your noisy, rusted, battle cruiser.

Edit: Nag dab it sachmo...you used the wrong number! Tsk tsk...

[ June 09, 2004, 19:53: Message edited by: Lord_Shleepy ]

[EvilGenius4ABetterTomorro]

110. For a few turns your planets production is set for Pabst Blue Ribbon!

[Atrocities]

111. If your section of the Galaxy is call the Bible Belt.
112. If you spend top dollar on a new battle cruiser only to take it into the nastiest section of space thus totalling it and then demand you money back because it wasn't really Ford Tough.
113. You won't buy weapons or ships made by them there Europeans or them Asian folks.

[ June 09, 2004, 23:41: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Suicide Junkie]

114 Your cruiser's only weapon mount is the gun rack in the back.

115 Your ship's trade value varies with the amount of supplies in the tank.

116 The Last ever transmission from one of your warships was "Hey, y'all watch this!"

[ June 10, 2004, 03:24: Message edited by: Suicide Junkie ]

[Atrocities]

Originally posted by Suicide Junkie:
114 Your cruiser's only weapon mount is the gun rack in the back.

115 Your ship's trade value varies with the amount of supplies in the tank.

116 The Last ever transmission from one of your warships was "Hey, y'all watch this!" <font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">ROFLMAO "Hey y'all watch this!" SJ I am laughing and laughing. And the Gun rack one is so damn funny I darn near choked when reading it.

[Loser]

Originally posted by Cheeze:
92. Every ship has a mascot. Nearly all are good huntin' dogs. Some however, are coons, gators, or a specially stupid Jraenar captured in the Last war.<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">This one made me laugh real hard. Roommates don't get it, but it's great.

I'm picturing the Jraenar, and the prepetually perplexed look on its face.

[ June 10, 2004, 04:02: Message edited by: Loser ]

[Atrocities]

117. You had your empires creedo and emblem tatooted onto your chest by your buddy who does tatooing out of his kitchen.

118. Your empires creedo is: "wHokked oon Foniks wirkd foar mea."

119. After having your buddy tattoo your empires creedo onto your chest, you discover he misspelled the word "foar". It should have been spelt like'n the number four. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ June 10, 2004, 07:00: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Ragnarok]

120. You are looking for some real excitement but you cannot find a pond in space to take your orange Abbidon cruiser to jump across and trash only to do it again the next week.

[sachmo]

121. The Royal Family tree does not fork.

[Sivran]

122. You use solar sails made of tin foil 'n "duck tape"

123. You demand that all your nifty devices have lots of "shiney bits" and blinking lights.

124. Your people tame young space monsters, and use them as transportation.

125. Your biggest station is named "Ol' Homestead"

[Atrocities]

126. The Last time you ate crow you considered it a delicasy.

127. All of your war ships have huge rubber tires mounted on them for "driving over the enemy."

128. All of your war ship have deer heads mounted on the forward part of the exterior hull. Yeee Hawwww.

129. You dilibrately bombard alien planets to watch them there critters run.

130. The Last time you cleaned your gun, someone accidently died.

[Atrocities]

I will post these for those who are interested.

[Atrocities]

You Might Be A Red Neck Emperor If: (http://www.astmod.com/redneckemperor.htm)

[minipol]

Hehe very good lines in here http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Joachim]

So, when do we see the Redneck shipset and speech files???

[Atrocities]

I wouldn't even know where to begin on such a thing as this. What would the Battleship be? A rusted out broken down 1955 chevy PU with broken AP guns?

[primitive]

Just take some odd ships from your existing sets and give them a rust n’ duct-tape texture http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Here is an infantry pick.
http://av.rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=AskViAH0l.M7AKATUVlI3qaHBqMX;_ylu=X3oDMTBwanI ybjRqBHBndANhdHdfaW1nX3Jlc3VsdARzZWMDc3I-/SIG=12ee6pqe4/**http%3a//www.boomersfunnies.com/Pictures/Redneck%2520special%2520forces.jpg

[Atrocities]

Primitive, that is a great troop image. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Atrocities]

Click to view the: Complete List (http://www.astempire.net/redneckemperor.htm)