a piece of pizza in a box

[narf poit chez BOOM]

*FWUP*

don't worry, it's a humane human trap. the researcher will be around shortly.

[Taz-in-Space]

..."Chew - munch - Gulp!" Ahhh, Taz love pizza!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Whaaa? Taz in trap??!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon8.gif

"Whirr - Spin - Crack."

Sorry about trap, but Taz see cheese pizza now!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[narf poit chez BOOM]

*repizza's the trap and makes trap stronger*

[Jack Simth]

Hang on - there is a trap under this pizza! Hmm....

*Sets trap off with stick (the stick gets stuck, but that's okay), takes pizza from now harmless trap*

Have a nice day!

[narf poit chez BOOM]

it's a box trap. your stuck. now get out of the other trap, this isn't a quantum study.
*restocks pizza*

[ May 13, 2003, 07:22: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Jack Simth]

In that case, I still have the stick

*Props open trap, leaves*

[narf poit chez BOOM]

*takes the stick out of the trap and makes it a one-way airlock system. except for him. makes it take a master key, which he keeps. makes some notes.*

[General Woundwort]

"Woundwort to O'Brien... energise."

(Beams into airlock. Eats pizza.)

"Excellent pizza, Narf." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

"O'Brien... energise."

(Beams out of airlock)

NEXT! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[Krsqk]

/me sniffs around looking for pizza. Finding only crumbs, he detonates a thermonuclear device to express his frustration.

Oh, wait, that's the Bar Trek world. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Growltigger]

Krsqk, as Captain Elect of the TSSS Phong's Head and doyenne of the "Bar Trek" world, I resent that remark about us resorting to thermonuclear weaponry everytime we are frustrated by any little thing...

Check out the current state of the first episode of Bar Trek, and you will see that we have instead resorted to about 2000 assorted Liz Hurley, Liv Tyler, Salma Hayek, Britney Spears and Shania Twain clones fighting each other in mud whilst naked...

Less environmentally catastrophic than nuclear weaponry, but still, throw in some of the regulars on Bar Trek and you might just have developed a new "Big Bang" theory...

Growltigga inspects the box and the pizza underneath it, picks up his trusty Husquevarna chainsaw and steps under box. Trap is triggered and all that can be heard are happy sounds of munching, closely followed by the chainsaw revving up. Growltigga cuts his way out of the box and says "Cheers Narf, but next time can you not put pineapple on the pizza, there is no excuse for that"

[geoschmo]

Indiana Geoschmo approached the Pizaa box trap warily. He pauses for a moment to regain control his breathing and take stock of his suroundings. This was the moment he had worked for all these years. The Pizza Box would finally be his. But only if he could defeat the nefarious device that he knew was protecting it.

He studied the pedastal intently, trying to divine it's inner workings. It was similer to many of the other Pizza box traps he had faced in his years as world famous adventurer and expert in food antiquities. He thought about the time he almost fell to the devious Aztec Calzone wheel of death. He would have to be more careful this time.

Indiana Geoschmo scratched his four day old beard and pulled a small bag from a loop on his pack. He held it in his left hand feeling it's weight as he studied the Pizza box before him, mentally comparing the two. He reached into he bag and pulled out a handful of sand and let it sprinkle through his fingers to the floor.

Finally satisfied the two were equal, he took the Last half-step towards the pedestal. He held his breath and made the switch with a smooothness that showed his years of practice. Removing the Pizza Box from the trap while simultaneously replacing it with the perfectly balanced bag of sand.

He held his breath, but nothing happened. Indiana Geoschmo smiled and turned to leave the cavern. Before he took two steps he felt a low rumble and heard the sounds of stones grinding agaisnt one another. He looked back over his shoulder to see the pedastal that once held the Pizza Box starting to descend into the floor.

Indiana Geoschmo knew he may have only moments to live as he dashed for the exit out of the cavern. Would he make it out alive? Would he live to collect his reward for recovering the lost Pizza Box?

[dogscoff]

*dogscoff enters trap. Eats pizza, but still isn't satisfied. He begins munching happily on the box.

Was there tuna on that pizza? I can taste fish...

[Ragnarok]

*Ragnarok sees the box from a few yards away and notices that others are getting trapped. So he decides to keep his distance. He begins digging a hole and after an hour or four he digs out of the groun inside the box and eats the pizza, he proceeds to leave through his hole happy he beat the trap.* http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[narf poit chez BOOM]

clipboard notes: geo fails to make it out of the box. however, at the rate dogscoff is eating the box, not to mention ragnoraks hole, neither of them are going to be in there long.

fills up ragnoraks hole, repairs the box, reinforces the box with steel bars. puts more pizza in the box.

[Gryphin]

Looks at the termoil below.
Locks in cordinates in transporters
Beems pizza directly to oven to be warmed
Beems it to my table when ready.
Enjoys pizza

[narf poit chez BOOM]

how come the other ones closed?

[Loser]

*Dons gray jumpsuit, mullet, headband*
*Approaches trap in unnatural prone crawl*
*Acquires box, adds box to inventory*
*Switches 'object in use' from Diazepam to BOXA*
*Sneaks off unseen, cleverly disguised as cardboard box*

[geoschmo]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
how come the other ones closed?<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Why do you need two? I assumed it was an accidental mispost and closed it. It was confusing to have two nearly identical threads.

Geoschmo

[Desdinova]

Agent Double-Oh Oh sees box with pizza. Confidently walks up to it, the trap springs and Agent Double-OH OH is trapped. Unconcerned about this event he takes a sample and puts in portable analyzer to check for toxins. Finding none he proceeds to eat pizza, as a result of this he puts on a few pounds. After eating two slices he recalls earlier conversation with M and remembers he must fight free radicals. Walks to the lock and studies it, then reaches for his trusty lock picks only to find them missing. after searching around he notices them lying on the ground OUTSIDE the trap well out of reach. Not a problem, he still has his handy-dandy laser cutting watch. he aims the laser at the lock and pushes the on button, after 2 seconds the laser shuts off. Agent Double-Oh Oh looks at his watch and realizes the battery died. (at that moment he sees this pink bunny banging a drum go by and hears from out of nowhere "STILL GOING AND GOING AND GOING...") Next he takes off the heel of his shoe and pulls out a charge of pLastic explosive from its antistatic bag, replaces heel of shoe, stretches detonator from watch to explosive, and places in lock. He moves the required distance away from explosive, then remembers his battery is dead. Agent Double-Oh Oh proceeds to search the box for other ways out but doesnt find any. In frustration he pulls out his cell phone and calls Uncle Q. After a short wait Agent Double-Oh Seven arrives in his new Astin Martin, takes Agent Double-Oh Oh's lock picks and hands them to him, gives him a stern lecture and drives off to meet his russian contact. Leaving Agent Double-Oh Oh in the cage to get himself out. Taking his lockpicks he goes to the cages lock and angrily sticks them in to try and pick the lock. The pick hits the side of the lock and a causes a spark of electricity which sets off the explosive charge. While this does open the lock it also causes severe damage to Agent Double-Oh Oh. After being rescued and sent to the hospital it is determined that the damage is too severe to repair. He has lost his right eye, his right arm and both legs plus his hearing. M recalls a U.S. special project and ships Agent Double-Oh Oh, and the pizza, to the OSS in the United States. M is heard to make the remark "Let the bloody yanks deal with him!".

next scene is a surgery unit in some unknown location in the United States. The Doctor in charge is saying "Gentlemen we can rebuild him. We have the .............."

[ May 13, 2003, 21:38: Message edited by: DESDINOVA ]

[narf poit chez BOOM]

well, *looks at clipboard* i'm trying to determine the mice/human porportion here. unfortunatly my subjects keep running off on me.

fixes trap, repizza's trap, makes it transporter-proof. adds bLast shielding. improves lock.

if the other ones annoying just keep it closed.

current inhabitants:
geoschmo
dogscoff

[ May 13, 2003, 21:43: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Alpha Kodiak]

Dazed and confused, Alpha Kodiak takes a break from staring at indecypherable BizTalk HIPAA Accelerator sample maps. At that moment his subconscious programmer's mind locks on to the scent of pizza. Without thinking he grabs the slice of pizza and fails to notice the trap spring on him. He begins to walk back to his desk, dragging the trap and all those in it back to his desk. Once he arrives at his desk, he dimly realizes that he can't see the monitor because of the box. Unsure what to do, he decides to take a nap....

[narf poit chez BOOM]

chains the box to the floor. it's now in kodiak's cubicle.

occupants:
geoschmo
dogscoff
kodaik.

[ May 13, 2003, 23:15: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Jack Simth]

*Wandering through Alpha Kodiak's office, Jack spots an odd device of high teck, and calls a friend on an unsecured cell-phone to tell about this strange thing.*

*A local "mechanic" overhears the conversation on his "special radio", triangulates on the location, and calls his, um, "crew"*

*The "crew" comes by with a bunch of power tools, reduces the box to its constituent parts, and carts them away for either parts (sensors that can distinguish individuals, the computer that runs them, good locks) or scrap (chain, bLast shielding, other metal parts), leaving nothing but the box's inhabitants and the pizza.*

*Jack blinks, ends the phone conversation, and walks away very quickly and very quietly.*

That's the problem with high-tech traps - they have valuable parts....

[narf poit chez BOOM]

quickly throws another box over the inhabitants that's the same as the Last one, pizza's it, and adds 50,000 volt traps for mechanics.

occupants:
geoschmo
dogscoff
kodiak
new:
katchoo

[ May 14, 2003, 00:29: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Katchoo]

Having witnessed other people's attempts to attain the sacred Pizza, Katchoo devises a plan so cunning, so evil, so diabolical, that it permantantly warps the minds of all those who grasp it's existance.

Unfortunately, Katchoo gets distracted by the spinning motion of a ceiling fan above him and promptly forgets his scheme. Gazing upon the box once more, Katchoo promptly gets ensnared with the others.

Katchoo (addressing the others in the box): "So....anyone up for a game of Twister? I brought the baby oil."

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

[Alpha Kodiak]

Alpha Kodiak wakes up from his nap and, now refreshed, recognizes his situation. After pondering for a moment, he takes the obligatory diet coke from his desk and pours a few drops into the lock's key hole. He makes a chain of paper clips and sticks one end into the key hole. After carefully wrapping the lock in duct tape to protect the occupants of the trap, he attaches the other end of the paper clip chain to the 50000 volt anti-mechanic trap. He then sets off the trap, causing the diet coke in the lock to instantly vaporize, blowing the lock to pieces. Thanks to the duct tape, no one in the trap is injured. He then opens the box and steps out, looks at the BizTalk Mapper still open on his screen, climbs back in the box, closes it and goes back to sleep.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

runs offscreen fast, runs back, replaces the 50,000 volt mechanic protection but only on the outside. runs offscreen, runs back, replaces the lock. falls aspleep for 30 minutes.
occupants:
same.

[ May 14, 2003, 00:36: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Kamog]

I smell some pizza... the smell is coming from this big armored box but I can't figure out how to get in!

[TerranC]

Well, a Null space cannon's one way; although it might get into the cheese...

[narf poit chez BOOM]

one-way double airlock system. 2 doors+ridges on floor

what, i'm not tied up and stuffed in the box yet? i'm disapointed. oh well, i'm awake re: back from non-forum stuff now

have to go through here and keep a list of all the improvements to the box.

[ May 14, 2003, 02:51: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Taera]

Bug comes in, sees aliens all around some box. After short but useless attempts to get in bug simply snatches the pizza while partially remaining outside. With a *THUNK* the box tries to close... and gets stuck on the rigid chitin. happy, the bug munches on pizza and walks away, buzzing.
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[narf poit chez BOOM]

it's a double airlock.

occupants:
geoschmo
dogscoff
kodiak
katchoo
taera

[Suicide Junkie]

A double airlock would be excessive.

A simple airlock still has two doors, and the inner one only opens if the outer one is closed.

Of course, no matter how many airlocks you have, you can't prevent people from waiting for someone to come in...

1) hapless soul #1 comes in looking for pizza.
2) as inner door opens to let him in, the gang piles into the airlock with pizza in hand.
3) when hapless soul #2 comes along, the inner door closes, the outer door opens to let him in, and he gets stampeded by the departing ex-trapees.

A double airlock merely requires twice as many hapless souls to wander in.

[ May 14, 2003, 03:29: Message edited by: Suicide Junkie ]

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz need more pizza! Hmmm, only one pizza box left!


Taz studies trap...is much improved!


Taz sighs and reluctantly starts up long dorment
brain...a humming noise is noticed - rapidly building up to a high roar. Suddenly a sputtering noise is heard. Quickly the roar dies to a whisper and the all is again silent...

Knew I should have checked my sugar (brain fuel) level. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Is OK however; that brief moment of power gave Taz an idea! (Make note of time, date, & place - is miracle!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif )

Reaching deep into his pockets (Of course Taz's have pockets, just don't ask where...)Taz pulls out his ACME Hand-held Time Machine.
Taz stands next to box and sets it for two days ago. Box disappears as Taz goes back in time.
He then walks to where box will be and presses the return button.
Taz materializes beside the pizza within the box.
Quickly grabbing the pizza, he again goes back in time.
Taz then walks out of box area and again hits the return to present button.
Mmmmm goood, Narf sure knows his pizza!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

As Taz walks slowly out of Kodiak's cubical, he 'helps' Kodiak but pressing the power button.
(No need to thank me Kodiak, you obviously didn't mean to leave the power on while you're not working! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif )

[Dingocat85]

The vivacious Dingo-cat had heard legends of the legendary piece of pizza, guarded by The Box: a security system so unbelievably complex & high-tech, it cost more than the yearly budget of most Neutral Empires.

But where many others had failed, Dingocat would succeed. Dingocat approaches the box with caution, until situated exactly 4 spaces away from the pizza, and 2 spaces away from the infamous Box.

Pulling out a Tractor Beam II, Dingocat fires it at the pizza slice and hits on first shot - it is close range, ya know. Due to the laws of time & space governing Tractor Beams, the slice does not go crashing into Dingocat, but instead stops just before impact.
The minimal damage caused by the Tractor Beam makes the cheese all warm and gooey http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif ... Dingocat enjoys the swiped pizza slice, and goes home happy http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[narf poit chez BOOM]

it's a reinforced box with steel bars, teleport proofing, quick-closing doors and a 50,000 volt anti-*mechanic* device. yeah, i got a bit confused. single airlock, which has 2 doors. so dingocats have delusions and doesn't have any pizza.

adds temporal shielding. changes the double doors to transporters and walls. transporter, wall, transporter, wall.
cooks another pizza and eats it. hey, why should you be getting all the pizza?

[ May 14, 2003, 05:06: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Chronon]

Chronon, currently traveling with Zaphod Beeblebrox in the Heart of Gold, suddenly smells pizza. "Zaphod, do you smell pizza?" he asks.
"Yeah, man, we've just appeared in some kind of strange box with a pizza, and some really weird aliens," Zaphod replies. "Which reminds me, I'm hungry. Marvin, could you come here please?"
"I suppose you want me to go and get the pizza for you," says Marvin dejectedly.
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"All this computing power, and what do they want? A servant. Marvin, open the door, Marvin, get the pizza, Marvin, deactivate the traps..."
"Did he say something about traps?" asks Chronon.
"Yeah, whatever..." replies Zaphod.
Marvin exits the Heart of Gold, disarms the traps, and retrieves the pizza.
"Thanks Marvin," mumbles Chronon, mouth full of pizza.
"Hey, this would go great with a Pan-Galactic Gargle BLaster," muses Zaphod, reaching for a glass.
Eddie the shipboard computer, re-engages the Infinite Improbability Drive and the Heart of Gold disappears...

[Kamog]

Hmm, I think I'll stay away... As delicious as it might be, I'm not going to risk being trapped in there just for a piece of pizza. I can just go to the pizza restaurant down the street and buy an entire pizza for about $10. I might be more motivated to go into the box if there were something more significant in there. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Fyron]

Fyron walks up to the box. He casts a spell of metal-shaping on it, and forms a large hole. Luckily, he was far enough back that the stampede of escaping victims does not crush him. He goes in, grabs the pizza, and walks out.

[ May 14, 2003, 06:35: Message edited by: Imperator Fyron ]

[Katchoo]

All those who approach the box hear a song wallowing from within. It's a song of despair and sorrow, sung with a deep voice:

"
Nooooobody knows,
the trouble i've seen,
Nooooobody knows,
but Jesus...
"

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

The sound of a tin can clattering against metal bars can also be heard from within...

*tink*tink*tink*

May the Schwartz be with you http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[Fyron]

You can escape from the hole I made! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Dingocat85]

Originally posted by Taz-in-Space:
...Taz pulls out his ACME Hand-held Time Machine.
Taz stands next to box and sets it for two days ago. Box disappears as Taz goes back in time.
He then walks to where box will be and presses the return button.
Taz materializes beside the pizza within the box.
Quickly grabbing the pizza, he again goes back in time.
Taz then walks out of box area and again hits the return to present button.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">...until he realized the time machine was an ACME product - made by a corporation that had kept its third-rate merchandise in stores through sleazy political machinations and bribery. The Time machine malfunctions: Taz gets transported to the present inside the box, with no pizza and trapped with everyone else...until Fyron warps the box and lets everyone run willy nilly out of the box, that is. The pizza goes over a time-space anomaly at the exact point Taz gets an idea, thereby keeping the whole Time-travel fiasco from ever happening. Lastly, the time machine goes back to the moment it was born...but since it never was born, it ceases to exist entirely http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

(That's what I get for reading articles about time-space continuums and corporate scandals... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif )

[narf poit chez BOOM]

if there going to escape, there going to have escape themselves. they can use holes created by other people, you just can't say they escaped, that would be to easy. marvin didn't do anything about the one-way, transporters so no pizza for him. and the traps are for people who try to disassemble the box. whole pizza to.

narf runs into the room and patches the hole with reinforced wall-in-a-tube. he then adds anti-metal shaping shielding, an attached bathroom and a water bottle. adds another pizza.

no fair posting while i'm posting. anyway, any action which could succeed, does. since the walls are bLast-proof, you can't bLast them. but, the reinforcement doesn't totaly stop main force, although you'd have to be stronger than taz. that's the type of rules i've been running this by.

occupants:
geoschmo
dogscoff
kodiak
katchoo
taera

[ May 14, 2003, 07:09: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Fyron]

Fyron casts a spell of disintegration upon the walls. As there is no bLasting involved, he succeeds, and the walls disintegrate. He watches as the prisoners stare dumbfounded-ly at the lack of box as he grabs the pizza and runs away.

[Gwaihir]

Gwaihir walk in, sees the box, smells the pizza, because a well known physical law states that pizza can be smelled from anywhere within a two room radius, no matter how large the room or how well contained the pizza. This fact still puzzles researchers, some of whom feel that this is the key to understanding the Big Bang.

Thinking of the Big Bang gives Gwaihir an idea. He pulls out his handy Tnuctipun gun, sets it to "total conVersion" (yes, this appeared in an animated star trek episode, but i am using the original Known Space info, not the slightly altered Version Niven used for Star Trek, which said the gun was slaver tech - - - y'all should read known space books, they = tres cool) Anyhow, he then steps back as far as he can, ie outside the building and several blocks away, uses a normal setting to bLast a hole in the inteceding parts of the building to give a line of sight to the box, and then gives as short a burst as he can, converting a tiny bit of the side of the box directly from matter to energy, resulting in an enormous explosion. He then returns to the box, and finds that he overjudged the thickness slightly - the explosion vented far too much inside, and the pizza is spread across the wreckaged of the box, mixed with white hot metal. It now has nice meaty toppings, though! if only they weren't quite so overcooked . . .

As he is about to grab some of the least cooked toppings, two eyes pop open in the blackened mess, and it groans, prompting several other pairs of eyes to open. Realizing that he forgot an important principle of cartoon physiobiology, Gwaihir glances around, finds the sprinkler system, and whips a large mallet out of the air over the characters, which is glistening with cartoon potential energy. He smashes the sprinkler, and the blackened, squashed characters sigh with relief as they sizzle back to their normal shapes. While they recover, Gwaihir leaves, trying to come up with a better way to break the security next time.

edit:
Gwaihir also runs into Fyron outside, also leaving, and realizes that he has just been a victim of post simultaneity, in which two wholly different events occurred in the same place at the same time, but the separate legs of the troUsers of time ended up going into the same sock. He runs away before any strange effects take hold.

[ May 14, 2003, 07:39: Message edited by: Gwaihir ]

[Fyron]

Fyron watches as the fabric of space-time around him begins to crumble. Having mastered the arts of chronomancy long ago, Fyron is not afraid of what may come next.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

nobody post. gotta fix fast!

dodging bits of exploding space-time, narf stumbles accross his lab/kodaik's office, desperatly searching for it. WHAM! table! narf shoves off the table, barely avoiding, by accident, a blue bit. explosions shake the bulding, and peices of building and bits space-time continuim fly by him. peices of building intersect bits of space-time continium and are anialated! narf dodges, dips and weaves, but the scarf is only for emergencies. he comes to the door of his lab, and plungles on. an explosion rocks the building and narf slams against the wall. narf staggers up and clutches his ribs, but keeps on going except in front of him there's a pit. wipping out the scarf, he throws it around the light fixture and careenes accros the room. landing staggering, he puts out his hands to catch himself against the wall then moves right over to the door. at the end of the room, not affected yet by the bits and peices, which are mostly still in the other room is a lever. narf staggers into the room and drops and rolls to avoid a bit, then pulls the lever marked reset down 4 no 5 Posts, dodges a lightsaber bLast. everything is reset to the state of my Last post.

[ May 14, 2003, 08:18: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Dingocat85]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
since the walls are bLast-proof, you can't bLast them.<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">"This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a bLaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized time."

Dingocat powers up a lightsaber, and cuts through the walls
***WORN***

*Turns off Lightsaber*

Ahhh, a whole pizza. May use the newly installed bathroom, while I'm at it http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif
-----------------
-----------------
Edit: Darn this disintegrating space-time continuum! By the time I finished with my lightsaber, Gwaihir & Fyron had already stolen the pizza twice...meaning there should be a negative 2 pizza deficiency http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Edit-Edit: Space-time continuum already been fixed...The stuff I did happened in between narf repairing the continuum, and having fixed it...which means my lightsaber antics have become nothing more than a possible alternate reality that never happened http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

[ May 14, 2003, 08:27: Message edited by: Dingocat85 ]

[narf poit chez BOOM]

space-time continuim is fixed.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

please do not post now. i cannot run frantically around the lab if i'm asleep.

[Fyron]

Fyron contemplates his next move to foil Narf's plan. A light bulb goes off. Fyron casts a sleep spell on narf to take no chances. He then casts levitate on the slumbering Narf, and then casts a summon monster spell. He has the monster push narf into airlock one. Then, the monster pushes narf past airlock two, and vanishes. Now, the slumbering narf is INSIDE his box trap! Muahahahahha!

[Gwaihir]

Before anyone else grabs the idea, Gwaihir returns to the stasis box that the gun came in, but this time, slight differences in the quantum state of the universe cause him to realize the dangers of using the gun, and he devises a different plan.

He gets himself a nice fast ship, fitted with a very low-gain, but high powered ramscoop, and carefully plots a course. scribbling some calculations, he figures out how long it will take to speed out to the sun at maximum acceleration, slingshot around through the outer layers to gain maximum benefit from scooping and igniting the solar gases, and attaches the stasis case to the ship with a shaped thermonuclear separation charge. he then sets the timer device on the stasis box, and gets in it, taking along some battle armor and a lot of compact climing gear. He closes the box, turning it on and triggering the autopilot sequence he programmed into the ship.

The ship aligns itself carefully, checks the latest satellite data on solar flare activity to fine tune the flight path, and lights its engines. It accelerates far beyond their design capacities, causing them to burn out one by one, but this ship wasn't going to fly again anyway.

As it hurtles into the sun's outer atmosphere, the ship turns on its ramscoop. Imstead of the standard huge magnetic funnel, this scoop has only a small, heavily shielded frontal port to scoop in the fuel, which is far denser here than in deep space. even so, the ramscoop drive begins to overheat rapidly, flooded well beyond capacity with already-ignited hydrogen. Just as the ship is about to break up, the required speed is reached, and the thermonuclear device detonates, propelling the stasis chamber along the flight path at insane speeds while the rest of the ship disintegrates. As the stasis chamber flies out from the sun, it slows, losing the energy it gained by flying at the sun, but keeping the speed gained from the engine burn, ramscoop thrust, and the thermonuclear bLast, so that the planetary defense cannons don't even see the small object, masked as it is by the sun right behind it, until it is too late to fire. Not that they could do it any harm, but the aim must be precise.

The stasis chamber tears down through the atmosphere, lighting up the night sky as though it were noon, because everyone knows that all dramatic meteor-like objects can only fall at night, even when they are coming directly from the sun, which in non-dramatic settings is on the daytime side of a planet . . .

and the impact sends a sound like a thunderclap around the city, as the kinetic energy of the projectile is released to explosive heat. Fortunately, the object is small enough that this blas only demolishes the building, dropping the incredibly strong box to the ground, where it is hit (because everyone also knows that falling objects always get a chance to hit the ground, regardless of the fact that they fall from a standing start and their pursuers, only a few feet away, are usually moving several times the speed of sound) by the mass screaming down from the sky, which has slowed just enough that the force punches through the plating on the top, goes out the bottom and burrows a few hundred feet into the ground with only a minor secondary kinectic explosion. The pizza is saved from the shower of dirt because the solid ground below the several feet of crumbled concrete debris under the box is a much more solid impediment than the wall of the box, and it creates a third explosion that throws the box into the air just in time for the dirt and debris to blow out underneath of it.

67.5 seconds later, the stasis box turns off, and Gwaihir emerges, in full battle armor. He takes temperature and radiataion readings, smiles, and fires several grapnels out of the hole, reeling himself up once they latch on. He then calls his ship to the location, and while waiting for it to arrive, snatches the pizza, which is sizzling lightly, dripping delicious melted cheese. He opens his battle armor helmet to take a victorious bite . . .

and the sprinkler system which was preserved by the cosmic irony force finally sputters into life, with one bent nozzle firing directly into his face. Fortunately, Gwaihir is able to close the pizza box and fire his bLaster at the pipe, melting it closed, before any damage occurs.

His ship arrives, and he stomps on board, his combat suit now sloshing and squelching with every step. When he removes it, he knows that as he pulls off the leg section, enough water will pour out to fill the entire suit, despite the fact that he is clearly occupying most of the space, and his boots will contain approximately twice their volume in water. This is true in every universe, cartoon and non-cartoon alike. But the pizza is safe, and as his ship departs, it snags the stasis box with a magnetic grapple, ripping it out of the hole and reeling it into the cargo hold for future adventures. Being the cautious sort, Gwaihir irradiates the compartment with the box open, vents it to space for a while, then goes into the hold to personally check it over, first in full armor with the hold exposed to vacuum, then with only a biosuit in a repressurized hold. He contemplates bouncing it off of the sun or sending it on a slingshot trip through again, to be safe, but decides against it for the moment. he puts the half of the pizza he didn't eat in the box and closes it, turning on the stasis field, so that he can have warm and sizzling pizza fresh at a moment's notice. He makes a note to try this with other foods, and puzzles at the fact that he can STILL SMELL THE PIZZA throughout the ship, despite the stasis field's complete freezing of all activity even below the atomic level. This supports his budding theory that pizza is entangled with a force even mightier than the galactic force of irony, and ponders how to tap that potential . . .

edit:
Fyron, we seem to be consistently tangling the troUsers of time. however, thinking back, Gwaihir recalls seeing someone among the pile of unconscious people in that box who looked a bit like Narf, but of course, that couldn't be right, since Narf would never get stuck in his own box . . . would he? ah well, it is of no importance, Gwaihir was in a hurry, and he must continue pondering the pizza paradox.

[ May 14, 2003, 09:18: Message edited by: Gwaihir ]

[Fyron]

Narf kept asking why noone tied him up and threw him in the box, so I had to humor him. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Gwaihir]

oh but of course! if you hadn't, i would have had to. But i was too busy being messy with high energy projectiles and all . . . http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ May 14, 2003, 09:42: Message edited by: Gwaihir ]

[Stone Mill]

::: Elvis shuffles toward the box.
"mmmmm... pizza... " http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
Elvis notices he is somewhat out of breath. His sequin jacket is kind of tight. Not good tight, like in his swingin' days... but tightly stretched over his profound gut.
"I'm not really hungry. I don't need to eat that pizza. And it's not even pepperoni. "
He tries to break away. He yells a bit louder.
"I said I don't want that there pizza! Especially cuz I know it's a trap, baby!"
Elvis battles his inner hunger demons... a process which happens to make him... very hungry. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif :::

[ May 14, 2003, 15:20: Message edited by: Stone Mill ]

[Loser]

*still in grey jumpsuit, mullet, headband, Loser runs up to The King, his feet not quite staying on the same piece of floor as he runs*
"Don't do it Elvis!"
*hands Elvis Diazepam, BOXA, CIGS*
"Play."

[Alpha Kodiak]

Alpha Kodiak, sensing that the BizTalk Mapper is no longer threatening him, decides it is time to leave the box. He therefore unleashes his most fearsome power (albeit one that usually operates anyway, without his conscious effort). Within the aura of Alpha Kodiak, all electronic devices, all computerized hardware and software, and all mechanical devices fail. There is no visible reason for it, but they simply fail. All security devices on the box deactivate, The lock pops open and falls to the ground. Alpha Kodiak steps out of the box, free at Last. Unfortunately, the door to his office is also affected by his aura, and is jammed shut....

[geoschmo]

Indiana Geoschmo sneaks out right after Alpha Kodiak before narf poit chez BOOM wakes up and the box can be repaired....

[ May 14, 2003, 20:55: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

[narf poit chez BOOM]

aah, but the door isn't a door. it's two transportors and two walls. kodaik and geoschmo are still in the box, which is in gwaihir's ship. narf is now also in the box, and staring at his master key, which would have worked if he had kept the doors. then he looks up and sneaks out the hole gwaihir made in the top of the box. wandering around the ship, he begins looking for the drive system while clutching a monkey wrench. finding the drive system, he throws a lever. he has no idea what the lever does.

it's mandatory for subjects to lock the researcher up in this type of whatever this is.

occupants:
geoschmo
dogscoff
kodiak
katchoo
taera

[ May 15, 2003, 00:15: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Taz-in-Space]

...Ever-hungry Taz comes back to the box he defeated TWICE, to get another free pizza. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

This time however he came prepared:
With a rope.
and a pull-cord.
and a light bulb.

He throws the rope over a nearby beam and ties one end to a nearby desk. To the other end of the rope he attaches the light bulb. Next he attaches the pull-cord to the light bulb. Lastly he stands under the light-bulb and pull the cord. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif

In the best tradition of cartoonland, the light bulb lights and Taz gets another idea! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Using the fastest postal courier, he sends of a message to a fellow cartoon character. Seconds later a package is delivered. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Unwrapping the package, Taz dons the suit within:
Taz is now clad in a red suit with a lighting bolt emblazioned on its chest.

Taz is now: Taz the Flash http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Using the suit and his own powers, Taz begins to shake at super speed and walks through the walls.
Taz grabs the pizza, gulps it down, and walks back out of the box the same way.

Satisfied for the moment, Taz takes off the suit, repackaging it with a note of thanks, and ships it back to The Flash.

Great pizzas Narf, keep up the good fight! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

P.S. Taz can't spell and eat pizza at the same time!

[ May 15, 2003, 03:48: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

[Krsqk]

Krsqk comes in, always ready to get a piece of pizza. Confronted by a bewildering array of technobabble devices, and seeing two inmates and no pizza in the box, he decides calling Little Caesars is a better idea. Better make that a whole pizza, then. Or maybe two. With breadsticks.

[Kamog]

There was a hole at the top of the box all along? You guys can all escape through the same hole that narf poit chez BOOM used to get out! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[narf poit chez BOOM]

no, gwai-whatever his name is put it there with a stasis box. gwai, check your ship. i pulled a lever. in the engine room.

[ May 15, 2003, 04:59: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
aah, but the door isn't a door. it's two transportors and two walls. kodaik and geoschmo are still in the box, which is in gwaihir's ship. narf is now also in the box, and staring at his master key, which would have worked if he had kept the doors. then he looks up and sneaks out the hole gwaihir made in the top of the box. wandering around the ship, he begins looking for the drive system while clutching a monkey wrench. finding the drive system, he throws a lever. he has no idea what the lever does.

it's mandatory for subjects to lock the researcher up in this type of whatever this is.

occupants:
geoschmo
dogscoff
kodiak
katchoo
taera<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Ahh, but Alpha Kodiak and Geoschmo didn't say they used the door (Geo specifically says he used the hole; Kodiak didn't specify), and Kodiak's Aura disabled all tech, which would include the stasis field (otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to get out either, Narf). So, Kodiak and Geo should be out.

[Fyron]

Yes, Kodiak and Geo are definitely out of the box.

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by Kamog:
There was a hole at the top of the box all along? You guys can all escape through the same hole that narf poit chez BOOM used to get out! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">That should be correct, as nothing has yet been done to fix the box since AK disabled the stasis field.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

ok, if the box is in the stasis box, alpha said the lock was disabled, but there is no lock on the non-stasis box, so i assumed he tried to use the doors i replaced. so he could have gotten out of the stasis box, but i'm not sure about the non-stasis box, and if he didn't get out then geo didn't get out, becuase geo said he snuck out after kodiak. so if the locked box was the locked stasis box, then they are out of the boxes but if it's the non-stasis box they are not.

oh, i'm quiting before we get a cat-in-a-hat. the're out.

[dogscoff]

*dogscoff has been in the box for several days now, with little to do other than eat pizza.

As a result he's getting rather large.

In fact, as cartoon physics dictate, he is growing at a rate faster than the actual volume of consumed pizza would ordinarily indicate. Eventually, it gets very cramped and hard to breathe in the box, but dogscoff continues to swell, until he grows so big that it can no longer contain him.

All the walls and force fields envelopping the box split apart, leaving a very fat dogscoff sitting on the floor with his relieved and slightly squashed fellow ex-detainees.

Dogscoff immediately sets up a trap of his own to catch narf: It's a clever box trap, baited with another, smaller boxtrap, this one identical to the one dogscoff just popped open. He baits the bait with fresh pizza, picks up his clipbard and waits...

[narf poit chez BOOM]

since gwaihir hasn't done anything with his ship, i will.

reacting to preprogrammed instructions, the ship lands on a strange planet...

ok, it's old and used and cliche, but if anybody else has any better ideas, i'll use them.

narf heads of to find the cooking pizza he smells, but seems to be lost.
trans: gotta go, don't have much time.