OT-Horrorscope

[tesco samoa]

For the week of Jan 8th

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Narrow-mindedness and jealousy on the part of your coworkers will lead them to denounce your neckties.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
All of your hard work and planning will come to nothing if you don't remember to wipe your prints off the tire iron.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Even the mighty Ozymandias was brought low by time. If possible, live your life without this mysterious phenomenon.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Cancer and the StarCrab logo are the property of Zodiacorp Enterprises and may not be used without the company's express written permission.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Though you appreciate the undergarment-related efforts of Inspector 12, it's unsettling when her little sticker starts showing up all over your house.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Your attempt to revolutionize the world of art backfires when you realize that people have been photographing naked ladies for years.
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Your outgoing nature, sweet temperament, and love of family are in no way evident outside of your description as a Libra.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Though you've tried to impose your full will upon them, you still lack control over the inhabitants of your aquarium.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
It's not true that no one hears your cries for help. They hear and ignore your cries for help.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Your plan to put on a fun dance show to raise money will save your financially threatened strip club.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
Earth magick is strong in your sign this week. You know, if there were such a thing as **** magick, it'd probably be pretty strong in your sign, too.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
It's true that Pisces is a water sign, but that won't help you survive the crushing black depths of the Marianas Trench.