WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

[primitive]

From: http://web.thock.com/humour/chicken.shtml

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The Star Trek Answers

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Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.

Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.

Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.

Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!

Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.

Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)

Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.

Odo: I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.

Quark: Who, me?

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...

Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!

Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!

Kira: It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.

Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!

Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal trans

perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes,

sir.

Dr. Bashir: It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to

mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.

The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.

Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!

B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!

Picard: There are four lights!

Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.

Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?

Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time..did I scream this time?

Khan: With my Last breath I spit at the chicken...

Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission.

Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.

Harvey Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.

Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.

Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock!

Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!

Spock: Fascinating, Captain.

V'Ger: To join with the Creator.

The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!

Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.

Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!

O'Brien: No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.

Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...

Sisko: It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this?

Jake: Check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do.

Sulu: Don't call me Tiny!

Sarek: Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.

Mr. Homn:

Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's...

Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.

[Kamog]

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
According to scientists and mathematicians

KURT GODEL
It cannot be proved whether the chicken crossed the road.

WERNER HEISENBERG
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

ISAAC NEWTON
1. Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
2. It was pushed on the road.
3. It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.

PIERRE DE FERMAT
1. I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
2. It did not fit on the margin on this side.
3. Crossing the road was the path with the minimum value of propagation time.

BLAISE PASCAL
It was pressured to cross the road.

GEORG SIMON OHM
There was more resistance on this side of the road.

ALESSANDRO VOLTA
The other side had more potential.

PAUL ERDOS
It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

ZENO OF ELEA
To prove it could never reach the other side.

WOLFGANG PAULI
There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

ARCHIMEDES
To actualize its potential.

STEPHEN HAWKING
The first seconds made the universe in such a way that chickens cross the road.

ARISTOTLE
1. It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
2. The other side of the road was its natural place.

CHARLES DARWIN
1. It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
2. The fittest chickens cross the road.

RENE DESCARTES
It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

STEPHEN JAY GOULD
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behaviour, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

EDWIN POWELL HUBBLE
There are two possibilities: One that the distance between the chicken and the side of the road that it was on before it crossed is expanding, and the other, that the distance is contracting, and will collapse on itself.

[couslee]

Hoover Vaccume: it was sucked across the road.

Charlie Brown: why's everyone always picking on the chicken?

The Chicken: NONE OF YOUR ******* BUSINESS!

[ January 23, 2003, 02:48: Message edited by: couslee ]

[Wardad]

Why did the pervert cross the road?
?
?
?
ans: He was stuck in the chicken.

[Timstone]

Hahahahahahaha...... LOL!!!
Chicken logic rules!

[Ed Kolis]

I don't even get the Ronald Reagan reference... must be because he was elected 3 years before I was born!

Like the pervert one though

[Wardad]

I did edit out the more offensive ones. The Ronald Reagan one slipped by.
FYI youngster... Mr. Reagan suffered from Alzhiemer later in life. It was in bad taste.