yet another joke thread

[couslee]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get
there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven...don't step on
the ducks." So they entered heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all
over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although
they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on
one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St.Peter
chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to thisugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely
ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the
first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She
manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter
comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on very
tall, tanned and muscular. St. Peter chains them together and leaves without
saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being
chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you,
but I stepped on a duck."

[Kamog]

LOL, that's a good one!

[Stone Mill]

Not bad. I'll have to try that one on the 'ol wife.

[couslee]

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a new-born baby."

"Really!? Like a baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself."

[couslee]

Public restroom humor:

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up too?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

Can I come over to your place after while?

OK, this question is just wacky but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.

I tell him, "Well, I have company over so today is a bad day for me!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back,
there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps
answering all my questions, bye!"