Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

dogscoff · #1 April 29th, 2003, 12:55 PM

Well, now that we are fully crewed, I suggest we take this Cantina for a spin. Someone cleverly outfitted it with engines, remember? I'm sure that mad stellar manipulation ship I sent out has created some "interesting" things for us to explore by now.

*dogscoff pushes a button, and treknical-looking consoles appear out of every table. Repetitive, quasi futuristic bleeps and pings sound through the room, and a huge viewscreen slides out to cover the wall opposite the bar.

Taz, standing behind the bar, dons a purple Whoopee Goldberg outfit complete with big purple hat, a FBW sticks a gherkin in her ear and sits down to look like Uhuru while everyone else stands/ sits Trek-like at their Posts looking intensely toward the view screen, which displays the newly-formed universe outside.

'scoff takes the "number 1" seat at a table next to 'Tig, who sits in the command chair, crossing his legs and looking pensive/ dramatic. A red-shirt ensign walks in and hands Captain 'Tig a pad to sign and a fresh pint, then collects some empty glasses before leaving the bridge.

"Right" says 'Tig "who fancies a bit of boldly going?" Everyone nods their approval.
"Very well: Engage!"

The Cantina streaks off into the proto-universe, who knows what adventures lie ahead?

[ April 29, 2003, 12:01: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Growltigger · #2 April 30th, 2003, 01:17 AM

and will they involve hideous hordes of sex starved tribbles bent on galactic domination?

and has the USS Phong's Head been fitted with a hand brake? I always wanted to pull a U turn at warp 7..

and does my command chair have a big red shiny button that let's me shoot photon torpedoes?

and will the FBWs be wearing those great one piece outfits from the original series that ended abuot a inch below the belt line (and those knee boots)?

and we have Taz as Whoopi Goldberg, Scoffo as Ryker (what a pillock, me as Jean Luc Le Grand Chat.. who else will everyone be? (NB Ragnarok and/or Raging Deadstar are not allowed to be Deanna Troi)....

and do we get to sing "Startrekkin" all the time?

and will we be arrested for boldly going boldly wherre no bold man has boldly been before.. boldly? whilst boldly drinking and being in bold charge of a space cantina??

Bags the holodeck first for a quick knee trembler with the FBWs!!!!!!

dogscoff · #3 April 30th, 2003, 01:33 AM

And who is going to actually fly this thing, given that most of us are drunk most of the time anyway?

geoschmo · #4 April 29th, 2003, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dogscoff:
And who is going to actually fly this thing, given that most of us are drunk most of the time anyway?

Space is big. As long as we keep it under warp 2 and fly in a straight line it will be years before we bump into anything. Set the auto-pilot and party in ten forward!

Geo

Growltigger · #5 April 29th, 2003, 02:44 PM

Parties in ten forward is for wimps... see you all in the holodeck where I am currently hosting a mythological party, I am Ares (hell, I will do anything to dresss up in leather and studs), bring your own hammer...

and someone hide the keys to the shuttledeck. The Last time we did one of these, I recall Taz took one for a joyride, discovered time travel via a slingshot round a gas giant and ended up crashing into Siberia some years ago (just before we beamed him out)....

So now we have the FBWs being sexily clad Trekkie ensigns, does this means Rags, RD and Power Man are the red shirted ensigns who always meet sticky ends early on in each episode, I mean drinking session!!

Mr Scoffo, engage

PS he, I have just worked out a great game whereby with the help of our science office (whoever he may be) and our Chief O'Brien analogue (whoever they may be) we can use the transporter to beam the clothes off the FBW off our choice....

PPS does anyone have a problem if I appoint poor old Barry as our security officer?

[ April 29, 2003, 13:54: Message edited by: growltigger ]

dogscoff · #6 April 29th, 2003, 03:01 PM

Quote:

PPS does anyone have a problem if I appoint poor old Barry as our security officer?

I think Barry died in the Last Cantina. However...

*Dogscoff goes over to David Gervais' mini-cantina model, which happened to be one of Barry's favourite chew-toys. Extracting some dino-saliva, 'scoff immediately has the sample sent down to the cloning lab.

We'll have a T-Rex security officer for you in no time, Cap'n.

geoschmo · #7 April 29th, 2003, 03:06 PM

Oooo, can I be the crusty old Dr McCoy person? That way I can go around saying stuff like, "Damnit Tig, I'm a doctor, not a dinosaur cloning technician."

Geo