Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Raging Deadstar]

*As the TSSS Phongs head begins to hover in orbit Of Anus IV they don't know they are being watched by a cloacked ship. It's sleek shape unnoticeable to the naked eye as the suns ray are diverted from it. it slowly moves closer and closer towards the Phongs head before decloaking and firing it's tractor beams. It's a sleek bird like ship, commanly known as a Deadstar Anathema class. The Anathema drags the phongs head closer and closer before a group of 50 Deadstar boarding soldiers are ejected into space. They were genetically modified humans, strong, accurate and could breathe in a vacumn. They begin the task of breaking into the TSSS Phongs Head and eventually breach the hull and begin to take over the ship. The Anathema goes to warp 5 and disapears into the void of space. Meanwhile the TSS phongs crew have to defend their ship from being taken over by the invading Deadstar boarding parties...*

I'm guessing the red shirt ensigns will wound and kill more of themselves than my guys. Anyway this should wake the crew up!

[geoschmo]

Grmph, whu Huh?

BWEEEEEEE BWEEEEEEEE BWEEEEEEEE

Dr. Geo is awakened from his fitfull slumber on the recovery bed to the sound of the red alert klaxon followed by several thuds which he felt through the hull plating more then he heard. Suddenley the ship lurched and he was thrown from the bed to the floor.

"Dammit, I'm a doctor not a crash test dummy" he grumbled to himself and started to reach for the intercom and find out what the heck was going on "up there".

Before he could the sickbay doors opened and several redshirts ensigns came limping in, leaning on each other for support and suffering from nearly identical phaser wounds to their big toes.

"Hmm, we must have an intruder. Either that or security is having target practice again." With that Dr. Geo began quickly tending to the wounded.

[Erax]

"Engineering to Bridge. Cap'n, our ship has more holes in it than the Aberdeen defense. Lieutenant Kamog, get yer down here on the dooble."

Erax and Kamog start working on the cargo transporters, modifying them to pick up intruders within the ship and beam them to Barry's cargo bay.

"Cap'n, I believe we have a gude show playing on the Cargo Bay 4 channels."

[Katchoo]

Mr S'Katchoo: "Captain, Intruders in Cargo Bay 5, the lounge, the Recording Studio, Pee Wee's Playhouse, and the Brewery!"

Suddenly one of the intruders breaks onto the bridge. Acting quickly, Mr S'Katchoo grabs the intruder's genetically modified "nether regions" and squeezes. The intruder promptly drops to the ground in agony.

Upon seeing this the rest of the crew all cringe in unison and cross their legs.

Mr. S'Katchoo: "Captain, shall I call in the Ship's Band to play something dramatic while we repell the boarders?"

[Power Man]

As more intruders break onto the bridge Power Man ducks behind the nave station.
"You want Dramatic Music, I have the music ."
Power Man turns up the amps on his suit's CD player.

BWA DUM…. BAW DUM… BWA DUM DELE DUM …

The stirring Trek Battle theme (track 42) BLARES forth.

This causes the intruders to grab their genetically modified, and sensitive, ears and scream in Agony.
Power Man then pulls from his suit his Large, Powerful, Amazing, Long,
Phase Energy Pistol (what were thinking I'd be pulling out??) and proceeds to Stun (see how Non-violent I'm being.) the intruders.
Soon Erax beams them off the bridge and into Barry's cargo bay.

"Captain I have re-set the shields to "Repellent" to keep out any more intruders.
I'll activate all battle sensors and try to spot the one who did this to us."

All over the ships surface small metallic globes open up. These "Steely Eyes" (anti-cloak sensors level 10) will keep a watch for the "Return Of RD" .

And now a word from our sponsors …….

[Taz-in-Space]

While the rest of the crew defends the remainder of the ship, Taz defends the most critical areas:
The Lounge (10 forward) and the brewery.

Using Guinan-like psychology and the most powerful intoxicants on hand, Taz manages to subdue the invaders by getting them all falling-down drunk.

Taz then separates out the lone female boarder for more intense, errr, interrogation later in his quarters.

The remainder of the now subdued and extremely happy boarders are beamed to Cargo Bay 4 for security to, ahh, handle!

Taz to Captain: Ten Forward and the Brewery are now secure.

[ May 01, 2003, 03:21: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog stardate May 1 08.42 GMT

Thanks to the sound proofing in the Captain's Ready Room, I was blissfully unaware of a foul and heinous attempt by forces unknown to take over the TSSS Phong's Head.

Luckily, my highly motivated and trained crew dealt with the hostile incursion superbly. The strange thing is that when I commed my head of security in cargo bay 4, all I got was a reptilian burping sound, followed by what sounded like hiccups and strange noises which I can only describe as beiing like the a large T-Rex using a phaser rifle to pick bits of meat and body armour out of his teeth. Note to self to ask number 1 what Barry has been up to.

We are now in orbit over Fart Point. What strange things will we see on the planet, who is this mystery foe who seems intent to harm the brave crew of the TSSS Phong's Head.....

End of log.

Captain to Mr Scoffo. Please stop canoodling with the counsellor and our communications officer. Please prepare an away team to beam down to Fart Point. Given the methane build-up, I suggest you take non-smokers only. Make it so.