God I Feel Just Horrible

[Alneyan]

Hopefully, you still have some tea at the very least, even if you managed to lose your towel. I mean, how are your beloved citizens supposed to trust you if you no longer have your towel? And remember the upcoming elections, where you will compete with a certain Raging Deadstar. (How peculiar, your namesake happens to be part of these elections as well.)

This being said, I do understand your concern, for such beings are truly best kept away from your soldiers. Otherwise, you might find half your army suddenly more interested in arts and other similar frivolities than in conquest, war and extermination. However, artists are obviously needed in your own planets, as who else will be able to finish your humble self-portrait at home? After all, such a statue depicting yourself over more than one hundred meters will require many hands to be finished before your demise.

Lastly, I urge you to remain wary of the tremendous function called "Move", as it unfortunately happens to initiate a battle even if your two hundred dreadnoughts merely wanted to trade with the natives of this world. How often did I destroy such wonderful worlds because the planetary defences fired on my poorly protected traders! The said traders had a limited authorization to return fire in order to save themselves from the treacherous inhabitants of this world.

Nonetheless, such is the way of early contacts between civilizations in the era of space travel, the bane of all peaceful leaders who became ruthless dictators overnight because of this perfidious function!