The Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut

Growltigger · #1 February 18th, 2005, 04:55 PM

A silence descends across the Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut.. a tumbleweed skitters across the bar room floor on its lonesome journey, all is quiet, all round the house, nothing is stirring, not even that bloody mouse Narf...

A rather overmuscled, heavily befang-ed nasty looking (but yet debonair and handsome) tiger pushes open the door, blissingly shortcircuiting all the ineffective forcefields and dampening fields in the hut..

He stubs out the rather large havana he has been smoking (naturally, on the nearest member of staff) and cradles the steaming one-and-only red hot poker hand cannon in his armpit. He scratches his derriere blissfully and has a look round the wrecked hut.

"Ladies, please. As you recall, PROPER cartoon violence is conducted mano et mano, eye to eye, backside to backside, legion of byzantine killer mongooses to army of ninja killer micro-shrimp, and preferably with large hand weapons and an awful lot of attitude and extreme prejudice.

What we do not do is attack each other with large fleets of spaceships in what effectively is a boasting contest a la my todger is bigger than yours. Surely it is all about a healthy mix of linguistic creativity, imagination, elan and savoir faire with a measure of sexual tension to boot....

I am here to announce that Tigg-Scoff PLC WILL NOT be considering any takeover offer for the Won Ton Hut. We will instead be reinvesting capital in the cantina, with all new look FBW's (it stands for Fluffy Bunny Waitresses by the way), theme nights, theme fights, tribble wings and a variety of amusing and interesting anecdotes for your delectation and delight. Crikey, we have even persuaded Mac to bathe for the occassion...

I trust you will be all able to join us for a cheeky half or two..

PS of course, not making a take over bid does not mean that gratuitous violence may not occur!!

tesco samoa · #2 February 18th, 2005, 04:57 PM

You guys/gals need some coffee cups

http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?...e=STRK:MEWA:IT

NullAshton · #3 February 18th, 2005, 05:34 PM

This is for protection of the hut. And to vaporize anyone I don't like...

Strategia_In_Ultima · #4 March 1st, 2005, 12:28 PM

Top-of-the-line Fed scientists?

Ed Kolis · #5 March 1st, 2005, 12:40 PM

Citizens of the Fruit Federation from Space Food Empires?

NullAshton · #6 March 1st, 2005, 01:20 PM

Lol... The FDA! Food and drug administration!

narf poit chez BOOM · #7 March 1st, 2005, 05:46 PM

"Call them Roms like the Feds did and puree them all for gel pastries." - Thoughts of a certain klingon in a rather disturbing book by Diane Duane(sp?). Althought it must be noted that nobody was either puree'd or turned into a gel pastry.

Strategia_In_Ultima · #8 March 4th, 2005, 05:44 PM

NA looks strangely at a point three meters in front of him in the air. Then his eyes grow to be the approximate size of a largish sombrero. The top of his head is being pulled into the dimensional singularity at his center of gravity. So are his feet. Eventually, he looks like something of a human donut before he vanishes with a smallish bang. Two seconds later, however, he reappears, safe and sound.

"You should sell this to an amusement industry, would go great as a rollercoaster."

Strategia hopes NA isn't mad at him for making him say three words.

edit: Happy NA?

NullAshton · #9 March 4th, 2005, 05:49 PM

Yes. Yes I am mad. Here's what I would have said.

"You should sell this to an amusement industry, would go great as a rollercoaster."

RudyHuxtable · #10 March 4th, 2005, 07:06 PM

Howdy Hut Fans!

As it turns out, profits for the Hut are up by 7,293%.

I'm starting to get swamped with work, and would like to hire a general manager. I'm taking applications.

Now, preferably the GM would be a woman, mid-20s, stunningly attractive and a lover of dorks.

I'll settle for one of you!

Bon Appetit!