War is Hell - Ended. johnarryn wins as EA Ulm.

[johnarryn]

I have sent out the map files and first turns.

If you have not received these files let me know IMMEDIATELY!!! Email and PM, and include your email address and what nation you are playing.

Good luck!

[Methel]

wee! all done. The first few turns are pretty fast, maybe we can do more than one each day.

[johnarryn]

I'll certainly try, but people are in different time zones... it makes it harder.

[BandarLover]

I'd be up for multiple turns once I figure this PBEM out

And speaking of timezones...where's everyone from in this game?

I'm in boring old Arkansas, USofA

[johnarryn]

Im from Florida originally, I live in Manhattan these days.

[Peregrine42]

And here we go! Turn 1 sent.

Hopefully this game will go a bit better than my other (and 1st) MP game. In that one, I managed to turn a position of relative power into a position of "Oh crap, I think I'm knee deep in monkey poo" through pure mismanagement. Then again, I may have been knee deep in monkey poo to start with and not even realized it. I blame my prophet who, apparently, was too busy dallying with the camp followers to march into war like I told him to.

Bandarlover, nothing personal, but I really hope you are far away from me. I've had my fill of monkeys for a little while.

I'll be on for a few hours if another turn comes up. I'm Canadian, living in Ottawa but originally from Montreal. Eastern Standard Time.

[LoloMo]

I'm from Philippines. Sent out my turn =)

Edit: I'm GMT +8, but I log on several times a day. Hopefully we'll get a few turns done over the weekend.

[Methel]

Norway here, so gmt +1

[LoloMo]

"Boss, we're not supposed to be here", Yad ventures again for the seventeenth time since entering the Forbidden Gorge several hours ago.

"Shut up Yad", Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh (Hundredth and Fifty Eighth according to popular royal kitchen gossip) responds.

"I mean, it's called the Forbidden Gorge for a reason. They could have called it the Barren Gorge, or the Stinky Gorge, or even the Gorge Where Traitors To the King Flees Never To Be Seen Again And Where The Royal Kingdom Constabulary Refuses To Pursue Prefering The One Year Latrine Duty Punishment Instead..."

"Shut up Yad", Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh replies by reflex, as he negotiates a group of largish slabs of fossilized coral rock.

"..."

Surprised at his servant's sudden obedience, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh (and don't you forget it) looks up to see Yad staring ahead with his mouth open and shaking all over.

Turning to the object of Yad's fear, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh beheld a smallish stone bridge traversing a smallish ravine (it was barely a crack) in the seabed. On both sides of the bridge, sickly green ooze floated straight up, carried along by unseen currents. On the bridge itself squats an unimpressive looking sea brocolli. In fact the only thing unusual about it was that it was colored pink. A light girlish pastel pink for it's stumpy trunk and a glaring fuscia pink for its stubby top appendages.

Irritated, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh gives his servant an angry cuff to back of the head and heads towards the bridge and the pink brocolli blocking the way.

"Boss, we have to go, please please please lets go, somethings not right please please please we have to go now now now", Yad yammers in an epileptic fit of terror.

Making a mental note to feed his latest servant to his prize winning golden stripped kraken once they got back to the palace, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh unhooks his ax as he steps onto the bridge preparing to clear the pink brocolli.

"no no no no noooooo!", Yad screams as he half scrambles half swam back the way they came from.

"Wretched thrall, I'm going to flay you alive before I feed you to Goldie", Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh mutters as he took his first swing at the pink brocolli.

Somehow his blow went wide and hits his right toe instead, hacking away a fair bit of it.

"OW! OW!! OW!!! OW!!!! @#$%@! MOTHER SPAWING TOAD @#$ SHAMBLER SLIME SLURPER @#$%!@@#$%&^&&*@," came a string of invectives that would shock any member of the Royal Court.

The pink brocolli sat there and waved its stumpy appendages condescendingly.

Furious, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh hops back and takes a second swing at the pink brocolli, and a third, and a fourth with the only apparent effect of sending a shiver through the stumpy trunk of the pink fungus. And it wasn't quite a shiver of fear, or of alarm. In fact, it seemed suspiciously more like a giggle.

Enraged, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh drops his ax and charges in, intending to pull and tear apart the waving, shivering, giggling, fuscia appendages with his bare hands.

"I'M THE TWENTY SIXTH PRINCE OF R'LYEH AND NO PINK BROCOLLI WILL DEFY ME!"

Grabbing a handful of the rubbery fuscia appendages in each hand, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh tore left and right, foaming at the mouth with rage.

"I'M THE TWENTY SIXTH PRINCE OF R'LYEH AND YOU WILL OBEY ME!"

But the more Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh laid into the pink brocolli, the more numerous the appendages seemed to become. In fact it seems that a forest of pink appendages now surrounds the hapless Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh. Manic and on the edge of insanity, Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh screams one last time.

"I'M GULATURRU THE FIRST PROPHET OF LOMO AND I WILL NOT DEFY YOU!"

A part of Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh realizes with horror what the rest of his mind has uttered, but that part was even then dimming and it wasn't long before it was as if it never existed.

"I'm Gulaturru the First Prophet of LoMo, and I will obey you!", Gulaturru the First Prophet of LoMo swears as his eyes shine with fanatical fervor.

----

Meanwhile, Yad, the last thrall of Gulaturru the Twenty Sixth Prince of R'lyeh continues half scrambling, half swimming away from the gargantuan shadow pressing upon his mind.

[johnarryn]

Turns are trickling in... make sure to have your turn in my 5 pm EST (GMT -5).