Advise

Wardad · #1 February 11th, 2003, 03:29 PM

Kamog,

LOL

mlmbd · #2 February 11th, 2003, 04:06 PM

Kamog, Excellent! LOL

mlmbd

geoschmo · #3 February 11th, 2003, 04:18 PM

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop & The Sponge.
Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then don't ever step on the floor; it might get dirty!
If you could afford a maid why would you ever get married?

2. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then empty everything from the closet and put it in the garage: you instantly have a neat, tidy, empty closet!
Better plan. Leave the stuff in the closet and go pretend to work in the garage till she leaves you alone.

3. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
There is no need. Just don't look under there and we're OK.
Here's some money honey. Go buy a big enough comforter so that it hangs down to the floor.

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain?: You CAN tell the Difference
You can disguise a splatter stain by creating many similar stains, evenly spaced out in a grid arrangement so that it looks like a pattern.
I don't know art, but I know what I like.

6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
Some containers should be recycled!
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, You Can Throw It Away
See #4.
The trash can is gender blind.

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
There are Online grocery stores where you order stuff on the web and they deliver it to your home.
Statistics show that after work, the supermarket is the leading point where affairs begin in America. But if you really want me to go I will...

9. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
Conveniently, listening can be done while doing other things.
God gave me two ears and two eyes. Do you really need all four to be wasted doing one thing at a time?

14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 5-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill
How are you supposed to know how old your clothes are?
Since your wife buys all your clothes, she can tell you how old they are. If she didn't buy them they are at least as old as your relationship. Call your mother/ex-wife if you have to know exactly.

Ragnarok · #4 February 11th, 2003, 06:49 PM

LOL!
Geo, Kamog, those are hilarious additions to the original posting. I was laughing pretty hard at those.

mlmbd · #5 February 12th, 2003, 03:56 PM

Kamog, geo did you one better! LOL Those are great, geo!

mlmbd

Wardad · #6 February 12th, 2003, 08:58 PM

OMG! There is a divorce lawyer in Austin Texas named: CHEATHAM !!!

Wardad · #7 February 14th, 2003, 12:49 AM

Here's a list of what NOT to give her for Valentines Day:

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the carmel ones.
2. Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria's Secret model.
3. Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the label.
4. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.
5. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.
6. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.
7. Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a girl from Nantucket..."
8. Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.
9. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.
10. A gift certificate.
11. Cash.
12. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.
13. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"