Joker: new game, new theme, HA Ha ha

[Gregstrom]

If you pin medals on a Vastness, does it burst?

[Tifone]

No, its Blood Vengeance happens and you find them pinned on your face

[Gregstrom]

Transcript of conversation overheard between High Voice Thunbu and Mjibu, commander of the Northern Expeditionary Force.

Thunbu: I gather that before going up against a tribe of Amazons, warrior women known both for their high standard of martial training and for their habit of cutting off various sensitive parts of any male prisoners, you requested emergency supplies of... apples. I would love to hear your explanation.

Mjibu: Well, High Voice, it was as a result of scouting data I received.

T: Your scouts were hungry, perhaps?

M: They provided me with intelligence leading me to believe that the apples could be a useful part of our battle plan.

T: This must be some new meaning for the word 'intelligence', then. Possibly one involving the phrase 'UTTER STUPIDITY'! You had better explain this very carefully.

M (looking nervous): Well... yes, Lord. Upon reporting to me, the scouts mentioned that the Amazon cavalry's horses were looking pretty grim - all skin and bone, in fact. It occurred to me that they must be pretty hungry, and that any charge by them might be diverted if we could arrange for sufficient... distraction. It's well known that horses love apples, and I thought it was worth a try. My plan was to throw apples at the feet of the horses in mid-charge, in the hope of throwing their formation into disorder.

T: It sounds to me rather as if they skipped Amazons in the Warleader training school. I hope for the sake of your troops you arranged a test of your theory.

M: Err, yes Lord. Poor Shuhema... he snuck over to the animal enclosure in the night to carry out a test. He lost a hand, and I had to retire him from active duty.

T: So as ideas go, it was a terrible failure then.

M: Not entirely, Lord. While the apples were useless, I felt sure the basics of the plan were still worthwhile. When it came to the battle, we used raw steak instead.

T: (laughs) Good thinking, Mjibu. I trust you saw to Shuhema's future, though? He taught you a valuable lesson, and that should be rewarded.

M: Well, Lord, as he's still a young man I thought I'd set up something for his future. I gave him some land and arranged for him to assist in the administration of the province for a few years, to give him some sort of a living.

T: And after that?

M: I also took the liberty of leaving him some surplus supplies. After he leaves his work for the governor, he should have grown a mature orchard - and I imagine mountain-grown apples should sell for enough to give him a good living.

...

Transcript ends.

[Tifone]

YOU talk about the idiocy of your mages, Gregstorm?? Let me report what can happen leading a bunch of utter pompous Abysian mages.

"Ahahah! We are made by the strongest of elements! FIRE! Every single centimeter of our body and armours is totally immune to it! Look at my power, I will now concentrate and EXTEND MY NATURAL HEAT TO THE LIMITS!!! Behold!"

"Ehm, prophet, do you really believe it is a good ide..."

*the lab burns to the ground.*
500 gold literally in damn smoke.

If that doesn't s*ck, really, only Monica Lewinski does.

[Bwaha]

Hey, thanks guys, you helped me figure out the uniform problem. Since you seem to be concerned about Vastnesses, We have ditched the concept of cloth and now are using paint. Much cheaper also. Couple of shots and off you go. The color scheme is to mimic the vastness. Yep Polka dots.... Garish colors as well.

[Ossa]

Tifone - you're my joker of the day

[Tifone]

ABYSIA IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE!!!

We've finally ambushed and killed one of our most infamous enemies!!

Prevent THIS, furry!

[Starshine_Monarch]

I'd put him out, but he seems a bit too dead for that to matter much...

Is it bad that the only thing I can find funny about Atlantis right now would be it's place on the scoreboard? Normally I'm nowhere near this competent... Of course, it is still early in the game. I'm bound to screw up something eventually. Then all will be right with the universe.

[Gregstrom]

Heh. I've suffered badly from one of the game's secret units - the Bear Tribe Sniper. It doesn't seem to matter how far away from my other units I place my commanders - in the first couple of enemy arrow volleys one single shot separates from the rest and miraculously hits a commander in the face. If only they'd do that when I hired them...

[Starshine_Monarch]

Two words: Enchanted Shield. Better yet, three words: Shield of Valor.