Joker: new game, new theme, HA Ha ha

[Ylvali]

SCANDAL IN PATTALA - MARKATAS FOUND IN SHIPMENTS TO MACHAKA SPIDER FARMS.

When loading a regular shipment of spider food, the bandar workers heard strange noises within the crates. When opening they were shocked to discover dozens of live markatas stuffed together with taped limbs and mouthfolds.

It seems the machaka spider stables have been shipping uncountable numbers of markata as spider food using connections with the bandar mafia.

This shocking discovery has forced the Rishi council to take immediate action and dissolve the non aggression pact with Machaka.

Representatives from the MI (markatas international) have lauched infuriating campaigns for a war of vengance. However this has not yet won the ear of higher castes, who thinks there are too many markatas anyway.

The daily primate - front page.

[Tifone]

Our holy lord of Abysia, His Hotness Flamegasm deeply apologizes. Looks like He inadvertently passed near Los Angeles these days... It's just that He got Lost around in Time and Space.

[Gregstrom]

The priesthood of Machaka would like to register their objection to the Bandar smear tactics being used.

Monkey diplomats have for many months been telling us that Marketa were huge fire-breathing lizards, and that was the cause of their concern over Marketa population. It was these same diplomats who offered us contracts for cheap supplies of spider food.

It is now apparent that Bandar quality control procedures are far less than they should be, and we have two specific complaints.

Firstly, we specified non-sentient food quite clearly in the initial order form. Eating too much brain tissue makes our spiders particularly bad-tempered and aggressive, and we prefer to avoid that except in times of war.

Secondly, all that duct tape has been gumming up our spider's mouthparts, which causes them great discomfort.

We had been assuming this was some sort of plot of the Bandar government, and were about to declare sanctions. Do the Rishi now deny this?

[Ylvali]

Originally Posted by Gregstrom

The priesthood of Machaka would like to register their objection to the Bandar smear tactics being used.

Monkey diplomats have for many months been telling us that Marketa were huge fire-breathing lizards, and that was the cause of their concern over Marketa population. It was these same diplomats who offered us contracts for cheap supplies of spider food.

Preposterous!! Markata are an ancient race and well known in the machakan jungles. And the notion that such a feared spy network as the bane cult would allow confusion between Rishi official diplomats and bandar mafia lackeys is just silly!! Your shallow lies smell of spider venom.

It is now apparent that Bandar quality control procedures are far less than they should be, and we have two specific complaints.

Firstly, we specified non-sentient food quite clearly in the initial order form. Eating too much brain tissue makes our spiders particularly bad-tempered and aggressive, and we prefer to avoid that except in times of war.

Secondly, all that duct tape has been gumming up our spider's mouthparts, which causes them great discomfort.

We had been assuming this was some sort of plot of the Bandar government, and were about to declare sanctions. Do the Rishi now deny this?

We shall ignore your verbal web of nonsense but thank you for the inspiration. Duct tape has been handed out among the markata hordes in preparation for the upcoming war.

[Gregstrom]

Originally Posted by Ylvali

Preposterous!! Markata are an ancient race and well known in the machakan jungles. And the notion that such a feared spy network as the bane cult would allow confusion between Rishi official diplomats and bandar mafia lackeys is just silly!! Your shallow lies smell of spider venom.

Actually, Marketa are completely unknown in Machaka. Our spiders did seem to like the taste - perhaps there's a connection there?

As for the idea of the bane cult being spies - this merely shows monkey ignorance of the historical richness of Machakan culture. Bane Spiders have never been, and never will be, used as spies. A six foot figure dressed in jet black armour and wielding a glowing sword is, frankly, not sufficiently inconspicuous to be any use as a spy.

It seems apparent to us that the so-called Bandar Mafia are in control of your diplomatic service, and we suggest that some sound governmental housekeeping would be in order.

[Tifone]

*phonecalls Erin Brockovich*

[Tifone]

TO ALL:

Abysia's frenzy on shopping! The Warlocks are going around like crazy with bags full of new clothes and shoes! In this mood, we are fully interested in buying esotical thingies from foreign countries!
We are interested in those nice green N gems, we are opened to buy up to 30 of those in an equal exchange with our virgins. Don't you always get girls if you have gems?
We are also opened in buying another pair or 2 of earth boots. We pay 20 blood slaves or 15 W gems each, don't miss the opportunity!! PM me for the bargain!

PS: Mind that, in order to remain useful for the blood rituals, the virgins MUST REMAIN virgins!!

[Starshine_Monarch]

Originally Posted by Tifone

PS: Mind that, in order to remain useful for the blood rituals, the virgins MUST REMAIN virgins!!

Mr. Tentacles is disappointed at this development since, for as long as Mr. Tentacles can remember, Blood rituals have always seemed to have flopped in Mr. Tentacles's kingdom and Mr. Tentacles really has no other use for voluptuous young virgins. Business before pleasure though. Once Mr. Tentacles's and Mr. Tentacles allies inevitably conquer the surface world, Mr. Tentacles can have all the voluptuous young virgins Mr. Tentacles could want. Mr. Tentacles has waited over 2000 years for this chance, Mr. Tentacles can wait until the end finally comes.

Mr. Tentacles suggests that you send the virgins to Ermor, so that Mr. Tentacles might savor the taste of plundered McFlavious burgers made with spicy, Abysian meat.

Mr. Tentacles will see what he can do about Abysia's fashion issues.

(Mr. Tentacles suddenly visualizes a conversation between a Warlock and his apprentice:
"Apprentice, take a look at this. Do you think these boots make my bum look big?"
"Of course not, Master! You look ~fabulous~!")

[Mithras]

Undead virgin fetish? Need I say more?
Kill the monster!

[Starshine_Monarch]

Silly Ermorians... In Soviet Atlantis, monster kills YOU! AGAIN!