The Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut

[NullAshton]

NOOOOOOOO! You killed the velociraptors!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Yeah, because otherwise they'd kill us off man..... They're B&G defenders! What's your next plan? Bomb the B&G from orbit but wait till AZ steps out because he's such a great guy you'd rather let him live?!?

[NullAshton]

Maybe...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

OK that seals it. I'm removing you from command of your ships. From now on they listen to me. And if they stick by you it's a mutiny. We'll have to assume the B&G has done a Mutiny intel project on us, and we'll have to destroy the mutinying ships.

[NullAshton]

NullAshton's ships places their shields up for defensive measures. They're still loyal to Ashton.

What have I done?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Signed your death sentence.

The COMCAs open up on the mutinying ships. Their shields start to bucke immediately. After three seconds of fire, the first few ships blow up.

[NullAshton]

NullAshton's battlemoons each take a COMCA, managing to blow out most of the supplies of each of the COMCAs, as well as the bridge and most of their weapons. Then the wave-motion guns blast their shields away. The dreadnaughts strafe the COMCA's, blowing out the remaining weapons. Zipper VI's are released from the Trojan's, which systematically start destroying the remaining parts of the COMCA's.

You may have bigger ships, but I got more ships http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[narf poit chez BOOM]

/me watches the displays and presses a big, yellow button marked 'Popcorn, butter and pop'.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

.....And how many BattleMoons did you have? And since you have those, you can't POSSIBLY be using Capship ships..... so your DNs are smaller than some of my Destroyers. I mean, I've got more tonnage in shield generators on one of my COMCAs than you have in your entire DN FLEET.....

[NullAshton]

8 ten megaton battlemoons. A COMCA is only 25 megatons if I remember... And it's not really fair that we're using diffrent mods http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Evacuation is started on NullAshton's non-stock ships. Once evacuation is completed, a field starts to grow around the solar system. All non-stock devices, such as COMCA's, are completly disabled, and are simply floating hulks of metal and rock.

There, no more uber ships.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

OK, just one more thing tho..... You had 8 10MT BattleMoons. I had 5 25MT COMCAs. That would give you 80MT of combat power (smaller ships excluded), while I have 125MT. And even your smaller ships are, I think, not 45MT each. And since I use HAL 9000 devicec to command my COMCAs, you'll probably be using Master Computer III's on all your ships, so that is tonnage "wasted" anyway.....

[NullAshton]

Anyway, now all other mods don't work! Enjoy your 25 megaton floating metal hulks.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

And you enjoy YOUR 10 megaton floating metal hulks.

And where are other people's reinforcements?

And is it me or are we (and sometimes Narf) responsible for the last 20 or 30 or so posts here?

And why are we fighting ourselves? Why aren't we pounding the ruddy B&G into submission?

[NullAshton]

The field is turned off, so that StrategiaInUltima can use his COMCA's again.

Good point.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....

no offence NA

and why don't other people chip in and supply extra forces? And why does noone vote for command?

[NullAshton]

Because noone is here?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

We musta scared them away with our infighting.

I wonder what Rudy,..... arm, Mr. Huxtable thinks about this.

[NullAshton]

I get 100 free meals here, don't I? And free take-out as well!

[RudyHuxtable]

Oh I'm here. I'm enjoying watching the devastation and combat unfold. Why should I interfere? Most of the more devastating damage is occuring out in ther parking lot and not in the front foyer, so it doesn't affect the high quality of the Hut's cuisine.

I am willing to offer you both joint command of the Hut's newly formed security forces, including no les than 35 Super Mega Battle Jupiters, plus the the entire support and escort fleets that would accompany constructs of such size.

And you'll both eat here at the Hut for free, of course.

[NullAshton]

If that includes free drinks, count me in! Give me a list of the forces under my command, with tonnage, weapons, and defenses, along with any other notable features.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Count me in, Commander-in-Chief Mr. Huxtable sir. Well, it looks like our troubles are a thing of the past, Joint Chief Ashton.

Will make an inventory list soon.

My suggestion:

Joint Chief Ashton takes command of the orbital defense force, including bombers, and planet-to-space weapons systems.
I take command of the landing craft, the ground forces (including planetary naval assets and air forces) and surface-to-surface weapons systems.
We share command over the construction yards.

Well?

[RudyHuxtable]

Actually you'd be the doorman, which gives you control of the Battle Jupiters. It's your job to monitor all incoming traffic to the Hut.

Strategia, you'll be in charge of the entire support fleet, which includes, at this point, nearly 32 million ships. YOu are also in charge of charting extradimensional space for places the Hut can expand into.

Both of your mission statements might change as I add more and more power to the Hut Fleet.

[NullAshton]

It sounds good. I have control over my ground forces, however, because they won't listen to anyone else.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

snaps at attention and salutes

"Yes SIR thank you SIR!"

"Dispatching interdimensional trade scouts now, Sir!"

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

"Here is the inventory of current military forces, Sir!"

[NullAshton]

Is that for me or for Rudy?

[RudyHuxtable]

Null, I want you and Strategia to go start making absurd threats at the B&G. I'll follow up with a peace offering, which will be false, and then threaten them with bread pudding.

GO GO GO!

[NullAshton]

Why?

[RudyHuxtable]

Well, partly because they are funny, and partly because they will help to infuriate the B&G and make their response all the more erratic.

Bread pudding is also nasty. HUGE insult.

[NullAshton]

Ah. I'll stick to doing my job, and monitoring traffic.

[RudyHuxtable]

The B&G is gathering evidence of our aggression. We must begin probing actions against their parking lot and valet.

[NullAshton]

Do you mind about collateral damage?

[RudyHuxtable]

No, I think you should definitely uproot all of their landscaping and destroy the sidewalk, certainly. Try to keep innocent civilians alive, but remember we are the Won-Ton Violence Take Out Hut! We only care a little about those not IN the Hut.

[NullAshton]

Ah. If suspicious movement is noted, I'll commence orbital strikes.

[RudyHuxtable]

Probe their outer defenses with several right obliques and find their flanks.

[Kamog]

What's a Battle Jupiter? Is it something like a death star? Whatever they are, it's reassuring to know they're on our side! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[RudyHuxtable]

Yes, a Battle Jupiter is a lot like the Death Star, but bigger. About 70 times the size of the Death Star and it features Planet Killers around the outside, unlike the DS which only features one.

Fortunately I had them fully automated so I wouldn't have to pay cleaning crews.

[NullAshton]

I'm not going to fire at them unprovoked. If I see a military buildup, though, you can expect to see some collateral damage into the B&G.

[RudyHuxtable]

Alright Null, I will wait to have you initiate hostilities. Let's see first if they are willing to send us all of their desserts.

[NullAshton]

Desserts are always good.

[Jack Simth]

As long as you don't get just desserts.

[NullAshton]

True...

[Jack Simth]

So you need to make sure to order something other than just desserts. Maybe some roast beast.

[NullAshton]

Maybe. Some roast carnage would be good too.

[RudyHuxtable]

Forget the Dessert! It's Won-Ton Violence Time!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Sir! The B&G have initiated a large-scale propaganda campaign against us! Permission to pound them into submission Sir!

edit:

And I am hereby offically shanghaiing Jack Simth into the military as a General..... with him on our side we can manipulate universes and erase the B&G from the very face of the space/time continuum.

[RudyHuxtable]

NO Strategia! Do not erase them! We want the deed to the B&G so we can expand the Hut! Well, erase the sentients, just not the structures. And use your most destructive food processor in the fighting! Puree them all!

General Jack Smith, as newly shanghaied commander of ground forces, I charge you with stealing the recipe tin and bringing me their fondu services! GO GO GO!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

As you might have noticed Sir, we've lost over half of our orbital fleet, though the megawarships are still intact - but I managed to make a deal with the Hiigarans and they have dispatched a rather large and rather extremely strong fleet here. There are 25 Battlecruisers, 50 Destroyers and 100 Carriers here already, and more are on their way.

You told me to go interdimensional with the Hut expansion, didn't you? Well, I have also gone to other universes in this dimension, including the Homeworld2 universe.

Oh, and Sir, we can count on reinforcements consisting of, amongst other things, Star Destroyers, Super Star Destroyers, Sovereign-class Starships, Asgard Warships and a lot more but I've forgotten what those were exactly.

[RudyHuxtable]

Strategia, continue your recruiting of alternate universes, and bring me more Hiigarans. I like them. They are tough. And if you can find a few Bentusi, that would be good, too.

Bring all of our weapons to bear! We shall have the B&G recipes forthwith!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Sir, there are already several hundred thousand Battlecruisers underway.

And I'm sorry, but I don't know that much about the Bentusi. The darned Vaygr keep blasting my fleet out of the sky in the Gehenna Outskirts.

[RudyHuxtable]

Ahh Homeworld 2. Fond memories. You'll meet Bentusi soon enough if I remember correctly.

Nevertheless, several hundred thousand battlecruisers are a good warm-up! Bring down the ice cream maker!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Problem is, my fleet never survives for long enough to eliminate even a single asteroid's gravity well generators. Even though I start with the Pride, a Carrier, and three pairs of Frigates (1 pair flak, 1 pair marine, 1 pair captured Infiltrator - woohoo! I also captured a Heavy Missile, but it got blown in Sarum) and two refineries and 10 collectors, my RU budget is pretty low so I don;t have that much production capability for warships to take on the friggin SWARMS or corvettes which attack..... also almost my entire fighter/corvette fleet was lost at Sarum, all I have left when I jump to Gehenna is three squads of Gunships.

The first few thousand Battlecruisers have arrived, with an average of 25 Destroyers to support them per Battlecruiser.

[NullAshton]

Asgard ships have awsome beaming thingies that can teleport people out...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Too bad they're not on the B&G side..... for them.

I've just eliminated Growltigga. I trapped him in his office with a few dozen Battlecruiser ion beams, then let him get to an elevator.

In a shaft also occupied by a Destroyer torpedo.

Boom.

[NullAshton]

Meh, we should at least let em escape so that...

1. They fear us...
2. They fear us... And then go to the take-out hut for food.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

You missed one thing.

3. They fear us..... then retreat to the Himalayas and construct an army of robot zombies to kick our a**es.

[NullAshton]

4. They fear us... And we blast them to pieces anyway.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

You know..... I think I have found a picture of our FBWs (http://www.fishing-catalog.com/oceanwaves/3-Girls.jpg) .

[NullAshton]

Oookay...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

No, just did a Google image search for "Ocean view" or something for the Naval Mod (or whatever it's called, thread's called Is There Any Way To Mod) and one of the imgs that turned up was this. My posting it here was just a joke.

[NullAshton]

What's an FBW?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Fluffy Bunny Waitress. You know, the girls in skimpy uniforms that bring you your drinks. You mean you REALLY didn't notice?!?

[NullAshton]

Ooooooh... Not really...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Say..... are those glasses you're wearing equipped with built-in computer screens? Is that SEIV I see there?

And about one of the recipes.....



General Vaughn Chicken




Ok I know General Vaugh, I killed him myself, but the chicken? Where can you download it? Is it neostandard compatible? Neo++? Does it have full AI?

[NullAshton]

Don't wear glasses... I do however have eye implants, which create heads-up displays.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Oh. If you do notice the FBWs, do NOT pinch GRGLECKs lower abdominal spinal protrusions - why else do you think I have this GXS6000 Multifunctional Clawleg?

[NullAshton]

Okay...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

I just thought I'd announce this here.....

Call me Captain.



And if you know that Xi'Chung hatchlings get their "milk" from the lower abdominal spinal protrusions of the females, and that Xi'Chung have blade arms more dangerous than those of a praying mantis of the same size, well, you get my point.....

Wait a sec! You didn't notice my robotic clawleg?!?

[NullAshton]

Not really, usually on my ship listening to audio messages.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

.....And has anyone ever noticed that the previous war was fought on our ground, but that the current war is being fought solely on the terrain of the B&G?

[NullAshton]

We're kicking butt now http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[RudyHuxtable]

I need the floorplans to the B&G, too, because they've got some nice art deco elements I want to incorporate into the new addition at the Hut!

Cheese sticks for everyone!

[NullAshton]

Oh, thats what those papers were. I'll have them delivered to your office right away.

[RudyHuxtable]

I'm signing over the deeds to two sectors for you two.

Sector 463.113 For Ashton
Sector 292.149 For Strategia

Enjoy your new homes!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Thank you very much Sir.

I'll be sure to buy some recipes from the inter-universal fleets for you.

[NullAshton]

Ashton cheers!

Thanks http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[NullAshton]

This is a call to arms against the B&G! Growltigger has returned!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Time for a spot of reminder..... he seems to have forgotten his own death.

[NullAshton]

So, what's the hut's longrange plans?

[RudyHuxtable]

Well, galactic conquest has sort of become a hobby for us, but I think continuing to provide tasty dishes to the universe is key. Of course, how we acquire recipes will have to be a case by case basis. The B&G for example, needed to be taught about the Hut's superiority.

Today's mission, however, is to eat ice cream.

[NullAshton]

Mmm... ice cream...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Ooh Ooh Ooh do you have CARAMEL???

[Power Man]

Rudy Huxtable, Null Ashton, Strategia-In-Ultima, and the rest of the evil Huttites, or are they Huttarians, are sitting around eating ice cream and celebrating their apparent "victory" over the Bar & Grill.

The door opens and in walks a very small person in bright green Power armor. He walks up to the bar and looks over the menu. "I don't recognize any of these "drinks", and WHAT NO TRIBBLE WINGS !! What type of eatery is this place??

He orders a Spacial Rift and a Super Nova. Peering at the large fuming drinks he thinks to himself, "These look almost as bad as the warm brown sludge GT and his "Island Empire" Blokes drink.

He pours both drinks into a large pitcher. He adds in a pint of GT's Best Brown Sludge, a small four leaf clover, for luck, and 2 small onio….. OOPs. The mix starts to smoke. The small person slaps the lid on and slides the pitcher under a table. He pays the tab and quickly exits the Hut.

One nano second later there is a loud FOOSH !!!. The mix explodes and covers every one and every thing in the Hut with a Highly Toxic and Corrosive greenish brown GOO.
The GOO dissolves all organic items is a second. The rest of the stuff takes 2 seconds. This includes Rudy's book of recipes, and the "deed" to the Bar and Grill.

Null Ashton is reduced to a little pile of Ash.
Strategia is reduced to a badly pitted Crab Leg.

The GOO continues to Foam and expand. It fills the Hut and brakes out through the windows, doors, and air vents. It covers the Hut in a large smelly, mound of what looks like Moldy Bread Pudding!!!

How is that for Just Desserts!!!

Somewhere in another dimension a small very unstable wormhole appears over NullAshton's device. It drops down over the device and moves it three inches to the left, two dimensions to the right and one over. Of course this Voids the Warranty, and the device, like all devices, promptly breaks down. There is a small flash, a POOF of smoke, and a Loud BOINGGGGGG !!! No more resets with this thing…

Feeling pleased with himself the small Green Armored person turns and walks away.
He hums a little ditty "Today it is Easy Being <font color="green"> GREEN " /threads/images/Graemlins/Envy.gif <font color="green">

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Just barely rescued from the GOO by extraction by an Asgard ship, Strategia stands on the bridge of his flagship, the HCS Huxtable, viewing the scene below on the big viewscreen on low magnification setting. (Setting the viewscreen to max magnification would allow you to count the bacteria on the leg of a flea at 500 lightyears distant.) He turns to his weapons and fleet control officers.

"Initiate a precision bombardment NOW. I don't want more than an Ion Beam's width inaccuracy. TAKE THAT GUY OUT!!!!!"

With that, the two officers get to work. Within half a second, the first plasma burst is away. The small green Kermit clone-looking idiot is surprised by a sudden very slight, thin wail. As he looks up, he sees a tiny red speck and stops, fascinated. The plasma burst gets closer and closer, and by the time the green dwarf knows what it is it's too late.

He breaks into a run, but the plasma hits the ground only five feet away from him, and the explosion not only severely wounds him, but also knocks him away about thirty feet. The next, much stronger plasma burst impacts the ground only two feet away. The blast completely vaporizes the green dwarf, he is now not more than a small, non-consistent puff of monatomic particles. The next few plasma bursts only wipe away a few empty warehouses.

Strategia "There now. Now, let's get the bio-reconstitution chambers online and regrow Ashton's and Rudy's bodies....."

[NullAshton]

Ashton comes out, and then is beamed onto his ship for retaliation against the B&amp;G.

His velociraptoid troops begin marching towards the hut, armed with anti-proton blasters.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The velociraptoroid troops are back, licking their wounds. This they do gladly, as their "wounds" are mostly just cream pies fired at them.

"Ashton good fellow..... this won't work. We gotta battle them with their own devices. We gotta face the enemy with what they use themselves. We gotta use CARTOON VIOLENCE. And I have just the thing for that right here....."

[NullAshton]

I'll watch from the background.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Heeheehee..... you should see what I've just done to the B&amp;G folks!

[NullAshton]

I will http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

I am hereby officially calling it a day. I quit. I'll be drawing up a peace treaty soon, and I'll sign it with the B&amp;G folks, whether you (Ashton) and Mr. Huxtable agree or not. You can continue warring if you like, if so then I won't, possibly I'll even open a new food joint.

[NullAshton]

Peace sounds good.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

It does doesn't it.....

How about a non-competition agreement? Patrons from either restaurant can visit the other freely, no competition.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

[BUMP]

Promotion as well.....

[NullAshton]

You bumped a post to get a promotion? Shame on you!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Hey, I outrank you again now.....

GIVE ME TEN SOLDIER!!!!!

no, but really. I like the Hut, and I wanted the promotion (as with my promotion to Captain) to take place here. And anyways, it's been too quiet here for too long!