Space Empires Volume 1: Space Empire

[Cipher7071]

Okay, I'll try if you're ready for it.

I have no issues with the organization of the story. It goes from A to B to C in straightforward manner. In terms of some constructive criticism on style (which I think is what you're asking for), it reads a bit choppy sometimes, even in places where the grammar is technically correct. A good rule of thumb is that when you're not sure whether you need a comma, leave it out. There are also some run-on sentences, and these should be split.

I hope this is what you're asking for, and that it helps.