Forum Chat Bar & Grill

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero strolls back in, springing spryly over the doorstep and deftly ducking the 'Mind The Step' sign, only to slip over spilled beer.
"What the-?! One of these days I'll manage a suave entrance. Or exit."
Noticing David's forcefield, Agent Zero neatly sidesteps another embarassing moment and makes his way to the bar. His brief musings as to whether or not it would be worth reviewing the security footage of the cantina's history to find out what a FBW is, are interrupted by the continuing hostilities of the two barmen. After helping himself to a pair of beers, he wanders over to David's table, passing easily through the forcefield (because he's Agent Zero. He can do these things), hands him a drink and the two start taking bets on when the GW/RD conflict will errupt into armed conflict.

[Renegade 13]

Awakening from his (many month long) drunken stupor, Renegade stumbles from a back room into the light and noise of the revived bar. Collapsing onto a back table in the shadows, he pulls his black hood over his forehead, and only the gleaming of his green eyes reveals his presence to the other patrons.

[Raging Deadstar]

Renegade 13 said:
Awakening from his (many month long) drunken stupor, Renegade stumbles from a back room into the light and noise of the revived bar. Collapsing onto a back table in the shadows, he pulls his black hood over his forehead, and only the gleaming of his green eyes reveals his presence to the other patrons.



RD wonders what the odds are of his "Bar Partner" turning on him with armed weapons while cleaning some glasses, before noticing the strange hooded figure in the corner. RD didn't mind cloaked beings who were unsociable, even if their eyes glowed like kryptonite. He just hoped like hell he didn't have a deep distorted voice and dellusions of God hood.... He quickly pulled some alcohol, grabbed his sidearm and tentatively walked towards the table. Muttering Quietly..

"Please let this guy speak english. I hate having to translate Goa'uld..."

[Renegade 13]

Watching the figure approach his table (noting especially the hand on the sidearm), Renegade leans back into his chair and pushes a chair opposite him out to allow the newcomer to sit.

"English, indeed. Goa'uld is just too gutteral for me. Plus the whole symbiote thing...ick."

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort looks up from supervising the workerbots as they put the finishing touches on the bar's repair job, and notices RD moving towards the sinister-looking newcomer.

"Well, RD just can't resist trying to get himself into trouble. When will he learn? At least this time he's not my problem."

Woundwort then gives orders to the bots to deliver refills for the current patrons, and goes back to doing his best imitation of Taz polishing the finish on the bar.

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero, having realized that all the universe's problems can be solved with beer, set hour several hours ago to solve all the universe's problems. Now sleeping happily under the table, he doesn't notice as David shifts over a few tables.

Agent Zero awakens suddenly and leaps to his feet, pulling two very impressive blasters out from under his three-quarters length coat.

"For the love of God! What is an FBW?! And where can I get one? Or two? Three, maybe?

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort ceases to polish the bar as he notices Agent Zero has awoken from his slumber in a... feisty mood.

"SANCHO!!! Contingency MacKenzie!"

Woundwort's robot flunkey tosses him what looks like a firehoze. Woundwort turns it on the irate Irishman and cuts loose with a massive spout of Guinness. Agent Zero is knocked back under his table, and hopefully back into a peaceful slumber.

"Guess you were right. Beer can solve the world's problems. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif Don't take it too badly, AZ - if the Boss came in and saw you messing with his FBW's, well, you DON'T even want to think about the consequences. I was acting in your best interests."

EDIT - takes off gold leaves, puts on eagles. The General is a Colonel now! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[mac5732]

The oldster smiles as he watches AZ sloshed with a Brewski Hose, ahhhh, now that is what everyone wishes for he mutters, if AZ gets upset over FBWs, what will he do when he's told about the "O" word http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif maybe after he sleeps it off, then again ..... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[David E. Gervais]

As David settels in at his new table, his new bodyguard shows up and sits accross from him at his table..

Barkeep! A virgin marry for my perfect speciman of a bodyguard please.

As the other patrons look over at his new bodyguard they all get the strange feeling that they know her and really don't want to mess with her..

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1063122867.gif

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[David E. Gervais]

..a handfull of Kylie Clone waitresses walk into the Bar..

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1044291021.gifhttp://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1044291035.gifhttp://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1044291050.gifhttp://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1044291063.gifhttp://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1044291111.gif

..you think one of them would have seen it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

P.S. Don't mind me, I was just browsing my old avatar thread and couldn't resist doing a bit of necromancy.. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[Raging Deadstar]

RD realises it's a Canadian, Not a Goa'uld. Strange how they can get mixed up... He takes his seat and feels slightly more comfortable knowing that some hand device thing won't destroy his brain. He hears some exclamation about FBW's and quickly shouts over to the now "sloshed" Agent Zero.

"You might want to look at the Cantina History, Especially Circle the Wagons and The Gryphin Position!"

RD quickly writes a note on Agent Zeros bill for the Guinness and delivers it dutifully.


Growltigger Once Long Ago said:
Key attributes for a FBW (other than being a natural beauty) is a disinclination toward wearing clothes, and being awfully willing under pretty much any circumstance - oh, they have to be quite good at waitressing as well



RD turns back to the canadian, and looks him up and down...

"Ok, Cut the suspense crap, Why do you have glowing green eyes?"

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero staggers to his feet, a vile stream of profanity spewing from his mouth. Even a fool should know that even all the Guiness in the world can't keep an Irishman down. However, smacking your head on a table when you slip on the stuff will do the trick nicely. Realizing he is soaked head to toe in Guiness, Agent Zero rolls his eyes strangely, activating a command in his retinal recognition software. The Guiness soaking his clothing sprays out in every direction, yet every drop manages to land in an empty glass belonging to the other patrons.

"That round's on me, lads!"

Agent Zero then notices the bill nailed to his shoe.

"Oh. I guess it is actually on me. Bugger."

Agent Zero strolls over to the bar, flicking through his credit cards until he finds his US Government Slush Fund card and hands it to Woundwort. In response to the newly-promoted General's query, AZ tells the barman to file the charge for 76 litres of Guiness under Entertainment/Jenna & Barbara. After payment is accepted, Agent Zero tucks the receipt away, then tips Deadstar generously for defining FBW.
As he turns to leave, he catches sight of David's new bodyguard, and stops in his tracks. The two stare at each other across the room, and the whole cantina grows silent. Agent Zero tilts his head to the left, then the right, cracking the vertebrae in his neck. David's bodyguard slowly cracks one knuckle after the other and unhooks her holster-guard. An electric charge runs through the cantina. The tension is unbareable. Soon the place will errupt into the most unprecedented level of violence any cantina has ever seen. Deadstar and Woundwort hastily begin filling out insurance forms, while the other patrons begin edging towards the windows.

Then, most unexpectedly, the two nod courteously to each other, and Agent Zero heads out the door in search of FBWs, and of course the meaning of Mac's cryptic reference to 'the O word'.

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort watches the visual showdown between AZ and Dave's bodyguard with interest. However, the moment quickly passes.

"Pity. That would have made for some juicy entertainment. *sigh* The place just isn't what it used to be."

Woundwort files the receipt in the cash register and resumes polishing the bar, keeping an eye on RD out of the corner of his eye.

[Cipher7071]

Bah... grunts Cipher with a glance over his shoulder as he finishes off the last of the green bottles.

"Not at all like the the old days..."

Then he notices the almost-full glass of what at first appears to be stout in front of him. But further inspection reveals just a slight green tint, along with the rather undesirable characteristic that the contents tend to cling to the side of the glass.

"Might there be something behind that bar that says Saint James Gate on it? I do believe this product has turned."

[Renegade 13]

"Ah, well the secret to glowing green eyes...that can never be told"

As Renegade is talking, a small greenish orb drops from his left eye. Rolling across the table, the small electonic eye (with obligatory green glow) knocks gently against one of RD's knuckles.

"Ok, I guess the secret can be revealed. But I think I like this look better anyways; one glowing green eye, one relatively normal eye, if you discount the fact that it's entirely black, no white at all. You do know that I have to kill you now don't you? After all, the secret of the glowing green eyeballs can not be revealed."

Renegade jumps across the table, and begins shoving dry ice down into RD's sputtering mouth!

"Sorry old friend, the secret must not be told!"

[AgentZero]

Renegade is suddenly hurled clear across the cantina and lands in a crumpled heap next to David's bodyguard, who proceeds to administer a few to the prone figure's head. RD, after unceremoniously expelling a significant quantity of dry ice looks up at his saviour. Agent Zero, being very tall, smiles down at him.

"Nobody, but nobody harms the bringer of beer as long as Zero is around."

Agent Zero then meanders on over to David's table, ignoring the icy stare from his bodyguard.

"Is it done?" asks David.
"It is," comes the solemn reply.
"Excellent. Now for the love of God man, wash the blood of your hands. You're going to draw attention!"

[General Woundwort]

"Tsk tsk tsk. I just knew RD would get himself into trouble. It's just in the grain of the universe. Perhaps you'd like a dry martini to wash down that dry ice?" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

"Now then, Cipher, my fine chap, let me see if I can scrounge up some of that Saint James Gate you're looking for... SANCHO! Hrmph Never around when he's needed..."

[Cipher7071]

"Ah... very good, General. But, perhaps you misunderstand. On a bottle of a true stout it tells the place of its brewing. In the case of Guiness, that place is St. James Gate, Dublin. We'll make a bartender of you yet, General. But it does beg the question, what of Taz?"

With that, Cipher removes a small tin and cloth from his pocket, and attempts to polish away what remains of the green goo that was splashed on his nickel-plated hide.

"I've not seen Taz since the last melee."

He glances down again and notices that his polishing compound, although it seems to have acted as a solvent on the goo, has only served to spread the blemish upon his person.

"Oh, bother. I thought this compound would remove anything. There's only one thing for it, I suppose."

With that, Cipher's countenance became blank as the fabric of his existence began to shimmer away to his lair deep within the Mandelbrot set. At the vanishing point, the film of goo, compund, and tarnish fell away as a fine dust upon the floor. In a second, back he shimmered upon the stool, none the worse for wear.

"That's done it. Interesting what one can do with applied mathematics. How's my timing, bartender-General, have you located that stout?"

[Renegade 13]

Hey, isn't David's body guard a woman? In that case, I won't mind "a few to the prone figure's head." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

After a...uh...momentary distraction, Renegade pops up from beneath David's table. Looking around, seeing only red, he discovers the red is not from anger, but from the gash on his forehead.

"Oh well, that'll heal fast..."

Having a new victim in mind (and a more vicious attack), Renegade spots Agent Zero standing next to David. Actually, he appears to be trying to hide behind the great man. Hmmm.... Strolling over to AZ, Renegade taps him on the left shoulder, then moves to AZ's right. As soon as AZ starts to turn forward again, Renegade taps him on the right shoulder, and moves to AZ's left. Convinced now that some form of hideous demon is haunting him, Agent Zero spins around in circles until he lands rather unceremoniously on his rear. Renegade then pounces on him (with bucket of dry ice in hand) and proceeds to fill Agent Zero's nasal cavity, mouth, ears, and whatever other cavity is within reach...don't worry, not that one! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

"Ah, revenge is sweet indeed!"

[General Woundwort]

"Got it right here. Beg pardon about the name mix-up. The Boss is the expert on the brews from that side of the pond - my expertise is in East Coast microbrews."

Woundwort pours out a Guinness, neat, and sets it in front of Cipher.

"This one's on me - maybe that way I'll have some incentive to learn the craft a little better. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif"

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero strolls into the bar and shakes his head at the sight of Renegade packing Zero's doppelganger full of dry ice.

"Blimey. Ah well, serves me right for using SE2's AI code for my 'twin'. Be interesting to see how all that dry ice reacts with it's power suppl-"

BOOOM!!!!

"Erm, barkeep? Add that five square metres of floor to my tab, would you?"

David, protected from the blast by his forcefield now finds himself sitting on a sort of pedastel in the middle of a rather large crater. Looking over at Agent Zero, he mouths a silent, "WTF?"[i] Agent Zero shrugs, then catching sight of David's bodyguard, suddenly draws his blasters and opens fire! The entire cantina is soon sizzling with lethal energy as the two professional killers bound about the room, trading blots of energy as they flick from place to place almost too fast for the (human) eye to keep track. Glasses, bottles, kegs, chairs and tables explode like demented fireworks, showering the other patrons with debries. Fortunately, the dueling duo's weapons rely on a form of quantum -rather than thermal- energy, and this alone keeps the cantina from errupting into a blazing inferno as the two wage their deadly game. In fact, the only sound to be heard, apart from weapons fire, and the occasional 'Eep!' from David is the sound of Renegade trying to free his head from the toilet he managed to land in.

Suddenly, the two cross paths and come to an abrupt stop in the middle of the cantina floor, sweating and panting, with guns at each other's temples, in a tense Mexican standoff.
A slow smile creeps across Agent Zero's face.[i]

"Now I know what you're thinking. Did he fire 600kilowatts or only 500? Well the question you gotta ask yourself is, Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

[Renegade 13]

As Renegade struggles in vain to free his head from the (thankfully new, and thusfar unused) toilet, he hears the sounds of violent fighting in the background. Pulling his head from the opening of the toilet with a dull "pop" sound, he pokes his wet hair until it stands back in its customary inch-and-a-half long spikes. Walking confidantly over to Agent Zero and his Mexican standoff, he falls into the 5 square meter hole. Damn. Crawling out of the hole, Renegade slips up behind David's bodyguard, and cracks her on the head with a rubber mallet (hey, she's the more dangerous one!) As she falls into a crumpled heap on the floor, Renegade throws the mallet in a movement faster than was thought humanly possible. It hits Agent Zero square between the eyes, and knocks him out cold.

"Now for the interesting part....which of those two will wake up first??"

Strolling over to where Raging Deadstar, David and Mac are sitting, Renegade grabs a stool and sits down with the trio, making it a quartet. As they eye him suspiciously, he says,

"Hey, I'm done with the whole violence thing. At least with you guys. Still not sure about Agent Zero...."

[David E. Gervais]

hmmm,.. now that we are a quartet, we can start a 'Curling' Team.. I'll be the Skip. What positions do you want? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[General Woundwort]

"Curling, Dave?!?"

Woundwort has horrid flashbacks to the coverage of curling at the last two Winter Olympics.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/Sick.gif

[AgentZero]

[i]Agent Zero smiles as he perches in the rafters above Renegade. From the looks of that hammer blow, his SE3-AI doppelganger is now irreperably damaged as well. Zero curses silently. This means he's down to only his SE4-AI doppelganger (the SE1 version being a gibbering idiot kept locked in the AZ's basement). There is of course the SE5-AI version, but Zero shudders to think of the kind of destruction such a creature would inflict upon the world, let alone the cantina. Plus, releasing it now would be a violation of the sacred NDA, and would certainly incur the wrath of a vengeful Aaron. And if it came to that, it was extremely unlikely this corner of the universe would survive. Another course of action will be required to deal with Renegade.

The shadows whisper, and Agent Zero is gone...

[David E. Gervais]

David walks in then out for the sole purpose of saving this fine thread from the dreaded 'Page 2'.

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero does the same thing, easily avoiding being spotted by Renegade who is too busy poking AZ's doppleganger, hoping it'll wake up and save him the hassle of a murder trial.

[Renegade 13]

"Quick! Bring out the defibrilator! Give me the paddles."

ZAP! ZAP!

AZ's doppelganger flops like a boned fish on the floor of the cantina.

"He's got a pulse! Now lets just hope that no one notices that he'll just be a vegetable for the rest of his life..."

Having finished all the currently pressing work, Renegade melts back into the shadows, with only his ubiquitous glowing eyes revealing his presence. A deep, resonating voice echoes from the shadows around Renegade...

"Tread lightly Agent Zero, you will yet meet your fate."

[General Woundwort]

While the rest of the patrons enjoy playing "ER", Woundwort continues in the Taz tradition of polishing the bar, when suddenly, Sancho comes running breathlessly (metaphorically speaking, he is after all a robot) up to him.

"Boss! Boss! We've got... competition!!!"

"What!?!" Woundwort punches a few buttons on his wrist computer, and a holographic image of the Won Ton Violence Take Out Hut shimmmers into being on the counterrop.

"Hmmm... catchy name. I see they've got customers, too. Tell me, Roboboy, has anyone ever dared set up a competitive restaurant in the Boss's territory?"

"I... I don't know."

"Do an archive search. Find out. Meanwhile, keep this place under surveilance. If Growltigger finds out about it... things could get very interesting in this sector of space." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/evil.gif

Sancho runs off to talk to the forum computer, while Woundwort lights up a Rocky Patel '92, and eyes the holographic image of Won Ton's with an evil gleam in his eye.

[mac5732]

being appraised of the new establishment down the street and in the more rowdy section of the planet, The wize one decides to investigate by using a disguise to enter the sanctuary of this place and to make notations of the interior for the members awareness..... : /threads/images/Graemlins/Cold.gif

[mac5732]

bump in the nite http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif The wind russels thru the trees, a whispering faintly fills the air, He's coming, He's coming,....... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

[Renegade 13]

Oh god no! NO! Not Him.

Renegade melts back into the shadows and fades from view, until He is gone.

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero meanders back in after a long absence, orders two pints, plunks himself down at a table, and eyes the door, obviously expecting someone.

[Renegade 13]

Renegade warily eyes Agent Zero as he sits down, plotting yet more horrible revenge upon his nemesis.

[Raging Deadstar]

RD quickly smuggles himself through the "service contractors entrance" of the cantina. Dragging what seems to be an enormous metal case behind him. A couple of inquisitive shots from the remaining customers were soon subdued by an FBW delivering drinks to their respective tables. Activating the Sound Dampner behind the bar RD breathlessly approaches General Woundwort.

"Competition... These are Dark Days. Whatever happened to the Phong's Heads glory days? Whatever happened to the unadulterated greed this place stood for? What happened to the merciless dominating monopoly we possessed??? There is two courses of action my friend. We draw in the customers in a corporate war or….”

RD just grins as he opens up the giant metal case to reveal a mundane looking sharp suited man in cryostasis.

“We send in the health and safety inspectors!”

[General Woundwort]

"Health Inspectors?"

"Health Inspectors?!?"

"Health Inspectors!?!?!"

Woundwort throws the butt of his cigar to the ground in disgust.

"OK. That's it. I can't wait for the Boss' approval. Time to bring this upstart Huxtable to heel!"

Woundwort taps a few buttons on his wrist computer. His bartender outfit is replaced by a pinstripe zoot suit. A few more buttons and several thick-necked, large-muscled clones of Furio Giunta and Luca Brazi show up, similarly attired, carrying oddly-shaped violin cases. A stangely familiar tune (http://mfile.akamai.com/6533/wm2/muze.download.akamai.com/2890/us/euwm2/728/1044728_1_12.asx?obj=v20615) begins to fill the air.

"I'm going over to the Wa-Wa Takeout Hut to lay down the law. Are you in or out?"

[AngeldelaMuerte]

Dark shadows flicker around the doorway and the cantina grows strangely quiet as the Angel of Death passes through the doorway. She makes her way purposefully towards Renegade but stops suddenly as she notices Agent Zero has been kind enough to buy her a beer. She plops herself down across from him and takes a big swig before engaging Agent Zero in quiet but animated conversation.
Observent onlookers notice her hand brush Agent Zero's a number of times with no ill effects. Yet a moth that flutters too close brushes her black robe and immediately shrivels and dies.

[Puke]

well, its certainly been ages since i've seen that fuzzy mug in here.

since its valentines day (in some parts of the world) is it a requirements for those FBWs to express a little affection for tired old wargame grognards? or does that get into combat pay?

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort walks back behind the counter and hangs his fedora on the wall. However, several Furio clones remain close at hand. Obviously, something is in the works.

As he settles back behind the bar and taps the ashes of his cigar into a convenient ashtray, he notices the Angel of Death sitting with Agent Zero.

"Hoo boy. That's a bad sign."

Woundwort summons his robot flunkey Sancho to the bar.

"Make sure that AZ's table gets good service today."

"Yessir. How did the... visit... go?"

"We'll find out. That reminds me - tell the combat droids to stand by. Hopefully we won't need them, but... you never know..."

[Raging Deadstar]

RD Peers over the top of the bar...

"Angel of Death?? I swear I was not responsible for that incident back on Cassandra VI... Oh..."

Realises that it's a patron and relaxes before pouring himself his usual non-alcoholic drink and continues to serve people and mentionning too much.

"Hey Woundwort, If Agent Zero dies on this property just make sure to claim the life insurance!"

RD drops a brewski by David Gervais usual seat and continues to serve the usual patrons, He contemplates a bit of vengeance on Renegade but decides against it. He's heard muttering under his breath..

"It was valentines day yesterday, goodwill to all men and that, god know's we need it at this time of year!" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Renegade 13]

Seeing Agent Zero, Angel of Death and Ragin'( http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif ) Deadstar eyeing him with not-so-friendly expressions on their faces, Renegade slips a little deeper into the shadows. The greenish glow of his eyes is visible for a short time, then disappears suddenly.

Climbing the wall slowly, carefully and silently, Renegade slips onto the 10 x 10 rafters and slowly slips to a position over top of the Angel of Death and Agent Zero. Pulling a handful of something out of a hidden pocket of his cloak, he lightly blows some sort of iridescent powder down onto the unsuspecting duo.

Muttering under his breath, Renegade says, "I sure hope you can incapacitate an Angel of Death...and lets hope Woundwort doesn't mind having a few twitching bodies on his floor."

With that, and not waiting to see the effects of the substance take effect, Renegade vanishes with a faint noise, and a flash of bluish light.

[Puke]

Puke said:
well, its certainly been ages since i've seen that fuzzy mug in here.

since its valentines day (in some parts of the world) is it a requirements for those FBWs to express a little affection for tired old wargame grognards? or does that get into combat pay?




good god, i was replying to the first page of this thread. still not used to how things display after the forum upgrade, and have to remember to click on page "1"

[Raging Deadstar]

RD sees this strange action by Renegade and shakes his head, returning from the back room carrying a hefty western style pistol, a black umbrella and a miniature vacuum cleaner. Proceeding to Agent Zero and the supposed Angel of Death's table he wonders, "Should I let the Angel of Death kill him..." but decides against it, Renegade didn't deserve death, perhaps embarrassment on the IRC channel but not death. He dutifully sucks up the strange pixie dust that renegade sprayed with the vacuum cleaner and kicks it away. He then hands the two patrons the umbrella.

“Here you go, Now please, just duck behind it for a moment, Customer Satisfaction and all…”

RD looks around; Renegade is nowhere to be seen… So he knocks on the ceiling lights and opens fire with the heavy pistol.

“Ok, Renegade, now be a good peaceful Canadian and return to your table… I don’t want an enraged harbinger of death with vengeance and bloodlust on her mind… Christ…It’s bad enough filing thing’s under ‘Act’s of God’ on the insurance forms, Never mind when it is an actual Act of God!”

RD looks up, Renegade is still nowhere to be seen and all that remains are several large bullet holes in the rafters. He reloads the pistol and glances round…

“Sheesh, it’s only Tuesday and I’m dealing with an Angel of Death, some Green Eyed Canadian Mercenary and Rival establishments, How much is the Boss paying me for this?”

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort watches RD's inexplicable actions, and shakes his head sadly.

"Here we are, teetering on the brink of an all-out turf war, and you're acting like Eli Wallach on acid. Get a grip, and keep an eye out for Rudy!"

[Kamog]

Puke said:
good god, i was replying to the first page of this thread. still not used to how things display after the forum upgrade, and have to remember to click on page "1"


You can change the order of the posts back to reverse order in the display preferences under "My Home".

[Renegade 13]

"Come on RD, I wasn't after you!! Cut me a little slack, ok?"

As the disembodied voice fades to non-existance, Renegade re-materializes in his favorite dark corner of the bar, and pokes a finger through a rather large caliber bullet hole in the side of his cloak. Close one.

[mac5732]

The wizen old one walks into the old establishiment, looks around and waves at everyone, however, he stops and peers at the darkness sitting next to AZ, hmmm, me mumbles, he pulls out his darkness slicer wiper, pushes on the button and walks over to his table. He orders his usual, and then opens up his bag and starts handing out valentines to everyone in the bar, of course the FBWs are just thrilled and proceed to smother him and Puke in wonderous smooches and massages. They in turn show their appreciation by putting on the valentine outfits that Puke gave them. The old ones, defibulatro starts to go into over drive and the wize geezer has to turn it down a little... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Just then, a slight wind once again whispers thru the cantina, and the words, "He's coming, He's coming", once again issues thru out the confines of the cantina.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/confused.gif

[AngeldelaMuerte]

A massive bear-like Indian squeezes his way into the bar and two patrons standing near the door immediately attack each other violently. The huge man walks straight over to the Angel and Agent Zero's table and sits down carefully. The wooden chair groans loudly under the weight but somehow manages to hold. Next through the door is a gaunt bent-over man who heads straight for his companion, only detouring to devour all the bear-nuts at the bar. Finally, walking proudly upright despite being a sickly yellow colour, the last of the men enter. He makes his way to the table slowly carefully avoiding touching anyone or anything. The three shake hands with Agent Zero then nod politely to the Angel and all five begin a quiet conversation...

[AgentZero]

"Great. War, Death, Famine and Pestilance at my table. Does anyone want to trade seats?"

[Raging Deadstar]

"Sorry Renegade, But with the possibility of turf warfare I thought it would be pest to pacify the locals."

RD look’s around and locks eyes with the Angel of Death and her companions...

"Is it the Apocalypse already? Oh well, At least there aren't 14 Angel's of Death like in Rabbinical Lore. Now that would be awful. Hmmm…I wonder if there’s a social club for these people…"


General Woundwort said:
Woundwort watches RD's inexplicable actions, and shakes his head sadly.

"Here we are, teetering on the brink of an all-out turf war, and you're acting like Eli Wallach on acid. Get a grip, and keep an eye out for Rudy!"



“Sorry Sir, It’s that old Security Instinct from the Starfury sector kicking in. Anyway, I’ve always preferred Al Pacino myself.”

[Alneyan]

AgentZero said:
"Great. War, Death, Famine and Pestilance at my table. Does anyone want to trade seats?"



Agent Zero, the would-be boss wants you in briefing room pronto! You will be leading the vanguard of this hostile takeover bid. Briefing in five minutes, so get ready!

Goes away quickly, hoping there won't be any unfortunate side effect with the riders Now why do I have the feeling I am going to regret this, very soon...

[General Woundwort]

"I see the natives here have itchy trigger fingers. Don't get too far ahead of yourself, Alneyan. I'm not The Boss, just his contract employee. It's not yet a hostile takeover bid - Rudy still has some time left to come and negotiate. And I'd tread a little more lightly around AZ and his friends - I know I am."

Woundwort is busy cleaning and loading Tommy-gun shaped blaster rifles while saying this. He pauses and taps on his wrist computer.

"Sancho! Have you got the mattresses laid out yet?"

[Alneyan]

"You mean this isn't the place where the ruthless got promoted, where intrigue is the fastest way to get anything done, where even a mundane request requires cunning, and where plots between the employees are a dime the dozen? Do you now actually need to *work* to become boss? Or even work honestly? Now that would be quite the surprise, really, quite the surprise.

'sides, you sure are a talented boss, and you would've been promoted anywhere else. Might makes right, and remind yourself of what happened to Dogscoff. Another competent employee, even an associate of The Boss... and you know what happened to him. Not a pleasant fate that and...

Erh, by the way, what did you mean by being more careful? Doesn't the place look after the patrons? Isn't the Security Hit-squad here to quell any hint of trouble? Ah. I see. Now if you will excuse me..."

[General Woundwort]

"Hey, Rudy is a newcomer, I thought I would cut him a break before cutting more... vital areas. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif "

"And didn't you notice the 'All Patrons Enter At Their Own Risk' sign by the door?" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Alneyan]

"I wasn't speaking of Rudy (may the powers that be protect him, he will need all the help he can get), but of your own boss. Truly, you should make a nicer spot under the sun for yourself, but who am I to say eh?" *Grumbles* A shame, it looks like there won't be any major succession crisis in the place... not yet anyway. It would have been so fun, oh yes... We should have liked that.

*Clears his throat* Hmm, where were we? Oh, that sign at the door. I didn't actually enter the Cantina see, but I was more like dragged in here, after having been knocned out. At one moment I was sipping the One True drink, and the second later, here I was in the Cantina, still feeling groggy and all. So you see, I did not enter the Cantina, and so the sign does not apply to me. Really!

Goes away from the bar, painfully aware of the weakness of that last argument, and goes at the other end of the room, farthest away from the riders and the angel. Now let's see if I can become invisible by sheer force of will...

[AgentZero]

The conversation between Agent Zero and the Four Horseriders of the Apocalypse seems to have ended. For a long moment, there is silence, then, inexplicably, the five begin playing Paper, Rock, Scissors. One by one, the Riders are eliminated, until only Zero remains. He leaps to his feet, one hand raised in triumph.
"Wooo! I win! Um... What do I win?"
"Leadership, and therefore control of the forces that we Riders wield." War informs him.
"Coool! Death! Go poke Renegade!"
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that."
"Awwww...."
The Angel of Death leans forward ominously."As he who controls the forces of Armageddon you must seperate the worthy from the unworthy, decide who will perish and who will survive the coming inferno."
Agent Zero looks suitably shocked."Out of the whole forum? Did you guys lose on purpose?"
Famine ignores the second question."No," he says in a voice like dry, crackling leaves."You must simply decide between the two cantinas. One will survive, and the other will be annhilated in a holocaust of divine & demonic energy that quite frankly, will look really cool."
Agent Zero's shoulders sag."Seems like an awful lot of responsibility to dump on a guy for winning a Rock Paper Scissors game."

[General Woundwort]

The courier drone, lately seen at the Won Ton Take-out Hut, returns to the bar at the FCB&G, and spits out a printout. Woundwort tears it from the droid's "mouth", reads it, and scowls.

"Well, Mr. Huxtable has returned to his 'establishment', and promptly ignored both our messages."

"I can only say I tried to be reasonable."

"SANCHO!!!!"

Sancho trots out of the kitchen, where he has been quite busy making mounds of Italian food to keep the "hired help" satisfied.

"Yessir?"

"Spread the word. The balloon's goin' up. This is now officially an all-out turf war."

Sancho hesitates.

"Your audio receptors not working? Send out the mobilization codes! NOW!"

"Yessir!"

Sancho puts an old-fashioned whistle to his mouth and blows a three-note pattern. From every corner and booth, pinstripe-suited thugs appear from nowhere, armed for bear. From the storage area of the Grill, a phalanx of Pinwheel combat droids (bought on remainder from Lucasfilm, and heavily refurbished) roll up and flex their weapon pods.

"RD, quit poking holes in the ceiling with your slugthrower, and suit up. We're going to war!"

[Renegade 13]

Renegade materializes from hiding, skirting around the 4 horsemen, and joins the growing mob.

"Argh Matey! 'Tis time for for some lootin' an' plunderin' and killin' on the high forum seas! Arrrr..."

[i]With that, Renegade grabs his Horrible Emasculator of Doom, along with a cheap rip-off of the Red Hot Poker Cannon, and borrows Primitive's unused Rusty (yet Pointy) Spear©® (thanks Primitive!) and hopes that he won't have to use these on any of the patrons of the new upstart place....

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort watches the Trojan Horse robot in the Won Ton lobby fulfill its explosive duty, with a smug smile of satisfaction on his face.

"Gosh, they're making this almost too easy."

"Renegade, I'm going to send the combat bots over next. Care to join them? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif "

[Renegade 13]

March with them? No no no. Far too foolish to march. However, I will join them in their assault...though mine may be more subtle than a marching platoon of bots. That is, if my scholastic duties do not force me to zip away from here for indeterminate amounts of time. But rest assured! I will come, sooner or later, to affirm the rights of Growltigga to be sole proprietor of any place of rest and leisure (and scantily clad waitresses) in the SEIV universe!

Actually now that I think about it, how subtle can a Red Hot Poker Cannon be?? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[Raging Deadstar]

RD returns from the back room carrying two Slug throwers in a holster and a large steak. He walks over to a small trapdoor below a shadowy cobwebbed table and throws the steak down into the depths. An explosion of hungry, angered and ravenous mongoose cries fill the room, only dampened by the closing of the trap door.

“Growltigger would have wanted the Byzantium Hordes involved.”

He turns to General (or is Lieutenant Colonel ) Woundwort and addresses a slight problem.

“Surely we shouldn’t leave this place undefended? Agent Zero, Renegade, Mac, Yourself, you’ve all begun the assault. We shouldn’t leave this sanctified place unguarded Sir. Permission to set up defences, listen to the Gladiator Soundtrack and hold the Fort Sir! No patron of the Won Ton Hut will cross Taz’s polished oak bar alive!"

RD Smiles slightly...

"We Need a Bar and Grill and some scantily clad FBW's to come home to after this, Victory can be celebrated no other way!"

[Atrocities]

Atrocities begins to clean his "simple blaster."

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero strolls out of the bathroom, looking well-rested, but still feeling the lingering effects of too many Galactic Cores. He walks smartly over to Woundwort and drops to one knee.

"A decision has been reached, and the legions of Heaven and Hell stand ready to serve you, sir. We await your orders..."

[AngeldelaMuerte]

The Angel of Death rises from her seat. She begins walking slowly towards General Woundwort who begins looking for escape routes and trying to lay his hands on something heavy. Having the Angel of Death walk towards you is very frightening event. When she reaches Agent Zero's side she does the unthinkable and drops to one knee as well. The other three Riders soon join her on either side of Agent Zero, waiting for their orders.

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero, having gotten bored waiting for orders, has just returned from the Won Ton, having given a certain young upstart a good flaying. He grabs a couple bottles from behind the bar, slips an arm around Death's waist and escorts her to a cozy booth in the back for a good snuggle.

[General Woundwort]

"Oh very well. We'll leave the combat droids here. And I managed to re-activate the velociraptors as well, for defensive purposes. That still leaves us the torpedoes, the giant Mongooses, and us for the first assault."

"The plan of attack is... go forth and bust heads." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/evil.gif

"Any questions?"

"TO THE TAKE OUT HUT!"

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Erm... guys, what are you thinking? The latest goings-on at the Won-Ton seem to be somewhat unfortunate for you. (http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=332916&page=0&view=&sb=5& o=&fpart=1&vc=#Post332916) Why don't you just give up?

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero pops into existance, recently freed from Jack Smith's pocket universe. The Angel of Death reappears shortly thereafter, minus her top. (Awww, yeah!) Fortunately, having wings to fold around her, her modesty is unperturbed.

"Right folks, I did my damndest to take out the Hut on my own, but I'm afraid I was defeated by a combination of illogic, blatant disregard for continuity, and a total lack of respect for whichever section of the Geneva Convention pretains to the rules of Forum War. I also regret to inform you that the Earth Portal to the Bar & Grill was destroyed, so we can't really go home for a while. On the plus side, the Hut seems to have been thoroughly obliterated by Strategia.
I currently recommend a committee of 50 to attempt to untangle the mess of conflicting reports surrounding the final hours of the Hut, and a committee of 500 to determine exactly which side Strategia was fighting for.
That is all."

[Raging Deadstar]

RD sits alone in the at the polished bar with the small statue of Taz at the end. Only visible by the atmospherically placed spotlight. RD finishes another drink, a non-alcoholic one of course, even the largest cantina war in history could not break RD from his teetotal conviction, a silent toast to the statue of Taz before he gets back to his research. In the background, as promised, plays the gladiator motion picture soundtrack, It was a choice between that and something by Paradise Lost…

“Hmmm… Interesting…”

Before him sits many books, hundreds of sheets of paper and enough weird *** artefacts to make a museum curator cream in excitement.

“Why does it have to be so dam difficult? Which God of War or Death do I decide to call in favours from? Ares/Mars? Sekhmet? Odin? Mot? Hades? Sheesh why couldn’t there be a copy of the “Godly Pages” nearby?”

RD realises he should keep his voice down, what with the Angel of Death nearby… Afterall, with his healthy interest in Mythology and such he learned long ago what Azrael’s fate was prophesised to be.

Mumblings could be heard. “The last to die” “the second trump” “archangel”

He continues mumbling, reading and studying. If one god could be found willing to protect this place it would be worth it. The Patron God of the Cantina, and ain’t nobody who f**ks with the divine!

"I may not know my technology... But Ancient History and Theology is another matter"

[NullAshton]

The bar & grill will now be guarded by 10 starbases. Have a nice day.

[Raging Deadstar]

NullAshton said:
The bar & grill will now be guarded by 10 starbases. Have a nice day.



Just Laughs....

Starbases? Have you seen what some of the patrons drive here in? Last I checked Mac, Dogscoff and Growltigga were known to have worldships in orbit of this place. It's almost mandatory for the parking lot to have at least 2 baseships, several dreadnoughts and god know's what else there! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Don't matter, We may need the scrap to fix doors or something http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[NullAshton]

Theres lots of fighters in there as well. I need to know what mod has worldships before I make them...

[Raging Deadstar]

Message from Bartender, To be confirmed by Staff

Until Notified The Staff of this Cantina (aka Me and the FBW's) have taken the necessary precautions to ensure the safety of this Cantina, protection of this home away from home.

Until Further Notice this Cantina is protected by an Anti Deus Ex Machina field. Fancy devices powered by Technobabble, obscene special powers, weapons or devices far beyond reasonable limits and/or the use of Time Travel will not work within the Anti Deus Ex Machina Field.

We of the Cantina feel that if you have a problem bring a fleet that matches the technology of at least one SEIV Mod and duke it out in orbit, or resort to comedy violence and settle thing's the old fashioned way.

This is to preserve the Cantina, and quite possibly the libido of the FBW's who find geeks arguing about technobabble a turn off and a difficult obstacle in the way of a successful day's work.

Some will Call this an unfair move and may argue that such abilities worked for superheroes or even stars of science fiction tv series'. Well we at the Cantina say this. "You are not James T. Kirk, The Engines Canne Take it Cap'n and If you do not comply the FBW's will be happy to bestow a lethal dose of aggression to your table."

Thank You, Raging Deadstar

[mac5732]

a deep rumbling is heard coming from the inner sanctum.. Its getting louder and louder, RD strolls over and opens the door, his face turns lackluster purple, he closes the door and reports to all the patrons. The Inner Sanctum TT worshipping aliens have decided to join the in the bashing of THE HUT. They are currently sending a raiding team down thru the inner sanctum inner systems where they found a connecting one leading up to the inner sanctum or whatever its called over in the HUT.... who knows what mischief these deziens will create http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Erm... Starbases? Worldships? Are you kidding me? I've got a 25MT COMCA in orbit! I could annihilate you all in one shot! And btw, the entire NORTHERN HEMISPHERE was annihilated when my ship opened fire... the Hut was just collateral damage. And it had already been crushed by a plummeting B-Destroyer III.

Face it. You need at least a Star Destroyer or a COMCA of your own to take out the USS Strategia III.

[Raging Deadstar]

StrategiaInUltima said:
Erm... Starbases? Worldships? Are you kidding me? I've got a 25MT COMCA in orbit! I could annihilate you all in one shot! And btw, the entire NORTHERN HEMISPHERE was annihilated when my ship opened fire... the Hut was just collateral damage. And it had already been crushed by a plummeting B-Destroyer III.

Face it. You need at least a Star Destroyer or a COMCA of your own to take out the USS Strategia III.



points to the Anti Deus Ex Machina Field Your Comca falls under Deus Ex Machina, and therefore cannot effect the cantina

Also, I swear a Worldship was bigger than 25mt... But then again it was a while since I played that mod http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Ahh, Ultimate Vehicle Size Mod. Massive Worldship 40. 40mt of Pain, Death and Hurt!!!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Your Deus Ex Machina stops... non-mod ships. Well, 'scuse me, but the fine COMCA is a glorious part of the Capship Mod. (http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB23&Number=330909&page=0 &view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=1)

[NullAshton]

I think the COMCA was destroyed...

[NullAshton]

Anyway, I now have 8 Null-Destroyer class worldships in orbit. Read the hut fourm for stats. That null-space cannon is sweeeeeeet http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[Growltigger]

OK, enough of this intergalactic techno-mayhem... Growltigger materialises in the middle of the cantina, dressed in his favourite "Ali Bongo" magical outfit, and flanked by two of the more luscious FBW's (the Kirsty Gallagher and Victoria Silvstedt lookalikes - who are wearing about enough clothing to cover one rather small female, and believe, these two are definately not small in certain areas!!)....

The Great Kat surveys the cantina, and to evidence that he is indeed a cat with feelings, a small tear glistens in his eye when he sees what his beloved cantina has become, but not for too long, as he is not a girly man.

Friends, Patrons, Countrymen (oh, and you wretched north americans)... what have we done? what have we let our cantina become? how could it slip into such a pit of wanton despair..

This cannot be, it shall not be...

Using the age old mantra of "izzy Wizzy Let's Get Busy", the Great Kat waves his magic wand...

Kazamm, the decor of the cantina is spruced back into its wonderful neo-classical fusion style...

Pazazzz, an all girl orchestra wearing thongs and saucepan lids appears on stage, blasting out some bottom kicking tunes...

Powey, the kitchen is refreshed to its previous glory, tribbles wings on the spit roast and lots of nibbles, pizzas etc....

Thsspppp, a taz clone appears behind the bar, polishing the counter and licking the glasses clean as always and waiving a sign saying free booze for the first ten thousand customers....

Wahey.... a mulititude of scantily clad FBWs appear on the dancefloor, beckoning to the patrons to come join them for a tuppeny upright....

Thwokkk, thecarpark is cleared away and retarmaced,, Barry the T Rex appears, dressed in his valet uniform and looking forward to refusing entry (and eating) the more undiscerning punters...

Biff.... hordes of killer mongoose, ninja shrimp, evil sea beasts, swamp monsters, killer raccoons, pyscho squirrels and ornery varmints appear behind the cantina, ready to join their evil boss in cartoon mayhem...

Blammo.... everything gets back to normal save for the one last great miracle....

Waving his wand and summoning all his strength, GT looks at Mac and casts the most difficult spell, suddenly, Mac is grabbed by a force divine and is dunked into a large tub of antiscpetic, his clothes are miraculously repaired, he is cleanned up and even more wonderfully, the disturbing smell of wee wee he always carried with him is scrubbed clean! he is left smelling fresh, looking presentable, and less like a right of spinbdle shanked tosspot and pervert....

GT loses the Al Bongo outfit, reverts to his dinner jacket and cigar, stows the red hot poker hand cannon behind the bar, and as the stompin' strains of "Just a Gigolo" come from the all-girl orchestra, goes down to the dancefloor to join the FBW's in a lot of full contact dancing....

The good old days are back...who do we beat up first?

[Alneyan]

Hey RD, you know you owe me a favour or three? Well, please forward that report to the relevant authorities, and clear up my name from all records of the Cantina. It isn't that I am being suspicious of course, just the routine.

So, your monopoly has once more been challenged. The location of the new Chat and Grill has been pinpointed to be exactly here (http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/postlist.php?Cat=&Board=bar) . The owner, or one of the owners of the place, made a proclamation of independence from the Cantina here (http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=333324&page=0&view=collap sed&sb=5&o=365&fpart=1) . Hope you will make good use of this data RD, and don't forget, I've never been here.

The United Spying Cells: all the intelligence you have ever wanted without asking it, and then some more you couldn't care less about.

[RudyHuxtable]

Hey kids here at the Bar and Grill!

It turns out that the Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut is doing really well! yea yea yea!

Let's see if we can work out a deal. Our feud to this point has resulted in a lot of shattered glass and my air hockey table was bumped during the Air Hockey Intergalactic Super Championships.

Why don't we both pool our resources and build a wormhole so we can bridge our two establishments and create one super getaway for the masses? Either that or I can just use the revenue from the 2,302nd Olympiad (which we held in the dining area) and buy you out?

Think about it, my groovy arch-enemies!

Peace, Love, and Bellbottoms!

[mac5732]

Dear Rudy, tho we appreciate your forthcoming acquaintence in the search of free space, You must direct all inquires to the owner of this establishment, One, Mr GT GrowelTigga Inc. along with his compatriot in arms, one Dogscoff, they have controlling interest of these premisis. Therefore, all correspondence must be directed towards his furry highness http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

PS. (GT, tks for the new threads and the free wash, the soap was a little green and rough, but i hardly noticed it with my clothes still on. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

The old one enters the spanking new look Cantina with a Liz Hurly clone on each arm and a chainmail lady clone leading his procession to his old defumagated, disinfected and whitewashed cornor table.

[Renegade 13]

What!?! No more darkened corners for me to lurk in? Oh well, I guess I can see if any of those FBW's are lonely http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[AngeldelaMuerte]

Oooh! New and shiney. Hey does anyone know where I can leave my horde of fluffy rabid bunny rabits? I left em outside and they seem to be mating with the killer mongeese which I fear will create a master race that will destroy us all.
Anyhoo, I'm still noticing a complete lack of male FBWs. Bring on the oily muscley men! In jeans cause Speedos are just nasty. Now in accordance with Growltigger's latest directive let's have ourselves some cartoon violence!

Angel promply drops an anvil on Renegade's head.

Ha! You thought I forgot, didn't you? Bwahaha!

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero gently twaps Angel on the back of the head with an oversized wooden hammer.

"And why exactly would you be needing male FBWs, my dear?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Strategia enters the B&G.

"So... you wanted cartoon violence?"

pulls out a massively oversized tommygun from inside his maffioso tux's breast pocket

fires a couple of undersized sharks as bullets from the tommygun. A pair of them seek towards Angel and AZ.

[Raging Deadstar]

RD Quickly whips out one of the infamous black holes from many a cartoon and slings one across the floorboards to Strategias feet, who promptly falls into the basement.

"Now that was a plot-hole and a half" *insert groans here* http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

the small sharks continue to seek after Angel and AZ as they run (fly) to evade them. Snapping hungrily, they pull their fins more to their bodies, and for some reason suddenly go much faster, as it always is in cartoons.

From the basement:
"Hunh?"

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero leads Angel through a maze of coridors and doors, barely keeping ahead of the miniature sharks racing after them. They race up and down stairs, around corners and down hallways until they reach the basement and leg it passed a dazed Strategia, and leap up to the ground floor, whereupon Zero unsticks the hole from the floor and tucks it away in his pocket. The two then nonchlantly stroll over to the bar and order very stiff drinks.

Somewhere below them, a faint screaming can be heard...

[Renegade 13]

Gingerly rubbing the growing lump on the back of his head from that (very heavy!) anvil, Renegade slumps over in a corner, and allows the FBW's to massage his lump.

"Thanks Angeladelamuerte, I needed that...more attention from beautiful women, thanks!"

Waiting for a time to gain his revenge...as soon as his head stops spinning!

[mac5732]

The old one takes a short break from the never ending, diabolical, excreating, long suffering, goings on at the Bar and Grill, for a moment of silence. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Everyone please drop in to the Shrapnel forum listed on the games directory and wish Tim and Annette happy aniversary. Show them all of us here and the B&G wish them lots of luck and invite them over for a brewski or two to celebrate http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[NullAshton]

Ashton comes into the bar with... A laser rifle! Cartoon violence to follow. Sci-fi cartoon, but still cartoony.

[Growltigger]

Growltigga, reminiscing over the good old days, walks over to Mac, picks him up by an ankle, walks over to NullAshton and proceeds to bash him round the head with the smelly old swine....

GT then locks Mac in the glasswasher and puts it on a high cycle, before coming back to the prone NullAshton and pulling out the infamous Red Hot Poker Hand Cannon.....

Tune into the next episode to see if anything will stop our plucky (but prone) NullAshton from a red hot reaming experience!!

[Atrocities]

Hey there Growltigger, been a while since I have seen you post. The good old days are still here, there are just more of them. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[NullAshton]

NullAshton points up his laser rifle, and fires it point blank at Growltigger, sending him flying across the bar, if not vaporizing him.

[Atrocities]

Little did NullAston realize the Growltigger had his emersive body armor on and the blast regenerated him while he was flying through the air. Poor Null, he was soon afterward vaporized into a ton of Ash. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[NullAshton]

NullAshton comes back in. Good thing he has all those frozen clones! He then takes out a massive shard cannon, and blows the heck out of Growltigger.

[mac5732]

dripping wet but clean, the wize one saunders over to his table,downs a brewski to clear the cobwebs out after his body was used as a smashing piece, he places his usal order with the FBW and sits back to watch the firewords between GT and NullAshton. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif Little does NA know how GT's red hot poker works..... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif he shall soon find out, oh, he yells over to NA, hey NullAshton, watch out for the killer mongooses and old T-Rex http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[NullAshton]

Has this died again?

[mac5732]

don't think so, its just a weekend, which is usually a slow time around here http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif So pull up a chair and have a brewski, some tribble wings, a FBW clone, some good oldies music, and a dart board game, the one with GT's pic on it, hit his nose and you get a 100 points http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[NullAshton]

Can I load the dart into my railgun? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/evil.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

To do what? Fire at B&G patrons or play darts? Ashton, you're not collaborating with the enemy now, are you?

[NullAshton]

Maybe. I was mainly wanting to cause more destruction to the dart board http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif
*tosses a dart and hits GT's eye on the dart board.*
How many points is the eye?

[Puke]

an innocent patron happens to notice the violence from their spot at the bar and, at sight of the red-hot ashton reaming, the poor visually-assaulted patron begins to wretch up his lunch.

the mass of vomit takes shape, and begins to display questionable signs of sentience. sloughing up to the bar, under its own power of movement, it orders a Spaten.

Puke is here.

[NullAshton]

I'm red hot and screaming? I never knew that.

[Renegade 13]

Well that would be reaming not screaming. Though the reaming with the Red hot poker cannon should cause screaming http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[NullAshton]

I have no clue what you're talking about.

[Raging Deadstar]

Renegade 13 said:
Well that would be reaming not screaming. Though the reaming with the Red hot poker cannon should cause screaming http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif



Just for invoking that thought Renegade, You're going to a Special Hell! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Renegade 13]

Muahaha, finally! I've made it into special hell! Would you care to join me RD? Get's a little boring down here with no one to talk to and beat over the head with heavy objects http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

NullAshton....you probably don't want to know what we're talking about.

[NullAshton]

Good. *tosses a bunch of flaming brimstone down to Renegade.*

[Power Man]

The quiet scene is broken by a heavy throbbing sound. An immense star ship descends and lands in the parking lot.
A hatch opens and from it comes our Hero Power Man (TA DAAAA !!) .
He looks around at the empty landscape and exclaims "WERE IS EVERYONE ??? I had a devil of a time finding this place.
I mean it's dropped to PAGE 4."

But Now that I did find the place I want to invite everyone in for celebrate the fact that my empire has gone over 1 trillion in population. I also have just colonized my 7th Sphere World. So for the next day, or until the food is gone, LETS PARTY !!"

Several large hatches open in the ship, from them come a stream of cargo droids loaded with every type of food and drink.

Power Man leads them into the Bar. He wakes up the few people that appear to be sleeping. Hay Everybody FREE FOOD AND DRINK!!!

From yet other hatches several Divisions of large Heavy Troop Droids appear. They spread out and form a defensive boarder around the Bar & Grill. Supporting them are several large ACME Catapults these are armed with what appear to be large weights. Each weight has the ACME logo and a large 1T on their sides.

Yes these are the famed "One Ton Wanton Destruction Catapults"

[Puke]

puke finishes off his spaten and, propelled across the room by pseudopods, leaps into a crate of Powerman's pistacio nuts and begins to absorb them through osmosis.

[Renegade 13]

Renegade 13 materializes from the shadows, wraithlike as always. Descending to Power Man's ship, he looks around for the beer.

[mac5732]

Did someone say free food and brewskis? I'm in, oh ya, The old one mozies over to his usual cornor table and puts in his order.. He opens up the new brewski listings, and ponders as to which tasty, mouth watering, soul filling, decanters he shall order, he also notices the FBWs new skimpy outfits http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[NullAshton]

Have your fun while it lasts.

MUUWAAHAAHAA!!!

[mac5732]

ah N.A. how little you know of us here in the old cantina,,,, you see we never worry, nor shake rattle and row, as this location is insured, watched over, and protected by his dreadful Furry Highness, the one and only GrowlTigga. his red hot poker should not be taken lightly nor his flesh eating killer mongooses. Oh ye of little faith and starch, beware, and remember, Its not nice to tittle with a GrowlTigga. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif or to mess with an old Geezer's Brewskis.. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/stupid.gif

In addition, when we can pry him away from his extra curricular activities, we have " The Gryphin" and his Circle the Wagons and "The Gryphin Position", neither of which can be discussed in open forum due to its.... well,,, lets just leave it at that .. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Suicide Junkie]

SuicideJunkie narrowly avoids a pesky null-planet as he crash-lands his ship in the parking lot. As a cargo droid passes, carrying an oversized tub of cherry ice cream, SJ dives in.

[NullAshton]

Soon, Bar Wars II will start. Prepare yourself!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The joint forces of the Won-Ton Hut will crush you all. We've decided on the command position (which wasn't easy, as you can read in the last 50 or 75 or so posts in the Won-Ton). Soon, we will be ready to attack.....

SJ is there still any chance of getting you over to our side if we offer you free helpings of the best ice-cream in all the dimensions at the Won-Ton?

[Raging Deadstar]

RD quickly forwards Strategia's threats to the local news groups

Franchise Spin Off Threatens Bar of Relaxed Veteran Patrons!!
The Won-Ton hut has been reported to threaten the longer, more respected, Phong's Head Bar and Grill in an unprovoked statement, truly showing the colours of Capitalist forces that conspire to amalgamate both the Residences. The Violent young members of the Won-Ton hut have already made several attempts upon the Bar and Grill in recent months, CEO Growltigga was unavailable for comment, but rest assured his response would be defiant, awe-inspiring and overly British...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Strategia rushes to another news agency.

IMMINENT ERUPTION OF WARFARE EXPECTED!

In a recent comment, Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima of the Consolidated Forces of the Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut has verified the rumors of a second Bar War that would erupt soon. The Hut, initially opened as a competitor for the monopoly of the Forum Chat Bar & Grill, has been entwined in an open state of war with the Bar & Grill earlier, when the entire Northern Hemisphere was blown to kingdom come.

This war was not a war of aggression for the fledgling Hut, it was a war of defense. Set up as a fully acceptable capitalistic competitor for the B&G monopoly, the latter had sent gruesome threats to the Hut - one case was documented which apparently involved a game manual for Master of Orion III - and had openly attacked the establishment.

The Hut responded with dreadful force, mustering heavy orbital forces in response to the B&G's initial superiority on the ground. This action has caused many deaths, and it is still open for debate whether or not it was actually a B&G official who sent a fake message that ordered the obliteration of the Northern Hemisphere, or that the Hut did a last chance strike at the enemy, comparable to a US-Soviet nuclear war.

Recently, however, more forces have arrived in orbit, all bearing the logo of the Hut. When asked for comment, one of the Hut joint chiefs confirmed that they were preparing for war.

"The Hut cannot tolerate this stain on our planet any longer. The outright atrocities commited by the B&G in BWI - the Drench War, as you might recall - are too despicable to be left alone. I mean, bringing MOO3 into this..... We must get revenge for the despicable acts commited to the Hut. The last war ended in an apparent stalemate, the Armistice was signed when a victor had yet to truly emerge, though the B&G was quickly gaining strength in the last days of the Great War. We cannot let their growth go on uncontrolled. We must take back what was once ours. We will succeed!"

And in entirely unrelated news, the Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut has recently opened new venues in the Fifth Temporal Dimension and the Ninth Spacial Dimension.

[Raging Deadstar]

Phong's Head Bar and Grill Staff Member condemns Unprovoked Aggression by rivals

Following Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima's message to the Press Phong's Head Bar and Grill bar tender Raging Deadstar decided to set the record straight in an exclusive Interview.

"As a Bartender my job is a simple one. I aim to keep my patrons and customers happy, not forgetting my superiors. The Phong's head Bar and Grill has always been a place for the wearied galactic emperors to come and rest their loins and relax with a brewski. These upstanding overstressed members of the Galactic community who visit here are peerless and relaxed within our venue."

"Needless to say when The Wonton Hut started up, my superiors felt threatened, as any business would. Our Negotiations started with offers for a mutual agreement between the two, alliances beneficial to both!"

"In recent months it has become clear that this is not what the Won Ton Hut desires. They resorted to violence, their war-machine forcing the Bar and Grill side into ever escalating conflict, leading to the destruction of half a planet and a loss of life unseen in this sector. A ceasefire was called and we respected such a pact. The Bar and Grill patrons more than happy to relax in peace and cartoon violence. The Hut has responded with an unparalleled military build up!"

"Make No Mistake, The Hut speaks of Revenge and settling the score, but amalgamation is their goal. Nothing Short of Subjugation and Domination will sate the Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima's Bloodlust. They claim that this planet is theirs, these insurgents. They respond with fire when we extend the olive Branch! We have given them appeasement when war was still a viable option, the Phong's Head Bar and Grill deciding the conflict to deadly to allow to spread. The Won-Ton Hut's tactics have been far too similar to the unheeded expansion of a German state in the early 1940's. We have given peace a chance and wish for co-existence with the Hut. But if it comes to War I can Guarantee you that the loyal patrons of the Phong's Head will rather Fight Standing than Serve on our Knee's!"

"We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Space, we shall fight on the planets and cantinas, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the vacuum, we shall defend our Home away from Home, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the Patio's, we shall fight on the polished oak bars, we shall fight in the beer cellars and by the entrance to the FBW changing rooms, we shall fight wherever the Hut may take us; we shall never surrender!"

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Renegade 13]

Settling in on the roof of the cantina, protected by a null-technology field, Renegade lines his sniper rifle up on the street in front of the Bar and Grill, awaiting those who would dare to attack its patrons...

[mac5732]

The old one sits at his table surrounded by very small, hairy, smelly, stained, deizens of various societies and depths. He begins instructing them into gorilla warfare type insurgencies. He also dusts off the "O" word that has been hidden secretly for all these years, he gently puts it into a small box similiar to a small brewski keg which is marked in bright red, only to be opened and mailed when under extreme distress.....

he talks with the various varmits,,, sigh, apparently the warmongering, violent prone extremists at the Won Ton apparantly do not look for peace. They shall rue the day before their existance is blown into the winds after the B&G members attend a Chilli cookoff between Puke and Tesco http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Suicide Junkie]

Well, frankly, when it comes to the whole fighting and death thing, I believe in a Do-It-Yourself philosophy.

Have you tried this Poison flavored ice cream? Its quite good.

[Raging Deadstar]

Suicide Junkie said:
Well, frankly, when it comes to the whole fighting and death thing, I believe in a Do-It-Yourself philosophy.

Have you tried this Poison flavored ice cream? Its quite good.



Hey Propaganda is the best tool in warfare http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Dons his Minister of Mis-Information Uniform.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

False accusations by B&G proved! Hut warfare was defensive!

In a recent interview, Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima of the Hut Forces has released information regarding the previous state of war between the two restaurants in this forum.

"Those B&G bastards claim we're akin to the Third Reich. Well, let it be known to the general public that this is NOT the case! We are NOT violent, bloodthirsty aggressors - most of us, in any case - we are merely putting the famous quote from Sun Tzu into practice - Attack is the best Defense. The Great War of some time ago was a war of defense for the Hut. We were attacked, and forced in the defensive. To prevent any further occurences like this from happening, we are now planning a campaign to paralyze the B&G offensive forces forever. We will NOT eradicate it completely, nor demand control of it - like the B&G CEO, Drooltigga or whatever, did - we will merely make sure they will not be capable of aggression versus the Hut any more. We want peaceful coexistence of the two restaurants, and unlike the B&G, we mean it. And to those who do not believe my claim of B&G aggression, here is an eyewitness account of the first hostilities between the B&G and the Hut:"



The owner and patrons of the Won Ton are enjoying their cosmic cuisine and comic banter when the faux-Chinese muzak being played over the loudspeakers is rudely interrupted.

“Hey. Hey! What are you doing here?” a disembodied voice crackles over the loudspeaker. “This is a private studio! You must leav… AUUUGH! [THUNK]”

A pregnant silence permeates from the speakers for a few seconds. Suddenly, another song bursts forth from the ceiling. A strangely familiar one.

Right on cue, General Woundwort and Raging Deadstar step through the door, followed by a mass of pinstripe-suited goombahs, torpedoes, and goodfellas, many of them carrying oddly-shaped violin cases. A phalanx of Furio clones follows Woundwort and RD as they walk up to the main counter.

“Greetings, Mr. Huxtable. We are the duly designated representatives of Growltigger Enterprises, the sole owner and titleholder of entertainment establishments on these forums. You have opened a restaurant on Mr. Growltigger’s turf, without prior authorization or contractual agreement. We doubt very much that he will be pleased with this. Therefore, we are here to offer you… an arrangement.”

Woundwort pauses to light a Padron Anniversario cigar, then continues. “You are cordially invited (with full guarantee of amnesty and safe passage, of course) to come to the Forum Chat Bar and Grill, and negotiate a franchise agreement with Mr. Deadstar and myself. If, when Mr. Growltigger returns, we can offer him proof of your good intentions (and a generous cut of the profits), he may be less inclined to cut off your head, set fire to your body, and feed the charred remains to the Pak’ma’ra. I can guarantee you that you’ll find Deadstar and I much easier to deal with than the Boss.”

Woundwort places a data crystal on the counter, which upon later examination is found to contain rather graphic footage of Growltigger’s ‘hostile takeover’ of a prior competitor (rated ‘T’ for Teen).

“Hopefully that will convince you. Consider our offer well, and don’t take too much time in doing so. If the Great Kat comes back and finds you still doing unauthorized business on his turf… the personal consequences would be most… unfortunate.”

“Good day to you. We expect to see you soon.”

Woundwort and RD tip the rims of their fedoras in Rudy’s direction, and depart the Take Out Hut. The hordes of capos follow them out. The Sopranos theme song fades away, and the original disc jockey’s voice is heard again (somewhat less chipper, and in obvious need of some ibuprofen)…

“We now… groan…return you to our regularly scheduled muzak…”




"This example was only the first in a rather long line of threats and attacks on the new-found Hut. We did not attack the B&G, we were forced to defend ourselves with all we had for our very lives. Now, we will take revenge. We will strike back. We will take back what was once ours."

The B&G CEO, Mr. Growltigga, was not available for comments.

[Puke]

after absorbing a metric ton of pistachio nuts, the engorged mass of vomit waddles over to the Mac's table and takes a glass of Duvel from a passing FBW.

After a brief and hushed conversation with the Mac, Puke scribbles down a wholesale order to extremefood.com and hands it to a nearby mongoose to be fulfilled.

After seeing this place (and the containing universes) destroyed at least three times, hell escaped from, and new universes created by the power of the patrons' will, Puke isnt to worried about any johnny-come-lately invaders.

[NullAshton]

You might want to write your wills now, otherwise it'll be too late.

[Raging Deadstar]

Hut War Defensive? The Facts.

The recent Press report by Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima today has been replied to by another statement from the B&G, and also nomination as best piece of fiction.

Bar Tender and Minister of Information of the Bar and Grill had this to say.

"I could make another speech to convince you. But quite simply I must break my political oath, and tell you the truth! Many reprehensible things have been done by both sides in the Original Bar War, but today I show you the truth behind the Hut's plans, thanks to an Inside source."


StrategiaInUltima said:
And why are we fighting ourselves? Why aren't we pounding the ruddy B&G into submission?




RudyHuxtable said:
Strategia, you'll be in charge of the entire support fleet, which includes, at this point, nearly 32 million ships. YOu are also in charge of charting extradimensional space for places the Hut can expand into.




RudyHuxtable said:
Null, I want you and Strategia to go start making absurd threats at the B&G. I'll follow up with a peace offering, which will be false, and then threaten them with bread pudding.



"Also This Document (http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/download.php?Number=339248) contains information on the vastly overpowered military of the hut. They say they wish to even the sides out, They speak of "making sure the Cantina can no longer cause aggression to the Hut." and "Pre-emptive Strikes!" Also if you read the Joint Chiefs latest release you will find the ending very contradictory with what he said originally. Peaceful co-existence one moment and revenge and domination the next. This is a war of conquest and capitalist policy, I hope this evidence proves to you that the Bar and Grill is being unfairly invaded by an opposing force. And That quite frankly, my fellow Members of the Galactic Community, Is Fact."

[NullAshton]

My forces are going to monitor your traffic for suspicious activities. Hostilities will not occur from me unless there is a threat to the hut.

[RudyHuxtable]

Clearly my comments have been taken out of context. By threats I mean overtures intended to lull you into a false sense of peace and security.

Althought I might be sincere if you consider signing over the B&G to me.

[NullAshton]

Maybe we need to have a written peace agreement or something.

[RudyHuxtable]

I don't know if there can be peace when clearly there is so much apathy here in the B&G. I mean, I've got all kinds of recipes I'd like to share.

[NullAshton]

We can manage. If they go to war with us, we can just frag them from orbit.

[RudyHuxtable]

Where is this Growltigger! Before the exchange of fire, let's treat first... innocents need not be killed in the crossfire!

[Renegade 13]

Apathy? No, just protectionism. We don't like intruders! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[RudyHuxtable]

Let the fighting between our two clienteles cease! Let us join together in brotherhood and harmony.

*fingers a large red flashing button beneath his desk*

[NullAshton]

FEAR THE BREAD PUDDING!

[RudyHuxtable]

We are only interested in your dessert menu! Someone bring me a waiter!

[Renegade 13]

Seeing RudyHuxtable and NullAshton strolling without a care in the world towards the Bar & Grill, argueing vehemently, Renegade lowers his eye to the high-powered sniper scope. Lining up his .308 caliber rifle on the slightly bobbing head of Rudy, Renegade aims for his target's head, leads him by about 6 inches, then gently and slowly pulls the trigger...

As the first body falls to the ground and starts twitching, NullAshton gapes for a moment before sprinting off towards the Nut Hut, leaving Rudy twitching in the street.

Renegade then stands up and shouts, "Hey, Rudy, wake up! Come on, that wasn't a real bullet, it just knocked you down and out for a moment. GET UP!"

Renegade then scampers down to find a new perch, now that his old one has been exposed...

[NullAshton]

? I'm safe in one of the battle moons, talking to you over communication channels...

[NullAshton]

Sorry, battle jupiters.

[Raging Deadstar]

NullAshton said:
Sorry, battle jupiters.



Has to be said...

"Do you think he's compensating for something?"

[NullAshton]

I think that could be counted as suspicious activty, the shooting Rudy thing. You have 10 minutes to leave the premises before we open fire.

[NullAshton]

NullAshton quickly evacuates Rudy from the premises by his troops.

[Raging Deadstar]

NullAshton said:
I think that could be counted as suspicious activty, the shooting Rudy thing. You have 10 minutes to leave the premises before we open fire.



You never claimed Diplomatic Immunity http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gifThese are our lands.

"In My culture I would well be within my rights to Dismember you!" ~ Teal'c

[NullAshton]

Meh, still suspicious. You have 5 more minutes.

[NullAshton]

Oookay, times up.

The battle jupiters start firing shots at the B&G, probally vaporizing most of it, and killing most of the inhabitants, as well as collateral damage over in the parking lot.

[RudyHuxtable]

Renegade has shot at me with some form of twitch inducing bullet! I have been attacked while offering peace and Bread Pudding!

Attack!!!

[NullAshton]

Hehe, sorry, kinda late. Already started attacking. Brought you outta the line of fire too http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[Renegade 13]

Sorry, my null-technology device is still working quite well. Your well-placed barrage effectively disappeared from this universe, thus causing no damage. Also, you most assuredly were NOT in your battle-whatever. I clearly saw you strolling down my street, which was explicitly under B&G control.

[NullAshton]

Whatever... Aren't you sort of technology, an organic machine? Wouldn't you cease to function?

[Renegade 13]

Organic technology...perhaps we all are organic technology. However, the null-technology field does not nullify organic life, therefore it can not nullify organic technology.

Anyways, isn't it a little unsporting to try and wipe out the entire B&G from orbit? Isn't it much more fun to engage in all sorts of hilarious and gratuitous cartoonish violence rather than a simple blasting??

[RudyHuxtable]

Ahh but did you not notice when I entered the bar I also pulled the plug on your null space technology from behind the jukebox?!

And about cartoonish fighting from inside...

I've also planted a bread pudding bomb near the bar. Enjoy the sticky toastiness, ungroovy ones!

[Renegade 13]

That would be rather difficult for you to have done, seeing as how I shot you. Or was the after you pulled the plug? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

Knew I should have gotten the internal power source. Note to self: Don't be so cheap!

[Raging Deadstar]

Renegades Last Words:

"Dammit, I knew I should have bought longer than a 6ft extension cord..."

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Renegade, your null-field negates technology, right? Well, isn't a .308 sniper rifle technology? And a jukebox? So your sniper rifle and your jukebox won't work..... and you say the power feeds for the field were INSIDE the field? And power is technology, so the field negates the power, and therefore itself.....

Ah, I love a good paradox.

[RudyHuxtable]

So, wait. I twitched for nothing?

Oh you are all so dead. Vice Chief Ashton, I authorize the full use of ground troops and assorted food products for a direct assault!

Vice Chief Strategia, bring your fleet to bear and blockade the valet!

[NullAshton]

My velociraptoid troops begin assulting the bar, ripping apart defenses, and any inhabitants.

[Renegade 13]

StrategiaInUltima said:
Renegade, your null-field negates technology, right? Well, isn't a .308 sniper rifle technology? And a jukebox? So your sniper rifle and your jukebox won't work..... and you say the power feeds for the field were INSIDE the field? And power is technology, so the field negates the power, and therefore itself.....

Ah, I love a good paradox.



Actually, a .308 caliber sniper rifle is NOT technology. It is a set of mechanical reactions caused by a finger pulling the trigger, and the rest is a chemical reaction of the gunpowder propelling the bullet. It's in no way technological in nature.

So no Rudy, you didn't twitch for nothing http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Damn paradoxes http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/mad.gif

[RudyHuxtable]

But, I don't have a wound. So you, in fact, missed.

I twitched for another reason! Something's wrong with me! Bring me a CAT Scan!

[NullAshton]

The null-technology field still unplugged?

[RudyHuxtable]

Yes, I snapped off the prongs on the plug and stuck them in a dish of Breen Stew!

[NullAshton]

Good. NullAshton bombards the B&G some more after his troops are extracted

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

A terrible screaming noise fills the air. More such noises join in. Three seconds later, the first plasma bomb hits. Almost half the B&G and part of the city is reduced to a smoking crater. The second bomb wipes away about a quarter of the city including a secret military installation where B&G forces were preparing a counterstrike on the Hut. Bombs continue to fall as Joint Chief Ashton's troops and air units advance on the ripped-open hulk of the B&G.

Meanwhile, in orbit, the smaller strike craft zoom around Barry the T-Rex, blocking him in.

"Commander-in-Chief, we've got them cornered. Preparing for the final blow. Awaiting your order."

[RudyHuxtable]

Initiate War Plan Burnt Sienna! Go go go!

Supreme Proprietor Rudy paces in his office, eating a banana split. He watches on closed circuit monitors the battle for the B&G as it unfolds. Plasma bombs fall in regular succession, destroying large sections of the parking lot as well as the front foyer and the hostess's station.

Ground troops encircle the B&G, and begin a series or probing attacks to test interior defenses. Vanguard assault troops begin moving through the parking lot rubble towards the front door.

[Renegade 13]

Good thing we all evacuated to Some Unknown Destination a while back...

[RudyHuxtable]

The B&G is abandoned! Quick, move in the shock troops and the bulding inspectors! The B&G will soon be mine!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA

[Raging Deadstar]

Speak for yourself renegade. Whilst the Hut and it's regulars was bombarding the Bar and Grill I headed to the Won-Ton hut. Ran myself up a rather merry tab for those German Tourists watching the "fireworks" over here, "on the house" of course, and then hitched a ride back to my empire.

Rudy, I do hope you don't mind me lending a Hut washroom towel? It's so difficult to get around without one.

[RudyHuxtable]

Raging Deadstar, you may take a towel, compliments the Won-Ton Violence Take Out Hut!

I'll throw in a bar of soap and your very own stool at the Hut Bar if you join our crusade to own all of the B7G dessert recipes!

[Renegade 13]

Ok, so it was just me running away in my cowardly way... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/mad.gif

[RudyHuxtable]

Renegade, resistance has become futile. You will see, as soon as my Battlefield commanders report in!

Just give me the recipes and the pain can cease!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Suddenly, a new warp point opens up in orbit around Sol III. B&G battleships begin streaming out of it as soon as it has stabilized its interdimensional gravitational axis (whatever that may be). The first wave destroys over half the orbital bombing fleet before it is destroyed. All ships then fire at will at the center of the warp point. The second wave is dispatched before it can cause any damage, but the third wave contains ships with strong armor and regenerative shielding. The orbital fleet is slowly being reduced to only the megawarships and bigger.

Then, suddenly, one of the Battle Jupiters transmits a message to the entire Hut fleet.

"Attention fleet, this is Captain Maverick of the WTVTOH SMBJ Cindy." (yes we name our Battle Jupiters after our FBWs) "We have detected unusual warpjump signatures. It looks like ships coming through a warp corridor, but there's no exit singularity. There appear to be a lot of ships. Stand by for anomalies. What effects this sort of travel has is unknown."

"They're coming closer. Stand by for tight defensive perimeter fleet."

Several rather large transparent blue rectangles and one huge transparent rectangle appear. The swaths begin moving backwards, revealing quite a fleet. A lot of rather large capital ships, several huge capital warships and one apparent command vessel begin moving towards the orbital fleet in tight formation as soon as the blue swaths have disappeared.

"Attention Hut fleet. This is Admiral Ertaohim of the Hiigaran Fleet. We are here to assist. Launch all fighters. Confirm aggressive tactics. Strike group formation Capital Phalanx. Let's show them what we're made of."

The fleet moves towards the B&G warp point. The next wave of warships is annihilated completely by ionic beam weapons from the larger warships. Even the Dreadnoughts that emerge next are annihilated by incessant fire from all ships. Eventually, the stream of ships appears to have dried up, and one of the Battle Jupiters closes the warp point.

"Attention Hut fleet. We are commencing bombardment of enemy ground assets now. Stay clear."



(Sorry, Homeworld2 just arrived yesterday and I'm completely addicted now - man what a game! - and I couldn't resist this.)

[NullAshton]

NullAshton's troops stand a distance away from the B&G, watching the fireworks.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The sweeping ion beams quikcly wipe the grin off Joint Chief Ashton's face. Accident or was it ordered?

No, just kidding.

The sweeping ion beams quickly wipe the smirk off Mr. Tigga's face, as he stands in front of the window of his highrise office, overviewing the carnage. The first beam cuts clean through his office, missing the CEO by millimeters. The heat from the beam scorches the fur of his hand slightly.

Several dozen simultaneous beams cut through his office, trapping Tigga against the window, as they get ever closer. Then, they stop. Seeing his chance, Tigga makes for the door and..... makes it. He runs down the corridor and enters a high-speed elevator going down. He made it.

Little does he know, however, that a heavy torpedo from a Destroyer is in the lift shaft above him.

[NullAshton]

Look at all those pretty explosions... I thought we were going to capture it?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The highrise office where Mr. Tigga met his doom was three miles away, in another section of the city.

[NullAshton]

Oh... Can I get dibs on the warehouses?

[Raging Deadstar]

Renegade 13 said:
Ok, so it was just me running away in my cowardly way... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/mad.gif



There's nothing Cowardly about fleeing the battlefield to recruit reinforcements http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

RD's fiendish plan has already began, Anytime a Hut Patron attempts to load up SEIV Gold they will find that it is not the wonderful game that loads, but the abomination that is MOO3

[NullAshton]

Hmmm... I never played MOO3. I need to try that one day...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

RD's plot is quickly exposed. The scoundrel runs to an Assault Frigate. (Yes, some Vaygr forces got wind of the Hiigaran incursion into this galaxy, so they allied themselves with the Hut. Growltigga, the Sajuuk-Khar.) Whne it tries to hyperspace away, a Gravity Well Torpedo is launched towards the ship. The hyperdrive malfunctions as the hyperspace window had already opened. A Marine Frigate moves in and docks with the Assault Frigate, which now lies adrift in orbit as the hyperdrive malfunction burned out the conventional drive engines.

As the Marines draw closer to the bridge, where RD is hiding, he gets in a high-speed armored escape pod and launches. The marines can just see the launch doors closing as they storm the bridge.

The escape pod is then intercepted by a tractor beam from one of the newly-arrived Sovereign-class ships. The pod is drawn towards the fleet. It is deposited inside the Pride of Hiigara, at the center of the tight formation.

When the pod is on board, three Marines draw RD out and remove all metallic and plastic objects from his persona with an advanced matter-aanihilation device. His belt buckle also disappears, and his trousers give way to flowered boxers just as Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima walks into the docking bay, escorted by a legion of heavily-armed guards.

"Well well well..... flowers? Now, to discuss the terms of your ultimate surrender..... I trust you speak for the B&G commanders, including the late Mr. Tigga?"

[NullAshton]

GrowlTigger is probally still alive somewhere...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Not so unless he's cloned himself. I mean, his lift was hit by a Destroyer Torpedo. That thing shouldn't even be able to fit in a lift shaft! Nobody can survive that, approx. 50 tons of high explosives going off less than 3 meters away from you!

On the other hand, I suspect that the B&G is not above a little cloning..... I mean, if you see the dumpsters outside their kitchens..... it's a miracle they don't crawl away of their own accord! (Oh, but that's probably because the beings in there are fitting the dumpsters with dimensional drive engines to launch them into space.....)

And btw, where does the "amp;" between the "Bar&" and "Grill" come from?

[NullAshton]

From you.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Really? Didn;t type it. Must be an error then.

[NullAshton]

Perhaps. Cease fire!

NullAshton's troops invade the remaining establisments, fanning out, removing any resistance, and finding the deed, as well as recipies.

Ooo... Eee fruit punch...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Meh. We have deep fried EEE. Much better.

[NullAshton]

But it's a drink instead of food!

NullAshton claims it as his own.

Your troops need to help too.

[Raging Deadstar]

RD looks around quite cockily, not phased as much by the fact he was wearing flowery boxers... He looks up to meet the Joint Chief... A Bif F***ing Grin on his face.

"Well well well. The Joint Chief himself, I must say it's an honour to be taken so seriously as a threat..."

He looks at the three towering marines and smiles. RD is only 5ft 7, weighs between 55-60kg and is incredibly thin. The amusement of this is not lost on him.

"I must say You seem a little Paranoid...Rightly so. Indeed I do speak for the Bar and Grill Commanders and I have been ordered to give you this message."

RD looks up, a little glint in his eye as a high pitched noise slowly aggravates everybody's hearing, nothing more than a mild annoyance.

"No surrender, No retreat. We'll give you hell..."

With that several crystalline chemical compounds deep within RD's body begin to react. Neither Plastic or Metal it's scientific name is Trinitrotoluene, more commonly known as TNT. Within moments Raging Deadstar detonates in an explosion. The three marines near him are reduced to a few bloody chunks. A small metallic object remains from RD's remains, a dog-tag.

"Clone Subject: Raging Deadstar. Model: BG-TNT-576."

Meanwhile at un-disclosed location far away Raging Deadstar smiles. Those Hut guys were right, Bar and Grill patrons did resort to cloning a lot. He certainly had a history for genetic manipulation throughout the Cantina's history.

(The &amp is an error, looks like some faulty html or an error in the board.)

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

I gave control of all my ground forces over to you.

You mean to say that the Armies, air forces and naval flotillas have done nothing AT ALL during this war?!? I mean, you could at least have ordered an airstrike with the fusion carpet bombers.....

edit: You forgot the legion of marines surrounding me. And the metallic dogtags were annihilated by the AMA devices used by my marines.

I missed your post at first count RD since I got the message "Connection refused" everytime I tried to post it. It works OK now.

[NullAshton]

NullAshton's fleet quickly uses Asgard technology, and beams Strategia out and into safty.

Note to self, use holograms when negotiating.

[NullAshton]

Ooo, I have control of ALL ground forces?

NullAshton sends ALL of the forces through, raiding all the food stores, and recipies. The deed is found in GrowlTigger's office, and is promptly taken back to the take-out hut, as the ground forces evacuate from the area.

Bombardment of the hut is done from the ground and from air, literally glassing the area, as the land that was one occupied by the B&G now becomes melted glass from the heat.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Commander-in-Chief Huxtable said it himself; you got the ground forces and the Battle Jupiters, I got the rest of the orbital fleet and was charged with expansion of the Hut into other dimensions. And I already had ground forces present on the planet and in orbit, so control of them automatically went over to you.

[NullAshton]

Awsome. By the way, don't you mean gone, instead of soon to be gone?

[Raging Deadstar]

A warp-point slowly appears in orbit of the devastated planet, home to the Bar and Grill. Out of it flies a rather small vessel, battle cruiser class and vaguely similar to an Asgard vessel from SG1. Apart from a massive amount of shields and ECM the ship was relatively defenceless, it came to a stop outside of optimal weapons range of the grossly superior Battle-Jupiter’s in orbit. The Warp Point behind it closes. On board the Joint Chief’s Sovereign class ship a message is received.

A live video feed show’s Raging Deadstar, or at least, a clone, dressed in a rather sharp jacket and trousers, some epaulets adorn the shoulders. He grins.

“Nice to see you’re still alive Strategia, hope our last little confrontation wasn’t too explosive for you.

I’m not Raging Deadstar, or at least, Not the Original. I’m an Ambassadorial model and I’m quite frankly here to Negotiate a ceasefire between our two enterprises.

A ceasefire you laugh? Yes, I have noticed the obscene waste of resources you’re throwing into destroying that lump of rock down there, I would be impressed if the cost to achievement ratio wasn’t so blatantly stupid. Simply put, You will never destroy the Forum Bar and Grill, for at least one of us will survive, and another Phong’s Head will start up. You may win every battle, but the war will surpass all of our lifetimes.

So yes, I’m requesting speaking to you in person. No tricks, Hell, if I wanted you dead I would have used something much worse than TNT. And please, keep your marines off me, Those 3 bloody chunks final moments were far too humiliating. And don’t bother with your little matter Annihilation devices, I’m unarmed, or at least, Visibly Unarmed. Oh? I’m sure you don’t have some little tricks up your sleeve. I prefer to use natural and genetic modifications, And I certainly wouldn’t recommend removing all the carbon from my body.

If you accept I will see you within the hour, If you decide some tomfoolery, well, I can assure you that it won’t be a smooth ride. A Plan is useful until first contact with the enemy after all.”

The screen knocks off and the Ambassador relaxes, his intentions genuine. One of the Deadstar Continuum’s latest models. If they didn’t accept it was no great loss, they’d bankrupt themselves on ship insurance by the time they won…

[NullAshton]

NullAshton's Battle Jupiter's promptly vaporize the battlecruiser.

Meh, who cares about optimum range, you're still in range.

[AngeldelaMuerte]

[/i]Somewhere far outside the reaches of the multiverse... The Angel of Death sits at the bar looking quite perky. The vast numbers of souls that the B&G war is consuming has not only restored but vastly increased her powers. She is now almost powerful enough to-[/i]
"No."
Angel looks up as Agent Zero plops down beside her.
"'No' what?"
"No Universal Domination."
"What about-"
"No Planetary Domination, no Solar Domination, no Galactic Domination, no Multiversal Domination. And especially no Domination of All That Is Was And Ever Will Be."
"But it'd be so easy! Look."

Angel holds up one hand, her palm facing upwards and the scene around Soll II shimers into existance. With one casual flick of her free hand all the ships in orbit vaporise simultaneously while every single organic ground troop drops dead and the non-organic troops blow away into dust.
"See? Easy."
"But it is not our way. Look around. Do you see any domination at all here?
Angel looks around. At the table behind her David is rendering one glorious picture after the other, while cackling insanely. Seated across from him is Kevin who seems to be dividing half his time between renderings and the other half trying to ignore the strange figure in the back who are hunched over their own computers. Suddenly Aaron bursts in from a back room and shouts "Eureka!" as he waves a printout over his head. He then takes a closer look at the paper. "No. That's not it at all." and goes back into his office.
"I suppose," Angel sighs.
"Now put it all back."
Angel waves her hand reluctantly and everything returns to the way it was. Except Strategia spends a few short moments of his existence with his cranium and posterior occupying each other's position. In this brief moment, he almost has a clever idea, but then the oversight is corrected and he looks about quickly before declaring:

"That wouldn't have happened if I had a bigger ship!"

[NullAshton]

Oookay, note to self, need better dimensional shields...

NullAshton enters the system in his new clawship dreadnaught, before a dimensional rupture forms in the center of his ship, with the claw ship moving like liquid into it. The dimensional rupture closes, and all is silent.

[Raging Deadstar]

Another Warp-Point opens on the opposite side of the planet and a simmilar ship to last one comes through, the Warp-Point closes, this ship however has a more silver glow to it. The same thing happens, although this ship closes to point blank range and stops. A Message is delivered again by another RD Clone, this one not as smart looking as the last.

"*sigh* Null Ashton, I do believe It wasn't you I was asking, your manners need some dire improving."

"You are aware as well that your fleet of Battle-Jupiters are overkill? Just One would have been enough, a ship the size of Jupiter does not orbit the planet, the planet orbits It! Your massive fleet has probably wiped out all life in this system, including the Won-Ton Hut, by disrupting the delicate balance of gravity."

"Anyway, I have been sent to give you One last chance for negotiations. The Murder of an Ambassador is seen as an act of War, I would be wary in your next moments. Please, respond in the way you feel is appropriate."

[i]The clone smiles and wait's for imminent death, He was sure the Won-Ton hut wouldn't stand for this ammusing baiting much longer..."

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The Gravitonic Nullifiers of one of the Jupiters discontinues the nullification in one sector. Gravitonic disruptions begin spreading faster than the eye can see towards RD's clone's ship. The ship is torn apart by the distortions the moment they reach it.

In the Malfador office, the Angel of Death and AZ (presumed MIA before, as he had not shown up when the fun started) look amusedly as three thousand people die in the mangled wreck of a ship.

[NullAshton]

Another dimensional rupture occurs, and NullAshton's claw ship, with NullAshton in it, flows through the rupture like liquid again, reforming into its own shape again. The dimensional rupture closes again.

Did I miss anything?

[Raging Deadstar]

In the RD Clones dying moments he reached that crucial state of enlightenment, the one that all races seek, the one that surpasses heaven, nirvana and bliss. The perfect state of "Revenge." He knew that the Won-Ton hut would attack, this is why the Deadstar vessel's hull was made entirely of Plutonium (hence the different look.) The Clone, just the one with no crew, wasn't expecting to live. Not forgetting the huge ammount of explosives pack on board in cargobays.

The massive energy burst from the gravitational hellbores hitting the ships shields was all that was needed. Overloading them in seconds and providing the needed energy surge for detonation. At pointblank range to several Hut Ships 600 hundred kilotons of Battle Cruiser packed and lined with high-explosives detonated. The shining light of human-born apocalypse expands, and finally dimishes, leaving only a huge cloud of expanding gamma radiation. At least one of the Battle Jupiters was majorly damaged, the other nearby found themselves taking some light hull damage and a huge burst of radiation bombarding them.

A final communication was sent out.

"As your unprovoked actions continue, the Deadstar Continuum have no choice but declare war on you, coming to the Aid of the Phong's head Bar and Grill. Our armed forces are ordered to fire on sight at any Won-Ton Hut forces. We will see how you cope with un-conventional warfare."

[NullAshton]

Yup, I missed something.

The claw ship's shields aren't harmed by the massive energy burst, the energy from the ship brushing harmlessly over the shield bubble.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Those weren't graviton hellbores, the BJ's gravitonic nullifiers are field generators that nullify all gravitonic attractions to and from the Jupiter, so that it can actually travel in systems without attracting all local planets, moons and asteroids into orbit. The field was deactivated in one generation sector, and the immediate gravitonic distortions (just though I'd avoid the phrase "gravimetric distortions" as that seems too Star Trek to me, never heard it anywhere else) ripped your ship apart. Your explosives did work, but the explosion was mainly directed outwards, into deep space, as the distortions forced most of the explosives to that section of the ship.

And we can cope with unconventional warfare. I mean, we've got Jack Simth. The guy creates entire pocket universes with a wave of his hand. (Slight note of caution: if you recognise him at a distance, do NOT start waving - the quantumchroniton distortions will most likely tear the planet you're standing on apart)

And moreover, we're attracting entire militaries from other universes. Several hundred thousand Hiigaran Battlecruisers are aready underway, a few dozen fleet of Federation Sovereign-class starships are in orbit reinforcing the few thousand Hiigaran BCs already present, we've got incoming Star Destroyers, Super Star Destroyers, Blockade Runners, Heighliners full of ground forces from the Atreides, Harkonnen, Ordos, Fremen, Tleilaxu, Ix and Sardaukar, there are Asgard ships on their way here, and you can continue forever, right down to the first spaceship Asimov described.

[NullAshton]

Noone asks where I was?

[Power Man]

A small (only Dreadnought sized) craft appears over the devastated B&G. Boy I go away for the weekend and all *$&# breaks out.
Why can't we all just be friends??
Is not the Meataverse big enough for both the Bar and Grill and the Hut ??

I have to "Put Things Right."

Power Man takes a small device from his pocket. It looks almost like a simple TV remote but it is MUCH MORE !!!

Yes this is the COMIC NULLIFYER the plot device that lets our comic hero, or foe get totally blown away in one scene and then come back in the next scene fully restored.

Power Man pushes the Green reset button. Everything goes BLINK and the scene is restored.

Both the Bar and Grill and the Hut are restored to greatness. All of the patrons , guests, visitors, and yes even the Owners and Mangers are as they were.

The planet is restored and, other than some half remembered "dreams" the populace is happy and healthy.

All of the battle moons, Jupiter Moons, and ALL the fleets are gone from the system.

In a far orbit a small but elegant space station is formed. The station has no shields, weapons, or engines. Inside are conference rooms, boxing rings, computer game stations (all featuring beta versions of SEV). The station has lots of food and water but NO BOOZE !!!!

The principal (or un principled) players find their Real Selves transported to the station.
The Real Raging Deadstar, GT and Null Ashton, Joint_Chief_StrategiaInUltima find themselves standing in the middle of a small room near the center of the station.
All attempts to leave are blocked by the ACME brand COMIC Transport Blocker.

A com screen switches on.
This is Power Man. As a representative of the Rest of the Patrons Fed Up Will All The Noise, I have put you four here to WORK Things out. You can work out a Peace, Fight to the End, or play a best of five SEV games. But we are tired of the Bar and Grill , the Hut, and good portions of the planet getting blown away every few days.

You will find that All of your weapons, powers, comm devices , ect. will only work and reach inside this station. You four are ON YOUR OWN, and will STAY here until you reach an accord.

[NullAshton]

The device NullAshton used to restart the universe returns the universe to what it was before the comic nullifyer was used.

Good thing I decided to use long-lasting power systems for that device somewhere in another dimension http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[Raging Deadstar]

RD just sighs

"Unlike the concept of god, My patience is not infinite. Can we just give peace a chance...?"

For the third time in one day RD suggests a diplomatic option

[NullAshton]

We'll think about it.

[RudyHuxtable]

There can only be peace if the recipe for creme brulee and Apricot Phong Pudding is ours!

[NullAshton]

Oh, by the way, my troops already pilfered those recipes. They'll be sent to your kitchen momentarily, Rudy.

[RudyHuxtable]

The chefs are already making treats for all of our troops! All who oppose the power of the Hut suffer! And suffer some more!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

All remaining people inside PM's station (i.e. the crew and PM himself) feel a sickening lurch as the station drifts slightly just before explosions start blowing away sections of the station. The first explosions are only small, but as soon as an explosion occurs in the starboard fusion chamber, the entire station blows up in a massive blast. For the people on Sol III, it looks like a HANE from the good old days when they still used Pacific islands for above-ground nuclear explosions.

Yes people, the first newly-designed Hiigaran Dradnought has arrived.

The ship, fresh out of the factory, is bigger than the Mothership itself. It is equipped with five Heavy Ion Cannon turrets, ten Heavy Ion Pulse Cannons, 25 Pulsar Turrets and a lot of flechette-firing gauss-guns. In short, it is excellent against all comers. It is equipped with a Hyperspace module, a Gravity Well Generator, a Fire Control Tower, a Cloak Generator and a Platform Controller. It has all three types of sensor devices.

The last of the B&G patrons will soon be gone.

[NullAshton]

Woohoo, I'm the second most powerful person in this universe with you! Woohoo!!!

I need to design my worldship...

NullAshton opens a warppoint with his dreadnaught, travels through it, and closes it.

Going to be an hour or two. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Yeah, we share control over the Hut forces, so.....

And CiC Huxtable is the single most powerful person in this universe. He can command both of us, and we work together, supporting each other, so.....

Say, if your ground forces are being smacked constantly by a heavy weapons emplacement or an orbital bomber, I would take that threat out, clearing the way for you. That's why you share the second position with me (even though I personally command the forces of several Universes).

[NullAshton]

I've almost conquered a galaxy http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[RudyHuxtable]

I'm proud of you two. I'm giving you each minor stakes in the Hut, millions upon millions of shares in the company come the time we IPO. You two have helped me conquer restaurants across the universe. Next, we conquer supermarkets, shopping malls, and hotels!

You both also get a bowl of our new secret recipe: the Babylon 5 crossover banana split!

Forward, my Hut Legions! The Universe awaits!

[NullAshton]

Woohoo!

What will we use this land for! Storage and military planning?

[Renegade 13]

We ignore you.

[RudyHuxtable]

You won't ignore us when your brains are swirled into our new fitness shakes!

MuaUAHAHAHAHAHAH

[Raging Deadstar]

RD prompts down a portable bar in amongst the wreckage and starts polishing classes. Seemingly unaware of the destruction around them.

"Renegade? Thirsty?" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Strategia prompts down a portable micro-nuke in amongst the glasses on RD's bar and starts setting up radiation containment fields. Seemingly unaware of the destruction around them, RD and Renegade have a drink.

ka-BOOM!!!!!

RD and Renegade have been glassed (literally). The radiation is sucked into RadTainment devices and dissipated into another (artificial) dimension, courtesty of General Jack Simth.

Strategia prompts down a portable bar in amongst the wreckage and starts polishing glasses. Seemingly unaware of the smoking crater around them.

"Ashton? Thirsty?" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[NullAshton]

Sure, give me some juice while I work on my fortified house.

[i]Ashton starts placing some anti-proton turrets on the outside for ground targets, and adds around 3 massive WMG on the top for air targets.

[Growltigger]

Growltigga picks himself up from behind the counter, quietly congratulating himself for ensuring that he wore his reactive regenerating emission armour plated underpants (airtex Y-fronts of course!!)....

He notes Mac is almost fragrant for a change, and moving to the back of the glass washer, attached a hoover nozzle and sucks up all the concentrated Mac juice from the water outflow in the washer...

He looks over to the plucky (but sadly misguided) young North American mackerel bashing poodle snogging pansy, NullAshton, in the corner.

Taking aim with his new Turbo powered Skaggy Guff Cannon, he fires a torrid blast of Mac washwater at NullAshton, who collapses to the floor, wretching horribly and throwing up all over the place.

"Ahem", thinks the great kat, "to coin an American phrase, your arse is mine (how uncouth".. he strolls over to the prone NullAshton, pulls out his flensing knife and remove said Dog Doodlers trousers..... the red hot poker hand cannon of eternal pain and damnation is pulled out, steaming quietly, is cocked and pointed at the girly boy American's rectum....

"This one is for Bunker Hill" says the great kat, as he pulls the trigger....

Cue sizzling noises, smell of burnt ringpiece, strangled cries of pain from NullAshton, whoops of tears and laughter from Mac and the other old hands, and a generall cry for someone to put some toilet paper in the freezer!!!!

Damn, I miss the old days and the old ways....

GT looks round to see if Atrocities is anywhere. He hasn't abused or murdered him in AGESSSSS

[NullAshton]

I'm safely in my fortress on the land... That washwater would just bounce off the fortres...

[Growltigger]

NullAshton,

You obviously have not delved into the deepest darkest depths of disgusting depravity (how is that for alliteration) which underpin the cantina.

Nothing is as insidious, foul, disgusting, loathsome, nausea inducing and generally minging as anything to do with Mac. No fortress on this planet or universe could shield you from a blast of condensed Mac essence - imagine, it is a sickly yellow in colour, has the consistency of crunchy peannut butter mixed with walnut oil, smells like the worst French latrine on the planet, bubbles alarmingly and has a tendency to eat through pretty much any container it is placed in (if left long enough)....

I am afraid my young upstart that you is currently prone on the cantina floor, covered in icky goo, smelling like the bins behind a Turkish cathouse on half price night, and having the handle of a red hot poker sticking out of your butt... oh, and you are steaming quite nicely a la Mount St Helens.

[NullAshton]

I would also be beamed out of my fortress if the walls were penetrated.

[Growltigger]

No, you wouldn't.

As any doyenne of the cantina knows, there is a dampening field in continual operation which stops any teleportation shennanigans...

You will have to take your licks like a man young NullAshton.. look on the bright side, you can always wreek wour wascally wevenge....

Hey, any one fancy theme nights? how about a few suggestions, I think we can go Roman and have a toga party, the theme being Caesar crossing the Rubicon - bags I get to dress up as a vestal virgin

[NullAshton]

That was unplugged. Read back a little way... And the land is now a shiny glass-like substance...

Ashton beams aboard the safty of his ship.

[Growltigger]

Aha.....but the cantina reverted back to its original status when I reappeared.....

It is now back to it former pristine self.. dampening field in operation, and cartoon violence par excellence

as a joint chief of this Won Ton thing, are you not meant to be trying to destroy us!!!

[NullAshton]

And why did it suddenly revert?

[Growltigger]

Because I waved my magic wand!! see post circa page 39.....

[NullAshton]

Ah...

Ashton's fleet quickly glass the new B&G again.

[Growltigger]

aha, but the cantina cannot be glassed, the dampening field stops that as well!!

I am afraid you will have to stop using all these hi-tech weapons of mass destruction and just resort to duking it out with the cantina patrons manot et manot...

It would be hardly fair if I went to the Won Ton Shack and announced that I was letting off a rather large atomic warhead now would it

[NullAshton]

What about handheld energy weapons?

[Growltigger]

they work fine provided they do no more than damage the person they are aimed at...

but most of us have reverted to old fashioned methods of assaulting each other with hand weapons and/or cream pies

[NullAshton]

Ah...

Send in the serrator troops!

[Growltigger]

errr, what are serrator troops!?

[NullAshton]

http://www.schlockmercenary.com/

You need to read that more http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif Its somewhere in schlocktoberfest 2002.

[Growltigger]

Lordy, I am too old to get back into reading comics, I gave those up (other than Viz of course) when I hit 30 - I'll stick to my gardening magazines!

[Alneyan]

It cannot be! Growltigger is reading gardening magazines? What happened to his mighty spirit? 'Course, he did mention something about chastity belts not so long ago.

Truly, something is most peculiar with Growltigger. I would love to offer my unparalleled skills to figure out what it is. Now, where did I put my "Sharpened Axe of Skull-Breaking +3"...

[Growltigger]

Hey Alneyan, in real life, gardening is one of my favourite hobbies..... I grow lots of my own vegetables, and find that wiling away a couple of hours in my vegetable patch looking after my courgettes, spuds, radishes and carrots is a great way to relieve some stress, get you back to nature, and of course, have an opportunity to lug a well aimed half brick at those damn squirrels.

I also like baking my own bread, but I mainly do that as it is the only way to get the manure out from under your finger nails once you have been gardening......

Now, I dont do any of this when the rugby is on or the wife is out so I have time to play Rome: Total War

[Puke]

My god, are you sure that steaming puddle of Mac Essence covering Ashton isnt some of mine? I dont seem to be missing any bits....


Good to see your fuzzy mug in here again, Tigga. How's the current Mrs?

[Growltigger]

Puke, beleive me, even you at your most foul and disgusting does not compare to what came off Mac and into that dishwasher fluid...

Note to all patrons, DONT USE ANY GLASSES FROM THE BAR - BRING YOUR OWN!!!!

Puke, Mrs GT and Miss GT are absolutely fine, havn't really been on the boards much as fatherhood is keeping me busy, active and awake!

[NullAshton]

I'm dry, I wasn't exposed to any of that dishwasher fluid...

You all are safe for now.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

GT, you might have missed it but an orbital plasma carpet-bombing has destroyed the B&G and a quarter of the city, and you're dead, gone with your highrise office.....

You were hit by a Hiigaran Destroyer Torpedo while in an elevator, having barely (but purposely, on my part) escaped death by Hiigaran Battlecruiser Ion Beams. The 5-ton high explosive torpedo wiped away most of your office building, and a plasma bomb finished off the foundations shortly afterwards.

[NullAshton]

He had emmisive underwear...

[Raging Deadstar]

Joint_Chief_SI_Ultima said:
GT, you might have missed it but an orbital plasma carpet-bombing has destroyed the B&G and a quarter of the city, and you're dead, gone with your highrise office.....



Pah. Growltigger, whilst in this thread, is quite simply in the basic term, GOD. He is undefeated and unrivalled. The King of the Hill. If the Cantina was Star Wars, GT there is Palpatine, but with enough brains to kill a force-guided farm boy.

You puny mortals can destroy that's easy, but Growltigger is one of the veterans who created this place. If the Cantina customers are average infantry, then Growltigger is the jack-booted stormtrooper armed with a red hot poker cannon and one nasty sense of humour, and he's british, In Yankee terms that just means "Evil!" Read some past Cantina hunts to see examples. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

RD Lies back and watches the return of the furry feline, grabbing renegade and setting up some deck-chairs with snacks. The defence of the Cantina just went up another level and this time Technobabble and Overkill just wouldn't cut it for the offenders...