Forum Chat Bar & Grill

[NullAshton]

Are you sure it's safe for an unarmored person to step through a warppoint? Some warppoints have been known to give a bumpy ride.

[Raging Deadstar]

El_Phil said:
"Of course RD is very protective of his brewski supplies. I suppose I should have remembered that."



RD emerges from the basement covered in the entrails of fallen panders. Breaking at least a dozen health and safety rules he throws his bloodied apron to the side and puts on a fresh one.

Heh, I don't drink alcohol so on a personal level I don't care what happens to the Brewskis.

On a Professional Level I know that if the Brewskis are messed with or run out I know I then have a cantina full of very miffed customers, and me being the bartender....well.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[El_Phil]

Indeed a cantina full of miffed customes who are heavily armed and have their own personal armies of beastly creatures. Well running out of Brewskis could be interesting. Briefly. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[Renegade 13]

Hey, I know! Since Puke is currently confined to the glass, why don't we just put him in the fridge?

Renegade proceeds to do exactly that, sliding the still blinking Puke into the fridge, and closing the door.

Chilled Puke!

[NullAshton]

My food processor cleaning robots are probally still around. Hmmm...

[Kamog]

How about putting the glass in the freezer to make a nice frozen treat?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Barkeep! I'll have a Puke & Tonic on the rocks please! Shaken and stirred!

[Raging Deadstar]

Strategia_In_Ultima said:
Barkeep! I'll have a Puke & Tonic on the rocks please! Shaken and stirred!



http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif

RD Quickly delegates this responsibility to one of the 'Bar-Rats' who, unaware of the danger, dutifully carries out this request.

"If anyone needs me, I'll just be getting changed into Kevlar http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif"

[El_Phil]

Across the bar clicks and low whispers are heard as the patrons prepare for the unpcoming events.

Weapons checked, legions of beasts on standby and spacecraft at red alert the cantina is ready and waiting.

[Puke]

the bar rat measures out some tonic into the puke-in-a-glass, and closes a tumbler down over the top. he attempts to give it a vigerous shake, but the viscosity of puke is such that he remains solidly in the glass.

puke blinks, irritatedly.

when the bar rat removes the tumbler and puts the glass down on the counter, puke reaches up out of it and seizes the creature by the neck. maintaining a solid grip, puke slams the poor bugger into the ground, and then swings him over his head to slam into the ground on the other side. still seated in his glass, puke hurls the would-be drink-mixer over the bar and into Stratigan, whom is knocked onto the ground by the airborne bar rat.

Expanding rapidly to a more comfortable size, puke shatters the glass he was in, spraying shrapnel about the room. Shuffling accross the room, puke flags down a FBW to bring a plate of tribble wings.

[Renegade 13]

Sure am glad he didn't mind me sticking him in the freezer!

[Raging Deadstar]

RD returns rather hurriedly to the front of the bar sporting body armour, his traditonal polished six shooter which mysteriously fires 7 times and a large cast iron frying pan. He looks around at the rather nervous patrons and afixes his traditional bar-tender western moustache.

"Now folks, he was just being neighbourly" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[El_Phil]

Summoned from the cliche ether a piano and player appear in the corner of the cantina. The pianist starts playing but is ready to stop the moment a stranger walks in through the door.

[NullAshton]

Why did I get an image of Schlock when I thought of Puke?

[dogscoff]

NullAshton said:
Why did I get an image of Schlock when I thought of Puke?



A Gastroenterilogical Amorph?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

"AAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH*gurgle*splortch* Help! Puke's attacking! Somebody HEEEEEE*glaargh*....."

[El_Phil]

The pianist has not stopped playing.

"I'm sorry Strategia, unless the piano stops it's not serious. This is just 'Local colour' or 'Harmless high jinks' perhaps. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[NullAshton]

NullAshton secretly slips the pianist some money for him to keep playing. Whistling, he procedes over to an empty table, to plot defense of the Bar and Grill.

[El_Phil]

Phil smashes Strategia around the head until the promises to stop being silly.[i]

"My good friends, for the first time in the history of our board, a crazy British First Lieutenant has returned from Holland bringing peace with honour. And concusion. I believe it is peace for our time."

[i]Fateful words.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Then suddenly the tanks come rolling in. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

The two inch high replicas come charging through the door, attacking any remaining cows they encounter and skittering over the floor around people's feet, trying to climb up their trouser legs.

[NullAshton]

Ashton takes a magnifying glass, and an artificial sun. The tanks around him are quickly melted into a little puddle of plastic. He leaves the tanks around the cows alone, that'll teach them to mess with his dog.

[Renegade 13]

You actually think 2 inch replica's can take on a 6 inch cow? No way.

The remaining 6" cows walk all over (literally!) the 2" replica's, not without casualties, but easily routs the 2" replica army. After slaughtering the puny army, the 6" cows feel their time has been served, and retreat to Renegade's table in the corner to wait until he can find a way to get them to greener pastures. Attacking the cows there would not be recommended.

[El_Phil]

An army of enraged butchers from the Sofa King Tasty Burger Bar burst in through the swing doors. They grab the cows and drag them away. A vauge, yet miniturarised mooing is briefly heard then the butchers return bearing plates of 1/2pdr beef burgers in buns.

"I love the smell of fresh bar snacks in the morning."

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

"I love the smell of molten plastic in the morning. Smells like..... victory."

With these words Strategia enters the Cantina, followed by three full-sized Konigstiger battle tanks - steel ones, mind you.

[El_Phil]

Whilst they are steel, they are also steel. As in solid steel.

"Nice statues Strat. I Particularly like the small wheels you put on the bottom to tow them around."

[Renegade 13]

You bastard! You killed my cows!

Oh well, hamburgers are good too! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Suddenly three thousand mutated Edam cheeses jump out of the Trojan tanks, brandishing B*******r spray cannons and using old CDs as shields.

Needless to day Phil had to be carried away to a mental hospital after having been subjected to a severe hosing-down with the Unnamable Brewski.....

[NullAshton]

Ashton's food-processing robots next to him go crazy from the food on the floor. They swarm the nearest cheese. Once their processing blades start to get clogged, they call for reinforcments, and cardboard drop pods break in from the roof, deploying thousands of processing robots, ready to wreak some havok on cheese. Ashton takes out a camera.

Say cheese, this is going on the front door.

[El_Phil]

The ambulance carrying Phil shakes violently, as if there is some immense struggle going on. The shaking stops and the craft turns round heading back for the Cantina.

A shiver goes down Strategias spine as someone walks over his grave. He then starts gibbering as his grave is then nuked from orbit. He has underestimated Phil many times before, perhaps he has done it again?

[Raging Deadstar]

Raging Deadstar pops up behind the bar and grabs himself some drink and food.

Just Celebrating my 19th Birthday and my Promotion to Brigadier General http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

RD starts taking potshots at the legions of little machines of war that many of the patrons have released.

[NullAshton]

Hey, these bots won't harm a fly! Unless the fly happens to be smeared upon a surface...

[Renegade 13]

Raging Deadstar said:
Raging Deadstar pops up behind the bar and grabs himself some drink and food.

Just Celebrating my 19th Birthday and my Promotion to Brigadier General http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

RD starts taking potshots at the legions of little machines of war that many of the patrons have released.



Hey, I just became a Brigadier General too! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/stupid.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/cool.gif

Happy Promotion day to me (and RD)! Happy promotion day to me (and RD)! Etc, ad nauseum.

[Kamog]

Congratulations on your promotions! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

[Taera]

A bug walks into a bar...

[NullAshton]

...and is promptly rushed to the hospital for a head concussion.

Sorry, you walked into that joke http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[Taera]

A bug walks into a hospital...

[NullAshton]

...and is promptly jabbed with a big needle and sent on it's way.

Enjoy your drinks! Don't drink and fly!

[Puke]

lordy, he's back!

the pile of bile orders Taera a pint on his tab, and offers him some spicy tribble wings.

[Taera]

A bug walks inside the cantina http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif and starts flapping his wings, sipping on orange potato juice.

"Why wouldn't I fly?"

[Renegade 13]

Hey, haven't seen you around here for a long time! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif Welcome back!

[Puke]

puke puzzles at why the potato juice is orange, and makes a mental note not to ingest any of it.

[mac5732]

The wize one sitting in his usual cornor, notices a somewhat infestation of bugs walking around the cantina. hmmmmm, he mutters, whats drawing these here critters ... he looks around and locates some strange looking orange juice.. or is it???????????/

[Renegade 13]

Pull out the RAID! (tm)

[Taera]

Raid's expired by a couple hundred years, ya know...

[Renegade 13]

Oh well, tried. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/frown.gif

[NullAshton]

Use neurotoxins, it's the same thing as RAID.

[El_Phil]

Napalm! Quick get the cleansing napalm!

[Renegade 13]

Napalm is easy, gas and styrofoam.

[Puke]

and it smells like victory.

[El_Phil]

But only in the morning.

[NullAshton]

Don't forget the brain damage from smoke!

[El_Phil]

Well Charlie don't surf. And it's a 6ft peak!

[narf poit chez BOOM]

...No thanks, I already have a penguin.

[Taera]

Brain? Yum! Orange Brain juice?

[Kamog]

Wow, suddenly this place is getting busy... all the regular guys plus the FBW's and a lot of bugs and penguins! With toxic neuro juice all over the floor.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

"And don't forget the megalomaniac suspended by his heels in the rafters!"

[El_Phil]

Well there aren't that many rafters, or indeed roof, left. Plumbing Pandas keep drop podding in to fix the plumbing, they can't get the parts you know. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Agreed, but from now on my ships are going to keep a constant watch over the Cantina and hit any drop pod not registered with the Strategia Armed Forces with a thick cloud of PD. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[El_Phil]

You think you can beat ultra high speed stealth drop pods? Ha! I invite you to try. And fail!

Phil looks up as another drop pod flies in through the gaping roof.

"Ahhh freshly delivered quatro formagio pizza, my favourite."

[NullAshton]

NullAshton mysteriously turns into a wolf, probally because of something to do with a D&D game.

[Puke]

puke erects a large umbrella over the cantina, shielding it from potential rain. and drop pods.

the umbrella isnt impervious, but it is very springy. all manner of things simply bounce harmlessly off of it.

to demonstrate, puke orders some death-hampster-uberkommandos. they come raceing towards the cantina in their drop pods, and bounce harmlessly off the umbrella to land in the parking lot.

shortly later, there is a polite knock at the door as the death-hampster-uberkommandos use the proper enterence, and begin to order cups (they cant hold a full sized pint) of spaten. soon, there is a merily singing bunch of small furry genocidal crack troops enjoying themselves at the bar.

[El_Phil]

A specially sharpened ultra high speed stealth drop pod tears through Pukes umbrella

"Ahh the garlic bread. I wondered were that was."

[Puke]

death-hampsters chew off phil's toes as punishment for his escilating twinkery. they leave him a get well card that says "next time come up with a creative post, rather than using a bigger gun."

[NullAshton]

But... without bigger guns, how would you pierce the bigger shield?

[El_Phil]

The hampsters head of to the dentist after finding out that Phil is wearing steel toecaps, as usual.

[Raging Deadstar]

NullAshton said:
But... without bigger guns, how would you pierce the bigger shield?



Many Ways. Is the shield Air Tight? No, then use Poison Gas (like that found in the Bar and Grill toilets. Not even I dare go in there!), What material is the shield, is it flammable? Is it strong when not placed under pressure? Could you simply use a pair of ACME gigantic scissors to cut through? Maybe you could throw a black hole under Puke's Feet so he falls through or the wonderful classic "saw a hole underneath them" trick.

There are ways http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Puke]

good god, man! theres poison gas in the toilets? what will happen to the loo pygmies?

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

What loo pyg..... Oh! You mean those decaying little blobs of organic material in the toilets?

[El_Phil]

I thought someone was just a bit ill. I didn't want to comment, although the Plumbas did complain of bad working conditions.

[Puke]

and here i thought it was just a negotiating ploy by those opportunistic unionists.

[El_Phil]

They are shifty buggers, but still they are still Plumbers. It's only the lazy genes of the Panda that stop them being totally unreliable.

In the corner the Plumbas sit eating wood with a sprinkling of cress.

[NullAshton]

Need meat...

[Puke]

carnivorous pandas?

[NullAshton]

No... I need meat. Steak... beef... human meat...

[Renegade 13]

I'd stick with the beef if I were you! A little more legal...and moral...

[NullAshton]

Hey, it's not cannabalism if you're not that race, huh?

[El_Phil]

It's not cannabalism if you're caught

[NullAshton]

I'm a wolf, so meh. It's not cannabalism.

[Puke]

a FBW feeds ashton some wolf meat, and pretends like its steak.

canibal police peer suspiciously through the windows of the cantina.

[NullAshton]

You think I don't have a nose?

[Puke]

it was a grain-fed wolf, so the meat smelled like cow.

[mac5732]

the old one watches the comings and goings of all the different kinds of meats being lobbed around the cantina.... ahhh he mutters, just give me my usualy bacon, eggs, rye toast, hash browns and brewski... he calls one of the FBW's over and places his order... This younger crowd just doesn't know whats good for them. H... the stuff they eat will clean your insides out inside of a minute. He dones his gas mask as he waits for his dinner and pushes a button to enclose his taable in an sealed atmosphere sphere where outside odors aare unable to penetrae..... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Renegade 13]

For a wolf you sure talk well...

If I were you, I wouldn't come around where I live. I shoot wolves on sight. Don't think you'd survive a hit from a .308 through the lungs.

[Kamog]

They serve Tribble wings here, that's not cannibalism unless you're a Tribble!

[Puke]

no, but if it was a clean shot through the lungs, youd leave some good meat. just dont rupture his guts.

id bet that wolf is pretty gamey, though.

[NullAshton]

Hehe, my AC is too high for you to shoot me. Unless you get a natural 20 though, though I'd still have quite enough HP.

[Raging Deadstar]

El_Phil said:
It's not cannabalism if you're caught



Finally, another Brit who understands the 11th Commandment. "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught!"

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Renegade 13 said:If I were you, I wouldn't come around where I live. I shoot wolves on sight. Don't think you'd survive a hit from a .308 through the lungs.



Wolves are not inherently dangerous to humans. Wolves tend to leave humans alone unless they're either A.) very very hungry, B.) traveling in a pack or C.) any combination of the aforementioned. So, wolves tend to be rather harmless unless they've got a ravenous look in their eyes and/or they've brought along the homies.

Wolves are too afraid of us to attack without reserve; a blank cartridge would probably scare any wolf away, unless it's really intent on eating you, at which point it is fair to shoot it.

Yup, animal lover here..... vegetarian too..... except where aliens are concerned, they're fair game to me..... orders a side of Phong rump, fresh from the grill

Hmm, it's getting kinda quiet in here..... maybe I should try to open my own place..... last time with the Won-Ton it provided for some excellent fun, so why not try again? *ducks and runs for the door, dodging shots, thrown weapons and the occasional runaway Tribble*

[NullAshton]

Wait, there's tribbles running around? Why isn't this place filled with them? NullAshton hears the voice of Murphy in the background...

[Raging Deadstar]

Strategia_In_Ultima said:
...unless they're either A.) very very hungry, B.) traveling in a pack or C.) any combination of the aforementioned. So, wolves tend to be rather harmless unless they've got a ravenous look in their eyes and/or they've brought along the homies.



Considering Wolves are pack hunters I think that makes the point moot http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Renegade 13]

All very good points Strategia. However, since I grew up on a cattle ranch (and still spend a lot of my time there), the human/wolf interaction is not the only consideration.

We refuse to leave the wolves alone, or just scare them off when they're chowing down on a calf that is in the process of being born.

Bears. Another animal that gets shot around here. Why? Same reason as above, and because a bear will kill you. Just in the past month, a couple people have been killed by bear attacks and a couple more seriously maimed, one quite near to where I live. Disney has been a horrible influence on a generation or two of kids in North America (and most likely beyond). Most kids and adults today think animals are cute, cuddly things to be played with as is portrayed in too many movies. No offense to any city people, but city people are the worst for things like this. They don't have the interaction with these predators, and don't know how dangerous they can be to life and property.

*Hears Strategia mention opening his abomination of a restaurant again*

*Throws a solidly frozen 2 pound Phong Roast at Strategia's head*

[NullAshton]

Wolves are only cuddly as stuffed animals. They're fun to squeeze.

[Puke]

I have absolutely no idea why our tribbles dont multiply and take over the place.

Hey, pass those wings.

Nope. No idea at all.

[El_Phil]

Yeah it all started after that deep fat fryer got installed. Complete mystery really.

"Do you do an endagered species kebab? Cooked on moonrock please."

Damn it that doesn't work does it? I need something more elaborate than moonrock. Something that will stil be expensive and rare in the future...

"An endagered species kebabs, cooked over crude oil please."

Phil, topical bad comedy since quite recently.

[Puke]

hey, youre cooking an endangered species over the juices of several dozzen extinct ones!

pass me some of that!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

First of all the Won-Ton was not my restaurant, it belonged to RudyHuxtable..... second of all I wouldn't want to resurrect it. Do you have any idea how low the Won-Ton stocks currently ARE?!? No, I'm thinking about opening a new one.

Oh, and thanks for the Phong roast Puke. *takes out a plasma flamethrower and defrosts and deep-fries the roast in under a second* Delicious! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[Raging Deadstar]

RD looks at what El_Phil is doing...

Barricade the windows! I hear Greenpeace a comin! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

While you're at it, pass the recipe to the cook will you? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[El_Phil]

Well Strat if you want both the recipe for the kebabs and the local franchise for the Sofa King Tasty Kebab Emporium. I'm the man to talk to.

[Renegade 13]

Strategia_In_Ultima said:
First of all the Won-Ton was not my restaurant, it belonged to RudyHuxtable..... second of all I wouldn't want to resurrect it. Do you have any idea how low the Won-Ton stocks currently ARE?!? No, I'm thinking about opening a new one.

Oh, and thanks for the Phong roast Puke. *takes out a plasma flamethrower and defrosts and deep-fries the roast in under a second* Delicious! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif


Hey! I'm the one that threw the roast at you! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[NullAshton]

I think the fumes from his plasma gun finally got to his head.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Head? What head? More precisely, which head?

Oh and thanks SJ, for the delicious Phongsicle. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[NullAshton]

The head that you don't use.

[El_Phil]

Of course he does. It's a pressure load for his neck.

[Kamog]

Um, if this dinner contains meat from endangered species, please don't tell me until I've finished eating, OK?

[NullAshton]

We have cloning machines, so they can't really go extinct now, can they?

[Puke]

sure they can. the kitchen genetically engineers and uplifts new species to sentience, just so we can have the pleasure of eating the (first and) last of a thinking race.

yum!

[narf poit chez BOOM]

That is completly disgusting.

[Kamog]

Well, I suppose it's OK so long as these new aliens are willing to be eaten... you know, like those talking cows from HHGTTG.

[Raging Deadstar]

If they don't have the chance to object does it count as willing? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/stupid.gif

RD Hides the bloodied mallet and the apron baring this strip (http://www.schlockmercenary.com/d/20030610.html) of schlock mercenary

[El_Phil]

You just get a slightly broken translator so everything they say comes out as 'Please eat me.'

[mac5732]

the old one ponders the far reaching questions being put forth in the cantina by its members. As he ponders the incurable questions he decides that more discussions is necessary in order to facilitate a resolution to the members itinerary. SOOOO.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif he reaches into his blk bag and pulls out a strange contraption. He sets the dials, aims it at all thosre present and whammm...... instant clones.... now there are two of everybody in the cantina discussing the revolent theorys.... but.... the clones are dressed as orks.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Renegade 13]

I don't like my orc clone. He's a little too smelly.

*Proceeds to utterly annihilate clone.*

So...was that technically suicide? Never did like the idea of clones anyway...

[Puke]

The two pukes look at each other, and slide together into a larger whole.

Puke orders more beer, and begins to double-fist it.

[NullAshton]

"Hmmm, this is an interesting dilemma."

"Indeed, which one of us is real?"

The NullAshton's are reminded of one Farscape episode...

[Raging Deadstar]

Puke said:
The two pukes look at each other, and slide together into a larger whole.

Puke orders more beer, and begins to double-fist it.



http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif God When I first read that did I misinterpret... My eyes!!!

RD considers shooting his clone in a case of "justifiable homicide" or perhaps "self defence." RD finally comes up with something far more constructive. He knocks out his clone and hides it in a freezer in the cellar hidden behind some beer barrels.

[Suicide Junkie]

*The two SJ's race each other to the roof of the cantina but then decide better. They then proceed to hijack a random ship in the parking lot for some competitive spacejumping.

[NullAshton]

I think we have a bit of a duo dillema here.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Meanwhile, the two Strategias are "taking the matter outside" and are going to settle it with two pulse pistols, as they quarrel over who has the right to level the Cantina from orbit

[NullAshton]

Isn't the Cantina already in orbit?

[El_Phil]

Well you could destroy it from the ground, or from space. If your in space you could be drifting around or orbiting something. These little details really don't matter in the slightest. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[mac5732]

The old one shuffles into the old establishment and walks over to the bar, he orders a brewski and then looks at everyone and announces to all. "well, I see there have been a lot of birthdays lately, well since I missed them, I shall offer up a toast to all those listed on the forum and for those that are unlisted, to all have a belated B-Day, and to remember, each year that passes for them, gets them all closer to GeezerHood... Cheers, Bar Tender Drinks all around, then bends over and whispers (put it on renegades tab) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Renegade 13]

Ahem...surely by "put it on Renegade's tab" you meant to say "put it on Raging Deadstar's tab" right? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Puke]

no, im pretty sure this pint im drinking is on your dime.

cheers!

[Renegade 13]

Uh oh...I'm poor http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/frown.gif And around here I don't want to not pay my tab...erp!

[Raging Deadstar]

Renegade: By Raging Deadstars tab I assume you mean the Bartenders tab, which by default falls under company profits, which you will find is Growltigga's tab. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Renegade 13]

GT's been gone for a while, so I'm not horribly worried about him at the moment http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[Puke]

thats pretty ominous. I'd avoid saying things like that, just incase he wanders back in. Besides, its just disrespectfull to rack up tabs on Tig or Gryph.

I'll tell you what, I'll help drown your sorrows by buying the next round - but you'll have to find a way out of debt on your own.

[Renegade 13]

Thanks Puke, but I think I can handle it. I'm not quite THAT poor yet! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[Puke]

actually, yes. yes you are.

What you didnt realize, was that he bought a round for the entire house. That includes all the named patrons in here, and all the un-named patrons that we frequently use as props and blow up. It includes the entire tribe of loo-pygmies, a private army of undead dill pickels, some geescats, magically animated dustbunnies, and god-knows-what-else. Try not to think about what the tigga-lilies are drinking.

all told, there are several thousand sapient or semi-sapient creatures raising a glass of their poison-of-choice to Mac's good health. all on your dime.

So cheers. Heres a cold one on me, just for you. Try not to cry into it, as you dont want to get your beer all salty and watered down.

[NullAshton]

Don't forget about my food processing robots!

[Puke]

what? I didn't forget. Those were part of the "god-knows-what-else."

and although thimbles full of SAE-30 usually isnt that expensive, this is a bar! they had to send a courrier out to an auto shop to pick up a few quarts of it for the robots! Think of the delivery charges!

Hey, wait a minute.. they didnt go to an autoshop! What's that guy doing with a syphon by my spaceship? HEY! STOP THAT!

[El_Phil]

This is dangerous you know. Quite a few of the bizzare crimes against man and god we call troops are horribly unstable normally. Mixing them with alcohol... Who know's what could happen?

[NullAshton]

Robots self-destruct when exposed to alcohol... Which can be a bad thing, considering they usually have a fusion power drive.

[El_Phil]

I was more worried by bizzare mutations and drunken rages. I'd overlooked the explosive possibilites. This is worse than I feared!

[Puke]

thats fortuneatly why the robots are drinking motoroil.

as for the rest, blame Mac. He ordered the drinks.

[mac5732]

bumpty bump http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

[Renegade 13]

*Dust ball rolls by, cobwebs collect*

[TurinTurambar]

... and then the Turambar stumbles through the wormhole next to the bar clenching his gut, trips on his own damn oversized scabbard, smacks his head on the footrail of the bar, rolls onto his back...

and mumbles something about antacid... and then passes out.

The smell of an ocean breeze and coconut vapours waft through the wormhole behind him...

aka "bump"

[Renegade 13]

Through the very same wormhole pops a rather large coconut, landing directly on Turin's left knee-cap. That oughta wake you up... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif If not, there's plenty more coconuts!

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero wanders in, bangs his head on the 'Mind Your Head' sign, slips on a coconut and lands on Turin.

Well, now that's not something that happens every day, now is it? Pint please!

[Puke]

the bar robot draws a pint and slides it down the counter.

hey, when did we get a.. what the hell? puke draws his null-space pistol and vaporizes the cheap imported Nultoh manufactured droid. Wheres our regular bartender, and why isnt he doing his job?

Somebody get me a Spaten, and it better not be a robot!

[Renegade 13]

I'm sure not gonna be the one getting you your drink Puke...over in the other bar you kneecapped me when I messed up an order! Hmm, still owe you a bottling and fridging for that too...

You can get your own beverages! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[NullAshton]

How does a blob of puke hit something with force?

Ashton makes sure he's far away in a shielded ship before he asks.

[Puke]

puke knocks away the broken robot debries from behind the bar, and reaches under the counter with two massive pseudopods. Ripping out a keg of Spaten, he places it solidly on top of his amorphous mass.

A dull thunk is heard as some unseen (yet solid and sharp) part of puke punctures the bottom of the keg, and begins to empty it.

The blob of vomit waddles out from behind the bar, with the now-draining-keg still sitting atop his "head."

"fine, i got my own drink. now dont make me throw something heavy."

[mac5732]

the old one watches the putridness at the bar trying to peacefully obtain a drink or two. Now where or where is our human bartenders he wonders to himself? Maybe we need some female type clones behind the bar. What ever happened to good old Taz? He puts an ad in the paper for Female clone bartenders. Hopefully there will be a few applications... Of course he and the rest of the members will have to ahem, interview all those who apply http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Renegade 13]

Renegade walks to an open space in the B&G and clears his throat:

**Gurgle, grind crunch cough cough** "Hey, can anyone guess this word? Heres some hints:"

The underscore (_) denotes a missing letter.

M _ _ h r _ o m

To you who guesses the word, a prize!"

[douglas]

Oh, that's easy. The word is...

Douglas pulls a megaphone from behind his back. The next word comes out of the megaphone very clearly in Renegade 13's voice.

MUSHROOM!

Douglas puts the megaphone away

Now, what's my prize? Oh yeah, it's getting to watch Renegade be subjected to... what's the penalty for saying that word, again?

[NullAshton]

Ashton is fired through the doors of the Bar and Grill, flying through the establisment, hitting Renegade 13 on the way through the warppoint.

Weeeee!

[Renegade 13]

"Oh damn..."

*Renegade sprints for cover, knowing even as he does so that there can be no escape...*

[Raging Deadstar]

RD returns from the kitchen with a rather bloodied mallet and an apron. Sometimes critters can get problematic.

"Umm, Mush... I thought it was a different vegetable all together?"

RD spies douglas at his table and steals douglas' megaphone via hammerspace. In douglas' voice RD yells the following phrase.

"ONIONS!"

[douglas]

Sorry, the megaphone was specifically keyed to Renegade 13's voice when it was made.

[Puke]

as Douglas raises a finger to complain about not getting his way, the floor errupts from underneath him.

boards split asunder, and a giant yellow bulb surges up through the floor. The vegetable's jaws open wide, and with a snap they smash Douglas's table into spliters, as he vaults into the air.

There is a grinding and gnashing of teeth, as the enormous plant shreds the table and spreads its jaws wide a second time.

Everyone's eyes begin to water.

Douglas decends from his jump, angling to miss the creature, but it is too big. He falls into its maw, and the jaws clamp down on him, pulling him down into the floor.

Before he disappears, he is heard to say "but onions dont have jaws!"

and as he utters the word, a trap door in the ceiling opens up and dumps hundreds of normal-sized onions down upon him (which fall through the room and into the hole in the floor, dissapearing from sight)

[Raging Deadstar]

RD smiles to himself for correctly remembering the traditions of the Cantina. He finds the barrel that Puke stole and, after much searching, pulls him a pint of the same stuff. RD also cracks open a few windows, after all, With so much Onion in one place the drinks may indeed get watered down by the patrons own tears.

"Excellent, On the House." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Puke]

"Thanks, RD. I dont know what all that fuss was about the mushrooms."

as puke uters the word, a shape crashes through a nearby wall. NullAshton flys through the air, and slams into puke.

Ashton stands up, looks at the other Ashton, and blinks. The two begin to argue about which is a clone.

"oh, thats what the word does. crap, lets BAN THAT WORD"

[AgentZero]

Yes.... Vegetables are dangerous. Let's not mention any of those, shall we? Now, you know what else is dangerous? An Irishman whose been without Guinness for nearly a month! Get me some of that sweet sweet black stuff, stat!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

One (serioud) question tho: Why can't one say "mushrooms" or "onions" in here?

[Puke]

As SiU asks his ill fated question, a trap door in the floor opens next to him. a wave of onions arcs up from the hole that the monster-onion left, and batters SiU as it flys through the room and rains back down into the new trapdoor.

To observers, it looks as if SiU has been caught in a solar-flare of onions.

Wood splinters as another Ashton is fired through a nearby wall, and slams into SiU. The pair of them tumble into the trapdoor, thus avoiding the problems of having a third Ashton in the room.

Before the door snaps shut behind them, SiU is heard to say "seeeeriously guuuuys whyyyy caaaaant iiiii saaaaay....." and his voice trails off into the distance.

Puke throws a rug over the other hole in the floor, and sets a large table on top of it.

"okay guys, enough of this sillyness now. someone hang pictures over those ashton-holes, or something. this place is getting drafty."

[AdmiralMartin]

AdmiralMartin goes around putting pictures of himself over all the holes in the wall. After looking at them closely he frowns, goes away and comes back with some glass cleaner and then starts polishing them.

[Growltiger]

I dunno, I go away for a brief time and when I get back, that silly sheep molester from Carlisle is doing his utmost to enhance the silliness stakes in this place.

Is there no sense anymore? someone give me a beer.

Also, do we have any Australians here I can take the mickey out of about their front row?

[Renegade 13]

Lose your old username/password Growltiger?

[mac5732]

hey you furry feline, good to see your still around, thought you got lost in a wormhole or something. hows the family doing you rascally tigga

[Raging Deadstar]

Growltiger said:
I dunno, I go away for a brief time and when I get back, that silly sheep molester from Carlisle is doing his utmost to enhance the silliness stakes in this place.

Is there no sense anymore? someone give me a beer.



Ahhh... The Southerners Are getting uppity again I see http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Nice to see you back GT. I was curious if you would be, afterall, we need a trully british perspective on things here.

So I ask the dreaded questions. "What are your Opinions on: The Current English Cricket Situation and of course the French Riots, Is it genuine Civil Unrest or do the French just like a good revolution?" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/smirk.gif

[Growltiger]

Hello Mac, still around but finding less time to cruise the web as normal. Still overworked, overpaid and over here. Family is fine (another kitten due next May). Damn, I am a danger to women.

RD, well, we need some English class on this board. You don't count being from Carlisle. That is kind of like a dead dog on a termite mound, but without the charm. You probably count as foreign, or even worse, French or colonial!! only joking says he crossing fingers.

English cricket? dunno, not a big cricket fan but seen enough to know that the flash in the pan that was the Ashes is probably history. Still we are losing to a good side like Pakistan, it is if Zimbabwe or Bangladesh beat us is where we really have to worry.

At this time of year in any event, I lose interest in pretty much every sport except rugby. Bless Investec for sponsoring the Autumn internationals. It means middle class oiks like me can mix with all the other Piers, Harveys, Ruperts and Quentins at pubs in Richmond and sing "huzzah" when our brave boys thrash allcomers (well, actually what we sang last week was "We sh@gged Matilda we sh@gged Matilda we sh@gged Matilda and so did our mates").

French riots?, I suppose I could crack the old joke about the French being revolting but I actually think they have hit problems we may well face soon. If you allow immigration, you cannot the ignore the immigrants if you want everything to work. Corralling them in what amount to ghettos and denying their slice of the future is just asking for civil disturbance. Same may happen over in Blighty....

and yes, I have lost my old password hence the new monicker.

[Paladin_SE5]

Growltiger said:
You probably count as foreign, or even worse, French or colonial!! only joking says he crossing fingers.



Hey! What d'ya mean by that? My ancestors were French http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
And we're still a healthy 6 millions French-Canadians up here http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

Growltiger said:
French riots?, I suppose I could crack the old joke about the French being revolting but I actually think they have hit problems we may well face soon. If you allow immigration, you cannot the ignore the immigrants if you want everything to work. Corralling them in what amount to ghettos and denying their slice of the future is just asking for civil disturbance. Same may happen over in Blighty....



You got that damn right, I could not explain it better.

[Raging Deadstar]

Hey, being Cumbrian isn't something I'm proud of. After all, Scotland and England only fought for centuries to decide who would end up with Carlisle.

History says the English won, but considering Carlisle is on the English Side of the border... A terrible dilema, being stuck with Carlisle or shamelessly losing to the Scots http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[mac5732]

well congrats there you wiley old Kat. Happy it is I am for you and Mrs Tigga. Thats great, pretty soon you'll have enough kittens to form your own soccor team http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
You tell her I said Hi, and I send my warmest congrats to the both of you..

[Atrocities]

Cats are really strange animals... they almost seem human in some ways, but I don't know to many humans who will bring you a dead mouse.

[Growltiger]

Atrocities, to you it is an expired rodent, to the cat it is like giving (and getting) a really nice and expensive present, kind of like a posh watch or something.

Mac, thanks for the thanks. Clan Growltiger are all well. Growltiger Junior is turning into a pretty little terror, but hey ho, she will take after me then..... hope the Mac Posse are all good and that you are getting decent letching opportunities.

RD, yep, what a bind? we get Carlisle and Berwick or have to admit losing to the Jocks. Personally, I would have gone for a strategic withdrawal just after we whipped their hairy Gaelic derrieres so that we could have "retired" with honour. I mean, we could have always quoted dietary differences or something.

Still means all Cumbrians molest sheep on a regular basis.

Paladin, sorry mate but you fall within the mother of all horrors, a colonial and a Frenchman, merde alors, a French Canadian!! (is that what they call a Canuck or whatever it is?) only joking

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Congratulations.

[Renegade 13]

And what's so wrong with living in one of the formerly British Colonies? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif After all, we didn't all come from Britain. Norway! And my British ancestors (of which there were a few) didn't revolt like those Americans did! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif One more point in our favor; we speak proper English here, not like those people in Britain... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif ***Ducks behind something large***


Paladin_SE5 said:
And we're still a healthy 6 millions French-Canadians up here http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif


And yet, still outnumbered by the rest of us English-speaking Canadians...oh only about 3.5 to 1 http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Growltiger]

Renegade,

Beleive me, I have no objection to the former British colonies, and especially those that are still part of the happy commonwealth family.

I have been to Canada several times, and along with New Zealand, it rates as one of the places I really try not to visit on holiday cos I know I am just going to have to emigrate there (if they let me in).

Nice countries the pair of them, and I dont think the English have any problem with Canadians or Kiwis (or Aussies for that matter), although given Saturday's performance, I am boring ever Kiwi I know with remarks about how lucky they were to beat England at the rugby.

[Renegade 13]

Post deleted...it was rather stupid. Blame it on lack of sleep.

[El_Phil]

Of course the problem with "Former British colonies" is narrowing it down. That one phrase encompasses 1/4 of the globe so isn't especially helpfull.

Hell even "Former British colonies that are still part of the Commonwealth" is still pretty wide. Antigua for instance is a wonderfull sun kissed democratic paradise. Zimbabwe isn't. Not even a little bit.

[Growltiger]

El Phil,

They are a couple of good points. My ancestors imperialistic tendencies certainly have resulted in the "Empire" covering a large proportion of the globe, and still I believe being the largest imperial dominion the world has ever seen.

That being said, can I make it clear that it is not something I am proud of as an Englishman. Colonisation is all very well, but effectively subjugating native peoples in the name of progress is not a antecedent I particularly like, nor is our military history where plucky group of British soldiers armed with rifles and cannon and sometimes machine guns defeated vast armies of brave spear wielding natives (oh Isandhlwana is still taken as a measure of huge respect for the bravery of the Zulus).

It is certainly true that there were benefits for many peoples and countries of our imperial largesse. The Pax Anglica and general rise in living standards, education and healthcare for the colonies was impressive. However, not sure myself that gave us the right to act the way we did.

Personally, I have always wondered what would have become of the African continent and its peoples if us Westerners (and I include most European nations in this) had left well alone. Given that there were African nations with highly developed cultures, artwork, smelting techniques etc etc, one can only wonder what the continent would have now become if the colonial led deforestation procedures had not caused famine in a chunk of the land.

Now the commonewealth I do have more respect for, albeit its teeth are not very sharp, and we seem to be unable to do anything about Zimbabwe.

[El_Phil]

The entire colonial period was far less than perfect it is true, but you really can't judge what happen by modern standards. Compared to what the other colonial powers were doing (Spain instantly springs to mind, but there were others) England was one of the nicer ones relatively speaking.

By the standards of the time colonising and 'civilising' the rest of the globe wasn't a right, it was a duty, even a holy command if you listened to the Popes of the time. Different times, different values is my main point I suppose.

Given nothing especially technical had developed in sub-Saharan Africa before Europeans I do wonder why anything would suddenly happen given more time. That is a bit of a sweeping generalisation I admit, but it's solid. The artwork, cultural, etc was around. The smelting metalurgy or anything similar I hadn't heard of it and would seriously doubt.

North Africa is a different kettle of fish however, but I'll hold my hands up and say I'm a bit shaky about that part of the world. However I do remember that Ethiopia had a very advanced civilisation that never really recovered from Italian gas attacks.

[Renegade 13]

From what I've heard and read, Ethiopia today would be a large agricultural producer if the country wasn't corrupt and mismanaged. You can't blame historical mistakes for all the problems in Sub-Saharan African or Ethiopia or all those other not-so-nice countries. Sure, blame past mistakes for some of it, but blame the barbaric warlords who took power after the colonial period was finished for a lot of the probems today.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Renegade 13 said:
***Ducks behind something large***



"My lad, ducking behind me isn't going to do you any good." *takes out a plasma launcher and primes it*

You think the English have a terrible colonial history?!? Just look up Dutch colonialism and I'm sure you'll find we were a lot worse, trust me.

[El_Phil]

Ethiopia, home of the Kingdom of Prestor John amongst others, had most of it's smart elite shot/killed by the Italian invasion. Then had it's post ww2 border with Eritea drawn so spectacularly badly that war was inevitable. Hence the warlords and general instability. Neither side has any money so no-one can land a knock out blow, so the war rumbles on for decades.

Dutch colonial history? Isn't that being fairly inept before being beaten up by Spanish/English/Anyone else who was passing?

And no Surinam and Seff Afrika don't count!

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Well, for starters we founded New York. Traded it to the English for Surinam later, so that sucked, but still. Some of the names in NY are still reminiscent of their Dutch names (for example, Staten Island, Brooklyn (Breukelen), Wall Street (Walstraat) etc.).

Look at Indonesia. In the 19th/early 20th century we began to completely exploit and submit it. The conquest of Aceh around 1900 was bloody to be sure, the so-called "Police" Actions in response to Sukarno's declaration of independence wiped out entire kampongs, Vietnam-style, oh and did I mention the Dutch were avid slave-traders before the Portuguese acquired their virtual monopoly?

I could also post this (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2a/NetherlandsEmpire.png) map, but I decided against it.

Oh and Phil, I was mainly talking about the 17th century (called the "Golden Century" here), in which time we were NOT beaten up by the English/Spanish/whoever, but when we practically ruled the oceans, with no-one matching our navy. Sure, later we got kicked about, but especially in the early 17th century we could dish out some serious punishment. Also Note the fact that in the 16th/17th century we (a tiny tiny agrarian nation) managed to gain full independence from the might of the Spanish. So much for being beaten up, eh?

[El_Phil]

Traded? There was me thinking it was the Duke of York's warships (hence the name) that forced you out!

The dutch never ruled the oceans, not even close. Merchant trade yes, naval might no. Independence from Spain, well you did get a lot of help with that from both England and France. It was still a big achievement, took you 80 years admitedly, but then you can't rush these things can you?

[Raging Deadstar]

Credit to the Dutch I must say. They did technically win the 2nd and 3rd Anglo-Dutch Wars. And the rise of the British Royal Navy to it's dominance of the seas was helped by the small issue of getting the majority of the Dutch Navy placed under our command. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

You guys must have had the worst negotiators ever, The Dutch certainly ended up with the short end of the stick after the Glorious Revolution of 1688.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Well, the least the bastard could've done was merge the thrones and create one single Anglo-Dutch country, then we would've kicked some serious Frog butt, and the Spanish wouldn't have their Mexican silver mines and Manila Galleon operations once the Anglo-Dutch fleet showed up and pounded the living daylights out of them.

[Growltiger]

Chaps,

I tend to agree with a lot of this. I am not an expert Anglo-Dutch historian so cannot comment in detail, but as an Englishman, I have to say that two European nations which are strikingly similar to the English are the Dutch and the Danes.

I did kind of wonder if this was due to the Saxons, Frisians and Danes all coming from pretty much originating from the same part of Europe. May be it is, who knows.

As English, we only tend to remember Campertown (where we whupped the Dutch big style).

Got some indonesian friends who are not very polite about Dutch colonialism for some reason.

[Growltiger]

El Phil

I cannot remember the reference, but I do recall watching a very good documentary at Uni about an African nation in the circa 1400-1600 somewhere round present day Nigeria.

It talked about their highly developed artwork, culture and mentioned that they had smelting technology which in certain areas was more advanced than Europe. I think it fell apart in civil war etc

Given the links between the Arabs and East Africa, if Europe had not stuck their noses in, and the arabic nations of North Africa had been left to get on with it (no one can argue that the Moorish states were more advanced (certain from a cerebral basis) than the Christian states in 1400-1500) one must wonder what would have happened and what they would be like now.

Time to get a cup of coffee and stare out of the window for two hours whilst I cogitate.

[El_Phil]

Really I wasn't aware of that, developed civilisation in Nigeria. Blimey. It must have fallen apart fairly comprehensively to 'disapear' for all pracitcal purposes. Given the prevelance of copper around there, the Nigerian copper belt was and is huge, I would suspect copper working/smelting. Technical, versitile and significantly different from where Europe was heading towards Iron/Steel.

As for what would have happened had Europeans left Africa alone, it depends when you cut the links I suppose. The number system we use to this day is Arabic not Roman, I do remember something along the lines of Italian city state merchants bringing it back from North Africa. Don't forget ideas and inventions went both ways across the Med, cultures were 'Mediteranean' not 'South European'.

[Renegade 13]

Growltiger said:
Time to get a cup of coffee and stare out of the window for two hours whilst I cogitate.


An Englishman who drinks coffee, not tea? Unheard of! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[Growltiger]

English or otherwise, coffee is the grease that oils the wheels of industry!! (actually, I drink the coffee because the tea they have in my office is horrible!)

I'll see what I can dig up on the Nigerian civilisation. Cannot remember what it was called off hand.

Agree completely that ideas flow both ways, but I suppose my point is that if you left the African continent to develop by way of the flow of ideas rather than the rather large boot of colonialism, would have been interesting to see what happens.

Like what would the Zulu nation have grown into if left to its own devices and not us Britishers and the Dutch stomping all over and around it? Just a thought.

Maybe we would have Italian style city states throughout the African continent, maybe they would have been the agricultural and economic powers of the Western world,
what would have happended if it was them rather than the Europeans who colonised America, what would have happended if I had bumped into Angelina Jolie when young rather than the current Mrs Growltigga...

To many ifs, not enough coffee and certainly not enough time to stare out of the window speculating

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Africa was a rather well-cultured continent in some places with sophisticated artwork, technology, cities, actual non-famine, until the Europeans came and decided to "civilize" the place, turning it into the mess (major understatement here) it is today.


Growltiger said:
Got some indonesian friends who are not very polite about Dutch colonialism for some reason.



And what have I been trying to tell you all this time?!?

[El_Phil]

We've no idea Strat. We never do, that's the problem. :p

For a real question, what would have happened if the Spanish/Portugese hadn't pissed all over South America. Then stamped some more. Then started being really nasty to the place.

You could argue that stopping the Atzecs was probably a good thing, I have never been a big fan of tens of thousands of people being sacrificed alive to dark gods on a regular basis. However the Inca and many other advanced tribes, aside from a slight Llama obsession, didn't do anything to deserve extinction.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

*sigh* Ok, one last time.

During the Dutch rule of Indonesia (or the Dutch East Indies, as they were called back then) we (the Dutch) exploited them (the Indonesians) like they were animals. They suffered from poverty and famine, while the Dutch governors, merchants and whatnots led luxurious lives in their spacious country houses, waited on hand and foot by Indonesian servants. We conquered the northern part of Sumatra (Aceh) in a bloody war, wiping out entire villages. When they declared their independence, we sent in troops to repeat the actions of the conquest of Aceh only then A.) they had more modern weapons and B.) we called it a "police" action.

Get the point now?

[El_Phil]

So pretty standard colonialism fresh from the Spanish/Portugese book of exploitaion, only without the protective cloak of those fun (and child) loving dress wearers at the Catholic church?

[Growltiger]

Sounds a bit like us British...

You can imagine some ludricrously moustachioed upper class prat saying "I know we are at peace with those Zulu fellahs, but the peasants back at Blighty always like a decent victory to keep them in tip top condition. What say we gather 5,000 of our red coat chappies and go and give them wretched natives and jolly good kicking, what? oh, and dont forget the cavalry, cannon, rockets, Martini-Henry repeating rifles, machine guns and all that stuff, I know them Zulus only have spears and immense bravery but those spears do look rather sharp dont cha know - I wouldn't want to get put out for my next rugger game"......

Which probably explains why we lost at Isandhlwana. Sun Tzu waxed lyrical about the pitfalls of a general being an arrogant incompetent pillock who massively underestimated his enemy.

I suppose the problem we have is that (excluding the Boer war and the War of Independence in the states (which happened when we were embroiled in huge punch ups in Europe), Britain has pretty much won all its wars (not battles mind you but wars) and I suppose this kind of lead to a gung ho and arrogant approach to things. People need to lose every know and then to keep it real.

[Raging Deadstar]

Strategia_In_Ultima said:
During the Dutch rule of Indonesia (or the Dutch East Indies, as they were called back then) we (the Dutch) exploited them (the Indonesians) like they were animals. They suffered from poverty and famine, while the Dutch governors, merchants and whatnots led luxurious lives in their spacious country houses, waited on hand and foot by Indonesian servants. We conquered the northern part of Sumatra (Aceh) in a bloody war, wiping out entire villages. When they declared their independence, we sent in troops to repeat the actions of the conquest of Aceh only then A.) they had more modern weapons and B.) we called it a "police" action.



I'm still trying to decide if this is a commentary on Dutch Colonialism or on Modern Day Politicians, it seems too simillar http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Also, anyone else noticing the sudden intellectual atmosphere here? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[El_Phil]

Honestly what did you expect to be done? "Let's go fight chaps, but leave behind the best weapons. Yes I know they outnumber us thousands to one, but we should try and fight on their terms."

The British Army was legendarily small once you took out those regiments that were just heavily armed colonial police. All the guns were needed to counter the fact there were never many men, and quantity has a quality all of it's own as the saying goes.

[Puke]

which is much like my local empire, technology replacing manpower. the more things change, and all that.

honestly, i hope we see more of it. not colonialism and imperialism NECESSARILY, but technolgoy replacing manpower. more advanced and autonomous weapons, less people shooting them. more automated factories and robots, less underpaid workers.

of course, this brings about other changes. like a requirement to retrain the workforce or have a generation of welfare pensioners. the requirement to either develop more jobs in the science and tech industry for the next generation, or to breed alot less.

[TurinTurambar]

Breeding will not slow down. There's an exponential quality to it that can't be undone, and we live longer now. Look at what's happening to Chevrolet and their pension problem.

Also, I'm a firm believer in the Second Law of Thermodynamics and all its corollaries. Society will not better itself; it will unravel and go backwards for awhile and be replaced by something else. There will be a backlash to technology and its replacement of the work force, and once China becomes the world economic power... well...

Suddenly I feel ill. Enough for now...

T/threads/images/Graemlins/Dagger.gif

[Renegade 13]

That view of the future will never come to pass.

[Suicide Junkie]

TurinTurambar said:
Breeding will not slow down. There's an exponential quality to it that can't be undone, and we live longer now.

Most of the industrialized countries have a negative growth rate. We make up for it by immigration.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Growltiger said:.....Britain has pretty much won all its wars.....



AHEM There were three Anglo-Dutch wars and IIRC we won two of them. At sea. Even entering the Thames estuary one time. And breaking the chain at Chatham. And taking away your flagship. Ha.

[Growltiger]

Strat, they were not really wars as such, but minor fleet actions, akin to the scraps we had with the Danes, the Russians and pretty much every other minor European power other than the Prussians (who didn't have much of a navy) and the French (who did). The only "official" Anglo-Dutch war(at least accordingly to my History of Britain) was the one that resulted in Camperdown (and we all know what happened there).

On the general comment about how society will progress, I cannot really comment, but as a new father, I do really worry about the world my children will grow up in - declining fuel resources, climate change, globalisation leading to a more fragile economy, increasing urban crime and violence, escalating costs etc etc etc Make's me kind of glad that I will probably have shuffled off this mortal coil by 2050.

Re the remark about leaving best weapons behind, taking the Zulu campaign as an example, there were 10,000 brits (and local allies) and about 30000 zulus. A major imbalance on nummbers I agree, but not when you add in cavalry, cannon, guns etc - fully take the point about not leaving the weaponry at home, but I do wander what these Victoria and Edwardian "men of honour" really had going through their heads when they decided to whup native peoples with modern weaponry..... not nice really

[Growltiger]

On a separate note, I have just reinstalled SEIVG after about a years absence from it.

Are there any patchs out and if so, how do I get them and where? (I am a computer numpty)

Also, I wouldn't mind downloading some additional races. Where do I get these?

And does anyone know where the Starfire mod is and how I get that on my pc?

Cheers

[Captain Kwok]

You can patch up to 1.94 here:
http://www.strategyfirst.com/downloads/ListFiles.asp?sLanguageCode=EN&iGameID=134&iFileTy peID=2&btnSubmit=Search

Most ship sets can be picked up at:
http://www.spaceempires.net/home/downloads-cat-7.html

I don't think there are any actual Starfire mods available, although they have been discussed from time to time.

[Growltiger]

Cheers Kwok.

I have patched up to deluxe (cannot really tell the difference yet).

Have tried to download some races and these have gone into zipped folders in my documents directory. How do I get them out to be playable in SEIV?

Regards

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Unzip them into the appropriately named race folders in your \pictures\races directory. The folder name should be the same as the name that appears in front of all AI and image files (eg "RaceX_Portrait_Baseship" wouldn't work if its folder was named "RaceY"). They should appear in SEIV then.

If you want them to be available only in a specific mod, unzip them into a race directory in the \modname\pictures\races directory.

[El_Phil]

Hmm no posts for over a week. An no B&G related tomfoolery for several weeks. This is bad sign. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif.

This is clearly the work of pandas, damned slow breading racoons!

[Puke]

Puke picks up a panda, and throws it at El Phil.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

"I hereby declare myself Emperor of the Bar and Grill! Any who would seek to challenge me have one (1) day to do so starting..... now!"

[Puke]

Puke picks up SIU, and throws him at the panda. El Phil ducks.

[El_Phil]

El Phil distracts Strat with a small shiny object while Puke smashes an elaborate Ming vase over Strats head

"The emperor is deposed and will now be fed to the Panda! His crown jewels are sold to the bar to buy the next round of drinks!"

[Raging Deadstar]

RD quickly strikes through the "tender" part of his job Title "Bartender." Graciously he accepts the jewels and hangs a sign entitled "Free Drinks."

"The Emperor is Dead! Long Live the Emperor....Wait, do we have a new one? What sort of coup is this? It's tradition that when one otherthrows a corrupt head of state we must replace it with one as equally bad!"

Ponders...

"The Line of Succession shows Null Ashton to be the next Emperor!" RD holds up a somewhat hastily drawn diagram on a beermat to support this.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Hahahahaha..... I knew there'd be more B&Gness! But what the hell are you thinking, putting NullAshton in charge of this place?!?

[Puke]

clearly, its a simple mistake. look...

*puke scrawls another arrow on the beermat*

...it clearly indicates that the panda is our new leader. Here, put those jewles on its head. someone give it a pint of fermented bamboo juice, and see if it has any royal instructions for us.

[El_Phil]

The panda clears it's throat and adjusts the crown. This takes about a week. Then it opens it's mouth to speak...

"I command that Strat be suitably punished for being the underhanded ursine usurper that he undoubtedbly is. Also any copy of the succession with Null Ashton's name on are to be destroyed."

With that the Emporer Panda turned to sit down. Suddenly (relatively speaking it actually took seveal hours) he spun round.

"And someone make me a throne and a crown stand. All this standing is exhausting."


The emperor has spoken!

[Puke]

we've only got one throne in here, and the loo-pygmies have been worshiping it.

[Raging Deadstar]

Does that technically mean Elvis is also a member of the B&G Royal Family http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

"Hail to the King Baby!" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

No, wait, wait..... Didn't Turin used to walk around here in a fake Elvis costume for some time?

[Puke]

it was either a wig or a cape, or both. I think they met a grizzley end, involving a flame thrower and the bottomless void beneath the cantina. Of course, some things have come back from worse...

[Suicide Junkie]

I remember talk about EWE... the Evil Wig of Elvis.

[Renegade 13]

And here I always thought that was a female sheepy.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

It is. Fear the sheep.

*****

On an entirely different matter, I hereby declare myself sole Emperor of the Bar and Grill! Any who would challenge me have one (1) day, starting..... last week!

[El_Phil]

The Imperial Panda Guard, Chichi and An An, take time off from failing to breed and amble over.

Strat is picked up by his legs, dragged to the stockade and strapped into a chair with his eyelids stappled open.

He is then subjected to the latest and most ingenious torture fresh from China. 144 hours of the collected speeches of Chairman Mao, with the thoughts and commentary of Britney Spears!

A soul rending scream echos throughout the bar before the sound proof door slams shut. The Emperor Panda speaks:

"And that's what happen's to traitors and rebels."

The Emperor has spoken, hear his words!

[mac5732]

bump, can't let the old girl fade away now can we?

[El_Phil]

Ahh with any other thread this would be necromancy.

But here's my question: Who's barkeep round here these days?

[mac5732]

I thought it was Renegade

[Renegade 13]

RD is the current Bartender, having taken over from the absent Taz.

[Raging Deadstar]

I'm doing it for the good of the cantina, and the fancy outfits and aprons http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif One day the great barkeep Taz shall return and I shall relinquish this post. And on that day all shall be fuzzy, hazy and forgetful.

Of course, right now I have a slight feeling of dread over why the fellow Englishman El Phil is inquring into who is barkeep.

Mac: I can assure you I am certainly not Renegade. So far the differences I have noted are that he is Canadian, has more experience with cattle than I do and is about a year older. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Cipher7071]

...grabs a broom and oversized dustpan.
...mumble...mumble...been a while since anybody swept this place... mumble...HIC!!

[Renegade 13]

Raging Deadstar said:
Mac: I can assure you I am certainly not Renegade. So far the differences I have noted are that he is Canadian, has more experience with cattle than I do and is about a year older. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif


2 out of 3 RD. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif Canadian, yep. "Experience" with cattle...well that could be taken the wrong way, but yep. But I think I'm younger than you http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/cool.gif

[mac5732]

RD and Renegade I apoligize for my feebleness of mind. I just didn't feel like going back and reading over 1000 posts to refresh my senile mind. (it happens with age http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif ) Therefore, I shall return to my studious ways of learning the mysterys of ones inner self and the universe as a whole. I shall endeavor to delve into the inner most workings of the id and shall continue to fight the "Essance" until one of us once again can breathe the wonders of the universe..

With that the old wize one walks over to his table, calls over a FBW and orders his usual, bacon, scrambled eggs, hash browns and rye toast with a brewski chaser http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Suicide Junkie]

*SuicideJunkie reaches over to the bar with a ten-foot pole and knocks the loo pygmy down to the floor before it can chase Mac's brewski too far and make a mess.

We should probably lock that bathroom door.

[Raging Deadstar]

Renegade 13 said:
2 out of 3 RD. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif Canadian, yep. "Experience" with cattle...well that could be taken the wrong way, but yep. But I think I'm younger than you http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/cool.gif



I meant to type younger there, must be getting senile myself In my doddering last years. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

If I recall Renegade's music taste gears towards metal and rock bands and I believe has Norweigian ancestory? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/smirk.gif

It's amazing what You pick up and remember. Just the other day In an RPG my friend decided we should "Circle the Wagons" to defend ourselves, my expression was indeed a picture.

[Renegade 13]

Raging Deadstar said:
I meant to type younger there, must be getting senile myself In my doddering last years. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif


http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/redface.gif If these are your doddering last years, I'm in a little trouble...I'm almost there too!


If I recall Renegade's music taste gears towards metal and rock bands and I believe has Norweigian ancestory? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/smirk.gif


You are entirely correct. Along with an almost equal amount of British/Scottish ancestry. I'm sure that if I thought hard enough I could remember some details about you, but alas! it is 6 in the morning and my brain has yet to function. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

*Renegade calls the bartender to bring RD his non-alcoholic beverage of choice, as he recalls that RD doesn't drink alcohol.*

[mac5732]

locking the door on the Loo Worshipers would be like a declaration of war on them.... (shudders) hate to think what would happen then when one would enter the inter sanctum to conduct his/her business (words beyond description of the horrors that would entail) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

[Growltiger]

You are all strange.......

And who doth profain the Cantina by mentioning the dreaded words of the Furry Lipped One?

"Circle the wagons?" - you guys should recall that that phrase pretty much started the whole Cantina thing off...

I still do not know what it means, but have irretrievably damaged my cruciate ligament and earned the wrath of the current Mrs GT too boot trying to find out..

Suggestions anyone?

[mac5732]

Hi you old Furry one, hope the Mrs and Kittens are doing well.
ah yes, "circle the wagons" and "The Griffin Position", sigh, those were the good old days, Maybe the Grey one will return as well and we shall continue our past dicussions into the wheres and whatnots of these unstabling theorys of the origin of the all known and unknown.....

[El_Phil]

The Griffin Position: Not found in any edition of the Karma Sutra, not even the Zero-G editions, for a variety of excellent reasons not least the logistical difficulties it entails.

[mac5732]

bump... Have a brewski on the house (put it on Renegades tab)

[Renegade 13]

Thanks for volunteering my money Mac. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

[NullAshton]

They say another bar war is due soon.

Ashton obliterates the eee, and serves tasty Soylent Eee to everyone.

Bar Wars III completed. You may now go back to your drinks.

[El_Phil]

It could be said, in fact I am going to say, that was a trifle disappointing as far as bar wars go. In fact I haven't seen a comparable anti-climax in many a year. Still what can you do?

Wait! What's that I hear in the distance. Is it a bird? A lost Jedi desperately seeking training on Dagobah? A UFP starship full of highly explosive consoles and no fuse boxes? No it's an EEE mothership!

The EEE mothership filled to the brim with vengfull, yet tasty, EEE screams towards the bar to avenge the death of their comrade and to get some drings on Renegade's tab.

[Renegade 13]

Kill 'em, quick! I don't have that much money!

Renegade hides his cash on various places about his person, safe from gelatinous/electrical sticky fingers.

[NullAshton]

Ashton hands everyone a flamethrower, and has fun mowing down the waves of Eee, toasting them perfectly for later consumtion.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

"You there! Stop that at once!" takes out his old, trusty plasma launcher "EAT HOT PLASMA!!!" El_Phil just barely manages to duck behind the bar as the plasma burns clean through the wall behind the place where he stood just moments ago. He peeks over the counter, and just barely manages to avoid a second shot from the plasma launcher

[kerensky]

So I thought you guys could use a weaponds sheet rundown of some standard weaponry. THis can be found at this link here...
http://www.schlockmercenary.com/d/20010715.html

[i]/me pulls out his trusty BH-250i plasgun and starts to randomly shoot at the approaching EEE ships, toasting a few on the way in.../

[NullAshton]

Ashton takes out dual GG1611x pistols, equipped with armor-piercing projectiles, and starts having a shooting spree in the Bar & Grill.

Taste hot lead, alien cotton candy!

[El_Phil]

With the entire room distracted by the EEE invasion no-one has noticed the Plumdas returning to the bar.

Yes the plumbing Pandas have finally finished their quote for the job to repair the Cantina toilets. If they can just reach the bar in time the sheer volume of tea they will order will bankrupt even Renegade's great grandchildren!

Muuwhahahahhah!

[Renegade 13]

Hah, too late! I just called the credit card company, they've cancelled the card. Just in time!

/me slips up, deftly picks the pocket of El_Phil, and puts an El_Phil credit card in the path of the Panda's, where they will undoubtedly find it...and use it extensively.

[El_Phil]

Running to the nearest phone El Phil changes his name by depoll to 'Steve the Pirate'

El Phil? Who's that, never head of him.

[Raging Deadstar]

RD pops up from behind the bar in his bartending apron and a knights helmet. As he rises his hands reveal two large novelty oversized sixshooters that look like they'd shoot watermellons if watermellons evolved into something more lethal...

"The Bar is closed."

The British always get uppity about their tea

[mac5732]

bump,... can't let this thread get lost...heheheh
'everyone have a brewski On Tim's and Richards tabs...
hehehehehehehhe