Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours [Archive] - Page 12

Raging Deadstar

March 12th, 2003, 09:11 PM

*The wind blows solemnly as the coffin of growltigga is taken out of the cantina, carried by the byzantine hordes, covered in a kingly tiger striped fur (hopefully not his own!) The Fbw's trail behind the coffin crying for their fallen master, not an ounce of flesh on show all hidden under black dresses, Mac is obviously more depressed as usual. Ragnarok contemplates life without the fear of the red hot poker cannon (which lays loaded and gliting in the cloud hidden sunlight on top of the coffin), Primitive is wondering whatever happened to Growltiggas pelt and Mlmbd is looking through a big book, probably for a curse to put on dogscoff. Barry howls every few minutes and RD stands there with a shovel (grave digging and filling in is just an occupation of mine) and wonders what the cantina will come to. Meanwhile dogscoff is drinking away his sorrows...*

*The Last thing dogscoff remembers, apart from the time he tried to teach that foreign FBW circle the wagon and ended up locked in the hallway with only a jesters hat from aparty festival to cover his manhood, is the whoosh of air and a metallic clang as he falls off the barstool.*

"Thats for making me wear 80's spandex that time!" Notes Raging Deadstar and begins to walk away, maybe he should have been nicer to dogscoff, after all he did save RD from getting chased by Growltigga and placed himself top upon GT's List of those that have revenge coming to them list! But then again the cartoon violence will never be the same without his lordship!

*RD buys an apple juice and puts a tip in the Growltigga memorial fund, before joining the party outside and waits in anticipation (mostly fear as well) of what GT's will, will bestow upon them*

primitive

March 12th, 2003, 09:31 PM

Originally posted by David E. Gervais:
Question: Is it possible to carry out a conversation without the use of multiple sylable words?

For example... (to rewrite the above question!)

Say What?: can a man take part in a trade of words the are made up of just one part?

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif The "one who is as the one who was long ago" can also play this game. His spear (the one which is full of rust, yet still with a sharp point) can do the kind of talk the small words will not let him do. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

The "man who give a sketch to all who ask" may have a drink on my tab. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

Stone Mill

March 12th, 2003, 09:41 PM

The Will! The Will! What is in that bLasted will?!? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif

David E. Gervais

March 12th, 2003, 10:31 PM

Originally posted by Aloofi:
[QUOTE]You definitively have a lot of time in your hands... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Yup, I do most of my work in the morn when all is quiet. then I wait all day for Aaron to rsvp comments on what I have sent him! So far so good, things are comming along very nicely!

Cheers!

dogscoff

March 13th, 2003, 02:27 AM

Aiiiiiiii, David Gervais, how is you sayin' man that me and d'at diamond geezer Ali G are da same bruvvers. Joorekon d'at I is the real leader of da Staines massive or summink. You dissin' me, I is da kat wi'd da big claws and am the envy of donkeys all rond da world

You is 2 bullets short of a gangsta rappa if dat is wat yew fink.

Boyakashaaaaaaaa

Aiiiiii*dogscoff grabs the mass of BA Baracas-style oversized gold jewelry hanging round GT/AG's neck and strangles him with it.

dogscoff

March 13th, 2003, 02:37 AM

Click here (http://www.boyakasha.co.uk/mp3.html) to download clips of Ali G when he used to be funny. It has some of his best interviews, including his interview with Judge Pickles (a very old, very conservative old crumbly who is at the top of the legal profession here in the UK. "despite his name, he's a judge and not a DJ" )

Ali keeps asking him about the 5th amendment, no matter how often Judge Pickles explains that "it's an American thing."

[ March 12, 2003, 12:40: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

mac5732

March 13th, 2003, 06:43 AM

The Old Geezer Mac is so over come with sorrow on the recent demise of GT, that words fail to find their way thru his anatamy and out his orface opening for sounds, (crying)

Poor Old GT, where oh where has his spirit gone? Is he in the here after chasing those Kyle Clones, imbibing upon the wonders of ancient elixers, sitting at roadside cafe's ooggling the bouncing babba loos as they pass by with their tight skimpy angel outfits,,

OH WOE IS US, BOHOBOHOO (hysterical crying) what of my Last set of colostomy bags, who will I throw them at now,

What will transpire upon this most illustrious of cantinas without the Furry Feline of Menace, the trickster of words, the galloping gourmet of cartoon violence? The voracious neptune of sleazy comebacks.....

UGH.......... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Mac slouchs at his table overcome with grief, drowning his sorrow with pitchers of brewskis and chili side dishes.. letting loose the salute of essance that GT so loved to be around http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

a sadden and remorseful Mac

dogscoff

March 13th, 2003, 11:00 AM

*Dogscoff mournfully watches the coffin pass, removing his hat in respect. Solemnly, he produces a frying pan from behind his back and spangs Raging Deadstar across the back of the head with it.

"It's what GT would have wanted." *snif*

Growltigger

March 13th, 2003, 01:55 PM

"Ahem" says the solicitor, the cantina goes quiet as the senior partner from Robbem, Screwem & Scarper opens up the Last will and testament (in tiger stripes of course)..

"The late Mr Growltigga left a personal estate, following the payment of probate taxes and my fees, of 5,000,000 minerals. He also left various, ahem, personal items, as well as his half share in the Cantina. He also left an interesting and dare I say unusual array of bequests.

Turning to the Cantina, This worthwhile (if slightly sordid and unpleasant) establishment has a book value of 20,000,000 minerals, but unfortunately, the outstanding bar tabs and health & safety fines are currently standing at 30,000,000 minerals, so the interest in the cantina is proprietory only. Mr Growltigga reqires that his share in the cantina be held in trust ad infinitum for the FBW's, the Byzantine Horde of Vicious Nasty Insane Killer Mongooses, Hiram Baraldo Methuselah III (apparently, a large dinosaur of the phylum Homocidus Bitus Rexus) and a Moroccan chap called Abdul and his, ahem, Berber horde, and descendants.

With regard to his majority shareholding in Tigg-Scoff PLC, the late Mr Growltigga requires that his shares (and all income deriving therfrom) be held in trust for Gryphin, Mac, Taz, Saxon and Mephisto with the strick proviso, and I quote, "that that nasty two-faced vicious bastard Dogscoff doesn't ever getr his hands on them".

Turning to the cash, Mr Growltigga has left 1,000,000 minerals to be spent on, and again I quote, "a bloody great big party where everybody get's drunk, get's naked and ends up lying in a great big pile".

Turning to the personal bequests, Mr Growltigga leaves the following sums:

To the FBW's, 500,000 minerals so that they can buy some new underwear

To Ronald, chief of the Byzantine Killer Mongoose Horde, 500,000 minerals to give his boys a good time for being loyal, sadistic and evil minded buggers

To Hiram Baraldo Methuselah III, 500,000 minerals so that he can buy all the accountants he wants to eat..

To Abdul and the berber horde, 500,000 minerals so that he can make sure that Rags get's the kicking he deserves for assaulting Abdul with a baguette.

To Geoschmo, 100,000 minerals to keep PBW going as I am sure they will miss the great Kat's occassional contributions

To Dogscoff, 100,000 minerals provided that he is only entitled to this money if he dresses up like Joey Tempest from Europe and sings The Final Countdown for the next 5 years. He also gets the large tub of Dogpoo out the back of the cantina

To Taz, 100,000 minerals to buy doggy drops, dental cleaner and shampoo as a thank you for being a loyal barkeep, he also gets unlimited sampling rights for all beverages in the bar He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Gryphin, 100,000 minerals for being a great chap, a good business partner and the boston sex-fiend, he also gets Growltigga's collection of marital aids and all the Kylie and Shania clones he can handle He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Mac, 100,000 minerals for being a lovely old duffer, and in hope that he lives long enough to spend it. He also gets the Liz Hurley clone Growltigga was keeping upstairs He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Raging Deadstar, 100,000 minerals as he is a poor bugger from Cumbria who needs all the help he can get to sort out his inferiority complex. He also gets a vat of booze and all the feminine attention from the FBW's he can handle. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Ragnarok, 100,000 minerals as well as a ding round the head fortnightly from Growltigga's favourite cricket bat. He also get's the red hot poker hand cannon on the strict proviso that he terminates dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To David Gervais, 100,000 minerals for being an all round good chap, provided that he buys himself a toupe and drops the hawaiian shirts. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Geoschmo, 100,000 minerals for always being a laugh, and for standing in for Growltigga when he needed a surrogate to control the Federation. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Primitive, 100,000 minerals for being a worthy opponent, and frankly any musclebound oil smearing Norwegian nancy boy needs all the help he can get. He also gets Growltigga's collection of heavy weaponry. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Saxon, 100,000 minerals for being a poor Canadian moose kisser who needs all the help he can get. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Mephisto, 50,000 minerals for being Growltigga's favourite bratwurst munching Esel. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Mlmbd, 50,000 minerals, provided he promises to spend it on a really hedonistic lifestlye. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Puke, 50,000 minerals provided he promises to spend it on beer and women. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Imperator Fyron, 50,000 minerals provided he uses it for physiatric help for his complex. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Aloofi, 25,000 minerals to write the definitive work on the differences between Speed and Thrash metal. He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

To Stone Mill, 25,000 minerals to spend on loose food and greasy women, he also gets Growltigga's leather thong (the one's with the studs on the inside). He is also required to terminate dogscoff with extreme prejudice

The residue of Growltigga's estate is to be used to hire the nastiest meanest most evil sadistic SOB you can find in order to terminate Dogscoff with extreme prejudice, or preferably a large axe.
This is also subject to the express wish of the testator that Dogscoff's genitalia be removed as painfully as possible and used as a rugby ball in next years' Six Nations tournament

This is the Last will and testament of Growltigga the Great....

Cue gregorian monks, sobbing and gnashing of teeth

David E. Gervais

March 13th, 2003, 03:03 PM

..while dogscoff is hovering over the limp body of Raging Deadstar with a dented cast iron frying pan in his hand, I walk up behind him holding two massive gongs (one in each hand).. I swing my arms togeather and the gongs come crashing hard on either side of dogscoff's head..

Dogscoff's eyes cross as his whole body vibrates in tune with the resounding Gonnnnnnnng! that fills the cantina. Before Dogscoff can recover, a huge hulking brute grabes him by the ankle and turns his world upside down. (the hulking brute's name is 'Toupe',he is my new Body-Guard) and wouldn't you know it, all of my oversized XXXL Hawaiian shirts fit him like a 't'

I ask Toupe if Dogscoff is heavy he says "Nah, he's mostly hot air!" to prove the point, he starts starts to flex his arm and the result has Dogscoff's head bouncing off the floor in a steady beat. "See Boss, as light as a feather."

Dogscoff makes a vain attempt to wriggle free.. "Hey, Toupe! Can you show me what you meant when you said that you know how to use pressure points to inflict pain?".. "Sure, Boss.." Toupe proceeds to show me all the different 'sinsitive' pressure points and each time, Dogscoff's eyes bulge out in extreme agony, followed by the most horrific scream.

"Toupe, when I hired you, you mentionned on your resume that you were really good at tearing people appart limb from limb, can you give me a demonstration?".. "No problem, Boss.."

With apparent ease Toupe rips off Dogscoff's left arm.. Dogscoff screams, and then grits his teeth and says.. "ha! it's just a scratch!".. Then goes the right arm.. Dogscoff again shows remarkable stamina.. "It's just a flesh wound!".. Toupe next rips off the right leg.. Dogscoff manages a weak grin,.. "I wasn't using that leg anyway!"..Toupe, removes the left leg with little or no effort. "Look Boss, If we tossed him in watter we could call him 'Bob'!".. With a quick twist and a loud pop Dogscoff's head is removed from what is left of his body. "I guess he ran out of things to say eh? Boss!" Toupe tosses dogscoff's head into the fireplace along with the rest of his 'parts'

"That was very impressive Toupe, You deserve a raise! Here, let me buy you a drink. What's your pleasure?" Topue leans over and whispers in my ear.. "I'd like a shirly temple with two olives please!" After seeing the display of Toupe's prowess I held my tongue and ordered his drink!

Well, I wonder if this 'act' fulfills the terms of the will? Ah well time will tell!

I hold up my glass and make a toast.. "Gt, The honor was mine to serve. Cheers!"

[ March 13, 2003, 13:08: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]

dogscoff

March 13th, 2003, 03:14 PM

The floor shakes. The sound of rushing water can be distantly heard.

"Not again", everyone groans. "Someone call SMURF."

Suddenly the roof is ripped off by a gigantic tentacle. Riain and Eoin, a pair of 400foot long genetically modified cybernetic giant battlesquid bodyguards, have arrived to avenge dogscoff.

David Gervais hides behind toupe, crouching on the floor. He immediately wishes he hadn't as the bodyguard soils himself in fear. It's all immaterial anyway as Riain grabs the pair and squishes them together into some kind of puree. Eoin, following instructions left to cover these exaact circumstances, drops a gigantic jar, full to the brim of psychotic shrimp micro-ninja. The jar breaks, releasing thousands of the tiny warriors, each one only a few centimetres long but highly trained in the art of stealthy execution. Alone they are harmless, but a few dozen together are deadly.

The squid join in the carnage, and before long the Cantina is awash with blood, no-one is spared in the invertabrate attack.

By the time the Sea Monster Urban Response Force turn up to destroy the squids, not a soul is left alive. Only Barry, who had been out in the car park at the time, is left alive to mourn the dead and rummage through the steaming remains for any tasty leftovers...

[ March 13, 2003, 13:15: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

dogscoff

March 13th, 2003, 03:26 PM

"Just my luck" thinks dogscoff, as he floats about the ethereal realm. "Dead twice in two weeks. I have to say though, the afterlife does look surprisingly like a pub."
He moves toward the bar, and sees another figure there. It's GrowlTigga.
"Hey 'scoff. You took your time."
"Well, DG had a particularly extravagant death lined up for me. He should be along any minute now"

The two pour themselves pints and drink in silence. Before long, a rather confused looking David Gervais arrives, mumbling something about having giant squid being 'unfair'. Taz is next, and takes up his position behind the bar. One by one, the rest of the Cantina's residents float into the heavenly hostelry, ordering drinks and chatting, eating tribble wings and spanging one another across the back of the head with frying pans...

[ March 13, 2003, 13:27: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Growltigger

March 13th, 2003, 03:33 PM

The strategic defence satellite "Agamemnon" hovers in geosynchronous orbit over the Cantina.

Its highly powered computer brain notices that it hasn't received the signal from the "deadman" chip carried by Growltigga....

Processors signal the strategic battle computer. Thrusters align Agamemnon's missile tubes in the direction of the cantina. Targetting data flows into the guidance units of a couple of 20 megaton "Mean Mother" missiles...

Agamemnon waits for the firing command from the good old President of the USA, George Wubbya, High priest of the Church of Latter Day Morons. He gives the order and the two missiles launch from their bays.....

Countdown, T minus 20 seconds

Stone Mill

March 13th, 2003, 04:09 PM

Originally posted by GT:
To Stone Mill, 25,000 minerals to spend on loose food and greasy women, he also gets Growltigga's leather thong (the one's with the studs on the inside). While I embody the ghostly form of Elvis, I must advise of the unusual legal chain of events:

Since a dead Elvis can't own property, the items in question goes to the Presley estate. The Heir to the estate is Lisa Marie.

Because of a settlement clause in her divorce papers concerning future "earnings," she is required to distribute said items to her ex-partners:

Nicholas cage now has 25,000 minerals.

And Michael Jackson is now wearing GT's thong. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Growltigger, that will was sensational. I was chuckling all the way to work. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

dogscoff

March 13th, 2003, 04:24 PM

So... several hundred Posts after the device started ticking and the health inspectors arrived... the Cantina is finally gone. I guess we should lock down this thread and open up a "ghost cantina" thread while we decide how we're going to get back to the land of the living and where we're going to do our drinking once we get there.

[ March 13, 2003, 14:25: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

David E. Gervais

March 13th, 2003, 04:40 PM

hmmm, this "Ghostly Cantina" is great! Everything is kind of transparent, even (or should I say especially) the clothes the Kylie clones are wearing! mmmmm!

The idea of a "Netherworld Cantina" is great!

Cheers!

P.S. I wouldn't lock down the thread, but perhaps a new name.. "Ye Ghostly Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Life"
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ March 13, 2003, 14:49: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]

Growltigger

March 13th, 2003, 05:17 PM

T minus 10 seconds, the two "Mean Mother" missiles lock onto their target and begin their terminal approach.

The wreckage of the cantina is lying quiet, Barry, showing remarkable forethought for a 12 ton lizard with the brain the size of a pea, or Primitive's lunchbox if you like, had retreated to the Tigg-Scoff PLC nuclear bunker and is currently hiding behind a chocolate vending machine 6 miles underground........

Ragnarok

March 13th, 2003, 08:45 PM

*Rags walks around in the new ghostly Cantina wondering what happened. So since he is no officially dead he just recalls all memorys that he had while on the surface. Rags listens to the memory of GTs will once more and realizes that the Red Hot Poker Cannon is in his pocket he grabs it and hoist it in the air. I will use this to the best of my ability GT, I won't fail you now. Rags then turns around and sees GT staring at him laughing his butt off at him. Rags gets embarrassed and brings the RHPC back down to his side and walks to a empty table in the corner of the ghostly room. Rags awaits as the doom of the great Cantina is about to come to an end. It's been fun chaps. Rags states and the countdown reaches 10 seconds.

Raging Deadstar

March 13th, 2003, 08:59 PM

*Raging Deadstar smiles as he gives the ghostly Fbw's the Last order of the day, hopefully having all the attention off the Fbw's will continue in the next cantina. Raging Deadstar smiles evily and decides to point out a legal mistake in GT's will...*

Originally posted by growltigger:
To Abdul and the berber horde, 500,000 minerals so that he can make sure that Rags get's the kicking he deserves for assaulting Abdul with a baguette.
*Raging Deadstar smiles evily knowing full well that it was actually him who assaulted Abdul with the baguette (on more than one occasion)*

"You know rags it seems fair after all, i get attention off the Fbw's and you get accused by one of my crimes, yes life (or death) is quite good, especially as you can't admister a good kicking in 10 seconds, so i suggest we call a truce old boy and let for beautiful revenge on dogscoff in the name of Growltigger the Great"

*Lifts the now ghostly flaming bagguette in the air and points at the ghost of dogscoff, the deceased armies of abdul join them (under orders that they get raganarok, whom they think hit abdul, at the end of dogscoff's demise)*

Shall we? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ March 13, 2003, 19:10: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Ragnarok

March 13th, 2003, 09:31 PM

Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
Shall we?We shall! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
*RD is waiting on the battle front with his army while Rags is in the background collecting his Ping Winged Potato Pixie's and his Giant Battle Gopher army. Once Rags gets everyone in order he grabs the Red Hot Poker Cannon and swings it around his head in good old Knight fashion. Rags jumps onto the lead Giant Battle Gopher and yells: "AWAY WE GO!!!"*

*Rags begins to charge at the unsuspecting Dogscoff and he swings the Red Hot Poker Cannon at Dogscoff only to come to remember that they are in a ghostly state. No harm can be done to each other up here. Rags ponders what to do for a minute and he discusses with RD a little big. Soon both men nod their heads in agreement and Rags runs over to mlmbd and whispers something in his ear. A smile comes across mlmbds face and he nods. mlmbd then hands Rags his "Resurrection for Dumbies - Part 4" book. Rags then begins to look through it and find out how to resurrect different ones.*

*Once Rags figures it out he resurrections Dogscoff back to the Cantina and Dogscoff looks around the room in a hurry wondering what just happened to him. Rags back in the ghostly estate resurrects himself and appears right in front of Dogscoff in the Cantina. Rags goes and looks out the window only to see two missles heading straight for the Cantina. He thinks to himself that he needs to do this quickly. Rags finishes resurrecting the Pixie army and his Gopher battle group back to the Cantina. Rags looks as Dogscoff and says, "You vs. the rest of us. Not much of a chance you got here good ole buddy." Rags smiles evily as he orders the Pink Winged Potato Pixies to attack Dogscoff. They do just so and pretty soon they strip off Dogscoffs clothing. Rags smiles once more as he decided to play his Ace right away. Before he resurrected himself Rags resurrected Richard Simmons. Rags steps out of the way as RS is eagerly awaiting his chance to get his hands on Dogscoff. (Literally)*

*Rags then orders his Gopher army to attack them both and they proceed to tear them to shreds. But Dogscoff is still alive. Rags thinks to himself that this man has some heart. Dogscoff manages to pull himself together. (Once again, literally)
He stands up and Rags just stares at him. Rags then pulls out his Red Hot Poker Cannon and looks down and back up at Dogscoff, he then smiles a very evil smile once more. Rags begins to walk over to Dogscoff, he can see the fear in Dogscoffs eyes. He raises his arm with the RHPC and says: "This is for the great GT!" He then brings his arm down and presses the Red Hot Poker Cannon into Dogscoffs skin. Burning him beyond recongnision(sp).
Rags puts away the RHPC and claps his hands together cleaning off the dust. Dogscoff is laying there barely alive when Rags realizes that the Cantina is about to go. He proceeds to pull out a needle and sticks it into his arm. Rags body collapses and Rags returns to the ghostly realm. Rags figured that this would be better then being blown to bits the way that Dogscoff is about to expierience.*

*Rags walks over the RD and says, "It has been done."

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

mottlee

March 13th, 2003, 11:09 PM

LOL that hurt! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Gryphin

March 14th, 2003, 12:32 AM

:: Grabs, mac and saxon, steps through the escape hatch GrowlTigga had left exspressly for this purpose and steps into Earch, Circa 2003, Brighton, MA, City Side bar and Grill, orders up GTs favorite knowing he will be along shortly.
Orders a nutty brown ale, sits and waits to plan the next business venture ::

dogscoff

March 14th, 2003, 12:59 AM

*Dogscoff lies broken on the cantina floor, staring death in the face for the third time that fortnight. The missiles screaming down through the stratosphere, and he watches them philosophically.

"Life sucks, then it's over" he muses.

"And then it sucks all over again. And again."

He decides he can at least get one more chuckle before being hideously exploded into bits. He reaches painfully into his back pocket and pulls out his "exorcism for dummies" book. He quickly steps to the appropriate page and performs the necessary rites. There is a horrific scream and a swirling vortex of wind and debris. He smiles, happy ikn the knowledge that Ragnarok has now been banished to eternal agony and damnation.

David E. Gervais

March 14th, 2003, 02:32 AM

...psssssst Gt,.. down here,.. I wasn't sure if it's permitted to post a new message here, so I just edited this one to make contact! (Yes I know I'm a genius!) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Is the Cantina oficially closed? or are you pulling our collective vorpal legs? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

hmmm,.. I just had an idea, what if a new thread was started where no-one was allowed to post more than once. We would always edit the original post to place new Messages. It could prove interesting, then again it might just be the ultimate in chaos! LOL

Sorry, I'm babbling again, well, what's up? Is it safe to post new Messages? And what about ordering drinks, I'm starting to get real thirsty!

Cheers!

[ March 14, 2003, 22:58: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]

dogscoff

March 14th, 2003, 02:39 AM

*dogscoff sneaks quietly toward the door...

primitive

March 14th, 2003, 02:53 AM

Sob Sob Sob

The terrible tiger, the loveable lynx, the grim grimalkin, malicious mouser, cantankerous carnivore, sob sob sob.... is no more.

No more blowing of the horn, no more mounting of hapless animals, no more cartoon violence, mo more red hot poker cannon, no more no more... sob sob sob

And worst of all, buried by those Gregorian monks before the primitive one had a chance to skin him. What a terrible waste of a perfectly good hide.

mac5732

March 14th, 2003, 04:33 AM

mac sitting with Saxon, Gryphin and Memphisto at the City Side Bar and Grill, discussing the demise of the cantina and the ghostlyness of GT, orders brewski's all around and toasts the now begone Cantina.... while they wait for all the other members to arrive both in flesh and some in spirit.. eyes start to water, wind is broken in memory of the good times, what will be next.... who knows.......

But until Then http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

100 bottles of Beer on the wall
100 bottles of beer
if one should happen to fall
99 bottles of beer on the wall
99 bottles of beer........

tick, tick, tick

Growltigger

March 14th, 2003, 10:20 AM

BOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

The green and pleasant land surrounding the cantina is bLasted to atoms by the missiles.....

The conflagration Lasts for hours, a firestorm sweeps its away across the cantina sterlising it to such an extent that even the health and safety inspectors would not find fault (well, maybe the radiation and the ash may cause some concern for the food licence).

The fires subside, all is quiet.

The ghostly shades of Gryphin and Growltigga materialise in the wreckage. A popping sound can be heard as Growltigga pulls out an ethereal bottle of Vive Cliquot Ponsardin from a mystic ice bucket. A ghostly tray of canapes appears in his hand.

"Yup, done it again, second time around and the universe is ours (again). What d'ya reckon Gryph old boy, shall we retire from the restaurant and leisure business or do we fancy third time lucky?, I mean, the only survivors from this one is Barry and those reserve FBW's I hid in the Tigg-Scoff bunker"...

Gryphin leans close and whispers in his ear

Stone Mill

March 15th, 2003, 02:16 AM

Striding forward with his steed, clad in his aminal skin loin cloth, Primitive surveys the desolate lands of a once familiar haunt. His woman, also dressed in a fur bikini, clutches his oiled chest as they ride.

It is all laid waste. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif Just craggy rocks, sand, and a rushing tide against sedimentary shattered particles.

Primitive grunts as he ponders. Amazing. No sign of civilization at all. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif Wait... He dismounts his horse. Something is peculiar.

Around the bend of a jagged cliff, a meaningful form protrudes. Primitive staggers closer.

His eyes buldge in disbelief and his teeth clench as he chokes.

"Damn you... "

Primitive falls to the ground.

"YOU MANIACS-- YOU BLEW IT UP!"
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon8.gif
"DAMN YOU-- DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"

Wind coldly caresses Primitive's pained face as he looks on...
the shattered remains of the Galactic Bar's Phong, buried ominously in the terrain.

...

[ March 15, 2003, 00:17: Message edited by: Stone Mill ]

primitive

March 15th, 2003, 02:25 AM

Ahh,
So thats what I was doing http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

I had this strange dream I was floating in the astral plane, not knowing up from down, life from death, my Kylie clone from my Naomi clone.

Thank for putting it all straight http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Gryphin

March 15th, 2003, 02:27 AM

Primitive,
This is for you, sorta a "big boom" present.
http://www.windingstream.com/se/SePics/Bombsforpeace.jpg

Steps close to GT, holds up my glass to classy ghost. To the non future. A great ending to a great thread.

[ March 15, 2003, 00:41: Message edited by: Gryphin ]

TerranC

March 15th, 2003, 02:40 AM

Whatever happened to that boarding party idea?

primitive

March 15th, 2003, 02:41 AM

Thank you Gryphin.
Its getting kinda old, maybe its time to come up with something new.

So what are you whispering in GTs ear ? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif

Gryphin

March 15th, 2003, 02:43 AM

you are welcome Primitive,
If I wanted everyone to know what I was whispering I would not be wispering http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
GT might be busy for the weekend. I found him a possible date:
http://www.windingstream.com/se/BattleKitty.htm

[ March 15, 2003, 00:44: Message edited by: Gryphin ]

primitive

March 15th, 2003, 03:13 AM

LOL http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
Is that a real kitten, or just a FBW in a catsuit ?

Gryphin

March 15th, 2003, 03:33 AM

I don't think it is a "FBW" since the "B" is for "bunny" but maybe we will hire some
Furry Kitty Staff

Kamog

March 15th, 2003, 06:25 AM

Hey, what happened to the Cantina? Why is everything completely obliterated? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif Are we going to have the new Cantina where we jump around different threads and forums?

That FKS is abnormally curvy.

mac5732

March 15th, 2003, 06:33 AM

Gryphin you old Salt, Love the Kitty Playmate of the Month http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Oh Ya,

Drooling Mac

Phoenix-D

March 15th, 2003, 07:29 AM

"Whatever happened to that boarding party idea?"

With luck it died a very nasty, messy, unpleasant death. Preferably with no hope of ressurection.

Phoenix-D

Gryphin

March 15th, 2003, 07:33 AM

mac, down boy, down.

mac5732

March 15th, 2003, 09:12 AM

Gryphin, she's to good for the old hairball http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif , ps. does she have a friend, maybe one who likes older men http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif (mac turns up the old pacemaker for extensive shocks to keep it tickin)

under anothe note

A deep prevailing silence reins in the empty location where once stood a resounding, establishment of joy, hilarity, gorgesous FBW,& all kinds of cartoon violence. With heads bowed, members of the once proud elixer of essance, offer their silent testimony of grief for the passing of yet another of those wonderous cantinas where anything could happen and usually did http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif .

All the members accept a brewski from a forlorn Taz, Here's to the old girl Taz yells, and all the members upend their drinks, and afterward smash the empty containers on the site of desolation. With tears in their eyes, and with the rumble of the essance filling the atmosphere, they slowly walk away........ (to be continued)

mlmbd

March 15th, 2003, 07:34 PM

Gryphin, yeah, there is a huge beer truck over at the 'New Catina' site. Where ever that is!

mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Ragnarok

March 15th, 2003, 09:45 PM

Rags is lonely in his eternal damnation in which Dogscoff put him in.
He then mutters, "Man, all my life I wanted to be eternally damned, but now that I am it's not as cool as I thought it would be. It's boring here, no FBW's. All in all, it sucks!"

dogscoff

March 15th, 2003, 10:08 PM

*dogscoff, dead AGAIN, rejoins the rest of the crew in the ghostly Cantina.

"At least I'm picking up some frequent-dier points."

OK guys, after what Rags did to me I'm happy to leave him in eternal damnation a bit longer, but on the other hand I've always wanted to storm the gates of hell. What say we all get together and stage a heroic and horribly violent rescue attempt?

[ March 15, 2003, 20:09: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Gryphin

March 16th, 2003, 02:55 AM

:: Wonders where taz is getting the brewskies from, is there a truck around here?:;

mac5732

March 16th, 2003, 05:06 AM

Gryphin & mlmbd, in regards to the brewski's, ahem, you forgot about his new Keg hat that he mentioned earlier http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif There's always a brewski or two around here somewhere http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Continuation;

As the members begin to leave the forelorn site, they notice what appears to be a number of mistiness vapers hanging around the emptiness where the cantina once stood.. hmm, can it be, could be possible, the spirits of our departed members are trying to make contact???? mlmbd quick get out your working wares, maybe you can ressurect our crest fallen compatriots who are now in the other dimension of limbo, just hanging there in boredom, dry, and lonely for companionship... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

just some ideas Mac

Gryphin

March 16th, 2003, 05:15 AM

:: In the background strains of a Dixie Chicks song reminds us of words attributed to Voltaire.::
A country western group, (granted they don't have symbiotic life forms below their lips), ::
Mamie of the Dixie Chicks said at a concert in London, England, "I am ashamed Bush is from Texas", (in response of the anti American movement in Europe),
She later apologized saying that "she was disrespectful of the president and that anyone in that office deserved full respect" She went on to mention that as a mother she wanted every possible measure taken before children and young men were killed.

Many of the country western stations in the US began to boycott them. My station did not play anything by them in the 15 plus hours on and off that I have listened to it.
I called in tonight. the conversation was something like:
"I'd like to hear something attributed to Voltaire".
Dead silence
"you know, 'I may disagree with what the man said but I will defend until death his right to say it'
I think the Dixie Chicks sing it.
I then pointed out his very job is based on that principle and that the men who will die so will do so defending that right.
I encoraged his station to make a qualfied support for the Dixie Chicks.
10 minutes later they quoted me and played a Dixie Chicks song.

**********
I am sorry to bring pollitics in here but I did not want to dissrupt the other thread
Steve

[ March 16, 2003, 03:19: Message edited by: Gryphin ]

Taz-in-Space

March 16th, 2003, 05:32 AM

...Taz, now standing alone among the rubble that once was the mighty Cantina, listens to the wind blowing through the bLasted terrain. Hmmm, sounds a bit like a Country song. Funny what tricks the wind will play at a time like this!

Going through his pockets, (NEVER MIND where those are...) Taz pulls out a well used bar rag.
He sighs as he reflects how he had just gotten the proper gleam to that bar top. With a reverent gesture he lightly places the rag where the bar once stood. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Well like every good cartoon, this too had to come to an end.

Seconds later a whirlwind is seen heading for the horizon. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

[ March 16, 2003, 03:35: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

Raging Deadstar

March 16th, 2003, 01:23 PM

Hmm storm the gates of hell, sounds like fun, i'm up for it dogscoff, and if we all get sentenced to eternal dammnation i say we build a cantina there as well!

*Rallies the Yodelling Leiderhosen Clad Overweight armies of Belgium and Snuffbunnies! Summons the cast of any B-rate horror movie and soap and prepares to attack on dogscoff's order*

mlmbd

March 16th, 2003, 05:42 PM

I will go to work on bringing back however wishs to cross back over. I can not just to it, though. I need the dead, to want to come back. I will be keeping a ear open!

Gryphin, I have to agree with you. I do not agree with the Dixie Chicks statement. But, I fought and others died for their right to say what the choose to say!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled goastly thread!

mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Ragnarok

March 17th, 2003, 06:15 AM

Oh I want to come back, mlmbd! Please, bring me back! This eternal damnation is all good and everything, it's just I miss my mo....I miss my FBWs, yeah that's it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

David E. Gervais

March 17th, 2003, 01:07 PM

Originally posted by Ragnarok:
Oh I want to come back, mlmbd! Please, bring me back! This eternal damnation is all good and everything, it's just I miss my mo....I miss my FBWs, yeah that's it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Why on earth would you miss your 'Monkey'? Are you a closet Donkey Kong player? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

primitive

March 17th, 2003, 03:59 PM

Big dawg:

To prepare for the Norse/Viking Version of hel; Helheim or Niflheim, you better bring food and warm clothes.

The battle axe is more appropriate for the Norse/Viking Version of heaven, Asgaard. Where you can have fun (Eating, Drinking, Fighting and Frolicking) all day.

A place very much like the Cantina when you think about it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

dogscoff

March 17th, 2003, 04:10 PM

Thanks Primitive, I hope I can count on your support in this expedition - I'm sure your rusty (yet pointy) spear would enjoy the exercise=-)

primitive

March 17th, 2003, 04:21 PM

Normally I would love to, but I am not really sure if I am dead or alive. As far as I recall, your giant battlesquids killed me whit the rest of the patrons of the cantina. The next thing I remember is that some lousy Elvis-impersonator took control of my body. That was truly a horrid experience, as he made me ride a horse and have a painted face (ouch). Maybe it's less shamefull to remain dead.

mlmbd

March 17th, 2003, 04:35 PM

rags, so let it be said, so let it be done!
* Rags materilizes, where the Kegs use to be keeped!*

Anyone else??

I wasn't that hungry, this morning! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Stone Mill

March 17th, 2003, 04:53 PM

Sorry about that, Primitive. Your likeliness was instrumental in that piece of inspired writing. Too bad though; I dont think my recreation of a famous movie ending was very recognizable.

I did a bit of research at the Whoopie GHOST Academy with Patrick Swayze, and a cool side effect of being a ghost is being able to temporarily borrow people's bodies...
and if you cancentrate hard enough, you can affect the corporeal world. Like sit behind Demi Moore and get all messy with clay. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

So any--way looks like you boys have done your homework, and are actually serious about this expedition.

primitive

March 17th, 2003, 05:10 PM

King:
Your welcome, worse tings happens in the cantina http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

David E. Gervais

March 17th, 2003, 06:09 PM

..in life I feared death, in death I feared life, but now that I have trancended both these primitive concepts I am truely free! Aaaah the bliss that is of corporeal form.

hmmm, maybe I'll see F Te antKe somewhere around here! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Cheers!

Ragnarok

March 17th, 2003, 06:15 PM

Uhh, mumbles, errr... mlmbd, that whole bring me back to life thing didn't work. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif But on the bright side, I think you brought back some evil overlord though. Well, not so bright I don't think. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

I think I'm going to sit back and wait for the army to come charging in and save me. It seems like it will work better then your revive me tatic. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

David: You figured me out, I'm an avid Donkey Kong player. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif Well not really but we can say that for now. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

dogscoff

March 17th, 2003, 06:20 PM

Rags, hang on in there, we're coming to rescue you from the constant and hideous torment you endure.

Well, actually, we're just going to have some lunch first, and then maybe a quick pint, and then we'll be off.

*Dogscoff orders a large ewok steak and a pint, offering a toast to the forthcoming heroic rescue of rags, who even now laguishes in unspeakable pain.

David E. Gervais

March 17th, 2003, 07:56 PM

by sheer will-power I move my spirit over to where my 'usual' table was in the cantina. I'm amazed to see that the fake window with the fake rain and the steady stream of water washing down it is still intact. I close my vorpal eyes and listen to the soothing sound of the water. For a second I almost believe that the cantina is still here. When I open my eyes I am greeted by a ghostly image of the cantina... wait a min, this is not just an illusion, it's like for a moment the cantina was about to come back.

Maybe we can bring back the cantina if we pool our collective wills and focus our energy.

speaking of energy, I think about a dozen m&m's should help boost my energy!

Cheers!

Raging Deadstar

March 17th, 2003, 10:16 PM

*A lone leidferhosen clad belgian crawls up the rocky decimated landscape and on to the top of a boulder. He pants and pulls out the large gold decorated wooden horn, giving it an all mighty blow and the echoing bLast can be heard around the landscape. Marching towards the site of the once proud cantina came a great army. The huge force marched on, thousands of them. The majority of the army was like the horn-blower (people swing that way http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif ) Large Overweight, but muscular, belgians, clad in leiderhosen, blonde stringy hair hung from beneath green pointy mountaianeering hats with a red feather upon them. (some of these brave warriors styled their hair into pigtails, but yet again people swing that way) Moustaches and beards hang from their faces like proud vikings of old. Armed with giant axes and a large broadsword they marched towards their cause. Along side these belgians rode some more belgians mounted upon giant black rabbits with vicious teeth and red evil eyes, they made a horrible snuffling noise as they went, snuffing for flesh. These belgians were armed with spears and bloodtyhirsty automatic crossbows. Amongst the ranks of this armie were rabid members of parliament and actors from bad comedies like friends and terrible soaps like neighbours. All genetically modified to be blood hungry warriors armed with blades to hack the nearest enemy to pieces. At the front of this army mounted upon a snarling mad hunchbacked anne widdecomb (not that kind of mounted) was this armies leader, clad in bondage jeans and a trenchcoat which hid his elven chainmail coat. He carried a large sword in one hand and an elven bow on his back, a lighter fuelled covered baguette hung from his side in case he really needed to fight. AT LAST Raging Deadstar had returned to the mortal plain. Well not totally for he was possessing one of his cloned Versions of himself, but it was 99% like being alive! He had brought these armies to fight for his nemesis ragnarok, who was being tortured in the very depths of hell! A bit of a lost cause but one needs to give his forces a training exercise!*

*The extravegent army haults and Raging Deadstar awaits the call of dogscoff who was finishing his stake dinner, and most probably finishing his 5th pint and chatting up the waitress where ever he was, soon we would rescue ragnarok...*

Sorry, i felt inspired so i had to write this. Now onwards to hell, but i lay claim to any succubus's whom we liberate on the way (female angels who like to have sex and generally have a good time and are ruled by lucifer himself)

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[ March 17, 2003, 20:19: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

primitive

March 18th, 2003, 01:57 AM

On the desolate plain that now is where the Cantina once stood, a single bonfire is lit. Beside it sits the lone figure of Primitive. His face like an open book of grief and sorrow. He misses the Cantina, the friendly banter from GT and Scoff, the great drinks from Taz, the random acts of violence from Rags and RD. Mac, Gryphin, David, Mlmbd, Kamog, The King, Puke (To those I forgot, Sorry) and all the other regular friendly patrons. He misses the Furry Bunny Waitresses in their skimpy outfits, The Kylieclones and Barry - the mountable (only by GT) dinosaur. He even misses the cuisine even if it mostly tasted like Puke.

Two Items is laid out between Primitive and the fire. A chicken and his runecovered rusty (yet pointy) spear. He runs his fingers over the runes. The rune of resurection could bring back all the dead patrons (except Rags who is condemned to the eternal flames). The rune of undoing could undo the destruction of the Cantina. The rune of summoning could summon FBWs and Kylieclones. But his magic is only strong enough to make a single rune work, so which one should he choose ? This is a decission too great for the primitive one to take alone.

Primitive decides to seek supernatural guidance, and calls for the spirits of GT and Gryphin. He uses his (newly sharpened) skinningknife to gut the chicken. Spilling the entrails on the ground, Primitive reads the signs from the unearthly wraiths.

Satisfied with the result, Primitive holds the rusty (yet pointy) spear over the chicken and draws the single rune his magic would allow him. He then BBQs the chicken and eats.

The rune of Tandoori spices sure makes a tasty meal.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

dogscoff

March 18th, 2003, 02:11 AM

OK, it looks like we've got some serious hellstorming to do. Now I'm not sure which religion's Version of hell we're walking into here, so we'd best be prepared for anything.

*ghost-dogscoff arms himself:
-In case it's a judeo-christian hell, he carries a water-pistol full of holy water and a bag of holy hand grenades.
-It could be the underworld of Greek mythology, so he makes sure he has some crunchy meatoes to distract Cerberus, the three-headed dog at the gate.
-In the event that the place is fashioned after the Helheim of norse legend, he'll need his Mighty Big Axe.
- In case it is determined by the scriptures of the latter-day church of Shatner, he loads his Canon-cannon and slings it across his back
-In case it turns out to be dogscoff's own personal hell, he packs some punk CDs to drown out the country and western music.

OK, I'm just about ready. Hang in there Rags, I just need to program the video to record Eastenders while I'm gone...

Kamog

March 18th, 2003, 06:41 AM

That's a tough conundrum! Bring the Cantina back and everyone back to life, or summon FBW's and Kylieclones? So, which one did the spirits choose? (My guess is that they probably picked the FBW's and Kylieclones...)

David E. Gervais

March 18th, 2003, 05:03 PM

Personally I think "The rune of resurection" is the best choice. Once we are all brought back we will be able to rebuild and renovate. The solid ground of the cantina wasteland will make a very good foundation. "Once we build it they will come!"

I think I'd like to replace the old fake window with the fake rain running down it with a nice miniture waterfall!

...just my 2 cents! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

primitive

March 18th, 2003, 05:09 PM

Sorry guys, but I already wasted all my magic on the rune of Tandoori spices. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Sombody else will have to fix this mess.

Kamog

March 18th, 2003, 05:17 PM

Originally posted by primitive:
Sorry guys, but I already wasted all my magic on the rune of Tandoori spices. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Sombody else will have to fix this mess.Oh, well, at least you got a delicious dinner! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

David E. Gervais

March 18th, 2003, 08:22 PM

Originally posted by primitive:
Sorry guys, but I already wasted all my magic on the rune of Tandoori spices. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Sombody else will have to fix this mess...It's good to have priorities!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Atrocities

March 18th, 2003, 08:28 PM

Has this forum cost you a job?

Gryphin

March 18th, 2003, 08:39 PM

Cost me my job? no, why do you ask?

Puke

March 18th, 2003, 09:50 PM

As Dogscoff leads his rag-tag etherial army against the gates of hell, the ground shakes under the trampling of their charging feet.

smoke billows from the gates as they swing open infront of Dogscoffs phantasmal army. The horde coughs and sputters on the sulfuric fumes, as they pause to gaze inside.

As the vapors clear, there can be seen littered about, countless empty kegs - crushed and tossed aside like so many beer cans. a host of angels and demons (of the feminine variety) writhe about, quite exhausted and unable to do much more than crawl. in the center of the refuse of his own debauchery, puke gazes out at Dogscoff, as he counts his 50,000 minerals.

summoning himself up, Puke projectile vomits fifty-five gallons of wet, sticky, spew upon Dogscoff. Scoff reaches for his mighty war-axe, but the handle is coated with slipery bile, and it flies from his hand. 'Scoff aims and fires his Canon Cannon, but the barrel has been cloged by chunky vomit, and the chamber breaches with a mighty bLast. Dogscoff's white eyes blink, and stare out of his charred and blackened head, as he pulls the pin on one of his Holy Handgrenades.

he counts not to one, not to two, not to four nor five, but exactly to three, which is the number that he has counted to... and as he attempts to throw it, finds that sticky vomit has caused the device to adhere to his hand. The grenade detonates, leaving nothing behind of ghostly 'Scoff, save for his smoking etherial boots.

In a mind-numbingly appauling display of rancid raunchieness, each individual chunk of puke's vomit comes to life as a self contained sentient life-form, and the army of chunklings swarms the remainder of Dogscoff's army. the result is to horrible to describe.

"Growltigga, your will has been done."

Stone Mill

March 18th, 2003, 10:18 PM

Ouch. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

Not wanting to dive in headlong into such a foolhardy task as retreiving someone from hell, The King consults someone who has completed the task... Robin Williams.

In "What Dreams May Come" he pulled off the job. But since no one has seen that movie, present company included, we don't know what to do. When questioned, Robin loudly spews offensive nonsequitors with intense body language and sweats massively.

What to do? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif

Raging Deadstar

March 18th, 2003, 10:42 PM

*Raging Deadstar charges his armies in to the gates of hell only to find dogscoff's smoking boots. He sees the oncoming tide of puke orders his troops to charge. Many are lost in this great battle as RD struggles against the oncoming puke. His broadsword no use he throws it away and pulls out his bagguette and lights it. Swathes of puke ignite into ash on contact as he swings his bagguette heroically and charges head long into the gates of hell. Puke is too busy gloating as Raging Deadstar follows the big sign pointing "Eternal Dammnation!" Charging down slaying any demons in sight with the bagguette and the automatic crossbow he finally reaches ragnaroks prison. He is impaled on the biggest fireborne spire dressed in pink spandex and is trying to fight off flying incarnations of will young who keep trying to rub his crotch and nipples whilst singing to him! Raging Deadstar raises the flaming bagguette and is about to slay the demons and save ragnarok when his phone goes off*

"Hello?"
"But i'm in the middle of saving someone from the depths of hell!"
"Do i get rewarded?"
"YAY"
"So i have to hurry back now?"
"Ok Love you, bye"

*Raging Deadstar shouts over to ragnarok that he has to go because his girlfriend wants him for something really important. Raging Deadstar pulls on the reins of anne widdecomb and gallops back towards the gates of hell, past the still gloating puke and back to the surface where his Girlfriends fully armed baseship is ready to whisk him away for a frollic in a rose petal littered bath!*

Sorry Ragnarok, i'm sure you can suffer some more eternal dammnation until someone else decides to come back for you!

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

dogscoff

March 19th, 2003, 02:53 AM

Hell, you don't need to bring us back, we're having a whale of a time.

*Ghost-Dogscoff, looking magnificent astride a ghostly psychotic vampire war-penguin, heads the army. The gates of Hell lay before him, guarded by all kinds of unspeakable slavering thingies.

"CHAAAAAAAAAAARRRGE!!!!!"

dogscoff

March 19th, 2003, 06:36 PM

What happens when a ghost dies in hell? Where is there left to go to?

*Ghost dogscoff is about to find out...

He opens his eyes, only to discover that everything is extremely dark. It feels as though he's floating in space, and he is pleasantly surprised to find that he doesn't have a hangover. All around he can hear a constant, regular booming. He moves his arms to try to feel what's around him, but something feels wrong. Only when he touches his own body does he realise that his arms are extremely short. This is infuriating! He has to get out of here, find Puke and visit sweet, agonising revenge upon the disgusting walking stain.

He reaches out once more, and this time feels some sort of rope. He follows the rope back to it's source, only to find that it's attached to himself.

At the bellybutton.

Having already used all the afterlifes in dogscoff's limited knowledge of different belief systems, all that's left is re-incarnation.

Foetus-dogscoff kicks his partially-developped legs in frustration. Puke, I'm going to get born, and then when I grow up I'm going to fkn kill you...

[ March 19, 2003, 16:37: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Puke

March 20th, 2003, 02:14 AM

I motion to lock and retire this thread, and open up:

Ye Newest Galaxy Traveling Bar & Grill & Mobile Cantina! (as named by Taz)

See you all on the flip side.

Kamog

March 20th, 2003, 06:01 AM

Originally posted by Puke:
I motion to lock and retire this thread, and open up:

Ye Newest Galaxy Traveling Bar & Grill & Mobile Cantina! (as named by Taz)

See you all on the flip side.Sounds good! I second the motion. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

mac5732

March 20th, 2003, 07:56 AM

looks like its time for another poll http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

mlmbd

March 20th, 2003, 04:09 PM

Another poll? So, are we going to get dancers?

mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font

primitive

March 20th, 2003, 05:02 PM

Primitive proposes: Ye lets get our act together and build it as fast as possible Cantina.

Look what poor Taz’s got in his sig: Experianced bartender, needs bar.
Who can resist the wishes of such an adorable little furry creature http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Gryphin

March 20th, 2003, 11:42 PM

Folks, why limit ourselves to a bar?
Let's build an entire Mall
"Ye Olde Galatice Shopping Emporium and Cantinna"
Think of the kinds of patrons we can draw. Both "player and non player characters".
I wonder what adventures we will have in the isles of Walmart, Sears, Home Depot, Victorias Secrete?

Raging Deadstar

March 20th, 2003, 11:51 PM

I like gryphins idea, perhaps we could all own our own stalls and wreak havoc with our products! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Gryphin

March 21st, 2003, 01:10 AM

Raging Deadstar
Nice idea, Hmm, I wonder, do you think we should let mac have the Victoria Secrete franchise?
BTW: Don't forget you'll be paying rent to holding account till the Great Kat returns, (and he will return).
mac, it is your turn to start the thread.
Variations on the name anyone?

mac5732

March 21st, 2003, 07:02 AM

I have posted a new poll for everyone to vote,

Gryphin, I'll take Victoria Secret if Lizzy H. can be my ahem assistant... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

just some ideas Mac

Kamog

March 21st, 2003, 07:09 AM

Originally posted by Gryphin:
Folks, why limit ourselves to a bar?
Let's build an entire Mall
"Ye Olde Galatice Shopping Emporium and Cantinna"
Think of the kinds of patrons we can draw. Both "player and non player characters".
I wonder what adventures we will have in the isles of Walmart, Sears, Home Depot, Victorias Secrete?A Shopping Emporium? I'll run the video game arcade! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

primitive

March 21st, 2003, 11:46 AM

Primitive has just visited “Plato's Pub”, recommended by Dogscoff as a (temporary) replacement for the Cantina. The drinks was OK, but the conversation was about as interesting as watching paint dry. Having seen pain dry many times before, Primitive returns to the wreckage of the cantina.

Primitive love the shopping mall idea.

In memorandum of the late kat, he will open a both to sell leather thongs, body oil and such stuff.
Ehh - or maybe not, may attract the wrong crowd.

David E. Gervais

March 21st, 2003, 06:34 PM

..while passing through the post office and city hall, I noticed these posters on the wall..

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1048263855.jpg http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1048263871.jpg

The only question I have is.. "Are these Wanted posters a job offer in disguise? or has Taz gone and done something to warrant this?"

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Stone Mill

March 21st, 2003, 06:50 PM

Well done, David. It's amazing what a Tazmanian Devil will do when he's out of work and bills need to be paid. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Raging Deadstar

March 21st, 2003, 08:41 PM

Hey that doesn't look like the taz who works behind the bar! It must be his brother... WHy taz is shipping off his brother and redirecting the money to taz's account. Sneaky Sneaky http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

As for the shopping mall idea if it happens i'm gonna be opening a cloning emporium. Anything you want done within the day, mac should be happy about this because he forgot to read the fine print that his liz hurley clone will cease to exist in a couple of months, better get some more "mileage" on her old boy before she goes kaput!

And if Gryphin meant he was taking it in his post below i'll ship him a couple of shania twain and kylie clones with added endurance (should keep up the ol' boston sex fiend) and while he's busy open up my stall

[ March 21, 2003, 18:44: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Gryphin

March 22nd, 2003, 02:06 AM

Ok, mac, you can have the Liz H clone
Which remainds me, who will have the cloning concession? Oh Wait, I'll take it.

mac5732

March 22nd, 2003, 06:27 AM

mac places an order with RD for a new refurbished Liz H clone http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif , always can use a spare,.... besides, whats better then a Liz Hurley Clone?, 2 Liz Hurley Clones http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif ....

Nice Pictures David G. Taz or his brother or cousin, or look a like.. excellent

Mac seeing that the poor Taz is currently out of job, withdraws 10,000 minerals from his secret hidden Swiss bank Account. He then hires a sexy, young Female Tazmainian Devel to deliver it to the poor Taz along with a keg of good old Coors.

just some ideas mac

ps. don't forget to vote in cantina thread post

Taz-in-Space

March 22nd, 2003, 07:07 AM

...Hey, anybody know why peoples's shooting at Taz? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Posters? What posters??? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif

Oh, those posters. Look NOTHING like Taz. Really. Really, really! That some other guy!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

Besides, I worth much more than a measly 1,000,000 minerals! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

David E. Gervais, you haven't been hanging around with that Bugs character have you? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

Mac, thanks for the 10,000 minerals and that cute she devil! She was just feeling good enough from the keg...! You are forgiven for rigging the vote!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

mac5732

March 23rd, 2003, 06:08 AM

So far it looks like the majority wants a new name, so if it holds up, we shall have to post another poll with new names to be voted on.

Also if the majority would like to have it in a Human/Alien Mall.

Taz, glad you like the young companion http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

just some ideas mac

primitive

March 23rd, 2003, 12:43 PM

Primitive once again returns to the desolate plain after a visit to Plato's Pub. He really misses the Cantina. His attempts at conversation among the philosophers had not gone well.
His "Hey, I see that paint is a little dryer now", had been met with answers like "Maybe, but did it dry by its own free will" and "Of course, It was determined".

GT:
I see you lurking. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Growltigger

March 24th, 2003, 02:21 AM

I have memory and awareness,
but I have no shape or form,
as a disembodied spirit,
I am dead but yet unborn,
I have passed into the afterlife,
as was told by tales of old,
I am sitting in a lap-dancing bar,
marble white and purest gold.
I see the cantina patrons rage on high
abuses hurled across the sky
I cannot move, I cannot hide
I feel a silent scream begin inside....

ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I am currently on holiday with the current Mrs GT and in-laws in Paris, returning next week. The mall idea sounds fine, but let me make it clear that any lingerie or marital aid concession will be run by me. Any arcades will be run by the killer mongooses and Abdul and the berber horde will run all falafel concessions......

Then all at once the chaos ceased
A stillness fell, a sudden peace
The patrons heard my silent cry
And stayed their struggles mystified

Gryphin was astonished, Mac called me mad
But they heard my story further and
they wondered and were sad
Gazing into the cantina onto a world of doubt and fear
The cantina splintered into shattered hemispheres
They sat a while in silence and they turned at Last to me.
We shall call you Tigga, the god of chaos you shall be.....

Listen guys, dont moan, it is either old Rush songs or my drunken rendition of the Marseilleise

[ March 23, 2003, 12:32: Message edited by: growltigger ]

Ragnarok

March 24th, 2003, 03:03 AM

Just an observation... This thread is larger then the B5 thread now. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif We passed it up about 50 or so Posts ago.

Kamog

March 24th, 2003, 03:16 AM

What's going on? We're all standing around in the crater which was once the Cantina... some of us are still alive, some of us are ghosts, and some of us aren't sure of our status. There's ashes and debris everywhere, a couple of 'Wanted' posters... where did all the FBW's go? We really need the new Cantina soon!

mac5732

March 24th, 2003, 08:18 AM

Mac, looking at the desolation of where the infamous Cantina stood and all the members just standing around like they are all lost. hmm, Mac takes out his universal spatial phone, places a call, then waits. dum de da, dum de da,...

After a short time, a dented, well used, BC lands in what remains of the parking lot. The door opens in the side and a mixture of various creatures with crates unload.

Hey You Old Geezer, where do you want these tents and tables, One being that looks like a head of lettuce yells at Mac. He replies Over that big Crater. The beings set to work, and in less then an hour, They have set up a huge Pole tent with various tables and chairs, and even a small protable Bar. Mac paints a sign and hangs it on the entrance poll...

TEMPORARY CANTINA UNTIL DECISISON IS DECIDED ON
underneathe, Tazmanian Bar Tender Wanted, 10,000 Minerals....

Mac walks over to a table, sits down, opens a brewski the Lettace creature game him, waves at the ship as it takes off, and sits back and waits..... (hmm, at least it'll keep us dry for now http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

just some ideas mac

QuarianRex

March 24th, 2003, 09:22 AM

Hey, some lettuce-headded guy told me that I could buy some clones here.

Wha...? Why that lying bastard. Where did I put my Null-Space salad shooter? I'll show him...

Taz-in-Space

March 24th, 2003, 10:19 AM

...the air is still and calm over the bLasted area once known as 'The Cantina'. As the sun bakes down on this cratered scene, a wisp of movement appears on the distant horizon.
In moments this movement becomes greater as a whirling cloud of some kind moves quickly toward the viewer. A sound, like an out of control chainsaw, grows louder as the whirlwind sweeps ever closer.
As the wind grows to hurricane proportions and the sound threatens to deafen all, an ominous figure resolves itself...
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif The Taz has returned! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
...Taz reads the help wanted notice...

Hmmm, not sure what a 'protable' bar is, but I'll take the job Mac! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
That's 10,000 per day right? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

dogscoff

March 24th, 2003, 12:09 PM

After being killed, resurrected, killed again, killed yet again as a ghost, re-incarnated as a foetus and now finally born again (literally), baby-dogscoff thinks he's entitled to a bit of a rest.

Yep, things aren't too bad. OK, I can't support my own head yet but I get baths, plenty of female attention and all the milk I can drink.

Once I've matured a little though, I think I'll be opening a video store down at the new mall, stocking the world's most comprehensive selection of rubber-godzilla flicks and whacked-out chinese martial arts films with a selection of "speciality" titles in the basement. I might also be able to make things a little more interesting with a new interactive soligraphic dvd player I've been thinking about...

[ March 24, 2003, 10:25: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Raging Deadstar

March 24th, 2003, 01:07 PM

Originally posted by QuarianRex:
Hey, some lettuce-headded guy told me that I could buy some clones here.

Wha...? Why that lying bastard. Where did I put my Null-Space salad shooter? I'll show him...*Raging Deadstar rubs his hands in glee!*

Yes i'm the person to talk about that, what kind of clone are you after? just name it and it's yours, now we have to talk about the money

Theres the Payment of the clone
Then theres the allowance of me allowed to buy anything on your tab once the new cantinas open
Then theres the insurance payment so you can't sue me if the clone hurts you in anyway
Then theres the monthly fee
Then theres the EBCP (End Big Crippling Payout)

That should bring the price to....

50000 minerals each + shipping costs, quite a bargain if you ask me, considering they are fully trained for anything, and as mac found out ANYTHING. Hell you can use them as bodyguards if you like! Or if you're lonely they tend to fill that aspect of your life too http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

What do you say Quarian Rex???

David E. Gervais

March 24th, 2003, 03:57 PM

..I thought that 'Toon-rules' were applied in this this thread. If that's the case,...

I look over the blackened waste that was once the Cantina,.. with my left hand I grab the scene firmly and lower it to my desktop. With blinding speed and a whirlwind of hand movement I quickly draw up a brand new scene,...

Where there once was waste, there is now a lush green forest a colorful garden and a long expanse of sandy beach. In the middle of this splender is a shiny new building with an exterior terrace facing the beach. There is a long oak bar that serves both the exterior and interior of the building. Beside one of the windows in the building is a large man-made waterfall that cascades down into a pool filled with exotic fish. Above the building is a huge neon sign flashing 'The Cantina'. Next to the door is a small sign that simply says "OPEN: Drinks are free for paying customers!"

I waste no time and claim a table next to the window with the waterfall...

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

primitive

March 24th, 2003, 04:29 PM

- Primitive returns to the crater left by the destruction of the Cantina.
On the Far side of the crater a large tent has been erected. Loud music and party sounds can be heard from inside. At the near side, someone has built a miniature cantina. It is very nice with waterfalls and all, but no larger than a computer desktop.

Having drunk way to many beers in that boring Plato’s Pub, Primitive decides to add a little to the flow of the waterfall. Tiny screams can be heard when the stream overflows and floods through an open window in the miniature.

Puzzled, Primitive goes over to the large tent. Maybe it's Primitive's kind of place http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Ragnarok

March 24th, 2003, 05:57 PM

Well, I would love to be enjoying The Tent Cantina (TTC) but I'm still chained up in my eternal damnation because some people seem to have forgotten about me. But soon enough I will sieze control of everything down here and have my revenge... Yes, soon enough....

Power Man

March 24th, 2003, 10:50 PM

Star date 3/24/03
Captain Power Man's personal Log.
I have finally been able to make time to visit the famed Phong's Head Cantina. My ship "Dread1" is in orbit doing a planet scan and ship engine maintenance cycle. I have gone on this mission to seek out a new place to hold the Ship Officers Poker Night Out party.
I have had Spork beam me to the location of the Cantina. I see nothing but a vast crater next to a small parking lot. Taking out my Scannopter I check for any harmful energy. The background levels are high but not too bad. It looks like a lot of "Heck" has been raised here lately.
I see a large tent has been put up on the other side of the crater. Maybe I will find some one there to tell me were a guy can get a good drink around here?
On the way there I see a small model building. It looks rather nice with a beach and all. Maybe it is a model of a propose replacement cantina? I don't know about the yellow water in the falls though.
I walk into the large tent and look around. I see several tables and what looks like a small portable potable bar set up by what looks like a lettice salad bar.
I walk unto the bar and in my best "Captain's Voice" ask "How does one get a drink in this place?"

Raging Deadstar

March 24th, 2003, 10:55 PM

*Raging Deadstar walks into the tent of the cantina and smiles slyly as he goes over to each member of the tent and writes down the suggested order of each member. Walking over to a dejected taz who is polishing the pLastic wood design bar, dreaming of the brand new oak bar he will be working behind someday! RD passes the piece of paper to taz and taz's jaw drops to the floor, he speedily begins to collect the expensive wine bottles for mac and begins pouring a couple of dozen of the finest brewskis in the cantina. The rounds of drink are passed around and Mac opens a chilled vintage wine. Taz opens up his paw and demands the money to pay for such an awesome ammount of alchohol. Raging Deadstar coyly steps aside and says...*

"Put it on Ragnaroks tab!"

*Raging Deadstar then hides in the back corner of the tent where it is darkest and pulls out a quijabaord and begins to contact Growltigger from beyond the grave! He pulls out a couple of candles and lights them as they ominously flicker. He then holds up ragnaroks tab and all the lights go out, then re-alight. As the lights go out the ground shudders like a great beast has awoken. The middle of the tent where the makeshift pool table is englufed in a red light and a firey pentagram is drawn across the floor magically. The pentagram then cracks open until a giant hole engulfs the floor which flames lick out of. Suddenly Growltiggers voice can be heard...*

"DON'T COME BACK TO YOU PAY ALL OF IT OFF!!"

*Ragnarok comes sailing out of the portal and lands in a clump with some tables and chairs in the side of the tent. A few red hot pokers fly out and hit primitive up the back entry and he is forced to run to the waterfall in david gervais minature, and cool off his rear end even though he did relieve himself in it! Growltigger then turns round and heads back into the portal and the ground closes up again...*

Welcome back ragnarok, sorry if you have to pay off those drinks but hey at least your alive! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif Anyway i just cancelled my tab with taz so I'm safe from tab shiffting http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[ March 24, 2003, 21:01: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Ragnarok

March 24th, 2003, 11:18 PM

*Rags comes flying out of the giant hole that is now in the middle of what used to be the parking lot of the Cantina. Rags flies who knows how high into the sky and falls back to the ground with a great thump on the concrete slab. Rags manages to get to his feet, al be it, with a great headache such as no man has ever had. Rags stumbles over to the edge of the giant hole that was created when he was tossed out of the firey depths, and yells down to the demons that threw him out: "Yeah well you can just go to h***!" Moment of silence. "Oh, wait, too late for that, eh? Sorry, no offense!"*

*Rags then walks over to the man they call RD and offers his hand for a handshake to show his gratitude for saving him from the depths of hell. RD reaches out to shake Rags hand and when he does his hand burns like nothing has ever burnt before. RD yells in pain and he runs around with his hand smoking still from shaking Rags hand. He continues to blow on it and wave his hand around trying to cool it off before he finally dips it in a pitcher of beer. He yells even louder as that causes the pain to increse. He finds a pitcher of water and dips his hand in that. Finally relief from the pain. Rags thinks to himself: "Shoot, I guess I haven't cooled off myself from being down there for the past week. Oh well, that's what he gets for putting all those drinks on my tab." Rags then evilly smiles to himself as he plots out his next move.*

*Rags begins to think about it a bit more and he realizes something. So he walks over to Taz and asks him for his tab to look over the expenses. At the top of the tab is the name Ragnarok, but Rags looks closer and with closer inspection he notices that there is white out under his name. So Rags rubs off the white out only to reveal the name Power Man. He ponders this and decides to take it to Taz to find out what to do. Taz upon looking at it a bit more decides that since Power Mans name was on the tab under Rags' name, that Power Man has to pay for all the drinks incured when RD when on his spending spree. So that leaves Rags with a nice clean tab and Power Man with a heck of a tab to pay before his ship is ready to leave.*

*Rags walks to the corner booth and sits down with his drink. He begins to plot out his next move.*

Power Man

March 24th, 2003, 11:31 PM

Well that was quick.
Thanks for the wine Ragnarok.
What a floor show! I wish I had got a reading on that primative's "back end" energy.

Now barkeep I would like a glass of your best ale. And how much for a trip to the lettuce bar? I better get some soon, it looks like there is just the one head of lettuce left.

Ragnarok

March 24th, 2003, 11:59 PM

*Rags walks over to Power Man and says: "Power Man, do you realize you have a hefty tab to p..." just then, as the single FBW that is left from the aftermath of the blown to bits Cantina, takes the order to Taz to fix up his head of lettuce order. Taz notices that Power Man has a heck of a tab to pay and he refuses to fix his order up until he pays it. Taz then whispers something to Rags and Rags smiles. Rags proceeds to make his way over to Power Man again and he says: "Come with me." Power Man then responds, "Not until I get my food!" Rags simply waves his hand and a group of Battle Gophers come marching into the Tent area of TTC (The Tent Cantina) and they grab Power man and proceed to carry him off. Power Man is kicking and screaming for the Giant Battle Gophers to drop him but they won't do it. The Battle Gophers finally drop him in a seat and tie him up. They then proceed to beat the living day lights out of Power Man until he is willing to pay his outstanding tab that he now has.*

QuarianRex

March 25th, 2003, 12:03 AM

Originally posted by Power Man:
set up by what looks like a lettice salad bar.Yes, this salad bar is a fitting end to Lettucehead. I wonder if it's still considered vegetarian if the salad begged for its life before I put it in the crisper?

Bah! No matter.

What? I can get clones here? Oops. (QuarianRex looks at the salad bar with a smidge of guilt)

50,000 minerals (plus shipping) per clone, eh Deadstar? Tis a mite bit steep it would seem. It's a good thing that my Technocratic Enclave (TM) has already moved on to the population phase of its Sphereworld construction/relocation plan. The rising economy should be able to handle the strain of a sizable purchase.

I would like 5 Anna Kournikovas. All fully combat trained of course (I likes them sturdy). Then 100 Alexander the Great/Sun Tzu hybrids. I can always use some extra strategic advisors. Lastly, what do you have in the hulking shocktrooper department? I'm looking for something capable of tearing a tank in twain with its bare hands and capable of withstanding hellish punishment (I'm talking being able to take the sonic barage of Celine Dion without crumpling, tall order, I know). Also, if they had true hermaphroditic reproductive capabilities, a gestation period of three weeks, and could reach combat-ready maturity in six months, well, that would be great. I could use about 10,000 of those.

How soon could I expect them?

And could you put a... ahem... rush delivery on the Annas?

*QR examines the tent, sees the furry bartender drooling on/polishing glasses, a conspicuous pentagram burned into the parking lot, a strangely amonia-smelling yellow fountain the size of a desktop, and various surly patrons, some in various states of human combustion.

I like the ambiance here.

Perhaps I'll get a beer while I wait.

Raging Deadstar

March 25th, 2003, 12:20 AM

*Raging Deadstar whom has been sitting back clutching his hand and cursing quietly, that hadn't gone to plan. He drinks the rest of his drink (non alchoholic of course!) and begins to feel sorry for the new guy who ragnarok was about to beat up. So RD gets up and watches as power man is taken to ragnaroks ship. RD pulls out his laptop which he had just posted his latest game turn and sends an e-mail to ragnaroks master computer...*

-=-= In Ragnaroks Ship=-=-
*A loud beep can be heard and brings the almost unconcious power man back awake. Ragnarok looks at the pc and opens the e-mail, it was from Raging Deadstar with a voice message. He plays the file and the word Onions can be heard throughout the ship. A giant black hole appears like out of various cartoons appears and a large pile of onions fill the bridge of ragnaroks ship, burying anyone alive..*

Now for Business.
*RD runs off to his ship and returns 10 minutes later with the fully formed Anna Kournikova clones wander in, in very revealing sexy black dresses*

5 Anna Kournikova clones with added endurance and combat abilities. 250000 + 1000 Shipping. I'll give you a sample Alexander/Sun Tzu Clones for now. + The Big End Crippling Payout of 50% which is 125000 for all of those clones.
+ I get access to your tab
So the toal cost is 376000 Minerals please
As for stormtrooper/army/bodyguards talk to primitive over there, he may not be house trained and might try and mug you but i could clone him for you. Or you could try the speciality Rabid Vanessa Feltz??? She would certainly suit your needs for being able to rip a tank in two http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ March 24, 2003, 22:25: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Power Man

March 25th, 2003, 12:24 AM

All right if that's the way things work around here.
Power Man tells Taz while I am not into the tying up and beating seens, I'll let Spork know. Those Battle gophers remind me of the story Spork told when he got back from his Last trip to the planet "underground".
I am not sure how my bill got so large, but I do know my tabs. Here is a Very Rare item that I am sure covers my bill.
Power Man hands Taz a small black retangular artifact. Insribed on it in white is the word TAB. Under that are two arrows.
Taz is amazed at the fine workmanship and value of the artifact. He shouts, "Your TAB is written off"

The FBW finally returns with the lettuce order. Power Man takes the order and leaves.
I'll eat this outside. The are in here is getting stale.

Power Man

March 25th, 2003, 12:31 AM

Power Man

March 25th, 2003, 12:33 AM

OOPS sorry about the double post. I am not sure haw that happened. It is hard to use my computer because I seem to be missing my TAB key.

David E. Gervais

March 25th, 2003, 01:01 AM

Originally posted by primitive:
At the near side, someone has built a miniature cantina. It is very nice with waterfalls and all, but no larger than a computer desktop. We Ghosts don't need much room at all! What's mini to you is just right for us! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

P.S. Ghosts can't smell or taste, so we don't really care what kind of liquid flows down the waterfall, and yellow is just as good a color as any I suppose.

Boo! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

[ March 24, 2003, 23:05: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]

QuarianRex

March 25th, 2003, 06:18 AM

QuarianRex looks at the fearsome bill of 376000, then at the Kournikova clones, his decision made for him. He efficiently barks a few orders into his handy-dandy trans-spatial wrist-com and waits.

Within minutes the sky bursts into a coruscation of light as a Warp Point opens in this sector. As quickly as the sky lightened, so to does it now darken as a ship of truly mind boggling proportions eclipses both the sun and the newly created warp point. As the floating behemoth descends just outside the crater its underside splits open to release a deluge of minerals that just barely misses some poor beat-up looking lad who was trying to eat some lettuce.

Long moments pass as the thunderous assault continues, seemingly without end. When finally the cacaophony comes to an end the ship seals its hold and raises back into the sky, its exit marked by the closing of the wormhole. As light returns to the shattered landscape surrounding this meager tent a glorious mound of minerals, just slightly smaller than everest, can now be seen to dominate the landscape.

"Ooh, it's so big!", the Annas coo in unison.

QuarianRex, brought back from picturing what the Annas would look like in catholic schoolgirl uniforms, replies, "What? That? It's not much. It's a bit of an inconvenience really. If only these primitives would get past using the barter system..."

"Ahem", interjects AlexTzu, "Milord I believe that locals currently operate primarily under a system of credit."

"Hmm..? What was that? I was distracted by the Annas. (quit touching me there, well, actually don't stop, but not in public you naughty minxes) Credit you say? Well I'll have to remember that for next time. My current debt is now paid in full. Well now, where is this primitive fellow? I wonder if he will mind being cloned into a hermaphrodite?"

Power Man

March 25th, 2003, 08:50 PM

Power Man unplugs his ears and looks around. What a racket! I have not heard anything so bad since Spork cranked up the volume while playing his latest Heavy Metal Rock Group CD.

Brushing all the metal dust off his jacket he realizes his meal is too wilted to eat. He scoops a small hole in the moutain of metal and buries what's left of the greens.

Seeing the large blue man and the set of Good Looking Quints he thinks, "Hey maybe I should get one of those to be my new yoman!"

Raging Deadstar

March 25th, 2003, 11:09 PM

*A sly smirk spreads across the young ship captains face as he orders full speed towards the cantina. The fireball ignites as the heat shield coated armour kicks in and the stream of fire hurtles through the stratosphere. Eventually the giant stream of flame cools down and begins to enter the planets orbit. As it enters the oxygen atmosphere a defeaning rumbling can be heard as the bass line to slayer's reign in blood album plays over the ships massive loud speakers. Arguably the pinnacle of ther finest metal music created. Screeching and guitar mastery alike clash as the guitar solo kicks in and the many beverages in the cantina begin to shake. The dreadnought turns down the volume to make sure the tent isn't blown away and parks on the edge of the crater. A young man jumps down from his ship and heads towards the cantina, clothed entirely in black in bondage jeans and mesh tops with a long black leather trenchcoat blowing in the wind! His hair lethal resembling a mace with it's twisted spikes. He walks throw the tent entrance and his flanked by two of his best trained bodyguards, Talena Atfield (ex-Kittie Bassist) and Otep Shamaya (Otep Vocalist) and they look around in their matching leather combat suits, carrying their lethal staffs strewn with blades. Much of this overhyped security was nessercary for someone now feared as leader of belgium!!! He sits down and the FBW seductively walks over to his table to order his drink. He buys himself an apple juice (staying true to his non-alcholism) and orders his bodyguards a drink as a perk, bewing the evil overlord of belgium's bodyguards had certain privellages*

Power Man, You may want to expirience some the finer culinary traits of this tempoary cantina, theres a stall outside now selling deep fried tribble wings, i havn't tasted thyem as taz objects to this meal but i hear they make a nice snack.

Quarian Rex, it was nice doing business with you, my transports or shuttling those minerals back to the deadstar continuum, hope you enjoy those anna kournikova clones

Also Power Man, if that dispicable ragnarok pulls any sort of cartoon violence upon you i suggest you call him raggamuffin and wreak horrible revenge, if not i'll sort him out for you (As ol' Raggamuffin's nemesis i must stand up for all those who are smited against by the young fiend http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif )

Power Man

March 25th, 2003, 11:47 PM

Thank You DG.
Boy what an entrance. I'll have to get Spork down here to meet you. With your taste in clothing and music you two would hit if off right away.

I think I will get some of those tribble wings. I hear tey taste a lot like chicken. I need to get something to get the metal dust taste out of my mouth. Besides I never did get to finnish my lettuse.

Power Man gets a double order of tribble wings with a large ale. He sits down by the small cantina model.
As he eats his wings ( RD they are VERY GOOD) he looks at the fine model. Now that the falls are running clean one can get close and look into the tiny windows.
Inside the model it looks much like the original Phong's Head Cantina as it was described so long ago (some 193 pages and 2800 replys). Too bad Power man did not get here earler. The small tent and portable bar is just not the same.

But wait... What is that tiny half seen shade I see flitting around inside the model????

dogscoff

March 26th, 2003, 05:30 PM

*dogscoff strides into the temporary cantina. Well, I say strides... he's only a baby, so it's more of a waddle on little baby legs. Still, he looks pretty cool with a ceremonial silk nappy (diaper), swishy purple cape and big ceremonial hat. He orders a pint of breast milk before making his announcement. He is trailed by a crowd of adoring cult followers who cower and wail in his presence.

"I am Reborn" he announces. "Prostrate yourselves before me, for I am the holy one."
Everyone looks a bit bemused as he explains his new cult. He got the idea from S_J over at Plato's pub, and has decided to get himself a load of cash by exploiting cult-groupies.

It's simple really, it's called the Church of Divine Non-Intervention. The basic premise is that God created the entire universe and set events in motion, and hasn't done anything else in this universe since. It explains why God allows wars and plagues and famines to happen, because he's just not looking.

And since God's not looking, we can do whatever the hell we want to.

To prove this point, dogscoff boks Powerman across the back of the head with his holy sceptre and grabs lewdly at a passing Anna Kournikova clone. Quarian Rex grabs dogscoff by the throat in defence of his AK clone, but the little baby begins to cry and while QR is feeling guilty one of dogscoff's new disciples boots Rex in the groin.

Now, let us pray- just to prove that no-one's listening.

Power Man

March 26th, 2003, 08:28 PM

Who let the Kids Out ?? WA WA WA WA.

I thought Minors were not allowed in the Cantina?
Now we have a mob of little children yelling in here.

The Quintet of Anna K's all run over to dogscoff.
"Oh what a cute little baby. Isn't he SWEET!! "
He's making the funniest baby sounds. It's almost as he is trying to tell us something.
OH he must need his nappy changed!!! He needs A BATH !!!!

The Anna K's sweep up dogscoff and take him outside to the model cantina. They they give him a much needed bath in the fountain. ( And it was finally running clean too.)

Power Man suggest they "Give the kid a tribble wing to chew on. Maybe that will Shut Him Up"

(By the way He is always watching. He is just Very Very sneeky.)

Raging Deadstar

March 26th, 2003, 09:18 PM

*Raging Deadstar looks over from his table bemused by the little baby dogscoff and realises the terrible plan that he is beginning!!!*

*RD works over the details and realises that since dogscoff is a supposedly cute baby, and is dressed in a ridiculous ceremonial silk nappy (diaper), swishy purple cape and big ceremonial hat. This means that every self respecting female in the vicinity will fuss all over him, it's like moths to a flame, he's a bloody women magnet now!! Sure that means ugly women as well, but this is the cantina where said women are FBW's and celebrities. Sure he can't get "it" up at the age he is now and in a couple of years women will avoid him like the plague because he's a toddler but think. All the women will be drooling at the mouth to cuddle and pamper him, they join his cult and you lot won't have the fbw's to oggle and serve your drinks, now i don't mind fetching my own drink and i have my girlfriend at home to keep me happy, but the rest of you won't have such perks. Think...

Primitive: No FBW's to rub lotion over your body in the shower!

Quarian Rex: Your Anna clones will become obsessed with dogscoff, no attention for you!

Ragnarok & Powerman: No FBW's cleaverage to stare at as they lean over to serve your drink!

Mac: your liz hurley clones will no longer be interested in you, only dogscoff!

The future of the cantina is on your hands! Unless Growltigger returns from beyond the grave we must band together and fight this horrible threat to the good life we lead here!

OR

We admit defeat and join dogscoffs cult, less casualties, we'll be under control of an megalomanic baby from bournemouth and no doubt he'll keep the woemn locked away in the room his crib is in, and use them all the breast feeding. Also it wouldn't be as much fun as laying down a testosterone driven attack upon the young baby...

*Raging Deadstar whistles and calls for people to take up arms with him, a giant fat bastard clone from austin powers burst through the tent door and begins chasing dogscoff round the cantina, trying to eat him! RD's battle trained female bodyguards grab their bladed staff's and stand by either side of him, ready to fight to the death and a bunch of overweight yodelling leiderhosen clad belgians line up behind him! Let the battle begin...*

Yeah i'm such an antagonistic little... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Power Man

March 27th, 2003, 12:26 AM

I don�t think we have to worry about dogscoff. Right now he thinks he is �Hot Stuff�. But like that earlier dancing baby on the internet he will get old very fast. The first 2 AM cry for �Breast milk� followed by a 2:30 AM cry for a new nappy will end even the Cute Quint�s infatuation with the little Brat.

As much as I would enjoy a good testosterone driven attack , launching such an attack on a group of little babies, even though one hit me with his rattle, is just too much.
Lets try this instead.

Seeing that the little Brat is about to be eaten by the fat bastard clone from austin powers
Power Man exclaims �OH God, don�t kill the baby !!�

At that the sky is darkened, a beam of light splits the tent.
A booming voice is heard �OK. I WILL SAVE THE LITTLE BRAT.�
A small nun with a very large hat flies in and grabs dogscoff from the clone.
She takes little dogscoff and flies up into the sky.
The beam of light snaps off, the tent is un-split and a hush falls over the cantina.
Dogscoffs little friends forget all about him and go out to play with the toy cantina. They make mud pies in the fountain. (That poor fountain)

The bunch of overweight yodelling leiderhosen clad Belgians see the Anna K clones and start wanting one each for them selves.

dogscoff finds himself in the custody of the orphanage of the Little Sisters of Devine Intervention. There he can coo and cry all he wants. The nuns there (cute or ugly who can tell in those habits) will give him all of the milk (cow) and nappies (cloth) he needs. Why there is even room there for all of his little friends. There doscoff will learn how to be �Good Little Boy� and never bother anyone again.

Have a Good Life little dogscoff. Remember �He is with you, Always�.
Also Remember When one prays He always listens. It is just that He doesn�t always Answer.

And you DG, stop being so antagonistic. Chill out. Why don�t you go Paint a Fence. ( I have one that needs painting.)

mac5732

March 27th, 2003, 05:09 AM

Mac, while lounging in his chair at his table watches the shenanigans going on when all of a sudden a light breeze wafts thru the cantina tent... oh my.. snif, snif, D... Dogscoff I think you filled that diaper your wearing and need a changing, Mac yells as he turns colors, with tears runnning down his cheeks. "Someone take that baby Dogscoff into the inner sanctum and get him cleaned up""" as Mac ever so slowly passes out from the wafting odors carried downwind from the Scoff http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

sleeping like a baby Mac

dogscoff

March 27th, 2003, 05:21 PM

*dogscoff soon settles into his life under the care of the nuns, but never forgets the wrongs committed against him. He soon senses the need to move on, and shortly afterwards the orphanage is burned down while all the occupants are away on a trip. All the children are moved on to the orphanage in the next town, which is run by the same order. All the children, that is, except one...

Due to a strange anomoly in the orphanage's records (almost as though someone had hacked into their computer, but why would anyone do such a thing?) dogscoff is re-homed with a slightly different group of nuns. The Sisters of Shrieking Plasma are a little-known order, dedicated to the teaching of God's word and pursuit of divine understanding through chastity, good works, devout prayer and breaking heads.

Mother Superior Mary Ballgrinder is on the convent's firing range when she receives a letter instructing her to collect a baby and bring it up in the ways of the lord. She shoulders her napalm-spreader, and interrupts one of the younger nuns who is in the middle of her morning weightlifting session. She sends the novice to pick up the youngster, then she offers a quick prayer and goes about ordering all the things they'll need to accomodate the infant and instruct him in the ways of the order: Nappies, milk, a cot, a baby sized grenade-launcher, some miniature automatic weapons and a teeny tiny cute little training-body for hand-to-hand combat and bayonet training.

*baby-dogscoff smiles to himself, hiding his cult's ceremonial robes under his bedding. Patience. Patience is all he needs and soon he will have everything he requires to exact his revenge.

QuarianRex

March 27th, 2003, 10:39 PM

QuarianRex casually enjoys his beverage as he watches the recent spectacle. The arrival of the baby cult, the (temporary) desertion of his Anna K clones (heaven help the man who gets in the middle of those maternal instincts), the arrival of the fat cannibal, and then the apparently divine ascention of that messianic snottling.

Fascinating resolution. Glad that I didn't have to intervene. It wouldn't do to show my hand too early. No, that wouldn't do at all.

Now what's going on with that bunch of overweight yodelling leiderhosen clad Belgians? Are they trying to grope my Anna Quints? This should be interesting.

Ouch...Did ya have to hit him there?...oh...didn't see that coming...was that a squish?...he'll be walkin' funny...eww...that won't heal right...so much leiderhosen...Ohh the Humanity!

Well, it seems that the quints enhanced combat training was quite worth the cost. That'll teach those dirty Belgians not to grope what's not theirs. Now to dress the Quints up like naughty schoolgirls...heh-heh...

Kamog

March 28th, 2003, 11:04 AM

A new cult? What does this cult believe in... oh, we can do whatever we want! Hey, I like that philosophy: no rules, no regulations forbidding us to do things, no requirements on what we have to do? Hey, but this Order of Shrieking Plasma sounds cool, too. You work out a lot and get tons of combat training! Becoming a highly trained super-warrior might be kind of fun.

Raging Deadstar

March 28th, 2003, 08:25 PM

*Ponders to himself the idea about dogscoffs cult*

If we're allowed to do anything we want doesn't that mean that we don't have to worship you but still do what we want? So technically we don't HAVE to worship you!

*suggests that dogscoff puts a rule in saying all cult members must serve dogscoff faithfully and care for his every whim!*

Taz-in-Space

March 28th, 2003, 08:48 PM

...Taz looks up at the post counter and grabs the 2900th post!...

mac5732

March 29th, 2003, 05:29 AM

Mac was doing his usual reknown research into the strange happenings involving member Dogscoff becoming a wee one once again in his life. He found that a small baby cult was engrained upon those surrounding his new dimension of youth. Not believing that there isn't a catch to joining, he delved ever deeper into this new cult of little ones. He discovered that whomever joins the un-named cult, will in turn become a small one of the same size and shape as the scoff currently is. In addition, do to financial difficulties, they also have to purchase their own diapers, pacifier and other unique articles prior to joining. However, they do have a choice of clones that will take care of and pamper them until they once more walk the cantina as a full grown member. As he continues his research he was amazed at the growth factor involved in this outlandish behavior, it appears that growth is accelerated at an astonishing rate so growth is only a matter of days possibly weeks intead of years..... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

researching Mac

Kamog

March 29th, 2003, 06:17 AM

This could be a nice cult to join. A chance to start life over again. And as demonstrated by Dogscoff, you retain all of your knowledge and experience when you become a baby! Think of all the advantages! Don't bother attending kindergarten or elementary school again, it will be boring. Just do whatever you like. But you won't be able to drive or drink or do any adult stuff for a while... the Sisters of Shrieking Plasma sound like they're pretty strict - they'll no doubt keep a close eye on you and make sure you do your daily weight training and hand-to-hand combat practice all day. Not bad, though!

dogscoff

March 31st, 2003, 01:01 PM

Time passes quickly for baby dogscoff. So quickly, in fact, that by the time mac has returned from the inner sanctum for his mid-morning evacuation, dogscoff is fully grown again.

Having spent the first 10 years of his new life learning the nuances of applied dogma and advanced warfare from the sisters, dogscoff left the convent to learn more. Crewing his way across the galaxy aboard a number of pirate and smuggler vessels, he learned many useful things about the workings of the universe, and often had the opportunity to put to use the techniques learned from the nuns.

Having made a small fortune in his teens from a notorious privateering career, he settled down for a few years, taking university courses in history, philosophy, theology, psychology and pornography. These were the final stages in his education, equipping him with the Last key skills necessary to fulfil his destiny and lead his cult into unimagined new realms of power, violence and sexual debauchery.

Dogscoff, now grown up, strides back into the cantina. He isn't wearing the nappy this time but is still dressed in flowing ceremonial robes. His eyes betray the two lifetimes of experience that reside in his young body, and a number of heavily armed (male) and well-oiled (female) cult followers watch him fervently, worshipping him and all desperately hoping for an opportunity to please their leader in one way or another.

So, who wants to join my cult? I can promise lots and lots of sex, violence, intoxicants and bad language.

Raging Deadstar

March 31st, 2003, 07:27 PM

*Raging Deadstar sees the oncoming revoloution and decides that maybe it's time to consider bargaining with dogscoff.*

Hey Dogscoff, i shall join your cult on ONE condition... I REMAIN High Evil Overlord of Belgium and keep control of luxembourg as well, not a bad price considering you will own the rest of the universe. Belgium is my country already and we're ready for a war if needs be, and luxembourg is just my firing range where i put people who have annoyed me over the years and launch various missiles and warheads at them every sunday morning at 1-3am. Other than that i am prepared to swear loyalty to you and supply your cult with enough clones of celebrities that you can tire out in acts of sexual gratification!

Note: My loyalty to you becomes null and void if growltigger returns and decides to slay all those allied to dogscoff... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Power Man

March 31st, 2003, 09:27 PM

Power Man looks up from his third helping of tribble wings (with extra sauce).
So the little baby is all grown up.
Taking out his scannopter he sneaks a scan of doscoff. It appears that whatever strange
temporal forces that have caused doscoff to age so rapidly have turned the small baby into a
fine young man. That is all but a significant part usually covered by a nappy.
It seems that part is still rather small and undeveloped.

So it seems that there may be only "promises of sex" for him.
Well that may explain all of the violence, intoxicants and bad language.

Power Man, also sensing something in the air (and this time not bad nappies) gets ready to leave.
He tosses several credits, ( and a big tip for Taz) onto the table.
Tapping his communicator he contacts his ship.
Beam me up Spork.

I'll continue to scan the place. I'll be curious to know what happens first:

The thread will get to 200 pages.
The thread will get to 3000 replys
Growltigger returns and it is the "End Of The Thread As We Know It."

Raging Deadstar

March 31st, 2003, 09:52 PM

Powerman i think it might be an appropriate time to point out to you that taz believes that tribbles are either...

A: Young Tazmanian devils

B: Related species to tazmanian devils

Either way taz looks after them like children and even that big tip you gave him isn't going to stop the maternal feelings of hurt you have caused him by ripping off their wings, deep frying them and serving them with a nice sauce. Luckily taz is preoccupied trying to get that lovely shine on the portable bar and i think that you better dispose of said evidence! Taz can be quite a handful when he gets into swing...Ok that came out wrong http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif but i believe he can be quite formiddable at the old cartoon violence, so be prepared powerman, be prepared

[ March 31, 2003, 19:53: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Power Man

March 31st, 2003, 10:53 PM

I assure you Raging Deadstar (and Taz) that before I had any of the "tribble wings" I gave them a quick scan.
These "tribble wings" are Not made from "tribbles", Young Tazmanian devils, or even though they taste like it, Chicken!

No they are actually made from, (What's Up Doc?) Rabbit !!!
SO given Taz's past run ins with a certain cartoon Rabbit, he should be pleased.
In fact I invite Taz to have some on me. They really have gotten all of the
"Bugs" INTO the recipe. Try the Carrot stuffed ones. They will get you Spinning !!!

Don't forget Raging Deadstar, you were the one who told me about them.

Raging Deadstar

March 31st, 2003, 11:06 PM

LALALALALA Did i really tell you about those tribble wings, must have slipped off my tongue http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Well as for another, this time well meant, piece of advice never say the name of a vegetable beginning with O, for you will be buried under a pile of them regardless where ever you are, if you want to be sure try it out sometime http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Power Man

April 1st, 2003, 12:11 AM

Lets see now, what would that word be ??
Is it Olive ?? ��. Nothing.
Is it Orange ?? ��.Nothing.
Is it Oregano ? � Nothing.
Is it Oregon Grape? Still nothing.

I know Its Orgasm!! Oh no that�s more �promises of Sex� from before.

It must be the name of a �widely cultivated Asiatic herb of the lily family with pungent edible bulbs.�
I use them a lot with steak, eggs, and fish. I may even try them on �tribble� wings !

A small worker robot enters a vast, empty, cargo hold on the Dread1.
He places a small remote computer speaker in the center of the hold and gets out.
From the speaker comes the Words ONION ONION ONION.

A giant black hole appears like out of various cartoons appears and a large pile of onions fill the hold of Power Man�s ship.

OH BOY I have enough On � er pungent edible bulbs to Last me a long time.
Thanks Raging Deadstar I won�t tell Taz about your �slip of the tongue.�

Kamog

April 1st, 2003, 06:15 AM

OK, I'm considering joining Dogscoff's cult, but I'm going to wait and see if he stops aging . At the rate he's been growing up, he'll be very old in a couple of days! By next week, he'll be 300 years old...

Maybe I'll just join the Shrieking Plasma people and get the super combat training.

David E. Gervais

April 1st, 2003, 08:33 PM

Hey! Where's my lollypop? My two current threads (the avatar one and the SE5:wish list one!) have generated over 1150 Posts. I thought I was supposed to get a lollypop for having over 1000 Posts. Or is that only for having a single thread top 1000 Posts?

Ah well, I guess I'll have to settle for an 'M&M' instead! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif (But what color?)

Cheers!

Raging Deadstar

April 1st, 2003, 09:23 PM

They should have purple m&m's...

*RD returns to his corner to brood over the fact that purple is unapreciated*
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Kamog: I guess if you join the sisters of shrieking plasma we won't see you around, i believe partaking in violence upon others and drinking is forbidden in most nunneries

[ April 01, 2003, 19:28: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

mac5732

April 2nd, 2003, 05:09 AM

mac reads that David G has reached over 1000 Posts, He goes up to the bar and tells Taz to give David G a drink and some tribbles and to put it on Dogscoffs new tab http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Flash:

Reporter Phong Cue Cuppa reporting live from the Temporary cantina site...

Hey you all out there in the Universe, Phong Cue Cuppa here reporting live from the In location in the universe. Even tho the original cantina has met an untimely or timely ending, there is a pole tent over the location and a temp cantina has been set up in its place.

I can see the members all mingling around, trading drinks, engaging in Toon violence and eating something called Tribble Wings. I had the pleasure of talking with something called the Taz working behind the bar who informed me of one of the strange things that happen around here involving someone called A Dogscoff. In the furtherence of worthy news I tracked the story down and found that this individual has had some hairy experiences. It seems he met his demise in our mortal world, then transgressed into the spiritual one, was called back by someone called mlmbd, then reincarnated born again baby male child. He retained all his adult male mentality even tho he was a small child and enjoyed what every male wishes he had when being held by members of the female sex with nice sized babba loos. However, for some unknown explanation he continued to grow at an alarming rate reaching full maturity in a very short time. It talking with various members it was found that a cult had been established for those who would like to enjoy the fruitations of this type of experience. Wellll now, since this sounded like what this reporter would surely enjoy, I tracked said Dogscoff down in order to indulge myself into the wonders of his nebulas society. However, when I found him, his aging had not stopped and at the time I was talking with him he appeared to be in his late 80's, in a wheel chair with IV's in his arms, loss of hair and teeth and was muttering something about someone sabotaging his aging process. he could only talk for a very short time as his oxygen was runnning low and he was out of breath. He kept saying something about someone called Rags or RD and that revenge would be indescribably delicious. The nurse I talked with said that the poor scoff was suffering from dellusions and that he probably would be once more joining the spiritual world once again if his ageing was stopped or put into remission.

Well now, after endeavoring to find this new information, this reporter has decided not to join this baby cult after all,... but I'll will keep everyone appriased on the condition of this poor lost soul.....

well thats it live from the Temp Cantina, Phong Cue Cuppa signing off for now... hey bartender what can you tell me about those FBW over there.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

is the another end for the scoff
will he become a spirit once again
will his ageing be stopped
who knows...... stay tuned........ http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Kamog

April 2nd, 2003, 08:33 AM

The Sisters of Shrieking Plasma are really tough! They certainly don't forbid violence, especially when it is done to their new trainees... This is becoming less fun. I thought the training would be good but I am SO tired of lifting weights, doing push-ups, hitting the punching bag and swinging various archaic weapons around. Do these people EVER rest? I feel so sore, I can barely walk. I think I'll try to sneak away from the temple tonight to get away from them!

dogscoff

April 2nd, 2003, 10:56 AM

*dogscoff, now apparently 135 years old, mutters and curses incoherently. He knows it will soon be time to continue his rollercoaster tour of the spiritual worlds and afterlives, and so hands over his ceremonial robes and control of the cult to Raging Deadstar, who so far is the only Cantina regular to join. I know I can trust RD to continue the cult in it's fine tradition of deviancy and violence.

As his final act in this frail old body, dogscoff instructs his nurse to slip a few elephant-strength laxatives into the nutrient supply on Powerman's powerarmour. The Last thing dogscoff hears as he shufles once more from the mortal realm is a comical set of toilet noises followed by screams of disgust as powerman fills his own metal suit...

dogscoff

April 2nd, 2003, 05:37 PM

Do we have any other Beastie Boys fans here?

They've got an anti-war song available for free download on their site: http://www.beastieboys.com/

And, just as I type that, "Intergalactic" comes on my playlist completely at random. It must be fate=-)

Power Man

April 2nd, 2003, 05:54 PM

Dogscoff floats in a realm of fog and mist. What is next for him?
Will he come back to us yet one more time?
How will he come back to us?
Do we even WANT him to come back to us?

Raging Deadstar

April 2nd, 2003, 07:46 PM

*Raging Deadstar is shocked as he holds the fancy ceremonial robes of dogscoff. As he was the only one in the cantina to join dogscoffs cult he is now the sole owner of the cult. A tear slides down his cheek at the unusual genorosity of dogscoff. now he has many choices to make about his future...*

*He spends many hours studying dogscoffs remaining dna, checking through the nunneries records, Rd is worried, what if the same ageing process continues to him?? What if he has a day left before he shuffles off this mortal coil? what will happen to belgium if he does?*

*After many hours work Raging Deadstar still hasn't found the cure, but is happy to know that he is safe, as Raging Deadstar is still a ghost posessing a clone of his body. The question is why would everyone else grow old in a couple of days? RD then checks his scanners and notices a large temporal distortion coming from the inner sanctum. Raging Deadstar stalks quietly and kicks open the door, finding a Temporal Distortion beam, with a large label hanging off with hire purchase details, Looking at a signature Raging Deadstar's eyes narrow evily, for it was RAGNAROK that has perpetraited this heainous crime!!!*

"Listen up! For all you who have no faith have a chance at salvation! For our glorious and vengeful leader dogscoff shall rise again from the dead and lead us to war with the vile ragnarok. So sjoin this cult and be saved. There shall be violence, lots of swearing and all the sex you can handle with no drawbacks. The only catch is you must put your trust in me, for the beloved dogscoff has chosen me to lead us in this time of crisis, and i shall do my very best to uphold this cults traditions and values. Then Dogscoff shall rise from the dead and we shall take our revenge on Ragnarok and the rest of the world!!!"

*The crowd of dogscoffs cult members cry in joy that their beloved leader shall return someday, and turn their attention to ragnarok, who is calmly sitting drinking away in the back corner. Ragnarok is faced with an army of "cultees" all willing to take their revenge upon his body, they wait patiently for the rising of dogscoff, then they shall attack!*

Power Man

April 2nd, 2003, 09:15 PM

OK people, you want him, You got him.

Dogscoff floats for a time in the mist. He sees a light in the distance.
He moves toward the light.
Just as he reaches the light in blinks out and Dogscoff goes to sleep.

A short time later he awakes.
He is cold and wet.
He looks around and wonders, "What is wrong with the colors of things?
What is that smell? It smells like a wet dog! Were am I?"
He sees that he is lying on some old lettuce leaves just behind the Cantina tent.

He gets up, pokes his head in the tent flap and walks into the tent.

Inside the Cantina the standoff between RAGNAROK and the rest of the patrons is broken
when something opens the tent flap.

The crowd of (still young) dogscoff cult members cries in joy, "OH LOOK what a cute little DOGGIE."
They run over to the small, not really all the cute, dog and begin to pet it and pet it and PET IT!

Power Man back in a new and fresh Power Suit, says, "The poor thing looks hungry." And tosses over a Tribble wing.

Taz looks up from the bar and shouts "NO DOGS ALLOWED. I am the only cute fuzzy thing allowed here,"

Ragnarok, recognizing something familiar in the dog's eyes murmurs, "And so it starts again."

Raging Deadstar, for some strange reason, takes an immediate liking to the dog.
I will make this dog mine. His name will be "Scruff". RD takes the purple sash from the fancy ceremonial robe and ties it around the dog Scruff's neck as a collar.
Come on Scruff, I will take you to the vet. I will get you cleaned up, checked out, and Fixed!!

As the new dog "Scruff" (dogscoff) is lead away by his former cult member now his new owner, he wonders what would Plato think of this deterministic bit of karma?

Raging Deadstar

April 2nd, 2003, 10:03 PM

*Raging Deadstar smiles to himself as he takes little puppy dogscoff to his ship, on the way there he has a better idea and heads for the onboard medical bay. He grabs the conscience resonater and plugs in a clone of dogscoffs body and begins the quick process of putting dogscoff's mind back into a new, genetically strengthened lean body. He hands dogscoff his ceremonial robes and leads him to a changing room. One must look his best for his ressurection and revenge.*

*Raging Deadstar looks at the motionless and now unoccupied body of the little puppy, he feels sorry and then decides starts to import a nice puppy personality to the animal (making sure it's house trained so it doesn't put it's scent on the master computer and won't tear out the combat sensors in battle). Once finished the cute little springer spaniel now renamed maliki is bathed and prepared as a present for RD's loved one...*

Yeah i have a heart for these things, now that dogscoff is ready for his ressurection let the revenge and cleansing begin! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

ZeroAdunn

April 2nd, 2003, 11:17 PM

*ZeroAdunn looks around confused, drinks some more...
nope, still not drunk enough...

*drinks some more

Power Man

April 3rd, 2003, 02:11 AM

Wow dogscoff, you went from a Beastie Boys fan to being a "beastie" yourself and back in only four Posts!
Who could have determined that outcome ??
I hope things go better for you this time around.

Raging Deadstar, what is with all this talk of revenge and cleansing?
I hope you have not forgot it was You who set the fat bastard clone from Austin powers on dogscoff?
You may be getting set up for what we Wargammers used to call "The knife in the back."
It may be time for you to stop "cloning around."

As far as cleansing, I did have my new Power Suit sanitized and sealed for my (and your) protection.

Not sure what to expect next, Power Man orders Spork to put the ship on condition Oni- err Orange.

Less than 5 pages till 200. Will we make it ?? Stay "tooned" .

Raging Deadstar

April 6th, 2003, 06:28 PM

Originally posted by Power Man:
Less than 5 pages till 200. Will we make it ?? Stay "tooned" .You cursed the cantina!!!!!

This is the first time that the cantina has been abandoned and let slip to the second page of the intel forums... I mean 3 days without Posts!!! I think we have really let ourselves slip here http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

As for revenge and cleansing? I do anything to start a good war with ragnarok, i think he won the Last one because i ran out of good comedy ideas to attack him with. Ragnarok, you feel up to another 12 round bout of pure cartoon violence? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif The offer is on the table, next to the tribble wings and slightly south of the brewski http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[ April 06, 2003, 17:29: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Ragnarok

April 6th, 2003, 06:54 PM

Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
As for revenge and cleansing? I do anything to start a good war with ragnarok, i think he won the Last one because i ran out of good comedy ideas to attack him with. Ragnarok, you feel up to another 12 round bout of pure cartoon violence? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif The offer is on the table, next to the tribble wings and slightly south of the brewski http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Wow, I didn't realize that the Cantina had slipped so far down. Time to bring it back and make up for the days it lost.

And as for your offer. I was meaning to retaliate a bit from your Last little bit with Dogscoff but I haven't been having those creative juices flowing very much so it was hard for me to think of a way to attack you. They are slowly coming back though, and I'm sure by the end of the future skermish that I will have them back 100%. Just writing this they are coming back more rapidly.
Well, on that note...Let it begin...

*Rags taks off his black leather glove, and turns around so his back is facing RD, Rags then loads into the glove a nice heavy brick with spiked edges for more pain. Rags turns around once again to face RD and takes a nice hard swing of the glove and yells, "I challenge you to a dual!" The glove then his RDs jaw with a great thud and RD falls to his knees in pain.
"Oh no, don't bow before me RD, the battle has only begun, I'm sure you'll have your chance to get me back!" Rags then begins to walk away and he notices that the inpact of the brick filled glove tore his glove up a bit, so not looking Rags tosses it over his back and it just so happens to hit RD on the head, making RDs face going straight into the ground.
Rags hears the sound of face against the concrete slab that the tent cantina is bases on and he turns around and says, "Did I do that?"

And so it begins...

Raging Deadstar

April 6th, 2003, 07:16 PM

*Raging Deadstar groggily gets up and staggers round a bit. With large indents into his face and his skull pretty much flattened he wobbles over ragnarok and begins his revenge. Firstly he puts his hand to the back of his ear and pushes a mechanical item installed into his head. He closes his eyes and Raging Deadstars body begins to glow as the ghost of RD releases control of the clone body. The body now acting on autopilot just stands there and Raging Deadstar posesses ragnarok. The now posessed ragnarok walks into the inner sanctum and a lot of noise can be heard coming from inside. Suddenly ragnarok burst out, a disco ball is lowered from the roof and the tents portable disco lights kick in. Ragnarok dressed in a traditional 80's spandex catsuit encrusted with sequins, fake jewels and christmas lights begins to clear a small space in the middle of the cantina. He points at powerman, powerman activates the onbaord stereo in his mechanical suit and the disco lights blaze on. The sound of staurday night fever drifts over the cantina, bringing back terrible memories to those who were alive round these decades that style forgot. The Possessed ragnarok begins doing the traditional dance, poiting his arm skywards then groundwards making a total *** of himself. He then grabs a microphone and releases a terrible kareoke Version. Lastly for entertainment purposes Raging Deadstar makes ragnarok make an announcement to the already stunned members of the cantina*

Raganrok:"I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, I want one of these very beautiful fbw's to....wax my chest!!!"

*The possessed ragnarok pulls down the zip on his catsuit and his slightly hairy chest appears, an fbw smiles knowingly and gathers her equipment. Minutes later with the waz applied and everyone gathered round the fbw applies the tape. Raging Deadstar then leaves ragnaroks body and ragnarok comes through, just as the Fluffy Bunny Waitress pulls the tape...*

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! !!!!

*Ragnarok once he has stopped crying marches over to raging deadstars body and demands to know what he was thinking. He is fuming and everyone smirks at the large red hairless strip of flesh upon his chest. He smacks RD's body in the face and the bodies arm shoots out and grabs ragnaroks throat*

Self Destruct Sequence has been Activated, 5, 4...

*Ragnarok squirms as he tries to escape before...KAABBBBOOOOMMMM! A very singed looking ragnarok is left looking extremely bemused and contemplating his revenge. Raging Deadstar floats back to his ship and posesses a spare clone of his body. He reemerges into the cantina, buys an apple juice and awaits ragnaroks next move!*

[ April 06, 2003, 18:19: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Ragnarok

April 6th, 2003, 08:22 PM

I first want to say, nice move RD. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Ragnarok still pure black from the explosion is still standing there with what is left of RDs clones arm holding his neck. Rags coughs and a puff of black smoke protrudes from his mouth; the arm that was holding his neck simply disintegrates into nothingness. Rags thinks to himself, "One good thing about that blowing up, it gets rid of that horrible 80s outfit I was in." Rags still in pain from the waxing he recieved and also the destructive boom, walks over to the portable dermal regenerating device that is set up for just such emergencies. Rags gulps back a brewski as he ponders what he is going to do tonight. "I know!" exclaims Ragnarok, "I'm going to take over the world!" All eyes turn to Ragnarok who has his arm mightily in the air from his exclimation and all goes silent. Rags slowly brings down his arm in embarrassment and softly says, "Ok, bad idea. Something else... Got to think of something else..."

A lightbulb lights up above Rags head and flickers to its fullest brightness. Once again all eyes turn towards Ragnarok with his beaming light and someone in the back yells "Shut that light off! Bars are supposed to be dark!" Rags then hears what sounds like a gun being prepared to shoot. A bang is heard and the light is shot out. Rags shakes off the pieces of glass as he begins to set his plan in motion. He meets with the loo worshipers and all beings in the inner sanctum. All that he spoke to simply nod in agreement of the plan.

Rags then walks back out to the tent cantina area and walks up to RD. "Phone call for you. Take it in the back, line 3." says Rags. RD says thanks and he proceeds to the back room to take the phone call. An evil smile embraces Rags face as he couldn't imagine his plan working better. "RD left his drink. You know, this could be bad when you're fighting someone with cartoon violence." rags thinks to himself.
Rags pulls out of his pocket a bottle of some kind of liquid substance in which the name of it is Exlax, he then reads the label. "One teaspoon for fast, effective relief." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Rags then puts one teaspoon of this Exlax into RDs apple juice, he then pauses for a second, then he pours the whole bottle in. Trying not to burst out in laughter while stirring the drink up a bit Rags puts the cap back onto the bottle and throws it in the trash. RD comes back and takes his seat once more. "Thanks for informing me of the phone call Rags." states RD.
Rags grabs his brewski and says, "You know, you had a great come back with the whole 80s deal and so forth, why don't we drink to that." RD nods and takes a big gulp of his drink. 5 minutes later RD begins to hear a rumbling from his stomach. He heads straight for the inner sanctum where the loo worshipers and company are waiting for him. RD takes his seat and he comes to realize that he cannot get up. Someone put glue on the seat and plus he's being help down from underneath. He begins yelling for help as the loo worshipers come out and begin to attack him and make him pay for what he did to Ragnarok.

Raging Deadstar

April 6th, 2003, 08:54 PM

I have to say ragnarok that was a good move, ahh tou'che http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

*Raging Deadstar is saved by a passing ironmonger who welds the toilet from RD's behind. "Should i resort to toilet humour???" Thinks RD, But he decides against it, he has a much more fiendish plan. He goes back to his ship and enters his cryogenic vault and takes out a little box and returns to the cantina. He walks over to ragnarok and presents him the box.*

"Whats this?"
"Open it, it's a present, a very EXPENSIVE present!"

*Ragnarok doesn't open it and walks to the inner sanctum, he closes the door and instantly opens it, wondering how valuable it is and how much he can sell it for. Inside is nothing and A little grey hair floats out and lands in his hair. Ragnarok seeing this thinks it's rd's way of a joke and freshens himself up and leaves the toilets. Whilst this is happening the hair has firmly implanted itself into his head and is communicating with every hair on ragnaroks body. -=The scene changes and the grey hair is carrying a cane and is in full military uniform=-*

"Chest hair, Split Ends, lend me your Folicals! You Know it makes sense to join me, it will happen eventually anyway. Surrender your color to me. The crotch is nearly ours!!"

*Every black hair on ragnaroks body turns grey and by the time he has left the inner sanctum he looks as old as Mac. The laws of cartoon violence kick in and his muscles become weak, he becomes hunchbacked and his eyesight and hearing fails! Now ragnarok is fully pledged member of the age concern group and staggers over to his table and orders prune juice. A light bulb appears over ragnaroks head and Raging Deadstar solves this, grabbing the lightbulb and shoves it up ragnaroks backside, becoming the worlds first illuminating enema. Raging Deadstar laughs to himself as the now decripped and ancient rags struggles to stop a typical sign of old age, diaroeha. The lightbulb is soon ejected and followed by a torrent of sticky brown liquid.*

I await your revenge Rags! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Ragnarok

April 6th, 2003, 10:14 PM

ROFLOL! Oh man this is the best cartoon violence ever bestowed upon me. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
---

Ragnarok now an old man sitting at his table is slowly but surely drinking away at his drink. He is also cleaning up the mess that was caused from the evil RD and his little plan.

*2 hours later*

Rags finally finishes his drink and has the mess cleaned up, he grabs his cane and stands up. He slowly walks over to RD who is just laughing his gee golly little head off at what he has done to Ragnarok.
With his old voice and false teeth Rags begins to speak. "I'll...get...you...son..ny...don't..you..for...get ...that.."with the Last bit of breath he as he states, "I may be a huncthed over old man, but I'm still taller/bigger then you!"
RD -"Yeah sure old man! I'm sure you will! You'll be lucky to be able to even walk pretty soon." *Evil laugh*

Gasping for breath Rags shakes his head and walks away. He is still slowly aging faster then normal and at the current rate he will be dead within 2 hours. With that in mind Rags begins to devise yet another plan. "With age, comes great wisdom, with great wisdom, comes great revenge." mutters Ragnarok under his breath.

Ragnarok slowly but surely makes his way back to his ship to find his fountian of youth machine, only to discover that the evil RD has taken it preventing him from becoming young once more. Rags thinks for a moment and he knows what to do. He makes his way to the bridge of his dreadnaught and pounds in a few buttons and flips a few switches. Pretty soon a machine materializes in front of him. He reads the plaque that is welded onto the front of the machine and it reads: "The one and only cloning machine of RD, Inc." Rags nods in approval. He puts in his DNA sample of when he was in the prime of his life, approximately 4 hours ago. He makes a couple modifications to the program however as he makes it so that his main brain will be in the new body, and yet he will still have control of both bodies in the room. He hits the big green button on the panel to start the cloning process. A few minutes later a young and handsome as ever Ragnarok dressed in full black clothes, including black trench coat, steps off the cloning platform.
"Ahh yes, this is more like it." says Rags as he stretches and cracks his neck and fingers and back. He begins thinking again and realizes he doesn't need a old self, just the wisdom of his old self. So he downloads all the wisdom from ihs old body and proceeds to "recycle" his self.

Ragnarok makes a few more modifications to RDs cloning device and he beams it back to his ship. One of the new features is this nice flashing red light. Which obviously cannot be good. As Rags makes his way back into the tent cantina a huge boom is heard and everything shakes. Rags just smiles as he continues to walk. RD runs out into the parking lot only to find his ship and beloved cloning machine blown to kingdom come. RD makes his way over to Rags once again and says, "What did you do?!"
Rags - "Isn't it obvious what I did? I made your ship go boom!"
RD - "Grrrrrrrrrrr! I hate you!"
Rags - "I know you do. Oh and btw, thanks for the use of your now destroyed cloning device. It came in handy. I got my old body back, a bit better then before and plus I made myself a few new creatures to fight with in the future. Don't worry though, I transferred some (5) credits to your account to pay for it all."
RD then storms off fuming mad whilst Ragnarok is gleefully smiling away.

Sometimes you don't need to hurt the person directly. Just one of their most prized possesions. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Raging Deadstar

April 6th, 2003, 10:42 PM

*Raging Deadstar looks on in disbelief as his portable cloning lab goes kaboom, taking with it some rare artifects and genetically modified flesh eating miniscule ants!! Raging Deadstar turns to Ragnarok*

"There are words for people like you!! None of which polite enough to be said in front of young ears!!"

*Ragnarok laughs and RD starts calling another cloning ship, should take a couple of days to arrive. He thinks what ragnarok said. "Sometimes you don't need to hurt the person directly. Just one of their most prized possesions." RD wonders to himself, what npossibly could be Ragnaroks weakness? Mac's is liz hurley clones, primitive is his pointy (but rusty) spear, but ragnarok? Raging Deadstar smiles evily as he whispers in to an Fbw's ear and the FBW nods in agreement.*

-=Minutes Later=-

*A leather clad gothic looking FBW approaches Ragnarok and tells him he has a present awaiting him. Ragnarok almost blinded by the young womens attractiveness follows her outside to the edge of the crater, which the temporary cantina resides, there lies the lush green paradise that the area the cantina was, used to lie in. The Fbw leads him to a table and lies him down on top of it, Handcuffing his legs and arms so they are wide apart. Ragnarok, always up for some domination hasn't clicked onto the fact this could be an evil plan by RD, and relaxes. He doesn't notice the large Deadstar Continuum Anathema Class Battleship appear throuhg a warp point in the same sector as the cantina. The young Capatain Leyasu locks on the sensors and a burst of bright lights are fired from the ship. All but one of these target Ragnaroks 'Naughtica dreadnought and rip through it, leaving a destroyed burning wreck in the ex parking lot. Ragnarok tries to get up as he watches the large clouds of smoke billow from the cantina. He notices the Last bright light heading straight from him and wonders "RD never learnt his lesson Last time, he can hurt me but he can't hurt my prized possesion!" The small light is soon burning through the stratosphere of the planet and he notices what it is. A tiny Quantum Torpedo, he laughs to himself, it was barely the size of his hand from the looks of it! Ragnarok puts on a brave face and awaits the explosion. Suddenly the tiny torpedo hits raganroks crotch. Ragnaroks screams shatter windows and make animals brains explode all over the planet. The torpedo explodes and dissolves Ragnaroks "Prized Possession". Leaving Ragnarok with a dissolved mid section and tied up with a voice capable of bursting ear drums!*

Round 3 has begun! DING DING http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Ragnarok

April 7th, 2003, 02:15 AM

Dang... I left the door too wide open on that one. Hopefully I won't let it happen again. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
--

Ragnarok is still tied down to the table whilst screaming in pain due to his happy sacks being totally destroyed. Never did he think that he could speak in a higher pitched voice then Richard Simmons. Everytime Rags trys to speak he ends up breaking some kind of glass within a 5 mile radius. No doubt he is going to have alot of peoples windshield bills to pay.

Rags manages to call his army of Pink Winged Potato Pixies in order to untie him and carry him back to his backup ship; don't leave home without a back up ship, cause look at what happened to my beautiful 'Nautica calss Dreadnaught. Rags manages to heal the wounds. Well, all but the most severe wound. Rags is finally able to walk on his own but he looks like a first time horse back rider and that he rode for about 20 straight hours. Rags mumbles to himself, "Dang RD, he is obsessed with dressing me in 80s spandex and destroying my happy sacks. Quite scary really." Rags pilots his ship to a doctor he knows in a secret sector of space that is a specialist in the happy sacks department.
Rags - "Can you help me doc?"
Doc - "Sure can. I can have you fixed and ready to go get them girls in no time."
Rags - "Great!"
The doctor then proceeds to fix Rags happy sacks problem to the best of his ability. After everything is complete Rags pays his bill and is carried to his ship since he cannot walk right now. His secondary ship warps into the sector of space the cantina is in and he lands his ship.

Rags has the Pixies carry him over to Barry who is standing guard over the Cantina and its patrons. Rags whispers something into Barrys ear and Barry's face lights up in pure anger. Rags says, "Keep that in mind Barry. Keep that in mind." The pixies then take Rags into the Cantina where Rags says to RD, "Barry wants you outside. He says it has to do with a possible clone he might order." RD being the business man he is quickly jumps up and runs out to Barry to settle a possible deal. Upon arriving outside Barry steps on RD, flattening him intn pancake form. He then takes some syrup and covers RD in the gooy mess and proceeds to eat him. Then spits him out and eats him again. He does this process a few times before finally taking RD and tieing him up against the two hunks of metal that was once RDs beloved ship. Barry goes back and eats a hearty meal and returns to find RD still trying to get loose, but to no avail. Barry ties him up even more, this time double knotting his knots and using duck tape as well. Barry then turns around and his tail lifts up. RD can be heard in the Cantina yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Just then everyone can hear Barry grunting as he works on the bowel movement. In the next few moments RD is absolutly covered in 3 tons of Barry crap. A painful, stinky, messed, torture not even the devil himself would put someone through. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

General Woundwort

April 7th, 2003, 02:51 AM

Poke my head through the door, take everything in...

turn slightly pale, and go back outside.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Power Man

April 7th, 2003, 05:39 PM

It was not me who caused the problem. It must be that Temporal Distortion beam that Raging Deadstar left on. It must have affected the general Space Time.
I know this because when I got up this Sunday I was an hour behind !
I had to set all my clocks ahead one hour in order to Save the Daylight !!!

Power Man contacts Spork. Prepare one "Heavy Weight Special". Beam it to these coordinates.
Inside the inner sanctum a large create marked "ACME ANVILS , One Gross" materializes over the Temporal Distortion beam.
It smashes down on the mechanism with a great CRASH BANG BOOM TINKLE TINKLE .

With one final ZAP and a POOF of smoke the beam shuts down.

Power Man sees dogscoff on the floor. Poor guy, I hope once he Determines what is going on he will recover.
Power Man helps dogscoff into a seat.
Come on dogscoff you will be better off, off of the floor.
With all of the SH** flying around here you might get messed up.
Hay Taz, a round of ale and tribble wings (extra sauce) for this table.

dogscoff

April 8th, 2003, 01:32 AM

*Dogscoff is confused. He wanders up to the bar and looks puzzled when he tries and fails to float ethereally through it. He then orders a pint of breastmilk and a plate of dogfood from Taz, recites a short prayer taught by the Sisters to bless weaponry and then sits on the floor, gibbering insanely...

Power Man

April 8th, 2003, 11:58 PM

Power Man finishes his tribble wings.
Boy it has sure has gotten quiet around here.

Dogscoff seems to be indeterminate.
RD seems to be in �DEEP DO DO� and can�t get out.
Rags seems to be too busy playing with his new �Happy Sacks�

I really did not want to get involved in such a �Raging� Toon battle, but I can�t let the cantina keep sliding down the page.

Power Man calls Spork, �Put the ship on RED ALERT ! FULL SHIELDS AND LOAD ALL WEPONS !�

Now what was that Raging Deadstar told me all those pages ago? What was the name ?

Was it Rin Tin Tim � No. Was it Rose Bud? �. No Rumplestilskin � No

Now I remember! Where did I put that tape?

Power Man gets up and walks over to where Ragnarok is trying to get all of the FBWs to check out his new �Happy Sacks�. (And Failing BTW)

Ragnarok, I have a message for you to listen too.
Power Man turns on the onboard stereo in his mechanical suit.
With a slight crackle the voice of Raging Deadstar is heard�
�Power Man, if that dispicable ragnarok pulls any sort of cartoon violence I�ll wreak horrible revenge, and call him ..
ragamuffin, ragamuffin, RAGAMUFFIN !!! �

With that a pretty pink cloud fill with silver sparkles surrounds Ragnarok covering him from sight.
A large toon lightning bolt flashes with a loud ZOT. From inside the cloud a musical BONG peals out.

The cloud disappears and as the Last of the sparkles die out the cantina patrons all Gasp In Amazement !!

Where Ragnarok was standing there is now a Giant, HI Fiber, Raisin filled, and Bran enriched pastry.

Yes Ragnarok has been turned into Rags-a-MUFFIN !!!

The Giant Muffin has two almond slice eyes and a raisin toothed mouth. It seems to be covered in cinnamon or is that Pink Pixie Dust?

Barry, attracted by the sounds and the smell of fresh baked pasty enters the cantina.
Feeling a little empty for some reason, and hoping that the HI Fiber will help him get �regular�, he grabs the Giant Rags-a-muffin and EATS it in one BIG GLUP!! He then goes back to his post.

Taz follows Barry outside. He sees the pile of Barry Crap.
No wonder business (and Posts) are down. This place is a mess. It must be driving business away.
Taz grabs a large hose and plugs it into the model cantina�s fountain.
Taz exclaims, �Damn It People, I am a Bartender, Not a Sanitation Worker !� and begins to flush the mound of BC into the crater.

RD? RD? are you in there? RD? RD? Who�s going to pay for all the broken glass?

Rags-a-Muffin sits in Barry�s stomach. As his world �Crumbles� around him he wonders,
�Is this the End ?�

Then he realizes, �This TOO SHALL PASS.�

David E. Gervais

April 9th, 2003, 12:06 AM

...Post #999 for me, Quick give me a drink before I get promoted and the prices go up!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

Raging Deadstar

April 9th, 2003, 07:52 PM

Raging Deadstar arrives back at the cantina, completely sanitised and disinfected hovers above the large crater the tent lies in and loccks on to a fresh pile of barry's "business" just behind the tempoary parking lot. Smiling as he locates ragnaroks remains in side it he drops the level 5 plague bomb on and watches as the bomb explodes and a little blob of green gas infects raganrok. He sits and waits for ragnaroks revenge, nothing ragnarok can do will rid him of this diesease, and nothing could make revenge sweeter Than what RD has in mind as symptons ... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Puke

April 9th, 2003, 10:36 PM

Puke walks into the temporary cantina, having already spent the entire 50,000 bounty willed to him by the late GT on debauchery, and looks around for the new cult he has heard so much about.

pale terror washed accross his face as his eyes fall upon the gibbering 'Scoff. the grim realization that only one man could have started such a cult, for the express purpose of luring him here. puke freezes in his tracks as he ponders the events to follow, in the next few moments.

Taz-in-Space

April 11th, 2003, 05:47 AM

...Hmmm, Business is really off. Even all those huge piles of Barry poo can't be responsible for it...
Oh,well. Guess I'll do some more work on that special project I've been delaying...

Ragnarok

April 11th, 2003, 06:56 AM

Ragnarok being infected with a level 5 plague tries to figure out what he could possibly do. After a couple hours of pondering his move he declairs: "Time to make a deal with the Devil."
Ragnarok then grabs his hand held PPB and hands it to the nearest FBW. He instucts her on how to operate it and Rags stands in front of his usual table. Just as the FBW is about to fire Rags says: "Today, is a good day to die!"

*BOOM!*

Ragnarok is suddenly evaporated into nothingness. But wait a minute, maybe he is something. Yes, he has killed himself and been sent to the firey depths of the neatherworld. Once there he confronts the Devil himself. The Devil tells him what his eternal punishment will be but Rags stops him before he can finish.
"Whoa, hold on here mister. I came down here for a reason." After which Rags proceeds to explain to the Devil the situation above. The Devil agrees to Ragnaroks plan and he sends Rags back to the temp cantina with a new body free of the level 5 plague. Hey, I did destroy my old body with that hand help PPB afterall. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

RD is furious that Rags managed to find a way out of the situation he was in. Soon after Rags came back the sky turned black. The earth began to shake. Thunder roared. Pretty soon the ground began to break open. Fire emerged as the hole kept getting bigger. Soon a whole slu of the Devils slaves come busting out and proceed to torture RD. But that is only the beginning.

They take RD back to the firey depths and chain him in the back room, kept extra warm for those new comers. To torture RD they bring in a horde of country singers that never made it to heaven due to the horrible music they played. They began to play and sing for RD to make him feel more at home. Next a band of old gay men come in and start to rub lotion all over RDs body. And there isn't a single thing he can do about it at the moment.

RD...one word for you. Check. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

mottlee

April 11th, 2003, 02:18 PM

OK OK OK Just HOW IN THE HE** Did I get in this CLOCK?????

dogscoff

April 11th, 2003, 03:54 PM

*Crazy dogscoff, now stripped down to a shamanstic loincloth, cavorts impishly on the bar. With a stamp of his feet Taz's fur turns purple. Crazy dogscoff bulges his eyes, wiggles his fingers and suddenly Powerman is shrunk to just 6 inches tall, trapped inside a pint glass.

Crazy Dogscoff howls with laughter and jumps up and down on the bar like an excited chimp. He stops, then does another peculiar little dance, this one culminating in him urintaing on the floor, carefully tracing out some arcane symbol of anarchy. As soon as this feat is concluded, a herd of stampeding buffalo sweeps into the tent. Crazy Dogscoff leaps from the bar onto the back of the nearest animal and is carried swiftly away with the migration, shrieking and gurning devilishly from atop his bovine steed...

Atrocities

April 11th, 2003, 04:22 PM

NEWS YOU CAN USE

The complete second season of Babylon 5 will be released at the end of this month. Cost between $75.00 and $100.00.

Stargate SG:1 Complete Season 3 DVD will be released in June 2003. (About fricking time.)

Star Trek Nemesis is due out on May 20th in both Wide Screen and Standard.

Raging Deadstar

April 11th, 2003, 07:48 PM

*Raging Deadstar smiles tom himself and begins to laugh outloud manicaly*

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! !

*Then he realises maybe he shouldn't be so joyful http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif But as the Gay men move into torture him he catches the eye of a very familliar looking succubus. A beautiful women with long firey red hair, eyes that the very ocean blue would cascade from in a wave and a very nicely shaped figure. RD smiles to himself, this succubus will help him a lot, as this succubus is his girlfriend, whom being extremely evil and kinky, has some control over hell in her spare time. The only downside about this is Her dad is ruler of all Hell and absoloutely hates RD!! After wondering whether to leave her beloved boyfriend to suffer for a while she decides against it, and Raging Deadstar is transported to a nice bedroom, with the sweet soothing sounds of placebo playing and his girlfriend about to give him a welcome only she can offer! *hours later**

*Raging Deadstar strides back into the cantina and sneaks over to Ragnarok, who is enjoying a beer and laughing to himself. Suddenly a strong scented rag (no pun intended) is throw over his mouuth and after some struggling he passes out...*

*Ragnarok eventually comes through, weary eyed he feels drugged, that cloth must have been drenched in some sort of spirit! He looks around and is tied down. But theres something different about him, he feels extremely heavy, as if he has put on weight, for some reason his hair keeps coming over his eyes.
Wait, they weren't his thighs, they were to fat and large?
Why was he wearing a skirt?
Did he have breasts?
At this point a mirror comes down and Ragnarok screams, shame his vocal choards have been changed so it is a high woemns scream. Just then William Hague slips seductively through the door in a leopard skin thong, his bald head shining in the romantically lit room, it's only then he relaises he is anne widdecombe!!!*

And just for everyone else who might not know who anne widdecombe and william hague are heres a picture!

http://www.inthesetimes.com/issue/26/09/images/news3.jpg

Widdecombe = Obese women in middle, Hague = bald man on the right!

Check Mate Ragamuffin! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

Ragnarok

April 11th, 2003, 08:53 PM

Doh! I knew I was forgetting something when I put you in the firey depths. I forgot that your girlfriend has partial control down there in her spare time.

Rags/Anne is still tied down being tortured by this Hague feller and he can't do nothing about it. Stuck in a womans body and can't do nothing about that either. Rags/Anne is truely in a awful situation. With a bald guy in a leopard skin man thong about to attack him; Rags/Anne has to think fast before it is too late. He decides that he is going to have to play this out to his advantage.

As the bald man continues to make his way in a suductive way over to Rags/Anne, Rags/Anne begins to speak, in a not so pleasant voice mind you. "Hey mister Hague, before you get over here why don't you untie me so I can get these clothes off."
Hague - "But I'll take care of that."
Rags/Anne - "No you won't. Trust me, this will make it more fun."
Hague - "Well in that cause let me get you untied."
The second the Last rope came off Rags/Anne kicked Hague a good one in the stomach. Rags/Anne then proceeded to run and jump on Hague, killing him in the process. "Hmmm, doesn't that just stink!" exclaims Rags/Anne. "I've got to get myself out of this horrible body!" thinks Rags. But before I do I have to do a few things.

Rags/Anne hires a person to go into the Cantina and claim to be a ship inspector that made a suprise visit to RDs ship. This person approached RD in the tent cantina while RD was laughing away and drinking his little glass of orange juice.
SI - "Mister RD?" (SI = Ship Inspector)
RD - "That's me."
SI - "My name is mister Soso and I'm with the suprise ship inspection company."
The second he said that a horrified look came across RDs face.
RD - "Ok, what'd you find then?"
SI - "Well, if you would come with us and we'll take a look together at what I found."

At that the two left and got on RDs ship and began looking at the problems they found. Before they got there, however, Rags/Anne took the liberty to drill a few holes in RDs ship floor to give something for the SI to look at.
On board the ship the SI had RD look into one of the drilled out holes and told him that there was some illigal drugs underneath the flooring. RD couldn't believe this so he decided to take a gander himself. RD layed down as flat as he could get so he could get his eye up against the floor to look into the hole. Still looking Rags/Anne came running into the ship, shaking the ground the whole way. RD looked in the direction he was coming from and there was no time to react. Rags/Anne jumped onto RD just about breaking every bone in his body. Rags/Anne continued to jump up and down on top of RD until RD could barely breath anymore. Rags/Anne then just sat on top of RD as it was worse then tieing him up.

That's what you get for making me a fat lady RD! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
I'm afraid you missed the counter move you left open when you declared check-mate. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Raging Deadstar

April 11th, 2003, 09:51 PM

*Ragaing Deadstar returns to the cantina extremely obese! Luckily Lieutenant Leyasu repaired his body and refitted some gadgets, most noticably the large lifelike sumo wrestling suit he was wearing. Rags has no time to react as the giant wobbling RD slams into her, sending her flying. The trick is that RAging Deadstar is now twice the body mass of Anne widdecombe and twice the size. Rags is slammed around the cantina from each thrust of Rd's chest (yeah, paints a very disturbing image http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif ) Rags falls back and runs straight into RD and falls falt on the ground, thusly getting squashed and breaking almost every bone in her body. Then Raging Deadstar pulls out a pin and deflates the gigantic suit, very slowly so he doesn't fall for that trick and explode and doesn't blow away! Then with the huge excess of flabby skin he swings himself round slapping Raganrok with the force of an 18 wheeler truck with each slap of the flabby skin. WHOOSH SLAP, WHOOSH SLAP. Ragnarok falls over and is left defeated by Raging Deadstar who then gets out of the suit and buries raganrok with it. When ragnarok comes throuhg RD lifts him up and burries him in a coffin full of wallpaper paste. Rags splutters and tries to object but Raging Deadstar nails it shut, then puts it ina water filled metal box which he welds shut and loads it on board the ship and encases it in a fire prof shell. A couple of Minutes later. Ragnaroks box is fired from high velocity from a torpedo laucnher on a Anathema class battleship and RD watches as it burries itself 20ft underground! The cavern caves in and rags is left suffocating, he has mere hours before the paste hardens and he is encased in solid paste and is burried many ft under ground!*

Enguard!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

mottlee

April 12th, 2003, 01:02 AM

LOL You ALL have way too much time on your hands but hey I enjoy the HE** out of it http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

dogscoff

April 12th, 2003, 01:56 AM

*Dogscoff, gibbering insanely in the corner, looks up from the arcane symbols he has been drawing on the floor in bbq sauce. He throws the tribble wing he had been using as a pen over his shoulder and stares intensley at Mottlee.

There is a disturbing look (and, if you can stand to hold his gaze long enough to see it, a faint but unearthly glow) in dogscoff's eyes. The accumulated wisdom of several lifetimes compacted into a few weeks and various occult energies acting upon in his soul during his various travels through the spiritual realm have left him utterly demented, but possessed of awesome magical powers which can be unleashed upon any crazed and random whim.

LOL You ALL have way too much time on your hands but hey I enjoy the HE** out of it
"Time? Time to go, time too slow, time flies when you're having fun. Heeheehihiheee...."

*dogscoff performs an unholy little dance, then giggles mischeviously and claps his hands together. Mottlee instantly blinks out of existence, much to the shock and amazement of onlookers.

*Mottlee immediately finds himself in a featureless grey limbo, with only the sound being an insane cackling, which soon fades to nothing:
"Time? Now you have time on your hands too... time on your feet, time on your mind, time in front and time behind, hihihheehhehehhhihi...."

Power Man

April 13th, 2003, 02:34 AM

Power Man calls his ship. In a tiny voice he says �Spork beam me out of here.

The heard of buffalo dogscoff is with leave the tent. They Panic at the sight of Barry.
They immediately stampede toward the crater and they go over the edge.
Dogscoff and the buffalo he is on fall into the center of the crater, right in the lake of
Liquid Barry Poo that Taz flushed into the crater.

Dogscoff tries to get out but he is nearly drowned by the splashes of the other buffalo falling into the lake and also trying to get out.

Power Man gets to his ship. There he uses his matter in-larger ray to return him to his former size.

Now let me see what I can do to �help� dogscoff.
A few button pushes and one big lever throw later.

As Dogscoff struggles in the �Lake of Poo� the air above him shimmers.
A giant ACME PAPER WEIGHT 20 Tons, (or is that Tonnes for you in the UK?) appears over him.
With a giant SPASH ! it lands on dogscoff.
The weight and dogscoff sink into the bottom of the crater.
One Last bubble breaks the surface of the lake with a wet BLORT �

Taz-in-Space

April 13th, 2003, 05:46 AM

...As the fat ladies fight and Dogscoff struggles to lift the 20 ton weight off him before the Lake of Poo congeals around him, Taz decides that purple is not really his color. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Fumbling around in his fur, he reaches the hidden zipper tab and with a flourish steps out of his purple fur! ( For all concerned, Taz is now wearing his usual brown fur.) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

Ahhh, much better! Since Dogscoff was management of the old Cantina, Taz reluctantly decides he should help him.

Hmmm.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif

Reaching under the bar, Taz searches among the various equipment and supplies. Finding what he was searching for, Taz then tosses the round cylindrical object into the Lake of Poo.

The object floats down and settles beside the 20 ton weight. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

There you go Dogscoff - A large can of spinach...
THINK POPEYE http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

David E. Gervais

April 13th, 2003, 02:06 PM

OT: btw Taz, did you know I created an alternate avatar for you? It's posted in my avatar thread!

Supercalafragilistiexpiallidoscious! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

dogscoff

April 14th, 2003, 05:10 PM

Crazy dogscoff belches magically and is instantly transformed into a dung-beetle, and hastily eats himself an escape route through the poo, away from the weight. Once free, the insect performs a mystical little dance and crazy dogscoff is turned back into himself- albeit a skinny, even wilder-eyed Version of himself with a shaggy, 5 foot long beard and a pair of chipped and dented antlers fixed to his head. He is also completely naked, the only things he could be said to be wearing are a collection of twigs in his dirty hair and an old pendant on a tatty bit of string around his neck. Only Primitive (who knows a lot about runes) and mlmbd (who has a GNVQ in shamanistic rituals) recognise the rune of chaos inscribed on the pendant.

Crazy dogscoff does another little dance, kind of like a sailor's jig, and all eyes turn to the poo-pile. After a few moments, a small tobacco pipe emerges from beneath the surface, searching periscope-like for the can of spinach floating nearby. It finds the tin, burns it open cartoon-style and then sucks the iron-rich contents out.

There is a faint rumbling. The poo-pile quivers, and then explodes in all directions, showering everyone for miles around in foul-smelling crap. Powerman's ship takes a hefty dollop up the exhaust port and crashes to the ground in a very stinky explosion. Taz unzips his brown fur suit (now covered in brown poo) and steps out of it, this time wearing clean but bright orange fur.

Meanwhile, at the epicentre of the excremental explosion can be seen a huge, towering, muscle-flexing buffalo with a pipe, sailor's hat and anchor tattoo. Crazy Dogscoff jumps up and down in the freshly-redistributed poo, clapping with glee at this new mischief.

The vegetable-enhanced ungulate snorts angrily and goes on the rampage, impaling and trampling various people at random, while crazy dogscoff performs another of his magical dances, this one resulting in a torrent of beer and drunk frogs falling from the sky. As the sticky, croaky rain falls and the beserk bufallo chases David Gervais around in circles, crazy dogscoff goes to the crash site to find Powerman. He pulls a dazed PM from the wreckage, and immediately gives him mouth to mouth resuscitation. Shame he forgot to clean his teeth after the dung-beetle transformation...

[ April 14, 2003, 16:17: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Power Man

April 14th, 2003, 08:39 PM

Power Man recovers and finds a skinny, wild-eyed dogscoff slobbering all over his faceplate. Looking at dogscoff's head he concludes that all those "promises of Sex" have really got him "HORNEY"

With a mighty heave of his power suit Power Man tosses dogscoff across the crater.
The tatty bit of string breaks. The old pendant flies off dogscoff's neck and with a small plop sinks into the Lake Of Poo.

Dogscoff lands with a thud! He feels weak and drained. (In the USA this week we would say he feels TAXED!)

Suddenly (almost as if a spell has been broken) the sticky, croaky rain stops falling.
The vegetable-enhanced ungulate snorts and stops his rampage.
The near-sighted buffalo Bull looks up and sees dogscoff with his antlers.
The beast thinks dogscoff is either a small skinny bull trying to "horn in" or an ugly cow getting "fresh" and charges at dogscoff.
Dogscoff, realizing he is about to be impaled (one way or another) does a little dance�. Nothing happens.
He gives a belch � Nothing happens.
The bull, now fully riled up by dogscoff's actions lets out a bellow and CHARGES!!

Dogscoff turns and with a comical feet spinning ZING takes off for the hills followed closely by the vegetable-enhanced ungulate.
The bull Caches up and with a "SNORT" pokes dogscoff in the rear. Dogscoff lets out a "OWW".
As the pair disappear in the distance we hear "SNORT", "OWW"�.. "SNORT", "OWW'��

Well we all knew dogscoff's mischief would get him in the "end".

Power Man starts working on his ship. Who would have thought level 5 phase shields could be penetrated by Buffalo Poo!
He thinks, "I'll have to add in a new mod. Lets see I'll call it a Buffalo Poo Pelter (BPP). It will have to be an "Organic" weapon. Skips shields and armor. Damages engines. +30 chance to hit."
He shudders at the thought of the idea of the damage a level 5 Massive Mount BPP could do.

But then he realizes that "In space no one can Smell Your Streams" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Growltigger

April 14th, 2003, 09:17 PM

Crikey, I go away for a mere matter of weeks and when I come back, I find you lot spraying cattle manure all round the cantina, revelling in it and throwing gobbetts of the stuff at each other....

like children in a mudpit.. I am truly shocked you mucky oiks..

Who is going to pay for the cleaning I ask you? answer me that!! I don't call that mature behaviour, mature behaviour I dont call that!

David E. Gervais

April 14th, 2003, 09:26 PM

Gt, I noticed tha downfall of the cantina during your absence but was powerless to stop the juvenile antics. I did my best to keep my hands clean, and did much more lurking than posting. The few Posts I made were tame comapred to the 'others'.

Well, Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back! (hmmm.. why does saying that three times make me think of music and school?)

Put your first drink on my tab! Cheers!

Raging Deadstar

April 14th, 2003, 09:45 PM

Throwing foul smelling slop around? Me?
*Hides his dirty hands behind his back*

I blame that Powerman! He is a rather troublesome person http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif Actually no, i blame Ragnarok, as usual...

Note: GT, the terrible things he has been abusing with your red hot poker cannon, but currently he is encased underground in wallpaper paste! But it's good to see the great Growltigger back, the place just hasn't been the same without you

Power Man

April 14th, 2003, 10:14 PM

OH NO HE's BACK !!!!!!

First off Growltigger , I thought this place was designed for "cartoon violence like fun."
You should be happy that we have kept the Posts coming and have not let the cantina slip into the back pages.
And it is Not mere cattle manure, it is "Barry POO" that is being spread about.

I have been acting very mature. (YES I HAVE !!!)

Its all Their (RD and Rags) Fault !!

They started it !!!

They Made Me Do It !!!

I was merely Defending myself !!!

Power Man stomps off into his newly fixed ship.
He slams the airlock behind him.
He bLasts off with a ROAR. (Splashing yet more Barry Poo around.)

Call me a "mucky oik" (whatever That is) will you. I'm leaving !!!!

SULK SULK

Growltigger

April 14th, 2003, 10:37 PM

Growltigga walks over to the wall of the cantina behind the bar and pushes a seemingly normal piece of wall.

A secret hatch opens, a glittering control panel is behind it, along with two high tensile kevlar cables which GT clips to Taz and his belts (yes Taz has a belt).

Turning to the control panel, GT pushes the button marked "Stingray bongos", the drums start rolling and a loud voice can be heard saying "Anything can happen in the next half hour"...

GT then next pushes the button marked "Feurer Frei" and sniggers as a horde of German punk rockers, clutching bratwursts and sauerkraut cannon, materialise onto Power Man's ship.

After a few moments of Teutonic mayhem, GT then pushes the button marked "AA BLaster beam" and howls in delight as the specially mounted heavy calibre bLaster beams blow the back off Power Man (aka Mucky Pup)'s spaceship. It crashes to earth and the Germanic Moshers carry Power Man into the cantina and staple gun him to the floor, right in a large pile of poo,

Raging Deadstar and Rags are dragged along side Power Man and dipped in the doo....

Finally, GT pushes the button marked "Tsunami", an huge whooshing sound echoes through the cantina as a tidal wave bursts through the doors and sweeps the whole place clean...

All, save Taz and GT, held by their sturdy kevlar cords, are swept out the other side of the cantina in a sodden pile of limbs and manure....

"Right" says GT, "Its Red Hot Poker Hand Cannon time, the Tyrant has returned"

Raging Deadstar

April 14th, 2003, 10:50 PM

Hey Rammstein are quite a good band GT!!! If you think Feurer Frei was good, watch the video for Sonne! PVC clad dwarfs, heavy power tools, snow white as a prostitute! Very good entertainment!

*Raging Deadstar dutifully buys Growltigger a bottle of expensive champagne and brings back the Red Hot Poker cannon on a pillow back from ragnaroks ship*

The King Has returned, so when we moving to the new establishment Growltigger? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Edit: For more revenge upon that Powerman i thought i'd inform you Rammstein use 3 foot long prosthetic dildos that fire the equivalent of napalm, i think that maybe you'd would find a use for them

[ April 14, 2003, 21:54: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

Growltigger

April 14th, 2003, 11:42 PM

Yes, Raging Deadstar, Ramstein got the idea for the 3 foot inflatable dildos firing napalm from a brief visit one of them had to my, ahem, boudoir...

Growltigga swells up to 10 feet tall, looks at the mayhem and destruction caused by Rags, Raging Deadstar and Power Man, and pulls out his serrated edge industrial sized vibrator with the furry trims, studs on the outside and even more importantly, a kickstart....

Growltigga roars and the cantina is deafened by the primordial cry of feline fury...

"You panty waisting cheese nibbling ferret felching nancy boys are going to get it GOOOODDDD"....

Taz dutifully presses the final button on the keyboard marked "Super-Warrior", in a shimmering shaft of shining blue incandescence, Growltigga is suddenly clad in power armour, moulded into the shape of a viscious tiger, clutching the serrated vibrator, he pulls the kickstart and heads towards the sodden Rags, RD and Power Man...

"Be brave boys, its BOTTY time"

dogscoff

April 15th, 2003, 09:46 AM

*Crazy dogscoff, still crazy, appears out of nowhere, his arrival heralded by a tiny crack of thunder and a wisp of hallucinagenic smoke.

He immediately scuttles over to sit beside GT, giggling gleefully and jumping up and down from a knuckle-walking position. One of his antlers is broken, but he doesn't seem to mind. He is an agent of chaos now, and all that matters to him is causing random trickery and unexpectedness. His amulet is gone but instead, crudely tattooed on his forehead is the rune of Loki, god of mischief.

Crazy-Loki-dogscoff expresses his delight at GT's return and the inevitable resultant mayhem the only way he knows how: By gibbering excitedly and doing another of his arcane little dances, this one involving him falling on his side and pedalling his legs so that he spins around in circles, leaving a pool of rabid foam beneath his head.

Gradually, the air becomes thick and sparkly, and the nature of Crazy-Loki-dogscoff's welcome-back present for GT becomes apparent: One by one little fairies begin to appear. Each one is a sexy female just a few inches high, with gossamer wings, lacy lingerie and a teeny tiny little cattle prod. At least two of them look just like Holly Valance. Soon there are dozens of the little critters, zipping about in the air leaving multicoloured trails of pixie-dust, wiggling their little booties provocatively and delivering painful but strangely erotic zaps of electricity to anyone who gets too close.

Loki-Dogscoff claps and hoots with approval, then jumps onto the bar and from there to top of the tent-pole, clinging on upside-down to watch the proceedings.

[ April 15, 2003, 08:49: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

dogscoff

April 15th, 2003, 02:05 PM

With a mad twitch of his tangled five-foot beard and a few uttered profanities, crazy-loki-dogscoff once more evokes the ancient powers of Chaos and Mischief flowing through him.

Suddenly, the actions carried out upon crazy-Loki-dogscoff by the corrective enema team are felt not only the gibbering recipient but by everytone else in the Cantina including Taz (who goes into a destructive whirlwind frenzy) Rags (who kinda likes it), 'Tigga, (who roars with discomfort and immediately dismembers the corrective therapists) and all the multitude of fairies, who giggle and then redouble their zapping activities.

crazy-Loki-dogscoff, who has been running around filthy and naked the Last few days anyway, remains in the straitjacket for the time-being since he is far too insane to care one way or another.

Gryphin

April 15th, 2003, 05:03 PM

:: From His Obitting Battle Crusier ::
:: Watches the arival of GT, Relived that the Great Cat has returned, ::
:: Transmission, Growtigga, how long are you back for? When do you plan to shut this cantina down? ::
mac, are you ready to open the shopping emporium?

Growltigger

April 15th, 2003, 07:48 PM

An antenna rises fromthe back of GT's atomic-biological-chemical proof super-warrior suit.

"Start Transmission - Hello Guffin stop not able to close down the cantina stop that is in the name of growltigga stop and I am now growltigger stop an important difference stop and everytime I blow the cantina up stop certain muppets carry on fighting in it stop get the feeling that it never will stop anyhow, must go stop an FBW has found the hatch to my underpants stop she is doing interesting things stop I hope she doesn't stop End Transmission"

Growltigga takes out his trusty cricket bat and brings it down with force on Dogscoff-Loki's head
"Cheeky blighter, needs a slappin' and no mistake"

PS I am around till close of play (UK time) Thursdsay, and then off again for 2 weeks

[ April 15, 2003, 18:50: Message edited by: growltigger ]

Growltigger

April 16th, 2003, 01:12 AM

Growltigga, immune to the electric shocks of the nubile fairies in his super-warrior suit (and kind of wishing he wasn't) signals Taz to open the reserve "Public Order Control" instrumentation panel behind the bar....

Taz duly does so and pushes the button marked "Corrective Therapy". Several transporter beams flicker into life in the cantina and hey ho, suddenly the lead singer of Rammstein (dressed up as a neuro surgeon), 6 PVC clad heavily muscled dwarfs and 6 nurses (bearing an uncanny resemblance to Salma Hayek) in rather revealing outfits (and clutching large syringes) appear..

The dwarfs grab the rabid Dogscoff and strip him, before strapping him into a straightjacket....

The nurses then shave and smear his miniscule lovepump with conductive jelly as the mad doctor attaches electrodes....

"Clear" is shouted, and 10,000 volts are repeatedly put through El Scoffo, much to the amusemant of the cantina patrons....

The doctor then turns over Dogscoff and reaches for his 6 foot enema syringe!!

Atrocities

April 16th, 2003, 04:17 AM

Poor Quality Video. Sand Lake (http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/homeworld/SandlakeRaw1.wmv)

The high quality one is over 2 gigs. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[ April 16, 2003, 03:18: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

Puke

April 16th, 2003, 05:10 AM

good god man, i cant explain it either. I killed scoff once for you, even after he was already dead. But he has come back to life, died and come back again since then, and there isnt much to be done about it, unless you fancy the possiblity of the next incarnation more than the one we have got.

As far as the cantina goes, I think its currently an etherial incarnation of its former self, in a pavillion tent somwhere on the plains of the abyss. I wanted to found a new one, but these yutzes kept posting.

mac5732

April 16th, 2003, 06:30 AM

mac strolls into the temp cantina and sees that the old hairy feline is back, he smiles to himself as he listens to GT telling everyone that he has been away on vacation and that he will be leaving again soon.......If they only new the real truth... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

If you want to see what really happened to Growltigga and where he more then likely ended up spending his days because of his well, until now, hidden dark side.......clik on the below link
and see GT caught in the act... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

1050467108.jpg (http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newuploads/1050467108.jpg)

[ April 16, 2003, 05:47: Message edited by: mac5732 ]

Growltigger

April 16th, 2003, 10:05 AM

Yep, that is me, small cute orange and furry and not looking like a muscular Version of William Hague or Phil Mitchell in anyway whatsoever.....

We now have a quandary. Given my moving firms and my ident change resultant from that, I cannot close down the cantina and I haverun out of "Mean Mother" Missiles to blow it up with....

What do we do?

I am off again from tomorrow night (that is vacation, I have been away for the Last month on work) so you guys have a week to work out what we do..

and frankly, given the amount of poo in this place, I am not sure I want to hang around for long...

How about Dogscoff/Loki or whatever the hell he is setting up a new institution, I leave it to him

Atrocities

April 16th, 2003, 10:24 AM

MAC you didn't shoot that Kitten did you? I mean it was surrendering!

dogscoff

April 16th, 2003, 03:27 PM

How about Dogscoff/Loki or whatever the hell he is setting up a new institution, I leave it to him
Very well. Rather than delay the creation of a new thread indefinitely while we bicker about the name, I'll just start a new thread and we can rename it later.

Next poster in this thread: Please destroy the Cantina in a final and spectacular fashion.

Moderators: After the above-mentioned destruction, please lock the thread down and we can allow it to drift away into posterity.

*Crazy-loki-dogscoff performs a lengthy and occult dance, then promptly disappears in a puff of hallucinogenic smoke. He immediately reappears in the grey featureless void between realities...

[ April 16, 2003, 14:28: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

dogscoff

April 16th, 2003, 04:04 PM

* shortly after dogscoff's disappearance, a shining blue portal appears by the bar.

Click here (http://www.shrapnelgames.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=23;t=008810) to see where it came from and where it leads to...

David E. Gervais

April 16th, 2003, 05:12 PM

I always like to be among the first, so I follow the portal...

mottlee

April 17th, 2003, 01:48 AM

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif ROFLMAO!!!! too funny! (you did not see the knifes hidden in its paws?? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

mac5732

April 17th, 2003, 05:51 AM

Atrocities, no the little blighter was not hurt or harmed in any way or form. I believe he was sentanced to life with a new family who just adores him http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

just some ideas Mac

Kamog

April 17th, 2003, 06:00 AM

I'm going into the portal, too! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Let's see where it goes...

mac5732

April 17th, 2003, 06:33 AM

Mac was sitting under the canapy of the Temp Cantina along with some of the other members enjoying some brewskis and oogling the FBW's when he noticed that the wind had started to pick up, in fact it was starting to get quite breezy, mac noticed the Taz hurridly putting away all the essentials from the bar when Rags went blowing past him in the wind, coming into contact with one of the parked space cruisers in the parking lot, the sound of him hitting didn't sound all that good, RD began laughing at Rags sticking, then ooozing into a puddle at the bottom of the ship, when all of a sudden he to was wisked into the air by the wind and deposited in the large Poo disgard pile on the other side of the parking lot. Mac started to become concerned as the wind continued to get stronger and shrieking like some Banshee brought over from Ireland, Taz yelled at him that he was leaving along with the FBWs as something didn't appear normal with this weather, soon after he left, it started to rain in buckets to the point you couldn't see outside the tent. Mac was by now holding onto his nailed down table and was being lashed by torrents of wind and rain, As he held on as hard as he could, he saw Mottlee, Powerman, Primitive, and David G flying past his location in various strange anatimical positions, Powerman appeared to be trying to turn on his power suit, when.. Bam, he was slammed into the side of Primitive's new cruiser and then they were both gone, the ship and Powerman, lifted up into the atmosphere like twigs from a tree and disappearing into the darkness that had quickly fallen upon the land. Primitive appeared to be trying to grab and hold onto Mottlee's leg, and Mottlee was striking him and yelling some obscene antedotes that were barely recognizable with the howling of the wind, they blew past, crossed the parking lot, over the poo discard pile, still embracing each other in somewhat disgusting behavior with Mottlee either beating or clutching onto Primitive, David G, was laughing as he flew past, singing what sounded like the song from the Wizard of Oz and inbetween lines yelling that he was having the time of his life and then he to was gone up into the upper layers of the atmosphere and gone from site, the bar came loose and flew at poor Mac who ducked just in time and then his table broke loose and Mac found himself in the air about to be sent to who knows where, when he noticed that he was over the large hole of the old cantina, Mac hurriedly let go of the table and at the same time a rope came flying up from the hole which he grabbed after which he was pulled into the large and deep hole. When he got up he found GT, Gryphin, Saxon, Tesco, and Mephisto grinning and singing 99 barrels of beer on the wall, they shoved a brewski into his hands and told him to enjoy the sites, just then, mlmbd flew past screaming in agonizing hysterics and swearing about voodoo hexs and that someone will pay.. then he was gone...., The wind became ever more stronger and soon a loud sound like that of a very large Train was heared quite loudly and appeared to be coming from just east of the temp cantina, the wind became more fierce, howling like something out of the depths of hell, the group carefully looked out and saw that all the ships in the lot were gone, the canapy flew off and the interior contents were flying threw the air like gunshots, HEE laughed GT, there goes Puke, they all looked and sure enough, high over the pkg lot flew Puke, he yelled something at the group, but the wind was to strong and then he to was gone, tumbling head over end into the unknown, then the noise got ever louder, piercing the ears with such a high pitch they covered their ears, hunkered down deeper into the hole, drinking their brewskis and singing 99 barrels of beer. The rain got heavier, hail as large as gonads began hitting them all over their bodies, it was hard to breathe, the oxygen seemed to have been bled from the air.... and El Dogscof came flying and waved while breathing into an oxygen mask and holding something in his other hand Then....... Quiet descended, the noise was gone, the rain let up, it quit hailing, the wind had died to almost nothing. The group climbed up out of the hole and looked around... Desolation stared them in the face, the Temp Cantina was completely gone, it appeared like it had never existed, the huge concrete parking lot was now a muddy river, every ship was gone, trees were knocked down or over, the place was wiped clean of every strand of civilization, Damn, GT muttered, there goes another Cantina, we just can't seem to keep them around for long.... Just then they noticed a pile of muck coming up out of the river of mud in the lot, it came closer until a hand wiped away the crud from its face, It was Geo himself and he was shaking his head, he walked up to GT and said.... Can't you guys ever have a normal bar like everyone else and just sell it when your done with it.... Damn, I've ruined more clothes hanging around these cantinas and then all of a sudden, a huge hole opened under him and he was swallowed from sight, yelling " Not Againnnnnn...... The group just watched, then, with brewski's in their hands started to walk into the sunset... well now, spoke the Gryphin, what do you guys think about rebuilding once more, GT looked at him and said, I hear El Scoffo has a place over in the next county, lets take a look, with that they began walking away into the sunset........ http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Gone, but not forgotten, from the ashes a rebirth..........

Taz-in-Space

April 17th, 2003, 07:03 AM

...Taz, having seen the new (unnamed) cantina is much better than this one is now, completes the movement of all the bar supplies into the new digs.

So GT wants this place destroyed huh? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/confused.gif

After giving the situation some thought, Taz decides to really finish the old cantina for good. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon8.gif

Writing a few quick instructions on an Official ACME order form, Taz sends these instructions back 4 years in time.
Taz then places a time lock on the entire star system to prevent interfering time travelers.

Checking his watch impatiently, Taz waits until a mean looking cruiser enters the system. Said cruiser has ACME printed in large letters on its side. It immediately heads for the sun. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Chuckling evilly, Taz then states that the old cantina's bar is now closed and takes off in a whirling motion through the glowing portal. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

What was in the ACME cruiser?
Why does even the mighty Taz not dare to stay?
WHY ARE YOU STANDING HERE READING THIS? RUN!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

(Explainations available in the new cantina thread)